2019.06.27 13:00 - Friend of a Friend

 

Raffila Millgrove: hey Tura. how goes it.

Tura Brezoianu: Fine, I was wondering if this was happening today

Raffila Millgrove: when i went to log in... a whole new version..of SL ... installs. sitting outside waiting 10 minutes to get here.

Bleu Oleander: 's current display-name is "Bleu".

Raffila Millgrove: hey bleu.

Bleu Oleander: hi Raffi and Tura

Tura Brezoianu: hi Bleu

Bleu Oleander: how are you both?

Tura Brezoianu: Fine, you?

Raffila Millgrove: eh just told Tura that I had to sit outside waiting 10 minutes cause SL wanted me to have total reinstall. at least i got a decent explain when it finished. conflict identified.. for those with Nvidia graphics cards..

Bleu Oleander: ah ok

Bleu Oleander: is that just for sl viewer?

Raffila Millgrove: appreciate at least getting explain on it, but my system is now so slow.. doesn't really matter much...what my graphics card does or doesn't do. lol

Raffila Millgrove: anyho.. so did you guys get thru the intro and chapter 1 ok?

Bleu Oleander: yes

Tura Brezoianu: yes

Tura Brezoianu: Also a Ted talk by him

 

 

Raffila Millgrove: connections.. bleu.. was this perspective new to you?

Bleu Oleander: in a way yes

Raffila Millgrove: how so?

Bleu Oleander: although thinking back on it I probably have done that instinctively

--BELL--

Bleu Oleander: I also liked the encouragement to re-connect with old friends

Bleu Oleander: we get caught in our bubbles so its nice to break out

Raffila Millgrove: I liked the distinction between the weak tie and the dormant one.. dormant ties being ..a weak tie that used to be stronger. that's where the old friends comes in.

Bleu Oleander: in my business of finding interesting topics for conversation I find sticking to the same sources not so helpful

Raffila Millgrove nods.

Raffila Millgrove: exactly. you all have the same info... and know same people quite a bit.. no newness.

Bleu Oleander: I love running into "weak ties" and catching up ... almost always get new inspirations

Raffila Millgrove: same with you Tura?

Tura Brezoianu: I don't much network at all. There are various people I know, but I don't have much contact day to day.

Tura Brezoianu: I probably should, but my heart is never really in it.

Tura Brezoianu: So this book is about a whole different world to me.

Bleu Oleander: the key for me is not calling it networking LOL

Raffila Millgrove: exactly bleu.

Bleu Oleander: :)

Raffila Millgrove: it sounds odd but I was thinking when writing that blurb about the book to just advise.. do the unthinkable. read the end first.

Bleu Oleander: interesting ... sometimes I do just that

Raffila Millgrove: because the conclusion in a way.. sums up the most important (to me) feature of this book.. which isn't networking.. as we thinkin of it.. new way or old way, but the important of who your friends are and who their friends are.

Bleu Oleander: and the concept of "dormant" ties is interesting too

Raffila Millgrove: how much it's going to matter to you, who else your people know.. and how they are connected and how amazing its going to influence you.

Raffila Millgrove: yes. that dormant tie thing was new to me.... i have been interested in this...area.. since 7th grade.

Bleu Oleander: the element of once trusted source

Raffila Millgrove: and finally there is a definite trend towards decent scientific research. that's the one reason I just was so frustrated by sociology. the dearh of very solid science.

Raffila Millgrove: we could observe, read endless theory.. but really strong research done by scientists. no.

Bleu Oleander: so many variables in sociology research

Bleu Oleander: size of sample, how questions are asked etc.

Raffila Millgrove: it's the question asking. it's horrible.

Bleu Oleander: yes!

Raffila Millgrove: just terrible. which is why that Framingham study is so valuable.

Raffila Millgrove: that data was Not collected by sociologists asking the wrong questions.

Bleu Oleander: right, so makes a big difference

Raffila Millgrove: I have always said that marketing people write the best questionnaires because their job depends on getting correct info...asking the question right, because the results are measurable. it's about selling product or service. you don't theorize.

Raffila Millgrove: you got solid evidence whether you did your market research correctly.

Tura Brezoianu: They have skin in the game.

Bleu Oleander: often the questions are designed to get specific answers

Raffila Millgrove: this is why i am so keen on academics.. that cross departments... the marketing people need to write the questions for the sociology studies.

Raffila Millgrove: this is a reason i really like to read so called business books. it's about money.. the studies are solid cause you make money or you don't.

Raffila Millgrove: lol

Bleu Oleander: ha!

Raffila Millgrove: and this is why I like this book so well, it's about real results, not theories people are trying to prove.

--BELL--

Bleu Oleander: even if your goal is not money I think these concepts can be applied

Raffila Millgrove: my friend is a social science retired professor and he hates it when i attack the softness of social science.. but he really Got it when I convinced him to read this book. he said he wish he had one like it when he was still teaching as he'd assign as a textbook.

Raffila Millgrove: oh totally. money is no object with me.. but it's way useful as a measurement of who asks the right questions.

Bleu Oleander: yes

Raffila Millgrove: when I helped people find jobs.. we knew this.. that it's not the first circle of people you know.. it's the wider and wider ripples.. particularly when you are looking for a niche kind of job.. we knew all this long ago.... tho we had nothing much to back up except the results that if you tried to do this.. go out and out.. in the networks.. you'd eventually get the job you wanted.

Raffila Millgrove: we looked for people.. to recruit.. same way.

Bleu Oleander: yes in some sense its intuitive for people

Raffila Millgrove: yes. we did same in real estate..

Raffila Millgrove: it's not your friends and relatives... it's who they work with, their neighbors etc.

Raffila Millgrove: they try to tell you in real estate.. it's family and relatives.. and friends. no way.. its totally NOT.

Bleu Oleander: once you realize how similar you are to your circle of friends you want to venture beyond them for new ideas

Raffila Millgrove: yep.

Tura Brezoianu: Not who you know, but who they know

Bleu Oleander: yes

Raffila Millgrove: and who those pep

Raffila Millgrove: people know.

Raffila Millgrove: i think its hard at first to ask people to help you find someone else to ask.

Raffila Millgrove: but actually people hate to say NO. they love to say yes..

Bleu Oleander: it becomes easier the more you do it

Raffila Millgrove: so.. they will walk nextdoor and ask their neighbor.. listen.. who do you know.. can you put me in touch with someone for this?

Raffila Millgrove: it is really easy in fact as people hate to say. no i don't know anyone.

Raffila Millgrove: no i can't help you. if you say.. could you ask your neighbors? they go.. oh sure. you say.. could you ask at work? they say. no problem.

Raffila Millgrove: then you say. super. I will call you next week.

Raffila Millgrove: that's how you do it. you can do hundreds of this in one wek.

Bleu Oleander: just don't call it 'networking' LOL

Raffila Millgrove: naturally. you call it.. can you help me.. or can you help this friend of mine?

Bleu Oleander: I think most people genuinely want to help if asked

Raffila Millgrove: the PTA and I had running battle of these gd cookies. i am not baking cookies.. well now i do as I finally am two months retired so i can back a cookies but in the old days. no way.... and once i was so desperate to get some home baked cookies that I am at a friends house and i ask her neighbor.. a total stranger to me.. say.. I hear you are great at cookie baking. i need some. would you bake them for me. she goes. sure how many do you need.

Bleu Oleander: in the book, does he discuss ways to connect? via email, calls, inperson? and which is the best stragegy?

Raffila Millgrove: great question.

Raffila Millgrove: because.. he is having you try to talk to people on phone which seems so difficult. i think he is "off".

Bleu Oleander: yes

Raffila Millgrove: because no one wants to talk on phone. no one.

Bleu Oleander: exactly

Raffila Millgrove: i would rewrite all that contact stuff.. and cut to the chase which is this..

Bleu Oleander: and email can seem so cold, lacking feeling

Raffila Millgrove: go out to this and that. everything you can think of. .. and get Face to Face.

Bleu Oleander: I agree!

Raffila Millgrove: stores, grocery store, library. anywhere. anything.

Raffila Millgrove: go out and talk to people. in person.

Raffila Millgrove: this was the start of chapter one. those guys met at a wedding reception of mutual high school friends.

Bleu Oleander: of course if you're trying to re-connect with people its hard to just run into them

Raffila Millgrove: he seem not to read his own expample.

Raffila Millgrove: yeah but if you read facebook. you get some ideas of how you might.. reconnect. in person.

Tura Brezoianu: People have various preferences. I like email because I can take as long as I like to think about what I want to say..

Raffila Millgrove: you can at least text someone.. can I meet you here or there.

Bleu Oleander: that's true

Bleu Oleander: I find many people don't answer emails either these days

Raffila Millgrove: or.. you figure where they work now thru linked in.. and you say.. i gotta go to this appt in your neighborhood. could we meet for breakfast before work by your office.. a coffee.. a lunch.. drink after work? like that.

Bleu Oleander: really seems mostly social media

Raffila Millgrove: cause you just gotta get face to face. you will not .. reconnect if you are trying to fool aout with social media. you have to get that face to face.

--BELL--

Raffila Millgrove: you can use the social media huge to figure out the how you want to approach them.. and where they are etc.. but not for actually connecting.

Bleu Oleander: yes

Raffila Millgrove: lot of people love that DM on facebook.

Raffila Millgrove: i reconnected with the personal message on LinkedIn.

Raffila Millgrove: my daughter.. we get very uptight on her and say.. well forget text phone or email. you got emergency to reach her.. use DM on FB.

Raffila Millgrove: btw did he talk about this in the ted talk Tura?

Tura Brezoianu: I think the Ted talk covered pretty much the Amazon snippet

Raffila Millgrove: ah. just the idea of redefining what networking really is?

Tura Brezoianu: Yes, with stories like the woman who got to be CIO of the NFL that way

Raffila Millgrove: personally i hate using the word.. as bleu said.. connecting and reconnecting seems more neutral and less .. creepy.

Bleu Oleander: yes less intimidating

Raffila Millgrove: totally.

Raffila Millgrove: nicer. sweeter and more accurate really.

Bleu Oleander: yes

Bleu Oleander: I must go ... very busy in rl today

Raffila Millgrove: do you think maybe Riddle and some others will join us next week?

Bleu Oleander: nice to see you both and thanks for this suggestion Raffi

Raffila Millgrove: bleu do you have time to say.. what you think I should put in the post I will need to put up?

Raffila Millgrove: for those who didn't come.

Bleu Oleander: one thing is that the topic is more interesting than you think it is :)

Bleu Oleander: and that we're just beginning

Raffila Millgrove: ok. lol I will quote you!

Bleu Oleander: I will send out my art exhibition notice on monday

Bleu Oleander: "Connections"

Raffila Millgrove: thanks.. excellent. hugs and have a great weekend. ty for coming.

Bleu Oleander: ok hugs

Tura Brezoianu: bye Bleu

Bleu Oleander: bfn

Raffila Millgrove waves bye to bleu.

Raffila Millgrove: so Tura.. did you think this went ok today?

Raffila Millgrove: our discussion?

Tura Brezoianu: Yes, ok.

Raffila Millgrove: ok well if you don't it's fine.. it's best to know if we should tweak a bit.. d you have any tweak suggests?

Tura Brezoianu: You mentioned the order of reading, is that something to change, rather than chapter by chapter as we usually do?

Raffila Millgrove: well i am going to do what i considered and said.. tell everyone to read the conclusion.

Raffila Millgrove: and i am not sure about changing order of chapters. we could skip some if we didn't care about it> why would you change order? is there a reason you think it should be different?

Raffila Millgrove: (ps i think the intro is very boring)

Tura Brezoianu: I'm still waiting for my copy to arrive, so I haven't seen anything but the snippet.

Raffila Millgrove: k

Raffila Millgrove: ..well i am having to reread the whole thing even tho it was only 1 yr ago i first read it. i realize.. that i keep remembering.. all these.. other thoughts.. and pause to think on things.. that happened long ago.. it's kinda neat actually to remember... when I had huge careers. lol

Raffila Millgrove: i feel better about my life.. for reading this stuff and comparing it to experiences I had in working life.

Raffila Millgrove: cuase it makes me remember amazing stuff I was involved in.. people i knew.

Raffila Millgrove: they are all dead naturally. so reconnecting is pointless.. but it sure is fun to go back in memory.

--BELL--

Raffila Millgrove: you know that study.. that paper that i quoted all the time... Weak Ties.. it was first pubished in 1973! this guys ideas are Not new.. but they are new only in sense that science finally backing up ... those ideas.

Raffila Millgrove: they say that study is quoted all the time.... the paper on Weak Ties..

Raffila Millgrove: from 1973. i loved seeing that. cuase this is such old stuff.. reworked and backed up.. it's cool.. to see.. ah ha. that person who taught me this and that.. was Right!

Tura Brezoianu: Just downloaded it!

Raffila Millgrove: that 1973 paper?

Tura Brezoianu: Yes

Raffila Millgrove: oh that is so cool. please.. if you read it.. will you share with us next week your impressions on it???

Tura Brezoianu: Ok

Raffila Millgrove: fab. i gotta run. thank you so much for coming!

Tura Brezoianu: bye Raffi

Raffila Millgrove waves to Tura.