Eternity and Stillness

When time ceased to exist the offerings of the present moment became clear and my actions, for the first time in a long time, came from a place of deep peace and resolve.  The rest of the comments below are from Sylectra Darwin who was the Guardian for this session.

genesis Zhangsun: I made a very big decision today
stevenaia Michinaga: I would love to hear
genesis Zhangsun: I woke up this morning feeling completely still
genesis Zhangsun: a feeling of complete eternity
genesis Zhangsun: I then went to go take an important exam
genesis Zhangsun: one that I thought was the most important thing in my whole life
genesis Zhangsun: and in the middle of the exam
genesis Zhangsun: in complete calm
genesis Zhangsun: I walked out
genesis Zhangsun: not out of fear
genesis Zhangsun: but the opposite
genesis Zhangsun: I found for the first time I was without fear
genesis Zhangsun: in facing my path
genesis Zhangsun: and realized
genesis Zhangsun: that I had no love for what I was doing
genesis Zhangsun: without fear driving me
genesis Zhangsun: I walked out
Sylectra Darwin: That's amazing.
Adelene Dawner: Yes.
stevenaia Michinaga: sounds like a perfect start
genesis Zhangsun: are you here now Steve ;)
stevenaia Michinaga: yes....smile
Sylectra Darwin: It's amazing how quickly we can make a big change.

The discussion takes a turn into the inner perceptions that cause us to be motivated to make a change. Distinctions are made between thinking and feeling, the mind and the heart.

genesis Zhangsun: feeling something leaves a memory that you never forget
genesis Zhangsun: ideas, information, words those things we forget
genesis Zhangsun: but the things that tug at your heart or open your heart you never forget
Sylectra Darwin: Genesis, would you say this is the connection of the heart, that helps us be more clear about what we want?
genesis Zhangsun: sorry oh yes Sylectra the heart doesn't lie
genesis Zhangsun: I looked into my heart for two hours after I stopped the exam
genesis Zhangsun: in the middle of over a thousand people typing feriously
genesis Zhangsun: it felt like eternity
genesis Zhangsun: to me it was
Sylectra Darwin: A moment of clarity.
genesis Zhangsun: and I let my heart speak to me
genesis Zhangsun: in the middle of all that pressure
genesis Zhangsun: so loud and clear
genesis Zhangsun: I heard it
genesis Zhangsun: I felt there was no other choice
genesis Zhangsun: so I sat in a trance silent and in awe for two hours while others took the exam
genesis Zhangsun: just smiling
genesis Zhangsun: I felt so crazy
genesis Zhangsun: :)
Sylectra Darwin: smiles
Sylectra Darwin: wonderful

genesis Zhangsun: but I felt like it was being that made me sit there in the stillness with the decision
stevenaia Michinaga: I was thinking about what you call courage, and was about to equate it to stillness, but you already did
genesis Zhangsun: :)
Sylectra Darwin: How do courage and stillness relate?
genesis Zhangsun: to be firm you must be still
stevenaia Michinaga: the time to make a decision is in stillness, the refection of the action is courage
stevenaia Michinaga: almost like the smoke trail of the decision
stevenaia Michinaga: that is courage
Sylectra Darwin: But where does the energy for change come from, after the moment of clarity?
genesis Zhangsun: hard to say in a way which came first
Sylectra Darwin: smiles
genesis Zhangsun: it was the chorus
genesis Zhangsun: it came from beyond me
genesis Zhangsun: that is what I know
genesis Zhangsun: because the easier thing for Gen to do would have been to keep going
Sylectra Darwin: Is it a kind of encouragement? Or would you describe it as an urgent feeling?
genesis Zhangsun: but something beyond just Gen held me down
genesis Zhangsun: or maybe not down but with a strong grip
genesis Zhangsun: both
Sylectra Darwin: putting your feet to the fire, so to speak...
genesis Zhangsun: I felt magnetized
genesis Zhangsun: there was no where to go
Sylectra Darwin: Would you all say that there is sort of a feeling of helplessness in the grip of such a force?
stevenaia Michinaga: energy that comes from within is very powerful, usually bringing big smiles along with it
Adelene Dawner is practicing keeping her beak shut and listening.
genesis Zhangsun: yes helpless but in a pleasant way like a child with its mother
genesis Zhangsun: helpless and nurtured at the same time
Sylectra Darwin: Like a boat in a strong current?
genesis Zhangsun: content to be helpless
Sylectra Darwin: Like a lady in a couples dance.

This conversation had me wondering about the difference between surrendering and letting go, so I asked.

Sylectra Darwin: This is in a way about surrender.
stevenaia Michinaga: surrendering or letting go?
Sylectra Darwin: Are they the same?
stevenaia Michinaga: ...wonders
Sylectra Darwin: I am thinking that letting go is something like making it okay to say goodbye to something which no longer works in your life.
stevenaia Michinaga: both decisions with the same result
Sylectra Darwin: And that surrendering is more powerful...maybe it's about listening to Being and doing it without letting the inner Editor stop you.
genesis Zhangsun: i would take away the letting in letting go
genesis Zhangsun: it was already going
genesis Zhangsun: a long time ago
Sylectra Darwin: smiles
genesis Zhangsun: you just saw it
Sylectra Darwin: laughs
Sylectra Darwin: delightful.
genesis Zhangsun: :)
Sylectra Darwin: Maybe they are the same, and it's just semantics separating the two.