Day 12

Be careful driving Eliza. I remember how dangerous Florida freeways were in heavy rain!

A friend came to see me and we had a breakfast in a local restaurant. He is getting interested in fishing and was showing me some equipment he has. I feel myself being drawn to try that again. It's so strange but I remember spending whole days fishing when I was still working full-time, but now that I am retired I don't seem to have time for it! It was a nice sunny day and the cold wind has dropped a little, so I felt drawn to sit outside in the sun and chat for an hour.

I have an old computer that I don't use and it is becoming a nuisance to keep updating it so I felt it would be a good idea to give it to someone. I have spent a lot of the afternoon reformatting the hard drive. I am more worried about people getting access to personal information than losing the computer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQQ3BdjCc4I&feature=youtube_gdata_player <-- Interruption? Or opening?

It is amazing how what seems a fairly straight-forward process becomes so easily convoluted in dealing with car repairs and rentals. There are the prices you see, charges for accepting those prices, and then hidden costs... all the while you are dealing with a person who is "only doing their job," and that's true. Sometimes they are doing their job in a way that also cares what a tough blow you may be experiencing (whether real or imagined), and sometimes not.

Though the interaction is flawed... which may be always, there is no need for an "enemy" or "other" there, yet there seems to be the residue in most people of being treated like an other. If we could see the subtext perhaps we would see stage directions such as "___ waits to smile until she is sure he takes her seriously..."

Have been thinking about the "pain body" since yesterday... how impossible it is to reason with a pain body. Somehow in my heart of hearts I wish/hope/desire that the care to, is enough. So I don't have a story of openings to share (yet?), but maybe these noticings are that too... openings with wide or big picture implications. edited 16:31, 2 Apr 2013

A deep and meaningful conversation moves to wounded ground and acknowledgement is made, a start of healing wounds left open for far to long. Awareness creates opportunity for change, stopping creates awareness, opening the doors long held shut for fear of the monsters hidden within. Only to find there are no monsters. Only pain held tight long after the wound had partially healed. Full healing may now be possible with hard work and acceptance of what was. The past can not be changed only acknowledged, the present can change as awareness is created.

There are so much opportunities for gaps, all you have to do is allow them in. And when you find yourself resisting, this is an opportunity to open up even more.
So why do I do this so little? I even hardly do the 9 seconds nowadays *blush*. Well, I can always start again. And again.

I'm walking to the Halifax on Rails get together at Rogue's Roost when I notice this bunch of starlings by the side of the sidewalk, digging their beaks into what looks like freshly turned over earth. They seem very engaged, and don't move away even when I get quite close. It seems a little odd. They are very busy, but also glistening and looking round and well-fed. I settle in the gift of strangeness. A little further down there is just one starling, who doesn't move away when I get really close. Maybe it's the weather - above zero during the day, then chilling to below at night - and he or she is getting slowed down? But no, this bird is very alert, and nods its head and looks around when I talk and whistle with it.

I thank the bubble we share, and move on.

I am only writing about this a day later ....sometimes I don't find the time to sit and write about the day's exercise ... it does need a quiet moment when I can sit in peace and reflect a bit .... also it does take a bit of effort to try and express myself in English. The day was spent with lots of aimlessness ... I like that because aimlessness often leads me to something really nice, creative and new.