2009.02.18 13:00 - "There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in"

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    The Guardian this session was Genesis Zhangsun.  The comments below are hers.

    Adams Rubble: Hi gen and Scath :)
    Scathach Rhiadra: Hello Gen:)
    Scathach Rhiadra: Hello Adams:)
    genesis Zhangsun: Hey Adams and Scathach!
    genesis Zhangsun: Nice of you to join me :)
    genesis Zhangsun: How are all of you?
    Adams Rubble thought it was for life
    genesis Zhangsun: yes right Adams monthly commitment for life :)
    Adams Rubble: I am fine...feeling a little silly
    Wol Euler: well but tired, just got in from the office at 10pm
    Wol Euler: and you?
    Adams Rubble: wow 10 pm
    Scathach Rhiadra: long day:(
    genesis Zhangsun: I have been feeling really stressy lately, a little tired, and a little silly so I can relate :)
    Adams Rubble: Yes, we seem to have quite a few commitments :)
    Hot Chocolate: Warms You Up
    Adams Rubble still wondering what time would be like in a flat world
    Wol Euler: the worst of it is htat the stores are all closed, and I have nothing even remotely chocolatey or cookie-ish in the house.
    genesis Zhangsun: Hot chocolate Wol?
    Adams Rubble: ah, sorry for that Wol
    Scathach Rhiadra: aaaw, sad:)
    Wol Euler: ah, I do have that! Good idea.
    Wol Euler: unfortunately I made tea before discovering hte lack, so I'll have to drink that first.
    genesis Zhangsun: I just remembered the hot chocolate girls circle I had once here some 7 am session
    Wol Euler: (I couldn't just pour it away, good heavens!)
    Wol Euler: heheheheh, yes, that was fun
    Hot Chocolate: Happy Holidays
    Adams Rubble: Unfortunately I must run. It was nice seeing all of you :)
    genesis Zhangsun: ooo slightly expired hot chocolate
    Wol Euler: bye adams, take care.
    Scathach Rhiadra: bye Adams:)
    genesis Zhangsun: ok see you Adams :)
    Adams Rubble: bye :)
    genesis Zhangsun: So I have recently had a personal insight
    Wol Euler: mmm?
    Scathach Rhiadra: mmm?
    Wol Euler: snap :)
    genesis Zhangsun: hehe :)
    genesis Zhangsun: you two are pretty synched up ;)
    Scathach Rhiadra: :)
    Wol Euler: we even look alike!
    Wol Euler: sorry gen, please continue :)
    I could tell I was going to have a rought time explaining this but decided to try anyhow...
    genesis Zhangsun: okay so my personal insight...this is very personal so it feels a little funny sharing it
    genesis Zhangsun: I realized through regular meditation recently that my sense of presence with the world is too present
    genesis Zhangsun: too intense
    genesis Zhangsun: so really not present at all
    genesis Zhangsun: thinking I am very present but in fact not present
    genesis Zhangsun: does that make sense?
    Wol Euler: not really ...
    genesis Zhangsun: hmm okay let me give it another stab...
    Wol Euler: do you mean that you are aware of being present, instead of just _being_ present?
    genesis Zhangsun: yes Wol that is an important aspect of the insight
    genesis Zhangsun: so it is about awareness of presence which fools me in to believing that I am actually hyper present but because I am aware of my own presence I am not present at all
    genesis Zhangsun: so awareness is really working against me now at this point
    genesis Zhangsun: so far it has been an important tool in dropping alot of things but now it is hindering me
    genesis Zhangsun: does that make sense?
    Wol Euler: I'm struggling a bit, bit I htink I see it.
    Scathach Rhiadra: is it like sometimes when you think so much about not thinking.....
    Wol Euler: it sounds as though you were stuck in BS looking at yourself?
    genesis Zhangsun: maybe though I may not elevate it to Being seeing but just me seeing
    genesis Zhangsun: yes Scat it is pretty neurotic line of thinking like that
    genesis Zhangsun: really hard to describe
    genesis Zhangsun: easier to describe how it makes me feel
    Wol Euler: say "reflexive" rather than neurotic, perhaps :)
    Scathach Rhiadra nods
    genesis Zhangsun: ok thats a nicer word
    Wol Euler: :)
    Wol Euler: you are aware of yourself as part of the scene you are being Aware of...
    genesis Zhangsun: well that always
    genesis Zhangsun: I am always some where in that mode of thinking
    Scathach Rhiadra: or super conscious of being aware...
    genesis Zhangsun: yes it awareness of awareness
    genesis Zhangsun: which sounds kind of nice
    genesis Zhangsun: and interesting
    genesis Zhangsun: but actually very exhausting
    Scathach Rhiadra nods
    Wol Euler: very second life-ish, somehow, like the way we look over our own shoulders
    Scathach Rhiadra: do you feel you need to take a break?
    genesis Zhangsun: from?
    genesis Zhangsun: myself definitely :)
    Scathach Rhiadra: being aware, or trying to be..
    Wol Euler: hmmm
    genesis Zhangsun: yes but I don't feel like I can
    genesis Zhangsun: I think this is a really big hold out for me
    genesis Zhangsun: I really prize my own awareness
    genesis Zhangsun: the idea of dropping that is frightening
    Scathach Rhiadra: ah, I only mean for a short time to just completely relax:)
    genesis Zhangsun: maybe that is the probelm I don't know how to relax it
    genesis Zhangsun: because I have been using it to relax everything else :)
    genesis Zhangsun: if that makes sense
    genesis Zhangsun: I use it to let go of anger, confusion, sadness
    Wol Euler: sounds like ther is a part of you that has remained unrelaxed, then.
    genesis Zhangsun: yes I feel as though I have peeled another layer of the onion and I found quite a hard shell
    Wol Euler nods
    Wol Euler: what a fascinating discovery though!
    genesis Zhangsun: it is its a great break through for me...I feel like for the first time I might figure out why I am so nuts
    Scathach Rhiadra nods
    Wol Euler chuckles
    Wol Euler: I'm not unsympathetic, just that you expressed it humorously
    genesis Zhangsun: :) I got it
    Scathach Rhiadra: :)
    genesis Zhangsun: thanks for letting me share :)
    Wol Euler: just checking ... enough conversations ahve gone astray lately.
    Scathach Rhiadra: thanks for sharing:)
    Wol Euler: thank you gen.
    genesis Zhangsun: its like findinf a space, a small crack , only big enough to get a finger file in but enough to start prying it open and unstick it altogether
    genesis Zhangsun: I can see what a viscious circle my life is
    Wol Euler: not just yours...
    Scathach Rhiadra nods
    Wol Euler: I sometimes think "indulges in self-defeating behaviour" is a characteristic attribute of humans.
    Wol Euler: it sure fits me most of hte time...
    Samuel joins us...
    genesis Zhangsun: Hey Samuel
    Samuel Okelly: 
    Samuel Okelly:             (  @ @ )         
    Samuel Okelly:    ...o00o.(_).o00o...
    Samuel Okelly:  (( HELLO  EVERY1! ! ! ! ))
    Samuel Okelly:
    Wol Euler: hello samuel
    genesis Zhangsun: hehe
    Scathach Rhiadra: Hello Samual
    Wol Euler: oh, I finally figured out your greeting! it's a Kilroy.
    Wol Euler: duh.
    Samuel Okelly: :)
    And Corvi...
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: Hiya all!
    Samuel Okelly: hi cor
    Wol Euler: hello corvi
    genesis Zhangsun: Hi Corvi!
    Scathach Rhiadra: your comment about finding a 'crack' Gen, reminds me of the song 'there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in'
    Corvuscorva Nightfire giggles.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: I showed up just in time, then.
    Scathach Rhiadra: Hello corvi:)
    genesis Zhangsun: yes that is fitting Scat :)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire points to her profile, where htat song is featured
    Scathach Rhiadra: ah:)
    Wol Euler: good heavens.
    genesis Zhangsun: 70s?
    Scathach Rhiadra: hmm, probably:)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: Leonard Cohen.
    genesis Zhangsun: What is that sound is your mike on Sam?
    Samuel Okelly: sorry folks
    Scathach Rhiadra: 'laughing' Lenny Cohen, as he has sometimes been referred to:)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire grins..one of my favorite people.
    Wol Euler: it took me a long time to get to like his songs, I could never get past his awful voice
    Scathach Rhiadra: :)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire nods. I got into his songs with other singers..
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: then started sorta loving him later.
    Wol Euler: do you know the Famous Blue Raincoat album? Jennifer Warnes singing Lenny
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: yes yes!
    Wol Euler smiles
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: she was my entry into his songs.
    Wol Euler: mine too :)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: but that line..
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: that was what really got me.

    It got me too...and I remembered that Pema had mentioned his soft spot for Lenny some time ago...and decided to check him out any went on myspace.

    Scathach Rhiadra: :)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: I love about him...that he recognizes himself as so very human..flawed..cracked..broken..and yet...loves himself nonetheless..knows himself to be lovable and loving...no matter how flawed.
    Scathach Rhiadra: brb
    genesis Zhangsun: Which song is that line in?
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: and..if I wasn't an athiest..I'd want the relationship with God that he has.
    genesis Zhangsun: I am looking him up and streaming him
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: anthem
    Scathach Rhiadra: back
    Wol Euler: wb
    genesis Zhangsun: Listening to Bird on a Wire
    Corvuscorva Nightfire nods, grins.
    Scathach Rhiadra: ah, brings back memories:)
    Play as being Watch for mens will ring next in 2 minutes 49 seconds.
    Wol Euler: "Joan of Arc" is one of my favourites, it always brings me to tears
    Samuel Okelly: halelujah was the christmas no1 here... that was one of his wasnt it?
    Corvuscorva Nightfire is particularly fond of tower of song.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: yes..it is.
    Wol Euler: absolutely also a very wonderful song.
    Wol Euler: hello fefonz
    Scathach Rhiadra: Hello Fefonz
    genesis Zhangsun: He's playing at the Beacon Theater in NYC lets go!!
    genesis Zhangsun: tomorrow night
    Samuel Okelly: hi fef
    Wol Euler: oooooh!°
    Corvuscorva Nightfire grins.
    Wol Euler: I would if I could.
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: Hi, Fefonz!
    Fefonz Quan: Hi all :)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: awww..lucky you guys!
    Scathach Rhiadra: haha, if only we could:)
    genesis Zhangsun: Fefonz could go
    Fefonz Quan: when in NYC?
    genesis Zhangsun: he is close enough
    Wol Euler: I'll buy the beer if you pay the airfare
    genesis Zhangsun: Beacon Theater
    Fefonz Quan: (that is where ;_))
    Wol Euler: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wxj0B7vsss
    Wol Euler: Jeff Buckley's live solo "Hallelujah"
    genesis Zhangsun: now "In my secret life"
    genesis Zhangsun: ty Wol :)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire smiles.
    Wol Euler smiles as her throat tightens.
    Scathach Rhiadra: I like that one, relatively new
    genesis Zhangsun: throat tightenting from nostalgia?
    Wol Euler: from tears, from the song. It always gets to me
    Corvuscorva Nightfire smiles..it's the minor chords...the devil...
    Wol Euler: mmhmm
    Wol Euler: :)
    Scathach Rhiadra: :)
    genesis Zhangsun: you all are such a sweet saps...I love you guys :)
    Fefonz Quan: i thought you were talking about Lenny in NYC :)
    Wol Euler: oh yse, sentimental as all hell.
    Wol Euler: which is fairly new for me, I wasn't so teary 20 years ago.
    genesis Zhangsun: we were tomorrow night
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: me smiles.
    genesis Zhangsun: I can't stop smiling :)
    Fefonz Quan: thanks for the link Wol, listening to it now. Beautiful.
    Wol Euler: :)
    Samuel Okelly: tc every1 :)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: are you leaving, Sam?
    Wol Euler: bye sam. take care.
    Scathach Rhiadra: bye Sam
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: bye...
    Samuel Okelly: lenny isnt my type :)
    genesis Zhangsun: bye Sam
    Wol Euler: :)
    Samuel Okelly: cheerio for now :)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire smiles..see ya.
    Wol Euler: I guess he doesn't really care for music :)
    genesis Zhangsun: :)
    Scathach Rhiadra: heehee:)
    Wol Euler giggles
    genesis Zhangsun: Hallelujah
    Scathach Rhiadra: oh, Gilles seminar has started
    genesis Zhangsun: indeed
    Fefonz Quan: yes, i was on the way there till the music kept me here :)
    Scathach Rhiadra: better go:)
    Wol Euler: there's a parable in there somewhere ...
    genesis Zhangsun: thanks everyone
    Wol Euler: take care, enjoy, be enlightened
    Scathach Rhiadra: thanks, see you all later:)
    Wol Euler: bye scath
    Butch Dae is Offline
    genesis Zhangsun: I can't move
    genesis Zhangsun: too moved to move
    Wol Euler: :)
    Corvuscorva Nightfire: brb
    Wol Euler: that was very pleasant, thanks to whoever got us started on Lenny.
    Wol Euler: Scath, I guess, with the quote.
    Kiremimi Tigerpaw is Online
    genesis Zhangsun: well if I may...I believe it started with the cracks in my own vicious cycle
    genesis Zhangsun: :)
    Wol Euler: heh, true. I apologise, didn't mean to misdirect your karma
    genesis Zhangsun: fine it was Scat :)
    genesis Zhangsun: but anyway now Lenny has a place for me
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    Originally written on 07:55, 19 Feb 2009
    That wasn't a dig at Samuel, by the way. "You don't really care for music, do you?" is the third line of the song we were all listening to.
    Posted 06:50, 9 Apr 2010
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