Parables and Proverbs

The Centipede and the Toad

The Centipede was happy, quite
Until a Toad in fun
Said "Pray, which leg goes after which?"
This raised her mind to such a pitch
She lay distracted in a ditch
Considering how to Run.

The Nature of Time

Two Zen monks were discussing the nature of Time.

Monk A:  See that flag rippling in the wind?  The flag moves, does it not?

Monk B:  Maybe.

Monk B:  I say, the wind moves.

Monk A:  Maybe.

Just then the Master came by, who had been listening to the conversation.

Master:  No, you idiots!  It is the Mind that moves!

Monk A and Monk B (in unision):  Maybe!

A Way With Words

A new monk walks into a temple....
And is shown to his cell
He asks to see the Master
but is told
"You must meditate!
"You can only see the Master one time per year!
"And then, you may only speak two words, so choose them carefully!"
Consigned to this vow of silence, the monk returned to his cell to sit
A year passed. He meets with the Master.
"Young monk, do you have anything to say?" asks the Master
He replies - "Bad Food!"
and goes back to his cell to sit.
A year passes
He has another meet with the Master.
"What have you to say?"  Asks the Master.
He replies - "Hard Bed!" and then returns to his cell to sit.
Another year passes.
He goes yet again to meet the Master.
"And what have you to say?"  asks the Master
"Cold Tea!" says the monk.
Then the Master finally speaks.
"Young Monk! I'd like to suggest you consider a vocation as a Householder!"
"Since you arrived here, you've done nothing but complain!"

The Nature of Space

A fellow from the city was driving around some country roads trying to find the little town of Aumsville.  Of course, he had a smartphone with GPS but it seemed to be "out of range."  He saw a farmer standing next to a red barn,  and stopped to ask for directions.

City Guy:  Excuse me, is this the road to Aumsville?

The farmer nodded.

Farmer:   Could be.

The city guy thought - I'll take that as a "yes" - and continued in the direction he was headed.  The roads were pretty curvy though.   The road signs were old, and some of them even had bullet holes in them.  After awhile he found himself back at the same place, and the same farmer was standing there.

City Guy:  Sorry mister, I'm lost.  Is this really the road to Aumsville?

The farmer shook his head from side to side.

Farmer:  Could be.

The city guy thought - I'll take that as a "no".  So he reversed his direction and headed the other way.  After not too long, however, he found himself  approaching the same red barn again, with the same farmer standing next to it.  The roads had looked different this time, but they often do when you're going the opposite direction. 

City Guy:  (A bit tensely) Look, I hate to trouble you, but I really need to find my way to Aumsville.  Is this or isn't it the right road?

Farmer:   That depends.

City Guy:   Depends on what, may I ask?

Farmer:   Depends on who.

City Guy:  What depends on who?

Farmer:  No, where depends on who.

City Guy:  I'm confused.

Farmer:  Look, feller - I hardly know you.  What's your business here?  Are you a salesman or a preacher?

City Guy:  Well, that depends...