Relationship As Practice

    by Calvino Rabeni

    What does it take for an individual to reach out and become part of a community - or a partnership?

    The greatest Teacher?  Relationship.  Relating can be a struggle or a practice - or both.
    The following guidelines are from the book Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zukav.  They are as applicable to forming well-functioning groups, as to one-on-one relationships.


    Making my spiritual growth (creating authentic power) my highest priority

    • Focus on what I can learn about myself all the time, especially from my reactions (such as anger, fear, jealousy, resentment, and impatience), instead of judging or blaming others or myself.
    • Pay attention to my emotions by feeling the physical sensations in my energy centers (such as my chest, solar plexus, and throat areas).
    • Pay attention to my thoughts (such as judging, analyzing, comparing, daydreaming, planning my reply, etc., or thoughts of gratitude, appreciation, contentment, openness to Life, etc.)
    • Pay attention to my intention (such as blaming, judging, needing to be right, seeking admiration, escaping into thoughts (intellectualizing), trying to convince, etc., or cooperating, sharing, creating harmony, and revering Life).


    Stretching myself beyond the limited perspectives of the frightened parts of my personality

    • Take responsibility for my feelings, experiences, and actions (no blaming).
    • Practice integrity at all times (often requires action, such as speaking when frightened parts of my personality don’t want to speak and not speaking when they feel compelled to speak).
    • Say or do what is most difficult (sharing what I notice, if appropriate, when someone speaks or acts from a frightened part of his or her personality; sharing about myself what I am frightened to say and know that I need to say.)


    Seeing myself and others as souls who sometimes have frightned parts of their personalities active

    • Change my perspective from fearful to loving (choose to see myself and others in a loving or appreciative way).
    • Release any distance I feel from anyone.
    • Be present while others are speaking (not preparing replies, judging, etc.)

    Conscious Communications and Actions

    Striving to make all my interactions conscious and loving

    • Consult my intuition.
    • Choose my intention before I speak or act.
    • Act from the healthiest part of my personality that I can access (rather than caretaking, fixing, teaching, judging, blaming, gossiping, etc.)
    • Speak personally and specifically rather than generally and abstractly (use “I” statements rather than “we” or “you” statements).
    • Release attachment to the outcome (trust the Universe). If I find myself attached, begin again with Commitment, Courage, Compassion.
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