This was written for Kira's Ways of Knowing workshop during a week the topic was Anger (and its complements).
Experience
This week I noticed the following experiences.
- A subtle mood of irritability, and under that, frustration, in which I restrained impulses to "lash out" toward others about trivial behaviors. I'd "like" to be more relaxed / loving at this time. It didn't work just to "drop it" or try to adopt an attitude (although it did help to "remember" experiences outside this pattern). I noticed things change, though, as I (a) redirected conversation to topics we both enjoyed, (b) caught up on my sleep so I felt rested and relaxed, (c) took time to make my living space more orderly and aesthetic, and (d) completed a couple of "procrastinated" projects.
- A set of familiar "themes" related to my values and character, desires and aspirations, skills and and capacities (and their deficits, of course). I have certain way(s) of "being in the world". I use (employ. feel comfortable with, and enjoy) knowledge for its practical uses in pursuing positive "values" I "believe in", need, or desire... and notice myself defending this -- getting "effortful", tense or even subtly aggressive -- in social activities where this way of being in the world is not supported. (As an example of this, see the paragraph below starting with "I resist easy formulas...").
- Anger mixed with fear, grief, apathy about broad trends in the world such as environment and social justice. At the same time I sense the contrasting "positive" desires and emotions related to these same issues.
I resist easy formulas and simplifying definitions, especially regarding something as complex as human emotion in its full context. As a general orientation, I like to consider that:
For every reasonable generalization, there's also (1) a contrary or opposite that's also true; (2) a set of conditions needed to maintain it; and (3) another set of conditions working to refute it.
As abstract and intellectual as that sounds, it has emotional underpinnings. I feel oppressed by and actively resist what I interpret as fundamentalism (and dogmatism) in any field. This leads to conflict sometimes, when people are using ideas in an attempt to structure themselves and their social world. I hope to be able to see their positive motivations and achieve some sort of constructive collective relationship.
Beliefs about Anger and Emotions
- It is useful to study / understand phenomena like anger and human emotions in a broad context and to understand the origin and nature of different theories about them.
- Emotions in general and anger / aggression in particular are hugely social constructions, both in theory, and in their actual way of "coming into the world in the moment."
- I'd like anger and emotional studies to be put within a more balanced framework of "positive social psychology" rather than its status as (a) pathologized, and (b) individualized.
- The nature of anger depends on personal factors such as individual biology, character, skills, habits, and "consciousness."
- The meaning and nature of anger is also a social construction and depends on its place, use, and appropriateness.
- Anger is a useful, adaptive mechanism that has helped organisms evolve, adapt, and thrive.
- Many problematical patterns and pathologies also involve anger, but are not "caused by" it.