Eliza: Taking a Look

How Do We Play as Being?

When this question came up during retreat I thought "What a funny question."
Funny, because it seems such an obvious one to ask I've not really done so.

So I took at a look at myself... there at the computer...

What am I doing?
What do I value most?

What I saw is that for me, PlayasBeing is very much a Practice, in the same sense of the word
as going to daily Mass might be for a person in another time. I 'prepare' to come to the computer,
to engage with others in an open way... to really listen... often to let Being shine a searchlight on
my heart.

To let down my guards.
To appreciate the company... the warmth.
To play in that. :)

In daily life, we don't often allow ourselves this kind of thing. It seems like a luxury, or an extra...
a vacation from "real life." And as much as we don't easily let ourselves freely explore & converse beyond
the 'usual' havings and doings ("Hi I'm Eliza, the avatar of a mother of three"), we tend to lose sight
of 'others' in exactly the same way ("What do you *think?", even "How do you feel?" )...

So coming to a session is a way to challenge that. Then the further challenge comes in the form of
the nine/ninety second pauses, which continually shine a light on a tendency to escape from that
openness, back into our little boxes of 'what I think I have', or 'what I think I know' ... in other words, for
whatever can measured & packaged in some way... something the little person at the center of the universe,
can *do* something with. :)

So, often in sessions, I pause to see some of the ways that I've been asleep at the wheel ...  there
but not there... to 'come back' to the company I set aside time to enjoy. I wake up... return.
What could be more important than the *person* sitting there with me?

Its a way of going back to the start, in a sense, which I learned this week, is also the way of continually
'starting at the end', right there. :) "Practice" isn't really something that can be packaged, but a living
process with others.

We are all so different, but in some of my favorite sessions we do this with explorations, with noticing our
senses or focusing our attention in some way that can help us to get in contact with our vitality in a more
direct way.

:) So... to sum up (though I could go on and on), during this retreat discussion about what it means to
'play as being', it was beautiful to notice that 'starting at the end' is a vital component of not just a
large-scale kind of "PaB vision", but of each and every session, each and every encounter ... every pause.   

Simple.

We arrive to a session 'ready' to recognize one another, to give benefit of the doubt, first... to deeply listen
and just play/just see what may come. Even our being present in silence, is an open gesture of appreciation,
and of saying that we're here for one another... choosing that moment to moment.

Then... from that place we can certainly enjoy and appreciate all the doings and havings and thinkings.
Not to mention ridiculousnesses and onigokko. :)

being-to-being, expressing Being.

One thing I feel comforted and humored to notice, is that I think we already ARE in the habit of
regarding/honoring the sessions and time with one other. Why else would we feel compelled to type
 "Be right back" when we run to the kitchen for tea? haha

Still, it does seem helpful to dwell on and revisit such a question from time to time.