Notes on Apapb
Table of contents
No headersFirst, a quote shared by Eos:
"If the meditator is able to use whatever occurs in his life as the Path, his body becomes a retreat hut."
-Jigme Lingpa
From Email re a thread on metaphor:
In fact, you could say that everything is Being, and when not
recognized as such, becomes hidden as a metaphor.
Something glorious appears, and hits us in an instant, in its naked thereness.
Then we call it a bird, thereby dressing it up in a concept, a kind of metaphor.
We shift from the Isness of the situation to the packaging.
Appreciating the Presence of Appearance as such is an exploration of what
it can be like to live without (i.e. see through the spell of) metaphors.
-Pema
Sessions (the following is actually Pema and Maxine, on dreams):
2/7/10
This day, I sent out in colder-than-usual weather, to take a long walk. I resisted the urge to wear a jacket... just wanted to dive into the weather and 'notice what I noticed'. It was similar... fresh and light and I with a great sense of the world... as though I could feel my feet walking along the ground... as the ground...
The exercize extended itself organically into what I was considering, also, as I saw that I could appreciate, and See that the appreciation is separate from wanting to 'keep' what is appreciated. It was interesting to think that self can try to 'own' appreciation itself as an accomplishment/doing.
2/24/10
I came away from Time Workshop today having talked about not holding onto insights/fear/worries/ dreams/validations/insults/etc., and appreciated that sharing itself can be offering up, too... though maybe doing so becomes more and more refined as one is not the center of the sharing? Then there is *just* the sharing?
Pure Motivation. Truly no formulas. The experience of sharing can be 'pure' for want of a better word, in the same way as the glimpse or hint itself.
My son, on our little walk home today, showed me how to run through deepish puddles without making a splash. It was fascinating to watch. He's worked on walking without sound for a while, but this I thought was new. He tells me he's been doing this since he was six but never thought to show me before. It was a pebble/little bird moment.
3/8/10
Worked with a TSK exercize yesterday... chose as my 'object' a memory of eating grapefruit a few days before... was astounded at how easy it is to step into a so-called 'past' experience from where one is supposedly 'now'. I spent quite a few minutes with the grapefruit, opening up sensations and the playful experience of continuing to eat something I wasn't sure tasted 'good' but tasted so 'different' and 'interesting' that I couldn't help but be more and more curious about those components of it... a 'nice' taste sensation along with all these others and watching my own dance. Hah... looking at it now I'm really struck by how much we already notice that we didn't notice we noticed... how much experience is in every little experience.
I like getting friendly with memory.
07/11/2011
About to go on retreat, just in time. Am feeling grateful yet somewhat frayed these days, possibly a tad discouraged. Stop. Stay with that. Moment ago lost my temper with someone; hours before that, a small car accident; few days before that, a more private situation causing turbulence. Yet admidst these things, somehow presence of mind. Somehow me sitting here, writing in this spot, and thankful for it. Stop. Stay with that. Smiling.
10/08/2011
Sitting at the computer amidst an online meditation. Eyes closed. Son enters the room and walks up next to me, touches my arm. I open my eyes and smile at him so he says "You broke the rules of the game by opening your eyes, and lose 5 life points."
Making note to write soon, about another car accident and all the angles that become apparent in a flash.
10-11-2011
Full Moon. Time to reflect. Some work being done under the surface which doesn't quite crystalize to give away, but also, the desire to follow up on an instinct to write about recent turbulence. After all, we share and encourage one another to share so very much... but when it comes to some of the deepest things, often withdraw.
Sometimes there are 'reasons' to do so... sometimes our stories implicate others or are simply too complex to convey, but often, as in the case of a recent car accident from which i learned a lot, there are tellable things... tangible appreciations. I can give thanks for friends (for one thing) who made space for me to share in afterward, and for what is seen in these defining moments... often deeper than when I'm skimming along (most of the time).
What can open during a complex moment like an accident, or when someone you have opened yourself to gets scared and turns away (at least from what I've noticed lately), is time. Time opens vertically with the rug pulled out from under revealing a bottomless that is terrifying, even while waking you up. Everything is suspended and you can look around, like those frozen film moments My Fair Lady. And while yes, there is perspective of the little things, it isn't that those things suddenly don't matter at all or fall into an 'order' the way one might think they should. The little things become even more important...
Of course, these are just my reflections, but when time opens this way one understands why people talk about many or infinite lifetimes, because one's feeling is that indeed billions of worlds are in play... spinning.... droplets suspended in mid-something. And what comes up is something like "Wait, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to trample over all those stories so sensitively shared, or not ask about your limp that day when you stumbled on the stairs, or hide from your phonecalls."
Earlier today, a precious moment. Someone asked for forgiveness of all those present, for knowing and unknowing offenses. In turn, some of us followed suit. This is the spirit of Yom Kippur, and also of humility in general... knowing that one is riddled with blindspots can open the chance to atone (at one).