2008.07.27 01:00 - The blackness

The Guardian for this meeting Was Moon Fargis. There is no comment.

This morning i met Gaya right at the pavilion.

Moon Fargis: so you you told me the blackness is gone now... does it got an other colour now?
Gaya Ethaniel thinks for a second
Gaya Ethaniel: No... nothing
Gaya Ethaniel: When I meditate or doing 9 sec or sometimes I find myself in the 'zone', I don't see myself just bodily sensations such as heartbeat and most of time no internal thoughhts
Moon Fargis plays the single of the Twilight zone
Gaya Ethaniel cannot hear
Moon Fargis: hehe
Gaya Ethaniel: why Moon?
Moon Fargis: the term "zone" is intresting
Moon Fargis: what zone could that be?
Gaya Ethaniel: 'Zone' is when I'm being 'aware'
Moon Fargis: ahh yes
Moon Fargis: i know its hard to describe but i think i know what you mean and its nice to see it helped you
Gaya Ethaniel: thank you - your suggestion on nightly meditation in dark & eyes open helped a lot
Gaya Ethaniel: Also doing 9 sec throughout the day enabled me to close gaps between being aware and not being aware
Moon Fargis: yes so i guess we could say "mission complete"
Gaya Ethaniel: No.. always in progress
Gaya Ethaniel: Sometimes my 'judgement' as in Being talking gets clouded
Gaya Ethaniel: I just have to sit down, take a deep breath and focus to start the process all over again
Gaya Ethaniel: But important thing is I'm not afraid anymore of my 'monsters', bad thoughts and worries. Let them come and I know I can deal with them
Moon Fargis: :) nice to hear. Accepting monsters makes them to nice little pets to cuddle with :)
Motor Mouth: Motor Mouth detached...
Gaya Ethaniel imagines one of her monsters as Gollum
Gaya Ethaniel: hm... not that scary
Gaya Ethaniel: lol
Moon Fargis meows "Meow Meow Meow Meow"
Gaya Ethaniel: rofl
Gaya Ethaniel: Moon please I haven't eaten anything yet - my tummy hurts too much laughing
Motor Mouth: Motor Mouth - SL Voice-activated speech animator activated...
Moon Fargis: okok:)
Gaya Ethaniel: It's easier when I'm by myself or doing work but not so easy when talking to others to be aware of my thoughts and to see how I'm affecting them
Gaya Ethaniel: In a way multi-tasking of awareness
Moon Fargis: hehe you mostly cant know how you affect on others becasue everyone has another personality
Moon Fargis: so you can be the cutest and friendlyst bein of the world and there will still be people wo dont like what you do
Gaya Ethaniel: Yes multiple personalities sometimes. Though I was talking to a RL friend yesterday, who is very close, known her for more than 18 years now
Gaya Ethaniel: Not bothered about that so much Moon. I don't feel so self-conscious about people judging me
Moon Fargis: hi rajah
Gaya Ethaniel: We were talking about me really then I didn't notice how she was feeding her own doubts from what I was saying
Gaya Ethaniel: I did manage to point out but I had to give a long slient break to do it, which made her uncomfortable. Maybe she will get used to a new way of me communicating with her
Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Moon Fargis: ah how did you talked to her?
Gaya Ethaniel: ? On the phone last night - does this answer your question?
Moon Fargis: yes thanks :)
Gaya Ethaniel wants to laugh too 'why Moon?'
Moon Fargis: you did what i mostly do when people askes me questions :)
Moon Fargis: wb rajah
Rajah Yalin: crashed.. hi Moon, hi Gaya
Gaya Ethaniel: oh i see :)
Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Gaya Ethaniel thinks that she picked up the phrase from Moon at the onsen
Moon Fargis: well phone still is missing gestures of the face, even worser with chat where the words are just words without expessions
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Gaya Ethaniel: So we are going to meet up very soon rather than continuing talking over the phone
Moon Fargis: thats good
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Rajah Yalin: like a long distance relationship you have?
Gaya Ethaniel: No... I was talking to a RL friend yesterday over the phone and my way of communicating was slightly confusing for her. How I understand people now has improved a lot since I become more and more aware
Rajah Yalin: ahh!
Gaya Ethaniel: I have to thank all my SL friends for that so thank you
Gaya Ethaniel: Clearing up my mind with meditation, 9 secs and sincere advices from SL friends makes me to be more aware of what and how others are feeling and consequently I'm able to emphasise more with them rather than being so caught up with myself feeing my doubts
Gaya Ethaniel: them - RL people I care
Gaya Ethaniel: I do wonder though why I don't see anything when I'm in the 'zone'
Moon Fargis: yes awareness is a big thing, it lets you guess better how people feel and could think about things
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Moon Fargis: gaya: because there is nothing to be seen
Moon Fargis: do you see the water when you are underwater?
Moon Fargis: or the air?
Gaya Ethaniel: no... I just know it's there?
Moon Fargis: exactly:)
Rajah Yalin thinks he sees the water, but isn't sure.
Gaya Ethaniel: ah... so you think I'm not heading back to my previous 'blankness'?
Moon Fargis: your blackness was caused becasue you closed your inner eye
Gaya Ethaniel: That's true Moon - I have began to see how much beauty as well as sorrow there are in this world. When I was in that darkness, I was feeling blank not able to appreciate anything
Gaya Ethaniel even felt the beauty of the flow of cars
Moon Fargis: yes that happend to me too, but this time you see that thher is noting and everything, with meditation you rise your awareness of that, of yourself, this nothingness you described it just the awareness that there is nothing but just jur brain and mind who tells you that there might be something and lables it with names
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Moon Fargis: keep aware of your feelings and thoughts, you dont need to surpress them, just try not to be affected of them
Gaya Ethaniel: Yes, not sure whether I'm doing this right but I listen to my 'heart'
Gaya Ethaniel: If I feel uncomfortable because of feelings or thoughts, I go into the 'zone' and wait for an answer from 'heart'
Moon Fargis: what do you think your heart would answer? (bedides of "bum bum , bum bum")
Gaya Ethaniel: Yes first I recognise my physical heart thumping, triggering me to 'meditate'. After a while in that mode, I begin to see clearly and an answer that feels right comes to me
Gaya Ethaniel: This often happens when I hear 15 min bells too
Moon Fargis: hmm ok this is a way i didnt practised so far "heart listening" so i cant give you some hints for this, try to go that pah and see if it works:)
Gaya Ethaniel: That would be great and it's be helpful to compare notes :) How did you start doing it then Moon?
Moon Fargis: "just sit" listend do my thougths, until the volume lowered and lowered aand lowered
Moon Fargis: saw manny toughtlayers in mind
Moon Fargis: loud ones and quiet ones
Moon Fargis: confusing ones
Moon Fargis: and some layers wich wasnt really controllable (dreamlayers)
Gaya Ethaniel: I'd say that's what I do once I notice that feelings and thoughts are troubling me. Listening to my bodily signals is just a way for me to recognise when I'm not doing a formal meditation. Often at work, I'd go to the toilet for a meditation break when I see my physical heart beating for whatever resons
Gaya Ethaniel: Just to comtemplate what made me feel that uneasiness
Moon Fargis: thats good too yes
Moon Fargis: you analyse yourself
Gaya Ethaniel learnt to do that with Fael
Gaya Ethaniel: Thanks Fael :)
Gaya Ethaniel: Would be helpful Moon how you lower the 'volume'. Do you see it first and drop it as I do in my meditation and the toilet breaks?
Gaya Ethaniel: to know*
Moon Fargis: well see it and let them glide out of my hands like a stone
Moon Fargis: and another stone and another one
Moon Fargis: until you stand on a big mountain :)
Moon Fargis: this was how i began
Moon Fargis: and it became natural so i didnt even had to visualise that i drop this thought like a stone
Moon Fargis: they jus dropped or didnt even came up
Gaya Ethaniel: wow... the mountain is a strong visual. Think it'd be really helpful for me to use, thanks Moon
Moon Fargis: but that was at the beginning, there was no mountain later and no stone
Moon Fargis: vusaulas are thoughts so they had to be droped too
Gaya Ethaniel nods 'just stones for Gaya at the moments and she will move onto the mountain next'
Gaya Ethaniel: So how have you found 9 sec experiment so far for you Moon?
Moon Fargis: well to be true nothing much changed for me since i already did zazen before it in a pretty same way than pab
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Gaya Ethaniel: So why are you here today?
Moon Fargis: why not ?:)
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Gaya Ethaniel: Think you want to help people?
Moon Fargis: sure
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Moon Fargis: and a little nice talk :)
Gaya Ethaniel: Hope it was nice today, has been for me
Gaya Ethaniel: Thanks Rajah for being attentive also
Moon Fargis: sure:)
Gaya Ethaniel: Rajah,
Gaya Ethaniel: Anything you'd like to discuss?
Moon Fargis: he fellt asleep :)
Moon Fargis: ~`~*Rooaarr*~`~
Gaya Ethaniel zooms out
Gaya Ethaniel: I see
Gaya Ethaniel: Thanks Moon I feel so much more assured now
Rajah Yalin: lol
Gaya Ethaniel: hm... sirens. They are after me!
Moon Fargis: that seems to work :)
Moon Fargis: i think i clicked to much :)
Gaya Ethaniel: Must be off floating
Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Moon Fargis: ok see you :)
Gaya Ethaniel: Good day to both of you
Rajah Yalin: take care Gaya
Rajah Yalin: I'd stepped up 4 a sec didnt fall asleep ha
Moon Fargis: ok i will also go back to hikari, need some things to fix there
Rajah Yalin: okay Moon, take care
Moon Fargis: see you soon rajah