2008.09.19 19:00 - Adelene prepares for a bumpy road ahead

The guardian for the evening was Adelene, and the comments are hers.

Claire and I were already at the pavilion at 7:00. Steve and Adams showed up right on the hour, and Prosper arrived a few minutes later.

Adelene Dawner: 'lo Steve :)
stevenaia Michinaga: hello
Claire Beltran: Hello, Steve ^-^/
stevenaia Michinaga: one moment I;m still rezzing
stevenaia Michinaga: don;t want to sit on anyone
stevenaia Michinaga: hello Adams
Adelene Dawner: Hi, Adams :)
stevenaia Michinaga: aww, there you are Claire
Adams Rubble: Hello Steve, Adelene, Claire :)
stevenaia Michinaga: Claire, you remind me of that carol Bernnet Skit from tv when she did Gone with the Wind
Adams Rubble: That was funny :)
Adams Rubble: Hello Prosper :)
stevenaia Michinaga: glad I'm not the only one who got that
Prosper Telling: Hi
Adams Rubble shows some age
Claire Beltran: Really? Why?
Adelene Dawner is just slightly mentally elsewhere writing an email to the PaB group - tricky wordings, here.
stevenaia Michinaga: she made the dress from a curtain and rod
Claire Beltran: HAha!
Prosper Telling: Sounds like Carol Burnet

Adams Rubble: Claire, I don't think I met you yet :)
Adams Rubble: Nice to meet you :)
Claire Beltran: You, too, Adams ^-^/
Prosper Telling: Adelene, thanx again. I finally got the Heart Sutra formatted for the recitation script to read. Works perfectly.
Adelene Dawner: ^.^
Adelene Dawner: Glad to help.
Prosper Telling: Anyone heard of Sunshine Buddhist Temple? I just found it today.
Adams Rubble: No, do you have a landmark?
Prosper Telling: Apparently not :-)
Adams Rubble: I gather you liked it :)
Claire Beltran: Yes, what was it like?
Adelene Dawner growls to herself about the English language...
Prosper Telling: Nice, vaguely Tibetan'esque I suppose. Had some free sutras.
Adams Rubble: Adelene?
Adelene Dawner: Oh, this email's giving me trouble.
Adams Rubble: Oh
Prosper Telling: (English or my mangling of it?)
Adelene Dawner: My brain seems to be in the process of switching to a more autistic-appearing mode, which is *fine* from my perspective, but others sometimes find alarming, so I wanted to write an email giving the group a heads up, but I'm having trouble finding words that explain that without making it sound negative.

In defense of this turn of the conversation, I'd like to point out that it's kind of important for these potential problems to not become actual problems, because if my brainstate goes where I think it's going, I probably won't be able to resolve them when they do, and may wind up giving up on the group altogether.

Prosper Telling: brb
Adams Rubble: I think you may have just said it :)
stevenaia Michinaga: if your' looking for a group edit, I;m sure it would bean interesting process
Adelene Dawner: Yes, but with some depth and an explanation of what that means and what you may be able to expect.
Adelene Dawner: You've all seen the high end of what I can do with words - the low end is barely coherent.
Adams Rubble: That would be helpful for I am ignorant about it but your introduction says it well
Adelene Dawner: But still communicative, which most people don't take the time to see.

Prosper returned.

Adelene Dawner: 'lo again Prosper
Adams Rubble: It is good of you to explain it to us
Prosper Telling: Once more with feeling. And that temple is Japanese... Don;t know where my brain was at.
Adelene Dawner: :)
Adams Rubble: :)
Adams Rubble: Maybe if you tell us it will help you write it?
Adelene Dawner: mmhmm
Adelene Dawner: there are a few parts that are most obvious
Adelene Dawner: one that's very obvious and relevant from my perspective but not so obvious from other peoples' perspective is the sensory processing thing...
Adelene Dawner: there will be days where simply trying to read the text of a group discussion will be painful. That's happened before and I have every expectation it'll happen again.
Adelene Dawner: So I may be crabby, or not come at all, or blip out with little-to-no explanation in the middle of a session.
Claire Beltran: *nods*
Prosper Telling: I guess we all do such things for whatever reasons... I know I have.
stevenaia Michinaga: do you find that those who know you will be accepting of this from you?
Adelene Dawner: I've had very mixed results.. and it's hard to know who will turn out to have such a rigid idea of me-as-a-normal-person that they'll react badly to this kind of thing.
Adams Rubble: It is a great help that you are telling us; the problem is when people take it personally I would think
Adelene Dawner: I'm actually a little worried about Corvus, with that - from her reactions she very much seems to have that idea of me as... not quite a guru, but a teacherly type, almost an authority figure... I could see her reacting to this as if I was temporarily incapacitated, 'unwell' - which I can live with, I've dealt with worse reactions, but it's a bit frustrating.
Prosper Telling: :-) I was wondering about that sort of thing but didn't want to interrupt. We always assume we're the one with all the warts and the next person here is the great guru teacher, er, thing. Or at leat I used too.
Prosper Telling: I've gotten better realizing that sometimes a persons response is my foot in my mouth again, sometimes it really is them and not me.
Adelene Dawner: ^.^
Adams Rubble: :)
Adams Rubble: Adelene, I think we are in for the long haul in PaB, at least I seem to be, and as time goes on we will all understand better. Your being open with us will help us with that
Adelene Dawner: mmhmm
Claire Beltran: I admit that sometimes it can be dismaying for me to find 'flaws' in someone I imagine to have authority over me. But 'authority' is a complex thing.
Adams Rubble: yes Claire
Adelene Dawner: Yeah, Claire... I don't make any intentional effort to be an authority person, though. I just share what I can share.
Claire Beltran: We all need to remember that that is an aspect of a person's life; it doesn't encompass all of their interactions.
Claire Beltran: I wasn't referring to you specifically... no harm done, I hope?
Adelene Dawner: Of course not ^.^
Prosper Telling: Authority could easily be a topic spanning numerous discussions. Sometimes it works by domination, sometimes by attraction.
Adelene Dawner: mmhmm
Adams Rubble: In PaB we are peers
Adams Rubble: we learn from each other; we support each other
Prosper Telling: (And sometimes we need that tattooed on our foreheads)
Adelene Dawner: ^.^
Adams Rubble: hehe Prosper
Claire Beltran: HAha
Adelene Dawner: there were two more points of relevance
Adelene Dawner: I've said a few times that my mental processing speed is slow, and mostly people've disagreed with me on that point, but it's getting to be more accurate again. That manifests mostly as my noticing/figuring out relevant things about conversations I've had days to weeks after those conversations. So you'll see me making shorter contributions to the topic at hand, and then actually having a coherent point to make on the subject a few days later.
Adelene Dawner: Which means that a single conversation about a single point can take literally weeks.
Claire Beltran: That doesn't sound so bad to me.
Adams Rubble: How long does this period usually last Adelene?
Adelene Dawner: I don't know. My time sense is always pretty lousy. This upswing lasted about 3 or 4 months tho, I think.
stevenaia Michinaga: the more I listen Adelene, the more past conversations become clearer to me
Adelene Dawner: ?? @ Steve
stevenaia Michinaga: conversations here from you
Adelene Dawner: ah
stevenaia Michinaga: so, please continue and eventually we will all catch up or catch on, rather
Adelene Dawner: :)
Adams Rubble: yes :)
Prosper Telling: yeah, I'm kind of distracted, nothing personal
Adelene Dawner: No worries, Prosper

At this point, a random person arrived, and started being generally random and newbie-ish. After a few friendly overtures, we all ignored him. As he never gave permission to be logged, and didn't really contribute to the conversation, I've changed his name and removed most of his comments.

Random: hi im a random person!!!
stevenaia Michinaga: you seem to have a better insight into how people perceive you, I just assume, wrongly at times, that anyone understands or doesn't understand my points
Adams Rubble: Hello Random, you OK?
Random: yea just lost...
stevenaia Michinaga: hello Random, ever been here before?
Random: i sont kno wat happened i just stopped flying
Prosper Telling: Hi... random? Not sure I believe in random. Kinda agnostic on that point.
Adams Rubble: The hazards of flying :)
Random: heh i just dont wana seem that random

...

Adelene Dawner: Yeah, that's the ironic thing. One of the reasons that I feel so justified in saying that the 'more autistic' phase is just as good as the 'less autistic' phase is that I tend to be even more perceptive in the more autistic phase. A lot of the concepts I've been talking about over the last few months are ones that I originally explored to the depth that I did when I was in a more autistic mindstate.
stevenaia Michinaga: we do record our conversations and post them on a blog, is that ok? Choco
Random: im just tryin to make the most krazy avatar i can
Random: woth bein insane...
Adams Rubble: Do you mean observing Adelene?
Adelene Dawner: yes and no, Adams.
Adelene Dawner: Certain kinds of thought are easier in that state. Other kinds of thought are easier in this one.
Adams Rubble: And they complement each other?
Adelene Dawner: Sometimes :)
Adams Rubble: You use the word perception, are some of the senses more sensitive than others?
Adelene Dawner: My senses tend to be rather more sensitive in general when I'm in a more autistic mindstate. But it's not some being more sensitive than others, it's all of them being more sensitive than normal, and it's not entirely a good thing.
Adelene Dawner: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_overload
Adams Rubble: Thank you
Adams Rubble: I am going to wait to read it because my computer will crash
Prosper Telling: I am going to have to go... my perception is disconnected from my avatar again.
Adams Rubble: bye Prosper
Adelene Dawner: ok, cya Prosper
Claire Beltran: Goodbye, Prosper ^-^/
stevenaia Michinaga: night Prosper
Adelene Dawner: Essentially, having that sensory input be so 'loud' makes it hard to think, and can be painful.
Adelene Dawner: Though 'think' isn't entirely the right word.
Prosper Telling: later
Adams Rubble understands loud noises being annoying
Adelene Dawner: A more accurate description is that when the sensory systems go dodgy, the experience of 'red' can be so much that it takes effort to figure out that what I'm seeing is an apple.
Adelene Dawner: (though I have that problem more often with sound than with sight.)
Adams Rubble: Wow Adelene
Adelene Dawner shrugs. "'nother kind of normal, from this perspective."
stevenaia Michinaga: well I see the auto record is on, should be interesting to see it work, I have to go ... thank you all, I;ll be posting a picture of carol burnets dress on the wiki once it;s up for context see you soon
Adelene Dawner: ^.^
Adelene Dawner: 'night Steve
Claire Beltran: Haha
Claire Beltran: Cool
Claire Beltran: Good night, Steve ^-^/
Adams Rubble: bye Steve. We'll look forward to the picture
Adams Rubble: Adelene, thank you for explaining. I hope that helps the writing part. Maybe you can refer them to the log
Adelene Dawner: It may. Thanks for listening :)
Adams Rubble: It is interesting that sight can overload but it makes sense since smell, taste, hearing and touch all can
Adams Rubble: Oh and bright lights for sight
Adams Rubble: Is it something like that at all?
Adelene Dawner: mmhmm. I look like a looney wearing sunglasses at twilight in December, but, bite me. I don't want the headache that comes from dealing with sunlight. :P
Adams Rubble: :)
Adelene Dawner: (even the light of the computer screen in an otherwise dark room can be too much... and this one doesn't get as dim as my last one did, when I turn it all the way down :( )
Adelene Dawner: but it's rare for me to be in that overloaded of a state. It happens, but it's rare.
Adelene Dawner notes that babbliness and trouble transitioning out of a conversation is another sign of being in a more autistic mindstate... ;P
Adams Rubble: Well thank you again for explaining to us. I need to go now.
Adelene Dawner: :)
Adelene Dawner: cya around, Adams.
Adams Rubble: Good night Adelene and Claire :)
Claire Beltran: Good night! ^-^/