Notes on Apapb

Before others attended the California retreat, an exercize of 'appreciating the presence of appearances as a presentation by/of being" was begun within the PaB email group. Eventually I partook, but from the framework then, of meditation moreso than all of appearance being the ground of life we have to mingle and work with.

Though that was helpful at the time, YSBS in particular seems to have unlocked an intuitive trust in a 'process' that now finds me unfolding layers and pages and sheets and sensations ... naturally and spontaneously engaging apapb. Now whether I can articulate notes to share? We'll see :)

12-18 - Appearing to hear the rain.. (notes scribbled in the night) 

The sound seems to dissolve partitions... the idea of outside/inside. I let it.
i am not feeling the rain with my hands or my body, but this appears a feeling experience. how so?  It seems mere memory of feeling of water whose falling calls it rain. i feel... where? hitting the ground? The "coolness of the pool" feeling, with the layers of ideas and pictures of things i thought cool... in other sometimes. It is all 'just' memory and memor just a texture itself?

wrapping thin pictures like decopage.  

How can I be far away from 'rain' and yet not at all? Noticing components distance dissolves. 

innumerable sensations... but are any of them 'water'? 'rain'? there is obviously no texture in the texture... If I taste it, the texture seems already memory, too... all memory ... thin thin pictures, transparent, warping almost. dream being?

In a dream, often just before one wakes up, the things looked at become obviousy squidgy.

--So, i was first swept up into the sound of the rain, and began 'automatically 'peeling back the textures of what is memory, and what is water, and what is the dynamic at play, what IS experience... layers between
actually touching or false partitions that are in the way and also the way to experience...

Still illusive, but quite fun.