Emotional Intelligence

Session 1

The theme for today is Emotional Intelligence

How could we begin to consider such a topic
that is so basic and fundamental to human life?

Emotional intelligence is a word that defines
what it is to be human.

We can barely get started with getting started
with looking at this topic as a whole
but we can start.

Each experience one has
and each action one takes
are an expression of both feeling and intelligence.

Theories abound
books are written on the topic
we live in a cultural field of attitudes, expectations, assumptions.

A cultural paradigm tells us these are separate functions
but personal experience finds them inseparable,
and now the paradigms and models of science are starting to agree.

One place to start, is to accept as a working notion
"I am already emotionally intelligent"
or even
"We are already emotionally intelligent"

and then relax, reflect, and gather
this "already present" knowledge
into the space of awareness and attention.

We can begin, as with many contemplative topics,
with reflective attention
that brings things into awareness
from the background of assumptions and implicit knowledge.

How is it going?
What is my recent experience?
What lessons am I learning
or what is life teaching me lately?

Each such looking is a start
savoring the moment
of a journey we're already and always on
We're not looking for a map of the destination
solutions to problems,
or the rules of the game
but for ways of traveling well:
a dynamic balance of many qualities
challenge and security
energy and rest
openness and focus
improvisation and skillful means.

It's the human journey
and as for me
I hope to undertake it with a spirit of
compassion - acceptance - gratitude - adventure - humor
and a good night's sleep!

Session Two

Today we will continue with the theme of EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
and an "inside" theme if you will, on "contemplation"
There's a bit more material than usual .. I hope we will relax with it, pick up whatever you find evocative

There are two very different perspectives
or ways of knowing, for this (or any) matter.
These are sometimes called the "external" and "internal" perspectives.
The "book" perspective with its emphasis on definition and concept -
how we try to create and agree on abstractions ABOUT something
and the "lived" perspective of what we experience - what we know
AS the knower and experiencer.

"Thinking" and "Feeling" are not separate
they are woven together in each act we take, each decision we make,
each perception and movement.
When these work together effectively
we take it for granted
enjoying it, perhaps, being in a flow
but not finding it particularly remarkable.

When things go wrong, when they break down
that's when they start to get attention.
A certain type of attention, that is:
worry, getting fixated, approaching and retreating
or what I call "fix-it" attention.
This kind of "problem solving" may be what the intellect
and the conscious mind
evolved to handle.

A different kind of attention
often used in prayer and contemplation
is appreciative attention.
It can transform the understanding of things
on a deeper level than concepts.

Likewise, meditation can open up "space"
in which intelligence finds new freedom
and new emotional possibilities can fluorish.

The "book" approach often addresses two important concerns:

• How can I be more socially adept and successful?
• Can I live a happier life?

These are rather general and abstract
with few practical hints
of just what to do with these ideas.

But we've already spent a lifetime being emotionally intelligent
(although to a greater or lesser degree)
using both learned and intrinsic intelligence
in the richly complex times and situations we call "life"
with its good days and its bad days
its ebb and flow of insights and psychic energies.

It continues to be worthwhile
and part of a reflective or "contemplative" approach
to turn awareness to the "what is"
as well as to the "what's possible"
of our lived everyday lives
as we experience, remember, and anticipate them.

Open awareness and self-observation are foundations for this process.
And along the way we even find many "how to's" and skills.

What makes contemplation (in the sense of reflective awareness)
hard, or uncommon?
Perhaps because the questions push us into the external perspective
which is not always a compassionate eye?
Or that they define and rigidify our understanding?
The soul may not like being objectified
and exposed to that cold type of light.
We start to worry and to find problems to "fix".
There is a multiplicity of influences, needs, desires,
both internal and external.

Different things within us come into play
as we identify variously with inner or outer "selves".
The conscious "self" is the sometimes-visible part
of a whole community.

Is it possible to bring more awareness or even harmony
to this multiplicity?
That itself is a question of emotional intelligence:
attention as unconditional regard —
a compassionate "holding" within a greater unity.
The perspective that things don't need to be fixed,
that they are whole and complete as they are.

And yet
one comes into and out of awareness of this wholeness.
Sometimes there's a struggle for awareness,
to "remember" the greater perspective
and not to perpetuate suffering within oneself
or to pass it on to others.

We can use questions as contemplative tools
to open up a space of possibility around a topic,
or to focus mind and heart in a particular way.

In any case, questioning may take things apart
in service of them coming into a truer wholeness.

Take a minute to collect your own awareness
of what interests you
about being an emotionally intelligent
intuitive, naturally wise, and fundamentally social being.

Here are some of my own questions
that have come up in response to our discussion so far.
It's best, though,
to follow what resonates and emerges for you:
your own questioning is the valuable questioning
and one deep personal insight or opening
is worth any number of abstract "answers".

Do I have a story about having or using emotions intelligently?
Or about a situation in which I would like or wish to do so?

How do I characteristically "approach" things?
What role do my "body" and my physical awareness and practices play?
How do I "hold" emotions? Do I control, ride, encourage, regulate, push, retreat, etc.?
Would I like to have more energy in some areas? Less?
What are the specific situations in which I do this?

What's it like when I'm "stuck" on something?
What does it feel like in the body?
Am I aware of the underlying emotional issues
as a learning or a seeking to learn something?

What are the successful things I do to support this process?
And what different conditions or qualities "help"?
Where do I go for support, for refuge, for inspiration?

What is the role of other people? Their wisdom, their needs, their struggles
so different and yet so in common with my own? How do we affect each other?
What does the "collective unconscious" bring?

How do my "thinking" and "feeling" intelligence work together?
Or at cross-purposes?
Are there things, experiences, abilities I'd like to cultivate?
Open acceptance? Attunement? Flexibility? Equanimity?

Emotions are a "gate" and the unconscious is vast, but how can we be good students or recipients of the knowlege they offer?
Can I "make friends with" with emotions - my own and others - and learn from, even enjoy the "difficult" ones? What does grief have to offer? Anger? Confusion?
Which feeling states are more familiar? Easier?

Emotional intelligence is a vast field
but closer than close
to investigate it
pick a focus
move toward it
as the expert you already are
and with the freshness of "beginner's mind".
Thanks for your attention