Notes on Apapb
Table of contents
No headersFirst, a quote shared by Eos:
"If the meditator is able to use whatever occurs in his life as the Path, his body becomes a retreat hut." Jigme Lingpa
Sessions (the following is actually Pema and Maxine, on dreams):
2/7/10
There is a guidance given sometimes when beginning to meditate, to ask questions like 'what color is mind, what shape', and while I have never really found that useful, I wanted to make a note of falling asleep last night, and noticing a bright teal color which changed and moved and seemed to cause 'mind' to stretch farther than it first seemed to. Mind, when I closed my eyes had been like a dome or cave, but seeing the teal, the boundary was just *not* ... was more of an open screen. Noticing the teal, there came the deep blue that I've been drawn to as long as I can remember... in bursts and sparks... then settling. Then just as there was no color and I wanted to fall asleep, a deep red began to seep through. At some point I began to see a kind of flow or partitions... like a diamond view where water is flowing left, but in front of that right, but in front of that backwards and then forwards, yet seeing them together it made sense.
I guess I was just playing, but the effect and energy of the play was a sense of letting in the unexpected... letting "imagination" be even more flexible.
2/11/10
Sensations I normally bundle together have taken on more space, naturally. The first time I was waking and heard talking going on in the kitchen and without trying the sounds and the talking felt to unwravel from each other a bit. Then there were little moments like this which I wasn't exactly conscious of but felt I was beginning to be. Yesterday, first in the shower where without intending I noticed 'hot' separating itself from the water. After, I dove into a bit of reading, in prep for Time workshop. In between the reading and the workshop, I stood outside in the breeze, to wait for my son who now likes to walk part way home from school. It was a little chilly, and I felt the cold as very distinct from the breeze, as distinct from an underlayer of the sun's warmth, as distinct from my skin, as distinct from many other perceptions. Things took on a sheerness which allowed me to experience the in-between freshness in a very 'alive' kind of way.
This day, I sent out in colder-than-usual weather, to take a long walk. I resisted the urge to wear a jacket... just wanted to dive into the weather and 'notice what I noticed'. It was similar... fresh and light and I with a great sense of the world... as though I could feel my feet walking along the ground... as the ground...
The exercize extended itself organically into what I was considering, also, as I saw that I could appreciate, and See that the appreciation is separate from wanting to 'keep' what is appreciated. It was interesting to think that self can try to 'own' appreciation itself as an accomplishment/doing.
2/24/10
I came away from Time Workshop today having talked about not holding onto insights/fear/worries/ dreams/validations/insults/etc., and appreciated that sharing itself can be offering up, too... though maybe doing so becomes more and more refined as one is not the center of the sharing? Then there is *just* the sharing?
Pure Motivation. Truly no formulas. The experience of sharing can be 'pure' for want of a better word, in the same way as the glimpse or hint itself.
My son, on our little walk home today, showed me how to run through deepish puddles without making a splash. It was fascinating to watch. He's worked on walking without sound for a while, but this I thought was new. He tells me he's been doing this since he was six but never thought to show me before. It was a pebble/little bird moment.
3/8/10
Worked with a TSK exercize yesterday... chose as my 'object' a memory of eating grapefruit a few days before... was astounded at how easy it is to step into a so-called 'past' experience from where one is supposedly 'now'. I spent quite a few minutes with the grapefruit, opening up sensations and the playful experience of continuing to eat something I wasn't sure tasted 'good' but tasted so 'different' and 'interesting' that I couldn't help but be more and more curious about those components of it... a 'nice' taste sensation along with all these others and watching my own dance. Hah... looking at it now I'm really struck by how much we already notice that we didn't notice we noticed... how much experience is in every little experience.
I like getting friendly with memory.
06/04/10
Just wanted to test the wiki switch ;-)
07/11/2011
About to go on retreat, just in time. Am feeling grateful yet somewhat frayed these days, possibly a tad discouraged. Stop. Stay with that. Moment ago lost my temper with someone; hours before that, a small car accident; few days before that, a more private situation causing turbulence. Yet admidst these things, somehow presence of mind. Somehow me sitting here, writing in this spot, and thankful for it. Stop. Stay with that. Smiling.