2008.10.07 01:00 - Smiling Warmly at the Love

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    That night at 1 am I, Pema, tried to enter SL but I encountered a range of problems. Linden Lab had decided to force people to install an update before allowing them in. This was rather unusual: nowadays we generally get the option to postpone such updates till it is convenient. Not only that, I was on an internet connection that got clogged quickly through the forced download, and it took me a while to find a better internet connection.

    When I finally got in, almost twenty minutes had passed. I found Corvi, Gaya, Wol and Adams all there. However, it turned out that they, too, had been struggling to get in, so I hadn't missed much. Wol would later send me the few dozen lines before my entrance:

    Wol Euler: hello corvi
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: /hiya Wol
    Wol Euler: how's it going?
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: honestly, pretty well despite my wakefulness.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: How are you?
    Wol Euler: good!
    Wol Euler: and I am well
    Wol Euler: still struggling with the scripts, trying to figure out why it goes into waiting mode in mid-session
    Corvuscorva Nightfire nods.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire smiles at Gaya
    Wol Euler: morning gaya!
    Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
    Gaya Ethaniel: how are you both?
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: fine, fine....
    Gaya Ethaniel smiles
    Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
    Wol Euler: pretty well, thanks. Geeking.
    Wol Euler: hello adams
    Gaya Ethaniel smiles
    Adams Rubble: Hello Wol, Gaya, Corvi :)
    Gaya Ethaniel: how are you Adams?
    Faenik: could be
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: Hi, Adams.
    Adams Rubble: I am not all that great. Can't sleep. SL made me upload to new version then told me my computer can't handle it
    Wol Euler: oh dear.
    Wol Euler: but you are here?!?
    Adams Rubble: Hmmm
    Adams Rubble: yes
    Wol Euler: a mystery...
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Adams Rubble: How are all of youse?
    Gaya Ethaniel: my SL?
    Wol Euler grins. We iz fine, thankz
    Adams Rubble: Ah, NJ speak for youse guys

    At this point I had succeeded to jump through all the hoops and joined the crowd.

    Corvuscorva Nightfire: good, dood.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: Hiya, Pema
    Wol Euler: hello pema!
    Gaya Ethaniel: ah... I see. I'm better now but had a rough day/night
    Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
    Adams Rubble: Hello Pema
    Pema Pera: Hi Corvi, Gaya, Wol and whomever I can't see yet, while slowly rezzing -- ah, Adams too!
    Gaya Ethaniel: I have been battling with my fears for a while now
    Pema Pera: Adams, what are you doing up at this time ?!?
    Gaya Ethaniel: Adams can't sleep Pema
    Gaya Ethaniel: my self-awareness has faded over this period I've realised
    Gaya Ethaniel: so I've done some long meditations last night and this morning
    Gaya Ethaniel: seems that I got confused what it means to trust others
    Gaya Ethaniel: and I have given myself 'away'...
    Faenik loves wells!
    Gaya Ethaniel: I'm clawing it back... though slowly
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: Oh!
    Wol Euler: ah
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: tell me more about confused?
    Gaya Ethaniel: as my self-awareness went down, I began to rely on others to 'understand' me
    Gaya Ethaniel: as I trust others, I began to give my personal belief in myself away
    Gaya Ethaniel: that I am my best student and teacher
    Gaya Ethaniel: others I trust and love had become a clutch
    Gaya Ethaniel: in those period, I was still practising 9 sec but I did less and less regular meditation and left it to 'well don't quite feel like it'
    Corvuscorva Nightfire nods.
    Gaya Ethaniel: a degree of routine has always been important to me and I'd forgotten this
    Gaya Ethaniel: that it means self-respect and self-discipline that I take much joy out of... some of my routines
    Gaya Ethaniel: so slowly I was losing some core in myself since then for a while now
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: mmm
    Gaya Ethaniel: well... so many things have come up since yesterday... perhaps I'm talking all over the place <smile>
    Corvuscorva Nightfire smiles warmly. I am glad you have said these things.
    Gaya Ethaniel: there is one thing I remembered from Pema in one of those meditation
    Wol Euler smiles and nods
    Gaya Ethaniel: we play in harmony yet still distinctive individually
    Gaya Ethaniel smiles. ty
    Pema Pera: :)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire decides to hold onto that one, too.
    Faenik: indeed?
    Gaya Ethaniel: I almost lost my individual distinctiveness by immersing myself in others
    Pema Pera's distinctive trait today was coming in twenty minutes late while battling the new SL download -- sorry to miss the beginning of your story, Gaya!
    Gaya Ethaniel: np Pema
    Wol Euler: heheheh
    Adams Rubble: Battling download was not a distinctive trait :)
    Pema Pera: I look forward to read the beginning of the log later
    Adams Rubble: It sounds important Gaya
    Gaya Ethaniel nods. important... very important to me Adams
    Adams Rubble nods
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: goodbye all...I must go for now.
    Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
    Pema Pera: bye Corvi!
    Adams Rubble: by Corvi :)
    Gaya Ethaniel smiles
    Adams Rubble: /'s camera thanks Wol
    Wol Euler: :-)
    Faenik: indeed?

    After Corvi had left, I learned that in fact I hadn't really missed anything.

    Adams Rubble: Hmm. Unless Gaya said something before I came, Pema was here for everything
    Pema Pera: ah!
    Wol Euler: you missed only a few hellos, Pema, and some NJ-speak
    Pema Pera: how interesting -- I didn't see anything since I was convinced dropping into the middle of a long conversation :-)
    Pema Pera: I guess we all had trouble getting into SL today?
    Adams Rubble: I did
    Gaya Ethaniel: no problem for me luckily
    Wol Euler: not after the download, which worked OK
    Pema Pera: can someone IM me the part I missed, before 1:19? I'm the goc today
    Pema Pera: Yes, Gaya, trusting yourself is essential
    Gaya Ethaniel: sure Pema
    Pema Pera: yourself and Being
    Pema Pera: nothing and nobody else -- ultimately
    Pema Pera: but that doesn't mean we can help and love and be loved and learn and be helped
    Gaya Ethaniel nods
    Pema Pera: all of that is the core beauty of being human -- but we can't ultimately rely on it in an absolute way
    Pema Pera: it is what we have not what we are
    Pema Pera: we can give each other beautiful things to wear . . .
    Pema Pera: which can really help . . . .
    Gaya Ethaniel: it is what we have not what we are => ??
    Pema Pera: what we can do for each other, what we can give each other, is what the other than will have
    Pema Pera: we can exchange gifts
    Pema Pera: we cannot exchange what we are
    Pema Pera: we are already what we are -- and that we already share in the most intimate possible way -- what we have we can exchange to celebrate that intimacy, not to create it
    Gaya Ethaniel nods
    Gaya Ethaniel: I know that now... and I saw what happens when I lose what I am
    Pema Pera: yes, we all tend to lose sight of what we are . . . . each of us, every day!
    Adams Rubble: Yes!
    Pema Pera: but then we can learn to see that even when we lose sight of what we are, we CANNOT POSSIBLE lose what we are
    Pema Pera: no matter how hard we keep trying -- that's the joke
    Pema Pera: and that is more reassuring than anything possible
    Pema Pera: seeing that you can die, and then you can finally live
    Gaya Ethaniel: yes but 'trying to lose' myself... I had created so much fears
    Pema Pera: yes
    Gaya Ethaniel: celebrate not create...
    Pema Pera: when we think we help each other, give something to each other, what we are really doing is celebrating that there is nothing to give . . . and that is the most tender gift possible, that reassurance
    Gaya Ethaniel nods
    Gaya Ethaniel: happy to show/share what we are rather than making each other happy
    Pema Pera: the gift of confidence, yes
    Faenik loves wells!
    Gaya Ethaniel nods
    Adams Rubble is smiling warmly at the love

    Yes, what a warm exchange it was! I hesitate to add any specific comments here; better to just let the conversation flow. I only want to add how much I felt a sense of shared presence, something that may be difficult to come across when just reading these chat lines -- though with enough SL experience and/or knowing the individuals involved, the experience may even transcend the barriers of time and distance.

    Pema Pera: :)
    Gaya Ethaniel: so have I climed another hill again
    Gaya Ethaniel smiles
    Pema Pera: looks that way -- can you look further now?
    Wol Euler: :-)
    Gaya Ethaniel: no not yet Pema
    Gaya Ethaniel: catching my breath...
    Pema Pera: :)
    Pema Pera: standing on a hill in the mist can also be a beautiful experience . . . have some memories of such times :)
    Gaya Ethaniel: in Japan?
    Wol Euler loves walking in fog
    Pema Pera: in Germany, riding my motor bike as grad student in the fall around Freiburg
    Pema Pera: seeing the Weinberge wie Insel (the wine hills like islands) rising out of the fog
    Wol Euler: :-)
    Gaya Ethaniel smiles. sounds beautiful
    Pema Pera: im Nebel spazieren -- hard to translate
    Pema Pera: walking in fog, yes -- German is good for operas :-)
    Wol Euler: hehehe
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Gaya Ethaniel has seen those wine hills on TV where people still do a lot of work without using much machinery
    Pema Pera feels like doing a Nietsche impersonation
    Pema Pera: Nietzsche?
    Gaya Ethaniel: mm... Neitzsche and fog?
    Wol Euler: the latter
    Pema Pera: Nietzsche
    Pema Pera does not care for German s'z and z's and c's
    Adams Rubble: ")
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Wol Euler chuckles
    Gaya Ethaniel smiles
    Pema Pera: may I ask, Gaya, how you found your nice new hill?
    Gaya Ethaniel: how I found it in the first place Pema?
    Pema Pera: yes, and/or the last couple days?
    Gaya Ethaniel: it started over a week ago and got a rough feeling of it last 2-3 days or so and came to a head last night
    Gaya Ethaniel: why Pema?

    About sharing experiences.

    Pema Pera: oh, it is nice to share with each other how we stumble upon new insights
    Faenik: why not?
    Pema Pera: if we feel like it, and if it feels appropriate -- yes, Faenik!
    Pema Pera: we can help others stumble :)
    Wol Euler: !
    Pema Pera: let each other trip :-)
    Gaya Ethaniel: it's always easier to see afterwards though
    Pema Pera: sure, and perhaps the most important parts may remain invisible . . . .
    Gaya Ethaniel: yes... there's that too... invisible parts will surface again I'm sure
    Pema Pera: but there is one pattern that we can really share, I think:
    Gaya Ethaniel can only climb one hill at a time...
    Pema Pera: often we hit our heads against a wall for a long time and then we suddenly see that our direction was wrong -- that there was a door behind us that was open all the time -- that sort of experience we can share and that can help others
    Gaya Ethaniel nods
    Adams Rubble: and we seem to have to do it again and again :)
    Pema Pera: what we find is hard to share, but what we did wrong before finding it is far more shareable
    Pema Pera: funny thing, that
    Gaya Ethaniel: that banging against a wall... quite painful but had to reach the absolute climax of pain to get out of it
    Pema Pera: yes, sometimes you need to . . . .
    Gaya Ethaniel nods
    Pema Pera: . . . and sometimes you don't :)
    Gaya Ethaniel: would it ever get any easier?
    Pema Pera: yes!
    Pema Pera: with a little help from our friends . . . .
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Gaya Ethaniel smiles
    Pema Pera: if the banging takes more than 6 hours, there will be a PaB session . . .
    Adams Rubble: hehe
    Gaya Ethaniel giggles. true Pema
    Wol Euler: lol
    Pema Pera: to bang our your neighbor's (guardians) door!
    Pema Pera: that's why I want to stick with the 6 hour commitment no matter what
    Pema Pera: my only rule for PaB :-)
    Gaya Ethaniel smiles
    Adams Rubble: Some of us come at odd times :)
    Pema Pera: thank you very much for sharing Gaya
    Adams Rubble: Yes, thank you Gaya
    Pema Pera: it means a lot to me, both hearing it and seeing that you feel comfortable sharing
    Gaya Ethaniel: thank you for listening to another Gaya babbling session
    Pema Pera: :-)
    Gaya Ethaniel smiles
    Faenik is a hairy black ball with eyes and ears.

    Wol unintentionally wetted our appetites.

    Wol Euler gives you a nucge
    Wol Euler: *nudge even
    Pema Pera: haha
    Gaya Ethaniel: hope I don't wait for a couple of weeks next time
    Gaya Ethaniel smiles
    Pema Pera: nucge sounds like German chocolate cake
    Wol Euler saliveates reflexively
    Gaya Ethaniel: oh coffee shops in Germany...
    Pema Pera: yes, Gaya, we learn to speed up, each time gets a little easier
    Pema Pera: btw, German evening in Kira Cafe tomorrow, 11 am SLT, 8 pm in Germany
    Pema Pera: Wol, will you be there?
    Faenik: could be
    Gaya Ethaniel: hope so Pema. sure I will <smile>
    Wol Euler: ah, yes, I saw themail from Gen. I probably will be. She didn'T say when the English session was :-)
    Pema Pera: welcome Gaya!
    Pema Pera: Do you speak German?
    Pema Pera: English is all the time, also in the Cafe
    Pema Pera: in the rest of the Cafe
    Wol Euler: :-)
    Pema Pera: only the bar area is non-English part of the time
    Gaya Ethaniel: me no Germa no... I'm afraid
    Pema Pera: ah, sorry, Gaya, responded to wrong context, my fault
    Wol Euler: but google knows all ...
    Pema Pera: yes to "getting easier"
    Gaya Ethaniel: nice to see you get all fired up Pema
    Pema Pera: hehe
    Pema Pera: I hope that we can integrate some of what we are learning here in the pressure cooker of PaB with a wider group of people in the Kira Cafe
    Pema Pera: in an even more relaxed atmosphere (without chat log recording :-)
    Gaya Ethaniel: I'm still a bit unclear what I'd visit the cafe for Pema
    Pema Pera: we haven't really explained yet, Gaya -- I should do that soon
    Wol Euler: Newcastle Brown Ale on tap!
    Pema Pera: it is basically a place to get together for anyone with a real respect for both science and for other ways of knowing, including the PaB approach as well as various traditional approaches
    Gaya Ethaniel giggles
    Pema Pera: so if you want to hang out and relax AND you like to talk about the nature of reality, this is your Cafe!
    Pema Pera: come to Kira -- music in the background
    Pema Pera: end of commercial
    Gaya Ethaniel asks if fried Mars bars are also sold alongside
    Pema Pera: fried? . . . hmmmmm
    Wol Euler laughs and shudders.
    Pema Pera: we do have a fire place
    Adams Rubble: hehe
    Pema Pera: so you can fry them while there!
    Gaya Ethaniel giggles
    Wol Euler: NPISL
    Pema Pera: Well, I have to get going!
    Pema Pera: NPISL?

    Then Wol set another wheel in motion.

    Wol Euler: some things are so wierd that they can onlyexist in RL, not in SL.
    Gaya Ethaniel: sounds great Pema. will give it a try
    Adams Rubble: Bye Pema. Wish you well on big event tonight
    Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
    Pema Pera: hahaha, Wol, that'a great one!
    Pema Pera: AHAHA!
    Wol Euler: bye pema, take care
    Pema Pera: IDEA:
    Gaya Ethaniel smiles
    Pema Pera: how about writing a children's story?
    Gaya Ethaniel: good day Pema and hope it all goes well for you
    Wol Euler grins
    Pema Pera: for children what the expierence is like to enter RL for the first time coming from SL?
    Pema Pera: How strange it all is, like a bad dream or so?
    Wol Euler: aaaaaaah
    Gaya Ethaniel: sounds great to try out
    Wol Euler: "what is this 'weathr' thing?"
    Pema Pera: another PaB project for the wiki
    Pema Pera: yes!
    Pema Pera: why do people all hide their profile?
    Wol Euler: good idea
    Wol Euler: my TP is broken
    Gaya Ethaniel: people looking at you puzzled when ask for tps
    Adams Rubble: Why canlt we tp?
    Pema Pera: why can't we make friends by clicking?
    Adams Rubble: Why can;t we make it light
    Gaya Ethaniel: oh please first ask for animation permissions before rushing to hug me
    Wol Euler laughs: and the typical newbie question: how do I have sex?
    Pema Pera: my camera is stuck to my forehead, help!
    Gaya Ethaniel giggles
    Faenik: indeed?
    Pema Pera: hehehe
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Pema Pera: like Apollo 13
    Pema Pera: Linden, we have a problem!
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Wol Euler: yep
    Wol Euler: I like it, good idea.
    Gaya Ethaniel smiles
    Pema Pera: see y'all ! In safe good old SL . . . :)
    Faenik: なるほど^^
    Adams Rubble: bye
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