Presence to Self, Part 3

The theme for today is Presence to Self (Part 3)

What I'm reaching for
is groundwork
for a type of in-the-world mindfulness
that can be present in the "natural" state
of everyday life
or be a basis of systematic practice.

A phrase used in the Play As Being group is
"appreciating the appearance of being"

The phrase seems puzzling
what does it "mean"?

At this point, "alert" flags might go up
about language
and mind's fixation on words.

It has a hypnotic power.
We are in its control!

The value of a slogan
is that it can remind you
to re-member
to bring something back into presence
to come back into presence,
or belonging, with it.
Other than that
a phrase is an empty vessel.

Having an experience is one thing
noticing it is another
remembering it is another
(and there are different ways to remember)

Formulating and describing it is something else again.

Language can make us "figure bound".
The idea becomes the main thing, not the experience
but when they are separate, the figure is dead.

We're learning to "think beyond language"
which is necessary to get at this theme.

What is it to experience oneself
not as an object, or as an idea,
but as an experiencer,
as the event of having experience?

This isn't introspection or self-consciousness
in the sense of "looking at oneself"
which is fixating on an idea of self.

"Appreciating" is a nice word
suggesting something that grows in value
with your interest and attention.

"Appearance" has a certain power
to suggest unrealness and detachment
and create a separation between the object and the observer.
But that's just one way of knowing.

The "alchemy" of seeing
is to take things apart (with attention)
then bring them back together
or rather, notice how they are naturally together.

When experience has a quality of "beauty"
it's not sentiment or pleasantness
but a hint that fuller dimensions of awareness are present
an inner quality of softness and strength
"soft eyes" and a soft response
and also abiding, not turning away
from whatever is invoked.

There is a certain "pleasure principle" involved
but it's subtle, not just about pleasant feelings
but about contact and fullness.
 
This awareness brings both sides of experience together
It is "in" the object and "in" the eye of the Beholder,
an eye that looks both ways at once.

What the world offers you, in the case of beauty
is what you are offering it:
Yourself:
as many aspects of yourself
as you have held in free, creative, responsive consciousness:
this is "Beholding"
and the "world" likes it!

Note in that last idea
the dynamic interplay of the Taoist / I Ching polarities
the Creative and the Receptive.

While western philosophers of aesthetics
in past centuries pointed out
the experiential side of this
by saying, beauty has a pleasant, pleasurable aspect
and an awe inspiring (or even awe-ful) aspect

I expect it's not long before these show up, too, in the neuroscience lab
as two detectable modes of emotional activity
at work in all thinking and experiencing.

The mystic and integrative philosopher Gurdjieff
titled a book after this principle of self-meets-world-in-experience:
"Life is only Real, then, when I Am"

(This has at least two meanings)
The "I Am" is about Being
which is a short word
for the universe-filling event of being real.

The Self is known through this contact with reality
and the quality of that contact
You look at the world
and see a quality of Self
as a quality of the the event of contact.
it can be resisting, oppositional, fixated
flowing, appreciative, dynamic
and so on.

As an example
that involves thinking beyond language
consider the experiences of yawning, and boredom.

People are curious about these commonplaces of everyday experience
but when they discuss them or investigate them
it seems, it's all "about":
such and such a scientific theory,
or social convention,
but not much about what happens for oneself, the direct experience.

As an experiment
when you yawn or are bored
don't let it get away
don't try to change it
have it as it is... get into it:
what is going on here?
Observe it
and "do" it
don't rush to, or come from language.

Then, while it is fresh in mind
reflect on that experience
and the traces of yourself that were in it
think about it and give it names
make up descriptions
that remember both sides of the experience
so you can remember and more easily talk about it
to yourself or others.

A fuller mindfulness meditation
would likewise "ground" in the experience
and also, give attention
to the how, and the effects
of using language in relationship to the experience.

For now, we can say about this
that a good use of language
is to direct one's attention
to recall - that is, to "call" something closer to oneself
when it is already near
with a quality of invocation
or even intimate conversation.