2009.02.11 01:00 - Non-attachment and kids

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    I, Tarmel Udimo was GOC, it was a quiet night, just Corvi and I and a short-stay visitors.

    Corvuscorva Nightfire: HI Tarmel, Yichard.
    Tarmel Udimo: hello corvi and yichard
    Yichard Muni: Hi
    Yichard Muni: sorry for yesterday, I had a very unstable connexion
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: no worries, ever.
    Yichard Muni: so I missed most and was unable to really attend
    IM: Corvuscorva Nightfire: ah!
    Tarmel Udimo: yes and how is it today?
    Yichard Muni: I am just logging in
    Tarmel Udimo: please join us
    Yichard Muni: okie, I must go elsewhere :-)
    Yichard Muni: now? what are you doing?
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: Bye then...good day!
    Yichard Muni: okie, bye
    Tarmel Udimo: bye
    Tarmel Udimo: that was a quick visit
    Corvuscorva Nightfire smiles.

    Thought I'd better do my duty and sent out a prompt.

    Tarmel Udimo: Got any topic of disccusion Corvi :-)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire plays with the fountain...: p
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: been thinking about unattachement...
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: because of Fefonz.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: who asked something to the effect of..how do you decide to protect your child instead of someone elses if you are unattached? How do you stay human?
    Tarmel Udimo: why does fefonz and unattachement go together?
    Tarmel Udimo: okay you just answered
    Tarmel Udimo: humm it would be interesting to know the context
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: it was a thought experiment.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: so..there could be lots of contexts.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: like: two kids in a fight...
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: or enough medicine to save one kid
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: or you can grab one from the burning building at a time...
    Corvuscorva Nightfire comes up with "choice" scenerios.
    Tarmel Udimo: okay, so if one looks at the war in the middle east there are lots of people trying to save their children and destroying someone else's in the process
    Corvuscorva Nightfire nods.
    Tarmel Udimo: humm, I think in a survival situation one just acts
    Tarmel Udimo: what do you think?
    Corvuscorva Nightfire nods.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: I think...that's the deal with "unattachement."
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: I don't REALLY know..but...
    Tarmel Udimo: hi flemming
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: here's what I think...
    Tarmel Udimo: hummm
    flemmingvp Avro: Hi
    Tarmel Udimo: please feel free to join us
    Tarmel Udimo: have you been here before?
    flemmingvp Avro: Thank you
    flemmingvp Avro: no it is my first time here
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: unattachement isn't what you do in a big situation...like.."the war in the middle east" or it might be if you have lots and lots of practice and some influence.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: but..really..it's about what you choose at this very moment to do.
    Tarmel Udimo: okay
    flemmingvp Avro: what are you discussing?
    Tarmel Udimo: so you have been give a note card and know that we record these sessions?
    Tarmel Udimo: we are discussing: ..how do you decide to protect your child instead of someone elses if you are unattached? How do you stay human?
    flemmingvp Avro: not me. but it is okay for me
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: so long before you ask "what will I do in the middle east" you start practicing in your home.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: "what will i do when my child comes to me to complain about a bully"
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: "how will I take my ego out of the way so that i can listen, engage, be compassionate, see the situation as it is."
    Tarmel Udimo: i guess I was confused by putting helping your child over another as unattachment
    Corvuscorva Nightfire nods.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: I think...I am too...that it's sort of "off topic"
    Tarmel Udimo: not really, it was just the set-up sounded like a survival situation rather than your example for instance
    Corvuscorva Nightfire nods.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: i think that's what Fefonz meant...though.
    Tarmel Udimo: I don't think finding out how or why your child is being bullied implies attachment
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: and I think I'm saying..don't worry about that yet.
    Tarmel Udimo: it feels llike common sense
    Corvuscorva Nightfire nods...there's alot of ways to focus on bullying though
    Tarmel Udimo: yes?
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: you could focus on "that evil other child"
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: or "what your child should do about it"
    flemmingvp Avro: I think that my english is not good enought to follow the discussion. But I will come back another day.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: or..."listening"
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: bye, Flemming.
    Tarmel Udimo: okay bye felmming
    Tarmel Udimo: yes? what would you do?
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: I don't have a child..so...this is a "if I did and could be really unattached and compassionate" which is in no way a given...nor am I sure this is the right way to go...
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: but....listen...hard....carefully....
    Tarmel Udimo: would you like to have children?
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: allowing the young person to tell me the situation....then propose some ideas if the child wants them, and it's the right time.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: no.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: I am fine as is.
    Tarmel Udimo: okay...
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: I have alot of children in my life.
    Tarmel Udimo: lots of brothers and sisters?
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: no..one, with a year old child...a set of god children who lost their mother, a woman my father "parents" and her child, a 19 year old housemate....so lots of children.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: of various ages.
    Tarmel Udimo: gosh, thats a handfull :-)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire nods, smiling..I'm not too involved with any of their lives...but a little in all of them.
    Tarmel Udimo: a surrogate aunt :-)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: exactly!
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: it's a good position, really..if you can get it.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire grins.
    Tarmel Udimo: I bet you're really good with them :-)
    IM: Corvuscorva Nightfire grins.  I am.  When I'm around.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: Oh..and I forgot *eyes twinkling* Moon.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: when he's being cute.

    With that, Corvi and I chated in IM for a few mins and then we left it at that.

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