The Guardian for this meeting was druth Vlodovic. The comments are by druth Vlodovic.

Bruce Mowbray: 's current display-name is "Bruce".
druth Vlodovic: lol, love the av bruce

(it was a sort of robot thing with a planet earth for a head)
Bruce Mowbray: Heya, druth!
druth Vlodovic: the world being carried by a vacuum
Bruce Mowbray: Ha ha!
Bruce Mowbray: I never realized before that the blue and brown cushions have different postures.
druth Vlodovic: I think each has several
Bruce Mowbray: Ahh!
Bruce Mowbray: WOW!
Bruce Mowbray: I've been here four years and never realized that!
Bruce Mowbray:
Bruce Mowbray:
druth Vlodovic: you're a tourist in your new seeming
Bruce Mowbray: Indeed, I am!
druth Vlodovic: seeing all the things you merely knew before
Bruce Mowbray: Yikes!
Bruce Mowbray:
Bruce Mowbray: I can no longer wave at folks, though.
druth Vlodovic: you have to see the manufacturer about hands
Bruce Mowbray: Nods.
Bruce Mowbray: This is actually a construction -- half-made by my typist.
druth Vlodovic: oh neat!
Bruce Mowbray: The globe was his idea.
Bruce Mowbray: My feet are sometimes confused -- thought to be speakers.
Bruce Mowbray: and I can no longer bow...
--BELL--
druth Vlodovic: blub diving into the ocean
Bruce Mowbray: Yes, the new me has Blub very confused.
Bruce Mowbray: And the green fish disappeared altogether.
Bruce Mowbray: LOike cats during an earthquake.
Bruce Mowbray: Like*
Bruce Mowbray: I can't even find the green fish in my inventory anymore.
druth Vlodovic: I can lend you my rod
druth Vlodovic: we could secretly set the fountain up as a 7seas spot ;->
Bruce Mowbray: Adjusting the globe give whole new meaning to "getting one's head straightened out."
Bruce Mowbray: Hmmm. Cool!
druth Vlodovic: meh.I haven't been here in ages, and without a theme I'm not sure what we "ought" to be talking about
Bruce Mowbray: Well, I will ask if you think having a party for Aph on Wednesday would be a good idea -- in Original Face, I mean (since Wednesday is her birthday.)
druth Vlodovic: it'd be nice just to meet casually but places without purpose in SL tend to get deserted
druth Vlodovic: hmm, maybe before or after
Bruce Mowbray: Yes, before feels better, to me.
Bruce Mowbray: I will bring a cake.
Bruce Mowbray: (if I can find one.)
druth Vlodovic: I'm sure I have party hats
Bruce Mowbray:
Bruce Mowbray:
druth Vlodovic: there, you're claimed, stop whining
Bruce Mowbray: May I share something personal with you,
Bruce Mowbray: about my typist?
druth Vlodovic: umm, sure, of course this is a very public place
Bruce Mowbray: Well, my typist can't hear us.

Bruce Mowbray: It's about self-esteem...
Bruce Mowbray: actually, that might better be stated "self-hate" or "self-loathing."
druth Vlodovic: ok
Bruce Mowbray: He's done that his entire life.
Bruce Mowbray: VERY depressing, as I'm sure you can understand it might me.
druth Vlodovic: distressingly common in this day and age :/
Bruce Mowbray: It got especially bad this year... during the spring.
druth Vlodovic: I understand how it is
Bruce Mowbray: Yes, destressingly common, for sure.
Bruce Mowbray: distressingly*
Bruce Mowbray: Anyway, he decided to take the bull by the horns, as it were,
Bruce Mowbray: and more or less forced himself into a new habit:

Bruce Mowbray: Everytime some self-sabotaging thought occurred to him, some self-hating thought -
Bruce Mowbray: he said (mentally, not outload), "I am a good person."

druth Vlodovic: does it work?
Bruce Mowbray: It was VERY hard to do that at first.
Bruce Mowbray: Well, that's what I wanted to share..
Bruce Mowbray: I think objectively speaking,
Bruce Mowbray: he still despises himself on some level,
Bruce Mowbray: but some remarkable things have happened.

Bruce Mowbray: One of them is his dreams.
Bruce Mowbray: His dreams used to be horrible.
Bruce Mowbray: He'd wake up deeply depressed and dissatisfied,
Bruce Mowbray: because figures from his past - now dead-
Bruce Mowbray: would appear and chastise him severely,
Bruce Mowbray: or he'd lose at something,
Bruce Mowbray: fail at everythiing.
Bruce Mowbray: You know what I'm trying to say... I think.
druth Vlodovic: yes
Bruce Mowbray: Anyway, a few days after he started with his more positive affirmations,
Bruce Mowbray: the dreams made a radical shift.
Bruce Mowbray: for the better.
druth Vlodovic: oh?
Bruce Mowbray: The same old figures still appeared (deceased individuals with whom my typist had not finished business in life),
--BELL--
Bruce Mowbray: but they were no longer confrontational or judgmental toward him.
Bruce Mowbray: But even more remarkable than that -- for the first time in decades he is able to recall his dreams in detail now. (I think he had been repressing them before... )
druth Vlodovic: for good reason it seems :)
Bruce Mowbray: He used to forget everything but small slivers of dreams before.
Bruce Mowbray: yes.

Bruce Mowbray: Anyway, he's is also to "mend" some old memories that had always repressed him,
Bruce Mowbray: especially about family members no longer living.
Bruce Mowbray: a sort of post-mortem reconciliation, perhaps.
druth Vlodovic: this is a remarkable result
Bruce Mowbray: The dreams are really helping with that.

Bruce Mowbray: Yes, that's why I'm sharing it with you -- since no one else is here, and it is rather private,
Bruce Mowbray: almost embarrassing, in fact.
druth Vlodovic: must have taken quite a bit of awareness and willpower to keep it up at first
Bruce Mowbray: It did.
Bruce Mowbray: But my typist couldn't handle the despair any more.
Bruce Mowbray: Something had to be done.
Bruce Mowbray: Something so simple...
druth Vlodovic: as options go it seems you found a good one
Bruce Mowbray: He felt a bit stupid at first.
Bruce Mowbray: Yes, and it is still having positive results....
Bruce Mowbray: He feels more energy now, is able to do more physical stuff.
Bruce Mowbray: After his hospitalization three years ago, I thought we might be going to lose him altogether, actually.
Bruce Mowbray: He was just a shadow of his former self...
Bruce Mowbray: and was collecting more ammunition for self-hate -- all along the way,
Bruce Mowbray: in the most bizarre places.
Bruce Mowbray: Even at a real life PaB retreat in Nova Scotia.
Bruce Mowbray: Bummer.
druth Vlodovic: it is odd how we do that
Bruce Mowbray: But that was ALL HIM -- not the good people who were there with him.
Bruce Mowbray: Yes!
Bruce Mowbray: We tend to see the world as we see ourselves...
Bruce Mowbray: Laughable and pitiful at the same time.
druth Vlodovic: and we tend to adjust our perception to make the world the way we think it is
Bruce Mowbray: So, now you have a fuller explanation of my head...
Bruce Mowbray: (my new head.)
druth Vlodovic: :)
Bruce Mowbray: "I am the world! I am the children, etc etc etc.. I am the one who makes a better day!"
druth Vlodovic: I think I'll try it
Bruce Mowbray: I've only come to appreciate Michael Jackson's genius after his death.
druth Vlodovic: I have been taking pills but they only work to a certain degree

druth Vlodovic: and do nothing to change habits
Bruce Mowbray: Well, for me anyway, a certain abount of desperation seemed to be required.
Bruce Mowbray: I mean, I don't think my typist would have done it unless he had realized he was spiraling downward.
druth Vlodovic: was that Michael Jackson?
Bruce Mowbray: yes,
Bruce Mowbray: Michael Jackson.
Bruce Mowbray: and a whole lot of other singers,

druth Vlodovic: a lot of entertainers seem to suffer various degrees of depression etc
Bruce Mowbray: famous ones like Bob Dylan,,,, etc etc etc.
Bruce Mowbray: Yes!
druth Vlodovic: I wonder how much of civilization has been shaped by it.,and our coping mechanisms for it
Bruce Mowbray: Oh!
Bruce Mowbray: You've just reminded me of something else that happened.
Bruce Mowbray: My typist has had chronic insomnia for over two decades.
Bruce Mowbray: requiring Lorazapam to be able to sleep.
Bruce Mowbray: just one mg, but without it he won't sleep for three nights in a row,
Bruce Mowbray: goes literally crazy for lack of sleep.
Bruce Mowbray: but now, he is sleeping like a baby.
Bruce Mowbray: GO FIGURE!
druth Vlodovic: nice
Bruce Mowbray: OH YEASSSSSS!
druth Vlodovic: maybe the dreams are why you didn't want to go to sleep
Bruce Mowbray: I am SURE of that.

Bruce Mowbray: We discussed that at length in Maxine's dreams session on Tuesdays.
Bruce Mowbray: But that has gone out of existence now.
druth Vlodovic: I figure each one of us are a community of personalities and such
Bruce Mowbray: FOR SURE we are...
druth Vlodovic: I'll have to look up the log
Bruce Mowbray: IMy typist once named 12 different selves, actually,
Bruce Mowbray: as part of a men's group project he was doing,
druth Vlodovic: just don't start switching dominant ones =8O
Bruce Mowbray: along with the other men in the group.
Bruce Mowbray: The major project was to get the fvarious selves to recognize and tolerate each other,
Bruce Mowbray: without having to split...
--BELL--
Bruce Mowbray: just get them all to sit around a roundtable and be conscious of each other without judgment or loathing.
Bruce Mowbray: My typist sent Aphrodite a chart with all of the selves -- which my typist put together in the early '90's. He also sent her a book: "The Missing Piece" by Claudia Black.
druth Vlodovic: a novel?
Bruce Mowbray: I don't mean to hold you here.
Bruce Mowbray: Thanks so much for listening, druth.
druth Vlodovic: it is hard to hold someone against their will in SL
Bruce Mowbray: No, it is a sort of self-help psychology book.
Bruce Mowbray: Claudia Black is famous for family therapy and addiction issues, actually.
druth Vlodovic: neat
Bruce Mowbray: Well, it sure changed my life, I can tell you that.
druth Vlodovic: I've been watching the various personalities and interractions at work lately
Bruce Mowbray listens closely....
druth Vlodovic: how personalities tend to get defined in simple terms, but not necessarily held to that
druth Vlodovic: some people are very definate on who they interract with and how
druth Vlodovic: but most are quite open
druth Vlodovic: of course work is a good example because you aren't choosing your coworkers
druth Vlodovic: and there is no real common interest or even background
druth Vlodovic: it goes beyond tolerance
Bruce Mowbray: nods, agrees.
druth Vlodovic: acceptance i guess
druth Vlodovic: was just thinking it seems a matter of bringing this attitude "inside"
Bruce Mowbray: So, we relate to folks according to the "boxes" we put them in, then?
druth Vlodovic: not so much
Bruce Mowbray: (or the frames they put US in?)
druth Vlodovic: the people who do tend to fit themselves very tightly into boxes
Bruce Mowbray: nods, has had that experience, too.
druth Vlodovic: but I have found that most people will approach others with a reasonably open mind even if they already have a box for them
druth Vlodovic: of course,learning who to trust is a big one
Bruce Mowbray: nods, giving others the benefit of any doubt, as it were.....
druth Vlodovic: I think trust is the biggest divider on how to interract with others
Bruce Mowbray: Trusting is a really big one,
Bruce Mowbray: especially when you feel you've been betrayed....
druth Vlodovic: sometimes it isn't a good idea
Bruce Mowbray: for sure.
Bruce Mowbray: My typist tends to be WAYYY TOOOO trusting,
Bruce Mowbray: especially when he goes into big cities,
druth Vlodovic: but odd habits and weird ways of living don't seem to separate people as much as you'd think
Bruce Mowbray: like New York and Chicago.
druth Vlodovic: I wonder how much our perceptions of judgementalism have been affected by the stories we are told on TV and movies,or in books
Bruce Mowbray: It's easier for him to relate freely wiith folks on airplanes and sidewalks than it is in more regular situations, like work,,,,
druth Vlodovic: where things are exaggerated and conflicts are necessary to make people care
Bruce Mowbray listens.
Bruce Mowbray: Hmmm. drama drama everywhere?
druth Vlodovic: yes,you can'tbe judged by who you sit next to on a plane
Bruce Mowbray: Right.
druth Vlodovic: then we learn that drama is normal
Bruce Mowbray: Hmmm.
druth Vlodovic: maybe it isn't as ubiquitous as we are taught
Bruce Mowbray: In most fictional stories -- novels, movies, etc, drama and conflict are needed to give meaning to the plot, though.
Bruce Mowbray: Perhaps we are even biologically set up for drama,
druth Vlodovic: it is a cheap and easy way yes, hard to do without
Bruce Mowbray: since recognizing danger was crutial to our survival for a long long while.
druth Vlodovic: I have been reading short stories by Ray Bradbury, quite the experience
druth Vlodovic: well
Bruce Mowbray: OHHH! I met (my typist met) Bradbury in 1971.
druth Vlodovic: consider reality TV
Bruce Mowbray: at Disneyland!
druth Vlodovic: neat,did you get a chance to talk to him?
Bruce Mowbray: My typist taught the MARTIAN CHRONICLES to 8th graders for seven years!
druth Vlodovic: lucky :)
Bruce Mowbray: I got his autograph,
Bruce Mowbray: and also Frank Herbert and Harlan Ellison.
Bruce Mowbray: It was a CATE conference,
druth Vlodovic: CATE?
Bruce Mowbray: California Association of Teachers of English.
Bruce Mowbray: Just before my typist left California and moved to the farm in Ohio, actually.
Bruce Mowbray: a good send-off for him.
druth Vlodovic: sort of back to my point :)
Bruce Mowbray: listens,,,,'
druth Vlodovic: when we look at reality TV we see a bunch of people we wouldn't liketo know personally doing nasty things toeach other
Bruce Mowbray: nods.
Bruce Mowbray: for sure!
druth Vlodovic: and it disturbs me that a younger generation is growing up thinking that this is normal human interaction
druth Vlodovic: well
Bruce Mowbray: disturbing, indeed....
druth Vlodovic: what about how we learned normal human interaction?
druth Vlodovic: from TV and movie dramas
Bruce Mowbray: hmmmmm. . . .
Bruce Mowbray: Leave it to Beaver?
druth Vlodovic: and before that from "penny dreadfuls"
Bruce Mowbray: Father Knows Best?
--BELL--
Bruce Mowbray: The Waltons?
Bruce Mowbray: [Maybe All in the Family was a turning point, do you suppose? -- in TV entertainment style, I mean... followed by the Jeffersons and Maude... etc. Things got rougher, and maybe seemed more "realistic?)
druth Vlodovic: you're a generation aheadof me
Bruce Mowbray: born in 1942.
druth Vlodovic: for me it was Star Trek, Bugs Bunny,and three's company
Bruce Mowbray: Ahhh!
Bruce Mowbray: So, you are talking about EARLY childhood models, now.
druth Vlodovic: and,of course,everything has to be harder hitting and more intense that anything previously
druth Vlodovic: yes
Bruce Mowbray: hmmm.
druth Vlodovic: emotional development years
Bruce Mowbray: My typist's family didn't have a TV until he was fourteen years old, actually.
druth Vlodovic: they say a lot of who we are happens by age six
Bruce Mowbray: He grew up listening to radio and records.
Bruce Mowbray: I believe that, by age six...
Bruce Mowbray: but I also feel we can change some of those patterns.
druth Vlodovic: of course
druth Vlodovic: but
Bruce Mowbray: but usually not until we are adults.
druth Vlodovic: can we see that patterns?
Bruce Mowbray: There it is!
druth Vlodovic: "that's just the way it is"
Bruce Mowbray: Not to get overly personal now,
Bruce Mowbray: but my typist didn't realize he had been the victim of child abuse
Bruce Mowbray: until he was away from the family and a young adult.
druth Vlodovic: k
Bruce Mowbray: He just thought that's how families were... sadly.
druth Vlodovic: ah, no context
Bruce Mowbray: right.
druth Vlodovic: I remember talking about racism with some immigrants from north east Africa
Bruce Mowbray: Also, an enormous amount of family effort went into covering it up -- making an acceptable appearance to the outside word.
Bruce Mowbray: world*
Bruce Mowbray listens.
druth Vlodovic: so there was "acceptable appearence"
Bruce Mowbray: Were they especially vulverable?
Bruce Mowbray: vulnerable*
druth Vlodovic: and both "the proper way" and how it actually was,as well as the difference ends up being "normal"
druth Vlodovic: lol, no
druth Vlodovic: who thought racism was purely a western problem
Bruce Mowbray: sadly.
Bruce Mowbray: hmmmm. . . . It seems to be much more common in America.
druth Vlodovic: and how they thought (which I identified as quite racist) was "that's just the way it is"
druth Vlodovic: it isn't
Bruce Mowbray: nods.
druth Vlodovic: America just talks about it more
Bruce Mowbray: hmmmm.
druth Vlodovic: I suspect that the more a country talks about racism the less racist it is
druth Vlodovic: well, "more" depending on what you are comparing it to
Bruce Mowbray: Well, Europe, of course, has a long racist history... but that's no excuse for Americans.
Bruce Mowbray: I'm hoping that younger folks will do better,
druth Vlodovic: since the dominant culture of America and canada, is european
Bruce Mowbray: since they have grown up with integrated schools, churches, and entertainments,
druth Vlodovic: exacerbated by a few race wars
Bruce Mowbray: more than we did.
Bruce Mowbray: "You have to be carefully taught.... to hate all the people your relatives hate. You have to be carefully taught."
druth Vlodovic: indeed
Bruce Mowbray: This has been delightful, druth, and very helpful for me.
Bruce Mowbray: My typist has to go into town now.
druth Vlodovic: children see no difference, and have both empathy and it's lack
Bruce Mowbray: Yes, agrees.
druth Vlodovic: have fun Bruce's typist
Bruce Mowbray: kk, I hope we can do this again.
druth Vlodovic: congratulations on your change
Bruce Mowbray: Have a FINE day, OK?
druth Vlodovic: :)
Bruce Mowbray:
Bruce Mowbray: Bye for now.
Bruce Mowbray: and THANKS again.
druth Vlodovic: ttfn