2009.02.18 13:00 - "There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in"

The Guardian this session was Genesis Zhangsun.  The comments below are hers.

Adams Rubble: Hi gen and Scath :)
Scathach Rhiadra: Hello Gen:)
Scathach Rhiadra: Hello Adams:)
genesis Zhangsun: Hey Adams and Scathach!
genesis Zhangsun: Nice of you to join me :)
genesis Zhangsun: How are all of you?
Adams Rubble thought it was for life
genesis Zhangsun: yes right Adams monthly commitment for life :)
Adams Rubble: I am fine...feeling a little silly
Wol Euler: well but tired, just got in from the office at 10pm
Wol Euler: and you?
Adams Rubble: wow 10 pm
Scathach Rhiadra: long day:(
genesis Zhangsun: I have been feeling really stressy lately, a little tired, and a little silly so I can relate :)
Adams Rubble: Yes, we seem to have quite a few commitments :)
Hot Chocolate: Warms You Up
Adams Rubble still wondering what time would be like in a flat world
Wol Euler: the worst of it is htat the stores are all closed, and I have nothing even remotely chocolatey or cookie-ish in the house.
genesis Zhangsun: Hot chocolate Wol?
Adams Rubble: ah, sorry for that Wol
Scathach Rhiadra: aaaw, sad:)
Wol Euler: ah, I do have that! Good idea.
Wol Euler: unfortunately I made tea before discovering hte lack, so I'll have to drink that first.
genesis Zhangsun: I just remembered the hot chocolate girls circle I had once here some 7 am session
Wol Euler: (I couldn't just pour it away, good heavens!)
Wol Euler: heheheheh, yes, that was fun
Hot Chocolate: Happy Holidays
Adams Rubble: Unfortunately I must run. It was nice seeing all of you :)
genesis Zhangsun: ooo slightly expired hot chocolate
Wol Euler: bye adams, take care.
Scathach Rhiadra: bye Adams:)
genesis Zhangsun: ok see you Adams :)
Adams Rubble: bye :)
genesis Zhangsun: So I have recently had a personal insight
Wol Euler: mmm?
Scathach Rhiadra: mmm?
Wol Euler: snap :)
genesis Zhangsun: hehe :)
genesis Zhangsun: you two are pretty synched up ;)
Scathach Rhiadra: :)
Wol Euler: we even look alike!
Wol Euler: sorry gen, please continue :)

genesis Zhangsun: okay so my personal insight...this is very personal so it feels a little funny sharing it
genesis Zhangsun: I realized through regular meditation recently that my sense of presence with the world is too present
genesis Zhangsun: too intense
genesis Zhangsun: so really not present at all
genesis Zhangsun: thinking I am very present but in fact not present
genesis Zhangsun: does that make sense?
Wol Euler: not really ...
genesis Zhangsun: hmm okay let me give it another stab...
Wol Euler: do you mean that you are aware of being present, instead of just _being_ present?
genesis Zhangsun: yes Wol that is an important aspect of the insight
genesis Zhangsun: so it is about awareness of presence which fools me in to believing that I am actually hyper present but because I am aware of my own presence I am not present at all
genesis Zhangsun: so awareness is really working against me now at this point
genesis Zhangsun: so far it has been an important tool in dropping alot of things but now it is hindering me
genesis Zhangsun: does that make sense?
Wol Euler: I'm struggling a bit, bit I htink I see it.
Scathach Rhiadra: is it like sometimes when you think so much about not thinking.....
Wol Euler: it sounds as though you were stuck in BS looking at yourself?
genesis Zhangsun: maybe though I may not elevate it to Being seeing but just me seeing
genesis Zhangsun: yes Scat it is pretty neurotic line of thinking like that
genesis Zhangsun: really hard to describe
genesis Zhangsun: easier to describe how it makes me feel
Wol Euler: say "reflexive" rather than neurotic, perhaps :)
Scathach Rhiadra nods
genesis Zhangsun: ok thats a nicer word
Wol Euler: :)
Wol Euler: you are aware of yourself as part of the scene you are being Aware of...
genesis Zhangsun: well that always
genesis Zhangsun: I am always some where in that mode of thinking
Scathach Rhiadra: or super conscious of being aware...
genesis Zhangsun: yes it awareness of awareness
genesis Zhangsun: which sounds kind of nice
genesis Zhangsun: and interesting
genesis Zhangsun: but actually very exhausting
Scathach Rhiadra nods
Wol Euler: very second life-ish, somehow, like the way we look over our own shoulders
Scathach Rhiadra: do you feel you need to take a break?
genesis Zhangsun: from?
genesis Zhangsun: myself definitely :)
Scathach Rhiadra: being aware, or trying to be..
Wol Euler: hmmm
genesis Zhangsun: yes but I don't feel like I can
genesis Zhangsun: I think this is a really big hold out for me
genesis Zhangsun: I really prize my own awareness
genesis Zhangsun: the idea of dropping that is frightening
Scathach Rhiadra: ah, I only mean for a short time to just completely relax:)
genesis Zhangsun: maybe that is the probelm I don't know how to relax it
genesis Zhangsun: because I have been using it to relax everything else :)
genesis Zhangsun: if that makes sense
genesis Zhangsun: I use it to let go of anger, confusion, sadness
Wol Euler: sounds like ther is a part of you that has remained unrelaxed, then.
genesis Zhangsun: yes I feel as though I have peeled another layer of the onion and I found quite a hard shell
Wol Euler nods
Wol Euler: what a fascinating discovery though!
genesis Zhangsun: it is its a great break through for me...I feel like for the first time I might figure out why I am so nuts
Scathach Rhiadra nods
Wol Euler chuckles
Wol Euler: I'm not unsympathetic, just that you expressed it humorously
genesis Zhangsun: :) I got it
Scathach Rhiadra: :)
genesis Zhangsun: thanks for letting me share :)
Wol Euler: just checking ... enough conversations ahve gone astray lately.
Scathach Rhiadra: thanks for sharing:)
Wol Euler: thank you gen.
genesis Zhangsun: its like findinf a space, a small crack , only big enough to get a finger file in but enough to start prying it open and unstick it altogether
genesis Zhangsun: I can see what a viscious circle my life is
Wol Euler: not just yours...
Scathach Rhiadra nods
Wol Euler: I sometimes think "indulges in self-defeating behaviour" is a characteristic attribute of humans.
Wol Euler: it sure fits me most of hte time...

genesis Zhangsun: Hey Samuel
Samuel Okelly: 
Samuel Okelly:             (  @ @ )         
Samuel Okelly:    ...o00o.(_).o00o...
Samuel Okelly:  (( HELLO  EVERY1! ! ! ! ))
Samuel Okelly:
Wol Euler: hello samuel
genesis Zhangsun: hehe
Scathach Rhiadra: Hello Samual
Wol Euler: oh, I finally figured out your greeting! it's a Kilroy.
Wol Euler: duh.
Samuel Okelly: :)

Corvuscorva Nightfire: Hiya all!
Samuel Okelly: hi cor
Wol Euler: hello corvi
genesis Zhangsun: Hi Corvi!
Scathach Rhiadra: your comment about finding a 'crack' Gen, reminds me of the song 'there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in'
Corvuscorva Nightfire giggles.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: I showed up just in time, then.
Scathach Rhiadra: Hello corvi:)
genesis Zhangsun: yes that is fitting Scat :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire points to her profile, where htat song is featured
Scathach Rhiadra: ah:)
Wol Euler: good heavens.
genesis Zhangsun: 70s?
Scathach Rhiadra: hmm, probably:)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Leonard Cohen.
genesis Zhangsun: What is that sound is your mike on Sam?
Samuel Okelly: sorry folks
Scathach Rhiadra: 'laughing' Lenny Cohen, as he has sometimes been referred to:)
Corvuscorva Nightfire grins..one of my favorite people.
Wol Euler: it took me a long time to get to like his songs, I could never get past his awful voice
Scathach Rhiadra: :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire nods. I got into his songs with other singers..
Corvuscorva Nightfire: then started sorta loving him later.
Wol Euler: do you know the Famous Blue Raincoat album? Jennifer Warnes singing Lenny
Corvuscorva Nightfire: yes yes!
Wol Euler smiles
Corvuscorva Nightfire: she was my entry into his songs.
Wol Euler: mine too :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: but that line..
Corvuscorva Nightfire: that was what really got me.

It got me too...and I remembered that Pema had mentioned his soft spot for Lenny some time ago...and decided to check him out any went on myspace.

Scathach Rhiadra: :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: I love about him...that he recognizes himself as so very human..flawed..cracked..broken..and yet...loves himself nonetheless..knows himself to be lovable and loving...no matter how flawed.
Scathach Rhiadra: brb
genesis Zhangsun: Which song is that line in?
Corvuscorva Nightfire: and..if I wasn't an athiest..I'd want the relationship with God that he has.
genesis Zhangsun: I am looking him up and streaming him
Corvuscorva Nightfire: anthem
Scathach Rhiadra: back
Wol Euler: wb
genesis Zhangsun: Listening to Bird on a Wire
Corvuscorva Nightfire nods, grins.
Scathach Rhiadra: ah, brings back memories:)
Play as being Watch for mens will ring next in 2 minutes 49 seconds.
Wol Euler: "Joan of Arc" is one of my favourites, it always brings me to tears
Samuel Okelly: halelujah was the christmas no1 here... that was one of his wasnt it?
Corvuscorva Nightfire is particularly fond of tower of song.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: yes..it is.
Wol Euler: absolutely also a very wonderful song.
Wol Euler: hello fefonz
Scathach Rhiadra: Hello Fefonz
genesis Zhangsun: He's playing at the Beacon Theater in NYC lets go!!
genesis Zhangsun: tomorrow night
Samuel Okelly: hi fef
Wol Euler: oooooh!°
Corvuscorva Nightfire grins.
Wol Euler: I would if I could.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Hi, Fefonz!
Fefonz Quan: Hi all :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: awww..lucky you guys!
Scathach Rhiadra: haha, if only we could:)
genesis Zhangsun: Fefonz could go
Fefonz Quan: when in NYC?
genesis Zhangsun: he is close enough
Wol Euler: I'll buy the beer if you pay the airfare
genesis Zhangsun: Beacon Theater
Fefonz Quan: (that is where ;_))
Wol Euler: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wxj0B7vsss
Wol Euler: Jeff Buckley's live solo "Hallelujah"
genesis Zhangsun: now "In my secret life"
genesis Zhangsun: ty Wol :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire smiles.
Wol Euler smiles as her throat tightens.
Scathach Rhiadra: I like that one, relatively new
genesis Zhangsun: throat tightenting from nostalgia?
Wol Euler: from tears, from the song. It always gets to me
Corvuscorva Nightfire smiles..it's the minor chords...the devil...
Wol Euler: mmhmm
Wol Euler: :)
Scathach Rhiadra: :)
genesis Zhangsun: you all are such a sweet saps...I love you guys :)
Fefonz Quan: i thought you were talking about Lenny in NYC :)
Wol Euler: oh yse, sentimental as all hell.
Wol Euler: which is fairly new for me, I wasn't so teary 20 years ago.
genesis Zhangsun: we were tomorrow night
Corvuscorva Nightfire: me smiles.
genesis Zhangsun: I can't stop smiling :)
Fefonz Quan: thanks for the link Wol, listening to it now. Beautiful.
Wol Euler: :)
Samuel Okelly: tc every1 :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: are you leaving, Sam?
Wol Euler: bye sam. take care.
Scathach Rhiadra: bye Sam
Corvuscorva Nightfire: bye...
Samuel Okelly: lenny isnt my type :)
genesis Zhangsun: bye Sam
Wol Euler: :)
Samuel Okelly: cheerio for now :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire smiles..see ya.
Wol Euler: I guess he doesn't really care for music :)
genesis Zhangsun: :)
Scathach Rhiadra: heehee:)
Wol Euler giggles
genesis Zhangsun: Hallelujah
Scathach Rhiadra: oh, Gilles seminar has started
genesis Zhangsun: indeed
Fefonz Quan: yes, i was on the way there till the music kept me here :)
Scathach Rhiadra: better go:)
Wol Euler: there's a parable in there somewhere ...
genesis Zhangsun: thanks everyone
Wol Euler: take care, enjoy, be enlightened
Scathach Rhiadra: thanks, see you all later:)
Wol Euler: bye scath
Butch Dae is Offline
genesis Zhangsun: I can't move
genesis Zhangsun: too moved to move
Wol Euler: :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: brb
Wol Euler: that was very pleasant, thanks to whoever got us started on Lenny.
Wol Euler: Scath, I guess, with the quote.
Kiremimi Tigerpaw is Online
genesis Zhangsun: well if I may...I believe it started with the cracks in my own vicious cycle
genesis Zhangsun: :)
Wol Euler: heh, true. I apologise, didn't mean to misdirect your karma
genesis Zhangsun: fine it was Scat :)
genesis Zhangsun: but anyway now Lenny has a place for me