b. San (Santoshima)

I met San at the most wonderful little spot for an interview. San had created a little cloudlike base with a huge rainbow surrounding us, almost hugging us.

Adams Rubble: This is a really neat spot you have created :)

San (santoshima): thank you
Adams Rubble: OK, if we are ready, here goes
San (santoshima): ready set go

Adams Rubble: I would like to start with your name, Santoshima. You do not seem to have discussed your name Santoshima or Santoshi Ma at any Play as Being sessions. Does your name have special meaning for you or was the choice one of those spur of the moment decisions?

San (Santoshima):  It seemed not something to discuss at PaB, as the name implies a practice/identification with a quality, and for me, as wobbly in the practice, discussing seemed counter. (Also the question never came up before now, and didn't think anyone would be interested) The name was intentional, and was considered, as at the time of choosing I was trying to know more clearly an understanding of ‘contentment’, Santosha. It was pleasing to know that she had manifested for many as a goddess form (new form, old goddess), and had made a splash in India as a character in a Bollywood movie (haven't seen yet). So San's name is a reminder of engagement with a quality of Santosha, to whatever capacity is possible at any moment.

Adams Rubble: What a nice way to use the opportunity to choose one's own name! Contentment and gratitude make wonderful practices in themselves.
San (santoshima): yes
Adams Rubble: As you can see I was not so careful with my own name :)
San (santoshima): your name is quite dignified
Adams Rubble: thank you. The rubble part reminds me of my thoughts
San (santoshima): ah! reminds me of Flintstones, a little ...
San (santoshima): Barney ...
San (santoshima): :)
Adams Rubble: Barney was taken :)

Adams Rubble: You first attended a session in mid 2011 after coming into Second Life about a month before. What brought you to Second Life and how did you find Play as Being?

San (Santoshima):  At that time, I was looking for someone specific who came here to PaB. A mutual friend, who was a Guardian, invited me to PaB in that effort.

So I came to see what PaB was about, learned how to move the avatar, how to sit, how to walk, watched the animated breath of the place of SL in trees, sky, grasses, and breath movement of the avatars, the movement that was part of the drawn environment. Mostly was sitting San outside the PaB pavilion at night. Getting a sense of the feelings stimulated by the place. (Was literally dizzy after turning off the computer, having watched the animated breath for long periods of hours.) and then I started to have conversations with the occasional avatars hanging out there (we seemed to have a shared setting of ’night’ as they were speaking of the stars and the dark). All that was a delight and opening in a way that was unexpected. When I felt confident enough, such that I could move San around in space, watch the text and respond in text in a timely fashion, was be able to move the camera around to see what other avatars were up to … then I came to that first meeting.

Adams Rubble: It is good to be reminded how awkward it felt when we first came into Second Life.
San (santoshima): yes, it's a steep learning curve for some
Adams Rubble: I was pretty much adapted by the time I came to PaB over six months later

Adams Rubble: I have been struck with the thoughts you expressed in the July 27, 2011 session in a discussion with Pema (https://wiki.playasbeing.org/Chat_Logs/2011/07/2011.07.27_13%3a00_-_Ordinary_Experience_is_Astonishing). You seemed to be setting out some goals for your future "experimentation" or "exploration" in Play as Being or Second Life. Is that correct, and, if so, how has that gone?

San (Santoshima):   Probably at that first meeting (for me) was more than I have spoken at any PaB meeting. It was a true pleasure to meet Pema, Storm, and Korel on that day.

That conversation certainly set some ripple effects. it nurtured a sense that I could explore knowing myself better by engaging in the PaB group. Then I came to be involved with Original Face meetings, which allowed for more ease: partly due to no public record of the conversations, but also because of an established format (meditation+themed conversation), and gradually a trust built toward the group as a whole established over time. The PaB wiki was a little bit of a deterrent for me, and still is.

Adams Rubble: A number of people have talked about preferring  "Original Face" but I have not attended a session at least yet. Perhaps it is too late now that everyone is established there. Public recording has been a topic of discussion on and off. Of course, as a group we always seem to be letting personal subjects slip into the conversations. When I was experimenting with the tools Pema provided us, and making progress toward dropping attachments, Pema encouraged me in the sense that my experiences would be a help to others. I don't know if my struggles ever did aid anyone but I drank the cool-aid so to speak :). Pema always viewed the wiki as our lab notes.

San (santoshima): yes, they are useful
San (santoshima): I do read them, and read them more at the beginning of attending PaB meetings.
San (santoshima): read them like scripts, and found some instructive things in them as well.
Adams Rubble: There are lots of good nuggets and often teachings there
San (santoshima): yes that's true

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Note: San did an exhibition of her Second Life artwork that was up during the time this interview was recorded:

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San (Santoshima):  Mostly I’m thinking in pictures, and to express in text in groups was —not so much a challenge, I can do it as necessary—but I had some resistance to it. Maybe more just lack of confidence/experience with it when first at PaB.

It's not so much an issue at present, and that is because of this PaB engagement.

Really, the view remains as on that day, just I'm more sure, and really very grateful to be alive.

My plan is that I aim to make images within SL, and related to PaB that can allow for some reminder of freshness for others and for myself. that is a rough way of saying it. And to bring that freshness to all activities, wherever.

Adams Rubble: Now that I have seen your photos in your latest exhibit, I can begin to understand what your thinking looks like in pictures.
Adams Rubble: :)
San (santoshima): oh :)
Adams Rubble: It is a wonderful exhibition
San (santoshima): thanks so much Adams

I ask San about the nine second practice

Adams Rubble: Have you practiced Pema's nine second meditations?
San (santoshima): yes
Adams Rubble: :)
Adams Rubble: Might we compare notes on that a bit?
San (santoshima): sure
Adams Rubble: of course it is tough to practice them with an alarm clock :)))
San (santoshima): oh yes
Adams Rubble: whoops without an alarm clock
San (santoshima): i measure usually with breath
Adams Rubble: ohhhhh
San (santoshima): a full cycle mostly does the span
Adams Rubble: what do you do for the fifteen minutes part?
San (santoshima): pretty much the same. stay quiet, stay with the breath. observe whatever comes forward in thoughts. watch that
Adams Rubble: I used to have a timer at work
San (santoshima): did that help with practice?
Adams Rubble: the bell would remind me to stop
San (santoshima): yes
Adams Rubble: I realize now I was doing kind of a Nyngma meditation
San (santoshima): true, and many other names for it
Adams Rubble: stopping and becoming aware of what i was doing and what was going on around me
San (santoshima): yes
Adams Rubble: It was a helpful practice but i have not learned to do it without a timer
San (santoshima): ahha!
San (santoshima): timers are good reminders
San (santoshima): and after a while, they can be thrown away
Adams Rubble: It is amazing to me that you can do it without them
Adams Rubble: wow!
San (santoshima): well, my day is pretty structured
San (santoshima): and maybe I am not keeping time properly ... I don't stop to check that.
Adams Rubble: We do not have to be slaves to the timer :))))
San (santoshima): that seems so :)
Adams Rubble: I am so glad I asked that question, San :)
Adams Rubble: that is an inspiration
San (santoshima): and I am too, Adams.
San (santoshima): the practice is simple, one can do it anywhere and during any outward activity.
Adams Rubble: yes!

Adams Rubble: How do your RL practices affect Play as Being or vice versa?

San (Santoshima):   I have a practice that is meditation, mantra, visualization (some of which I find myself doing in SL, in builds and sometimes in dressing the visualized doll that is San, in relating, certainly), Asana and Pranayama. I rely on certain teachers, over many years now. I am a (very) lazy practitioner.  So have had to learn to have patience to allow for playing, so that sometimes all of this becomes recognized as dream and as play.

Adams Rubble: I have not done yoga at all but I do know a bit about wearing avatars as a visualization :). Obviously yoga has a physical component but for the metal aspects. have you as an avatar done yoga in Second Life? Is it possible?

San (santoshima): well, sure there are animations for all kinds of contortions, and asanas. i have many in inventory.
San (santoshima): and I wandered into a somewhat nightmare of a yoga studio here once.
San (santoshima): Perhaps only in attitude,
San (santoshima): as Asana and Pranayama are only two of the 8 limbs.
San (santoshima): Asana is experiential
San (santoshima): one needs to move and to engage fully to practice
San (santoshima): also the effects are cumulative
San (santoshima): so no time like the present to start, Adams!
Adams Rubble: :)
San (santoshima): SL is sitting at a computer, mouse or track pad at hand
San (santoshima): sitting posture can be practiced, i think
San (santoshima): awareness in that
Adams Rubble: yes it works better with meditation by definition
Adams Rubble: visualize avatars sitting :)
San (santoshima): ahha :)
San (santoshima): I slump too much when working in SL, so to sit well really has a profound effect overall
Adams Rubble checks RL posture
Adams Rubble: me too
Adams Rubble: :)
San (santoshima): hehe

Adams Rubble: Adams Rubble: How has Play as Being changed since you arrived in 2011?

San (Santoshima):    Notably, there are fewer meetings, there seems to be less of a mutual understanding of the pauses, but how to measure that? no need. I wonder if all are engaged with that when at the meetings. I wonder if I am.  likely, some do, some don’t. it’s a quite useful practice. its simplicity is wonderful.

Seems important that new people coming to the pavilion are invited to know more about the technique ... although these days I’m not involved in hosting any of the sessions.

At least i can say for myself, that it's important and useful to have some regular moments of non-identification with self, and i am guessing that is so for most.

Adams Rubble: Thank you, the question and your answer is an important part of updating the Chronicles
Adams Rubble: I have found the interest in experimentation waning
Adams Rubble: That about wraps us up unless you'd like to take a crack at the question(s) I forgot to ask :)
San (santoshima): oh, uhm, no! thanks so much Adams, it's been a true pleasure to chat with you
Adams Rubble: I wish we had been at more sessions together :)
San (santoshima): yes, well likely i would have been the silent one. this is great to talk together now
Adams Rubble: I have difficulty in the more crowded sessions; I think too slowly and the conversation flies away before i can form an answer
San (santoshima): ditto
Adams Rubble: I prefer the smaller sessions, especially when 2 people
San (santoshima): that's so for me as well
Adams Rubble: well I guess this is our paB session then :)))
San (santoshima): yeah, :))
Adams Rubble: and again thank you for doing this.