2009.06.04 07:00 - What is Essential/A Year at PaB

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    The Guardian for this meeting was Eliza Madrigal. The comments are by Eliza Madrigal.

    I was thrilled to arrive at the pavillion this morning, having just said "Goodbye for now" to a very friendly tech person. Adams was already there, and feeling reflective to realize that it had been a year (!!) since she first noticed something interesting going on in the Tea Hut... 

         

    Eliza Madrigal: Adams! Morning :)
    Adams Rubble: Good morning Eliza :)
    Adams Rubble: That dress looks so nice on you
    Eliza Madrigal: Thank you. I like it. Perhaps I should always wear red :)
    Adams Rubble: Glad your computer got righted :)
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Eliza Madrigal: I was about to say that I love the transparent jacket you're wearing also
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Eliza Madrigal: And YES, me too about the computer!!
    Eliza Madrigal: I was thrilled to see the tech guy here before 9AM my time!
    Adams Rubble: It is the first anniversary of the session on Thursday morning thaat I found people exiting the teahouse and they told me the times when PaB met and I attended my first session Thursday afternoon with Storm
    Adams Rubble: Yes, great techie!!!
    Eliza Madrigal: OH!!!
    Eliza Madrigal: Happy Anniversary!!
    Adams Rubble: thanks :)
    Eliza Madrigal: How exciting :)
    Adams Rubble: It has been a wonderful year
    Eliza Madrigal: What are your thoughts about the year that has 'gone by'?
    Adams Rubble: I started blogging about them early this morning
    Adams Rubble: What I diid nto say was that I came to figure out to live Buddhism :)
    Adams Rubble: How to be more compassionate
    Adams Rubble: By a long route I am still working on that
    Eliza Madrigal: :)
    Adams Rubble: But everything seems to have come together to that
    Adams Rubble: although I had forgotten my original goal
    Eliza Madrigal: The overarching theme is Compassion?
    Eliza Madrigal: Nice place to find oneself I thinK!
    Adams Rubble: yes, but now I prefer to use the term Love
    Eliza Madrigal: :)
    Adams Rubble: which connects me to my roots
    Adams Rubble: easier to understand the metaphors
    Eliza Madrigal: In what way?
    Adams Rubble: I get very confused by Buddhism
    Adams Rubble: Easier for me to understand St. Paul :)
    Eliza Madrigal: Ah, I hear you now.
    Adams Rubble: Early on in PaB i made a choice
    Adams Rubble: It was in the first couple of weeks
    Adams Rubble: Learned that PaB was a short cut
    Adams Rubble: It has worked for me
    Eliza Madrigal: For me, the word 'love' had nearly lost all meaning for a while...felt that it had been distorted and abused and might need to be put to rest. The word itself, I mean...
    Adams Rubble: yes, lnow what you mean
    Adams Rubble: we can't think love
    Eliza Madrigal: and I think I arrived back at it through the word 'Compassion'
    Adams Rubble: we have to open to it
    Adams Rubble: ah, how nice
    Adams Rubble: do you want to say more?
    Eliza Madrigal: From there it came alive again...like the word Faith/
    Eliza Madrigal: I can hear St. Paul talk about love in a buddhist way now
    Eliza Madrigal: :)
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Adams Rubble: they are talking about the same ting :)
    Adams Rubble: thing
    Eliza Madrigal: yes
    Adams Rubble: I am learning how to open my heart but I do not do that regularly
    Adams Rubble: That is my current exxploration I think
    Adams Rubble: I have had an interesting thought looking back
    Adams Rubble: How do we learn to display negative emotions and lose the ability to express love freely
    Eliza Madrigal: The heart seems out of place in second priority... seems it must always be allowed to be open or not much else lines up right
    Adams Rubble: some of us anyway
    Adams Rubble: We are a bit vulnerable when we are open
    Eliza Madrigal: How? I think we trust our intellects and for some reason are suspicious when intellect seems 'open'
    Eliza Madrigal: it seems a vulnerable place
    Eliza Madrigal: yes
    Adams Rubble: Could it be an illusion?
    Eliza Madrigal: the vulnerability?
    Adams Rubble: the vulnerabvility that is
    Adams Rubble: yes
    Eliza Madrigal: :)
    Eliza Madrigal: Good question, that one. Ultimately, yes....
    Eliza Madrigal: but there's day-to-day
    Eliza Madrigal: and there I'm not so sure :)

    On Letting Go


    Adams Rubble: There was a very interesting column in the New York Times yesterday. It was about someone who had been stabbed and thought he was going to die. And how surviving that he was happy for a year before he began to forget again.
    Adams Rubble: http://happydays.blogs.nytimes.com/2...ve/?8ty&emc=ty
    Eliza Madrigal: "When I am weak then I am strong" comes to mind.
    Adams Rubble: It says alot about day-to-day
    Eliza Madrigal: Wow... will look forward to reading that. Makes sense actually.
    Adams Rubble: ohhhhh
    Adams Rubble: oh my
    Adams Rubble: I see it!!!
    Eliza Madrigal: When death is real and even 'alive' to us... it seems to illuminate our experiences somehow.. we notice more
    Eliza Madrigal: we appreciate :)
    Eliza Madrigal: but there is a sort of pull back to forgetting
    Adams Rubble: yes, the column speaks to that (appreciating life"
    Eliza Madrigal: thus, the daily practices and explorations?
    Adams Rubble: Yes, help us refocus
    Eliza Madrigal: But then I think that ultimately, life/death is also a dichotomy that one transcends?
    Eliza Madrigal: and there is the timelessness you often help me remember :)
    Adams Rubble: :)

    Tapping into what is Essential


    Adams Rubble: I summed up my beliefs on my blog this morning...a mini Credo
    Adams Rubble: timelessness was first
    Eliza Madrigal: May I take a moment and go see? :)
    Adams Rubble: OK
    Eliza Madrigal: :)
    Adams Rubble hums softly a Spring song with birds and flowers and rain and sunshine and much green
    Eliza Madrigal: Adams, there is such a beautiful energy in your writing this morning :)
    Eliza Madrigal: It gushes and makes me smile:)
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Eliza Madrigal is a little teary even..hhe
    Adams Rubble: Yes, I wrote it sitting on the edge of the bed
    Adams Rubble: It sort of gushed forth
    Adams Rubble: It is the first parrt of thoughts in my head but I haven't had the chance to write the rest
    Eliza Madrigal: You wrote about the moment...pauses...it is all that there's ever been or will be
    Adams Rubble nods
    Adams Rubble: but where do our explorations fit in?
    Eliza Madrigal: Funny to stop and think that when you're in traffic and the guy behind you is blowing his horn
    Adams Rubble: well, that is a perfect example...
    Adams Rubble: of negative energy in the moment
    Adams Rubble: Do we pick that up and carry it into the next m,oment?
    Adams Rubble: or can we find a way to leave it in that moment
    Adams Rubble: easy to say, hard to do. hehe
    Eliza Madrigal: :) Well, we think about everything being perfect right there...and the guy seems silly... the craziness and manic-ness of it....
    Eliza Madrigal: and we bring THAT into the next moment perhaps
    Adams Rubble nods
    Eliza Madrigal: He becomes a pointer... ahelper even!
    Adams Rubble: we can be compassionate for his/her sorry state (giggles)
    Eliza Madrigal: hahhaha
    Eliza Madrigal: I see explorations as a sort of essay sometimes. We begin with a question? An intention?
    Eliza Madrigal: To get clarity.... to string together a kind of picture that we can keep always?
    Eliza Madrigal: Or at least a transparency to see through...
    Adams Rubble: or another way of looking
    Adams Rubble: through different eyes
    Eliza Madrigal: yes!
    Eliza Madrigal: Characters are the most contrasting material ... seemingly malleable but with boundaries one doesn't expect before hand... faces that look back
    Adams Rubble: lots of possibilities in the vortual worlds
    Eliza Madrigal: dimensionality that can't be understood with intellect
    Eliza Madrigal nods
    Adams Rubble: yes
    Adams Rubble: I think that what I was telling myself this morning was that while explorations have their place, I must not forget the essence so to speak
    Adams Rubble: the bigger picture
    Adams Rubble: dropping all that
    Adams Rubble: dropping my playing :)
    Adams Rubble: at least for awhile to see more clearly
    Adams Rubble: then go back and play again :)
    Eliza Madrigal: :)
    Adams Rubble is paraphrasing things Pema said
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Adams Rubble: lest I forget :)
    Eliza Madrigal: When the internet went out yesterday, I was reminded that no matter what.... should be able to drop even things that are productive
    Adams Rubble nods
    Adams Rubble: they are not productive in themselves
    Eliza Madrigal: Otherwise is an addiction...an attachment and grasping
    Adams Rubble: yes!
    Eliza Madrigal: and yes, that's really it!! Not in themselves

    What is funny there, is that when I drop the internet for a day or two because I choose to, it doesn't bother me at all. When I am out of control about it, oooh, that can be a bother! :)

    How might that apply to Identity? To Relationships?


    Adams Rubble: Is Adams Rubble and addiction?
    Adams Rubble: I have often worried about that :)
    Adams Rubble: an not and
    Eliza Madrigal nods vigorously ... me too... what about Identity in general?
    Adams Rubble: yes, it gets tricky
    Eliza Madrigal: Are others addicted to my playing certain roles? Why? Have I made them that way?
    Eliza Madrigal: hehe
    Adams Rubble: yes, our avatars get loved by others too :)
    Eliza Madrigal: the layers are endless
    Adams Rubble: our avatar friends :)
    Eliza Madrigal: As a mom, it isn't love to make my children dependent on me...
    Adams Rubble: I love them dearly
    Eliza Madrigal: hard for some parents to learn.
    Adams Rubble: yes!
    Adams Rubble: to both
    Eliza Madrigal: And friendships moreso at times, because no clear 'role descriptions'
    Eliza Madrigal: it is a more liquid role maybe.... which can be a very positive thing
    Eliza Madrigal: Is that a strange way to say that?
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Eliza Madrigal is an odd duck
    Adams Rubble: It is what it means to you that is important
    Adams Rubble: no no, not an odd duck, a human being :)
    Eliza Madrigal: :)
    Adams Rubble: no more odd than the rest of us
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Eliza Madrigal: :)
    Eliza Madrigal: So this ultimate level... this essential place...
    Eliza Madrigal: this Love
    Eliza Madrigal: No fixed roles
    Eliza Madrigal: but still clay to work with
    Eliza Madrigal: to play with
    Adams Rubble: Love is above the clay
    Eliza Madrigal nods... Love adds the animation
    Adams Rubble: hehe. I think loive is above the animation
    Eliza Madrigal: YES
    Eliza Madrigal: It makes the clay not dangerous though.... makes it light...
    Eliza Madrigal: Illumination as animation
    Adams Rubble: As I am listening to you try to find words,
    Eliza Madrigal: heheh
    Adams Rubble: it reminds me that Love os of the heart
    Adams Rubble: is
    Eliza Madrigal is always about that business I think.... words words words
    Adams Rubble: maybe we can't figure out what it is with our minds
    Adams Rubble: it is something we feel
    Adams Rubble: that's where the explorations are helpful to me
    Eliza Madrigal: I'm sure we can't figure it out... we can get more comfortable in the place of not quite figuring though?
    Adams Rubble: I can see where I open up to Love and, in my latest exploration, can see where I should be opening up and I am holding back. It is not so easy to see that in RL

    A different way of Feeling


    Eliza Madrigal: Does our essential 'self' have different feelers you think?
    Adams Rubble: I spent much of the year searching for my "essential self", the real me
    Adams Rubble: For some reason, I sense that might be a question that just frustrates
    Eliza Madrigal: Hmm
    Adams Rubble: Maybe we need to look at all of humanity to get any odea of what that is
    Adams Rubble: I am you and you are me, etc
    Eliza Madrigal nods... yes
    Eliza Madrigal: there seems to be a distinction between feeling and emotion sometimes....
    Adams Rubble: you have to say more so I understand :)
    Eliza Madrigal: when one opens... and feels love...
    Adams Rubble: and gives love
    Eliza Madrigal: that transcends the sort of emotion we become accustomed to calling feeling
    Eliza Madrigal: Yes
    Eliza Madrigal: And it is an insightful place
    Eliza Madrigal: viewpoint
    Eliza Madrigal: (s)
    Adams Rubble: maybe we try to "feel" with our brains
    Adams Rubble giggles
    Eliza Madrigal: yes maybe that's it :)
    Eliza Madrigal: "If you like-a me and I like-a you and we like-a both the same..."
    Eliza Madrigal: (sorry...burst into song there thinking Steve Martin)
    Adams Rubble: hehe
    Adams Rubble: shall I be Gilda?
    Eliza Madrigal: heheh
    Eliza Madrigal is thinking over how long a year of PaB is
    Adams Rubble: It seems to go very quickly :)
    Adams Rubble: When I first came I thought I'd stay three weeks tops
    Adams Rubble: Then Pema started talking about three years
    Adams Rubble: I could not imagine it at all :)
    Adams Rubble: so I decided to expand it to a couple of months, then the summer
    Eliza Madrigal: :) a natural expansion then
    Adams Rubble: Yes, and there continues to be an influx of new energy...like yourself :)
    Eliza Madrigal: : )

    I'd been on SL only about a week or so before I met Adams Rubble. :)


    Eliza Madrigal: I was first dazzled by your clothing at Zen Retreat
    Adams Rubble: I never could have imagined it :)
    Eliza Madrigal: You were my first girl friend in SL :)
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Eliza Madrigal: Yes...I've yet to find a better dresser
    Eliza Madrigal: :)
    Adams Rubble: I hope not just for my clothes. hehe
    Eliza Madrigal: hehhe...no... then you just seemed very warm
    Adams Rubble: thank you Eliza :)
    Eliza Madrigal: No, thank you. I appreciated that then and appreciate it about you now.
    Adams Rubble: We have managed to have our own diaolgue this morning, our own special session. hehe
    Eliza Madrigal: And why not... that's what the universe carved out for us :)
    Eliza Madrigal: A present!
    Eliza Madrigal: Happy Adams Day
    Eliza Madrigal: :)
    Adams Rubble: I'd like to note to those readinng this, that Eliza and my conversations often sound much like this one :)
    Adams Rubble: Thaks Eliza :)
    Eliza Madrigal: My daughter told me that I'd managed to raise 'three nerds" to which I scoffed....
    Adams Rubble: hahaha
    Eliza Madrigal: I said if its true I have no idea how...
    Adams Rubble: congratulations!
    Eliza Madrigal: She said "Well, look at you! Look at what you are doing!" hehehe
    Eliza Madrigal: She said "You go on there... and sit!"
    Adams Rubble: People just seem to think I am getting stranger
    Adams Rubble: Nice to have support :)
    Eliza Madrigal: :D
    Eliza Madrigal: (at the time I was at zen)
    Adams Rubble: It has been wodnerful chatting with you this morning. Thanks for helping celebrate my first anniversary :)
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Eliza Madrigal: It is always lovely to chat with you :)
    Adams Rubble: I must go back to RL now. bye for now :)
    Eliza Madrigal: Bye Adams :)

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