Notes on Apapb

First, a quote shared by Eos:

"If the meditator is able to use whatever occurs in his life as the Path, his body becomes a retreat hut." Jigme Lingpa 

It took quite a while before I felt as though I was working at all, with appreciating the presence of appearance as a presentation by/of being", and certainly a while before the exercize began to open up as having to do with all of appearance, all of the time. I am slowly but surely developing a rather intuitive trust in a 'process' that  finds unfolding layers and pages and sheets and sensations now ... spontaneously engaging apapb.

Whether I can articulate notes to share? We'll see :) What I'd like to do here, is relate the more recent notes taken, and gather notes on earlier explorations, on a page attached to this one. 

2009/12/18 - Appearing to hear the rain.. (notes scribbled in the night) 

The sound seems to dissolve partitions... the idea of outside/inside. I let it.
i am not feeling the rain with my hands or my body, but this i'd see as a feeling experience. how so?  It seems mere memory of feeling of water whose falling calls it rain. i feel... where? hitting the ground? thump. thump. The "coolness of the pool" feeling, with the layers of ideas and pictures of things i thought cool... in other sometimes. Is it all 'just' memory and memory 'just' texture? of what. does it need to be of something? 

Noticing components distance dissolves. innumerable sensations... but are any of them 'water'? 'rain'? there is obviously no texture in the texture... If I taste it, the texture seems already memory, too... all memory ... thin thin, transparent, warping almost. dream being? glowy. 

In a dream, often just before one wakes up, things start looking obviousy squidgy. 

--So, i was first swept up into the sound of the rain, and began 'automatically 'peeling back the textures of what is memory, and what is water, and what is the dynamic at play, what IS experience... layers between
actually touching or false partitions that are in the way and also the way to experience...

Still illusive to articulate, but fun.

12/8 - In which I cope with the mall using a light form, I'd say, of apapb...

APAPB- People watching is an incredibe 'exercize'... taking the time to just relax with the appearances of people walking with families, how they hold themselves, pull their clothing together. Today the men in the mall seemed more elegant and attentive with their clothing... a man sitting near me in his espresso and pastry ritual had perfectly shined shoes and slick hair... Then a stunning and voluptuous girl walked by whose demeanor was unapologetic, wearing clothing not flashy but conscious of her curves... A man dressed out of the time, in 80s prep complete with short blonde hair like so many of the boys I knew in highschool, sat near to me, read a little book and checked his phone. I would raise my head and he would lower his...  That went on for a long while before he moved on and I took his seat...the cushy chair I mentioned before.

As always there were mothers and daughters, walking, chatting, and some of them brought their children often dragging along behind.. One little face peeked out of a stroller and looked right through me ...
Some have a unique senses about clothing, and one wonders about the many ways the same shirt can be worn, and why one way seems more special or fancy than another... Some family cultures seem to understand building layers of attentiveness, so that children always have someone to admire their pictures and sing their songs to...

I found a bit of joy and happiness in every little picture, and the setting itself softened a bit. It was still a mall.
And I didn't find the enthusiasm enough to actually buy anything beyond the green tea latte. I did come out with a kind of pleasure though, at the wild ride we're all on, and just how much there is to notice. Dwelling is not only on a particular kind of thing, but also on a setting, and really seems endless, like there is a way to unfold more and more attentively without taking away from time at all to do so. 

Beginning.