After - March SL Retreat

I began writing these thoughts at 2am... usually not the smartest thing to do, but in this case maybe right because part of what I'd like to share about concerns over-editing and how to be both honest and kind. Maybe the fog helps with how to convey a *both at once* sort of impression regarding the complexities of retreats and online life in general. :)

First, the weekend 'slightly more structured' retreat that Zen and I co-organized seemed to work well. We were an intimate five: Darren, Gaya, Wol, Zen and myself. We started off with a rather ambitious schedule which we then tapered down slightly on the second day. Quickly, we realized that for five people, 90 minute sessions are just right. Also, of the five of us, four were somewhat uncomfortable physically. If I had to find a label, I might call this a ‘Goldilocks’ retreat.

Finding of our comfort together was an important aspect. We were open about whether we had been distracted during sittings which ranged between 10 and 20 minutes, and open about fatigue/mental wandering. That is what we have in life, after all, whether SL or RL. Two fifteen minute sittings (pauses) within most sessions seemed to settle best, and the time for me, felt quite basic, practical; real.

This group also seemed especially tuned to how our experience might benefit others who organize future retreats in-world, so we took notes.

I found each of our eight sessions to be quite different, with two in particular standing out to my mind as having a particularly beautiful tone and depth of the sort that causes one to marvel. You can’t plan these moments; they are like wild nature watching... crouched into the scenery still as can be; one has just a chance to catch a glance or wink from an exotic creature. These sightings will be forever cherished.

One thing that came up for me to work on is something that I’ve been finding balances with from childhood days, though then I wouldn’t have used this term: not fixing. What does it mean to make room for a totality that includes bliss and irritation and love and confusion, and just stays with that openly... not solving, not hiding... allowing others to have their own interpretations and impressions, not tampering. 

For me, this was a rather formal, possibly even professional feeling retreat, with quite a few tender moments interspersed. Whereas some felt that less 'sharing' suited them best, I realized how big of a part of retreats sharing is for me personally. The safety to let my hair down and let silence do its work, in the same place with the personalities and sharings of friends that I ‘practice’ with, is deeply important to me. The settings and comforts are a few steps removed. The theme of 'context' came up a few times, as also something I'm working with in general, of allowing every setting to reveal its own particular attire.

It was important to take this time, and I’d participate in this kind of structure again. Zen has very good instincts and I’m grateful for his guidance. I hope that he will share a few of the quotes he shared with us along the way. 

Lastly, I'm surprised by the ‘after effects' which for me came soon after we dispersed. Retreats are surprisingly potent, even when they feel like 'nothing going on.' Just stopping has a significant effect. In every retreat I've attended more seems to come up to work with than I could tell from within the setting.

As usual I'd opened the retreat with another ‘well intended’ sort of 'goal' in mind. Silly me. :)