2018.05.27 01:00 - One thing is, that I wasn't brave enough

    Table of contents
    No headers

    Bertram Jacobus: heya good morning woly :-)
    Wol Euler: good morning Berti!
    Wol Euler: I hope you are well-rested today?
    Bertram Jacobus: how are you today and these days ? :-)
    Bertram Jacobus: ehm - not yet enough (!) ... ;-)
    Wol Euler: awwwww
    Wol Euler: and what will you do about it?
    Bertram Jacobus: but i´m feeling fine, nevertheless. and thank you for asking ! :-)
    Bertram Jacobus: continue relaxing is what i try to do ... ;-)
    Bertram Jacobus: although, it depends a bit on the surroundings, circumstances ... ;-)
    Wol Euler smiles.
    Bertram Jacobus: for example, this morning already another need happend : the woman which lives here with me in the house, fell down the stairs. no real damage but she was shocked and needed help. some medcine like against pain and such ...


    --BELL--

    Wol Euler sighs.
    Bertram Jacobus: as i said : was / is not soo bad / heavy
    Wol Euler: still ... give her my regards and good wishes please
    Bertram Jacobus: okay - i´ll do so !
    Bertram Jacobus: that´s really nice and helps people often ...
    Bertram Jacobus: nice words and gestures ... compassion ! so thank you dear woly ...
    Wol Euler smiles modestly.
    Wol Euler: one must take care of oneself too ...
    Wol Euler: I was listening to a TED talk on suicide prevention and risk awareness earlier on
    Bertram Jacobus: my spontaneous idea was : best taking care for oneself may be taking care for others (!?) ... ;-)
    Bertram Jacobus: second thought : best taking care is taking care for ALL
    Wol Euler: even emergency-room nurses go home to sleep, though.
    Bertram Jacobus: sure - but when the difference between ourselves and others disappear ... to my opinion, that is best -
    Bertram Jacobus: like nature cares for all ... sun shines for all ... and so on
    Wol Euler: permit me to remind you. dearest Berti, that you are not the sun, nor are you a mountain
    Bertram Jacobus: but what is a TED talk, please ?
    Wol Euler: please don't be offended :)
    Bertram Jacobus: i´m not offended at all -
    Bertram Jacobus: in contrary : i like, when people are open
    Wol Euler: T.E.D. Technology Education Design
    Wol Euler: a website that organizes conferences and meetings worldwide
    Bertram Jacobus: but i see myself as part of all that, may be even more then something which is separated. at least that is my ideal and clearly prefered view and conciousness
    Wol Euler: the elevator pitch of TED is: you get eighteen minutes to talk to the world about what is important to you. Go.
    Wol Euler: mountains do not sleep. the sun does not eat.
    Wol Euler: it is not weakness or failure when you do these things.
    Bertram Jacobus: didn´t i say before : i try to relax ? ;-)
    Bertram Jacobus: but i do not cling to that
    Wol Euler: I wonder whether you ... exactly
    Wol Euler: my point :)
    Bertram Jacobus: and that is a very precious gift as i feel it


    --BELL--

    Wol Euler: Berti you had one health crisis already, how big a hint does life need to give you?
    Bertram Jacobus: i feel much more free this way
    Bertram Jacobus: bodhisattvas often die earlier - but with the knowledge that everything is unbounded. and so - no problem
    Wol Euler: oh bullshit
    Wol Euler: sorry but it is
    Bertram Jacobus: hehe
    Wol Euler: at least you are laughing, I was worried :)
    Bertram Jacobus: hehe ( again ) :o)
    Bertram Jacobus: sry - i was distracted for short
    Wol Euler: nul problemo, as one says in German
    Bertram Jacobus: alf said that ! :-D
    Wol Euler: he did :)
    Bertram Jacobus: the alien life form ! *g*
    Bertram Jacobus: hairy, small, chaotic, lovely ... :o)
    Wol Euler: sorta like ... well not at all like me actually
    Wol Euler: ha
    Bertram Jacobus: so you are : not hairy, tall, very well organised and more then lovely, right ? (!) ... ;o)
    Wol Euler: heheheheheh
    Wol Euler: not very well organized, I admit to being tall, definitely not hairy
    Bertram Jacobus: okey ;-)
    Bertram Jacobus: and what was or were the interesting point(s) at that TED talk, please ? ... if i may ask ...
    Wol Euler: that we are surrounded by people at risk of suicide
    Bertram Jacobus: ah. i see. hmm ...
    Wol Euler: it's far more common than one thinks, e.g. in Germany already one of the leading causes of death
    Wol Euler: that particular talk was about how to create a ... not place as such but an atmosphere, in which people at risk can admit that they are and can get help
    Bertram Jacobus: hmmm ...
    Bertram Jacobus: i don´t know what to write
    Bertram Jacobus: about that

    --BELL--

    Bertram Jacobus: one thing is, that i wasn´t brave enough to commit suicide
    Bertram Jacobus: the other is, that accepting life, seems to me a good alternative ...
    Bertram Jacobus: and trust in nature, universe and such ...
    Wol Euler: I've thought about it, in the sense that I have wished that my life could stop, but never so far as to actually consider how and when to do it
    Bertram Jacobus: a human lifetime is really short, related to eternity
    Bertram Jacobus: and we don´t know for sure what happens then. and it can fail ! and then one lives with may be very heavy confinements ... not better ...
    Wol Euler: A man I knew, father of one of boss's kids' friends, killed himself two years ago. Everyone said that they had no idea how or why he could do that, and I went along with it, but I knew well why he could.
    Bertram Jacobus: hmmm ...
    Wol Euler: hopelessness
    Wol Euler: not liking one's situation, but seeing no way to change it
    Wol Euler: there were times, for many months on end, when I would say to myself EVERY EVENING walking home from work, "I don't want to do this any more, I wish I were dead"
    Wol Euler: so yes I do understand why he did it.
    Bertram Jacobus: once a spiritual teacher said to me : as long as one lives ... there is always a chance ...
    Wol Euler: realizing that this is "just" depression talking helped me
    Bertram Jacobus: ah i see - good !

    --BELL--

    Bertram Jacobus: i also stood once on a skyscraper and tried to jump over the balustrade ... but my legs shuddered so much and fear came up ... so ... i´m still alive - that was a looong time ago
    Wol Euler: wow
    Wol Euler reaches out and gives your hand a squeeze
    Bertram Jacobus: hehe. same same ;-)
    Wol Euler: thank you
    Bertram Jacobus: no problem anymore !
    Wol Euler: um, may I put that in the record?
    Wol Euler: or should I take it out?
    Bertram Jacobus: as i wrote : now i accepted, in general, what happens and so it´s okay
    Wol Euler: all right
    Bertram Jacobus: no no - everything from me may be in every recording ! lol
    Wol Euler smiles.
    Wol Euler: listening to Andrew Solomon's TED talks (there we are again :) on depression helped me identify what was going on
    Wol Euler: when I too felt "but I'm going to be dead in a few years, why bother to do X"
    Wol Euler: seeing myself saying that
    Wol Euler: I still often look at the toothpaste and think "how many more times will I do this before I die?"
    Bertram Jacobus: we don´t know ...
    Wol Euler: indeed, but there IS a number, and it is statistically unlikely to be a large number
    Bertram Jacobus: sure - and we´ll see, what happens then. or not ;-)
    Wol Euler: https://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_sol...pt?language=de
    Wol Euler: mit deutschen untertiteln
    Bertram Jacobus: and up to that, living for the welfare of all beings seems to me the best way to generate most amount of happiness
    Bertram Jacobus: oh. ah. okay. i see ...
    Bertram Jacobus: *click*
    Wol Euler: "Das Gegenteil von Depressionen ist nicht Glück, sondern Vitalität, und gerade die Vitalität schien in diesem Moment aus mir heraus zu sickern."
    Wol Euler: wb berti
    Bertram Jacobus: sry - big crash ...


    --BELL--

    Wol Euler: I remember you sayin that your computer was too weak for so many things at once
    Bertram Jacobus: but if i may add something to the last topic :
    Wol Euler listens.
    Bertram Jacobus: i once heared that depression would be like a small focus, and for example, with a camera the focus can be made wider ... but i forgot very sadly what that teacher said how to do that - hm ...
    Wol Euler nods.
    Bertram Jacobus: i even tried to call somebody just before now, while i started the computer again, but didn´t reach the man who had told that to me
    Bertram Jacobus: but may be i will be able to deliver that information later - he comes back home from a sailing holiday in one week ...
    Wol Euler smiles.
    Bertram Jacobus: his wife told me

    --BELL--

    Wol Euler: ach berti, das leben
    Wol Euler: was'n ding
    Bertram Jacobus: allerdings !
    Wol Euler: :D

    Tag page (Edit tags)
    • No tags
    Viewing 1 of 1 comments: view all
    Just to say, not an easy conversation. Regarding "just" depression, I remember coming to the conclusion some time, that it is a perfectly natural thing to walk and talk a while, with the messengers depression sends ahead of itself. By the time depression is there on the walk, it is a little trickier and stickier, but the ones that come ahead have reminded me to carry 'the kit' around every day just in case... the one with the emergency chocolate, and the good books... the photographs of loved faces and favorite trees. There are also just things that leave one especially depleted. I think it is OK to treat oneself as though there is an allergy to those things.

    Bertie's no-separation path ... well, yeah. Suns and mountains, sky and sea. <3

    "I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being." - Hafiz edited 01:58, 29 May 2018
    Posted 01:33, 29 May 2018
    Viewing 1 of 1 comments: view all
    You must login to post a comment.
    Powered by MindTouch Core