2013.11.02 01:00 - Finding moments between moments

Wol Euler was guardian for this session.

Catrinamonblue Resident: morning Wol :)
Wol Euler: good morning, Cat.
Wol Euler: I've appreciated the cheerfulness and optimism of your recent posts in That Other Place :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: ty :) life can be a difficult thing but finding moments of happiness is essential
Wol Euler: agreed :)
Wol Euler: and the point is: they are there.
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes :)

--BELL--

Wol Euler: I was going to say that we should let ourselves be as happy as little children, but then remembered that some of them are just as negative and sad as the rest of us
Catrinamonblue Resident: baby giggles :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: why we lose that ability I don't know
Wol Euler: I think it's truer to say that kids have more bigger emotions than adults do
Wol Euler: we learn perspective, and we learn time
Catrinamonblue Resident: they have an ability to be completly inthe moment with no though tof past or future
Wol Euler nods.
Wol Euler: exactly
Catrinamonblue Resident: when I talk about finding moments between moments I think maybe I'm trying to refer to that ability
Wol Euler smiles.
Wol Euler: "here's a speck of happiness, take it and enjoy it and taste it fully"
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes
Catrinamonblue Resident: and I try to live that as well
Wol Euler: "yes, there will be bad things again, but this is here now and they are not."
Wol Euler nods.
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes :)
Wol Euler: "finding moments between moments" is a nice expression
Catrinamonblue Resident: ty :)
Wol Euler: it accepts the patchwork-ness of life
Catrinamonblue Resident: nods
Wol Euler: which a differing expression like "the pursuit of happiness" does not
Wol Euler: I have great respect for the American founding fathers, and I appreciate what they meant by that
Wol Euler: but I wonder whether the implication that happiness is a *thing* that one can obtain and keep didn't and doesn't warp the American social soul
Catrinamonblue Resident: I hadn't thought of it that way but yes it makes sense
Wol Euler: it says (to me) that those other moments, the non-happy ones, are lesser
Wol Euler: to be excluded from life
Wol Euler: or at least from "life", from our records and our desires
Catrinamonblue Resident: something I had been typing earlier but changes my mind when the discussion moved was this
Wol Euler: maybe I'm just babbling :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: but what I find happens for myself is that while I can live and experience the joy fully so to do I live and experience the pain fully, not overwhelmed by it all just experienced fully
Wol Euler nods.
Wol Euler: excellent!
Wol Euler: that is indeed childlike :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: hard for others to understand sometimes because as you say there is the thought that the negative is not to be experienced
Wol Euler: hello korel! good morning
Korel Laloix: Morning
Catrinamonblue Resident: Good Morning Kori :)
Wol Euler: or good middle-of-the-night-what-am-I-doing-awake :)
Korel Laloix: LIke 3;30am I think.
Wol Euler: ewwwwwwww
Catrinamonblue Resident: goodness and I though I was early :)
Korel Laloix: Just got back in so winding down before bed.
Wol Euler: ah! okay, that's different :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: wow :) late bedtime
Korel Laloix: If I don't calm down soon I might just go run.
Wol Euler: sounds like a good Halloween party :)

--BELL--

Wol Euler: or not ... are you okay?
Korel Laloix: Or a really bad one... but in the right way... smiles
Wol Euler: good :)
Wol Euler smiles.
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Korel Laloix: Just a bit rilled up.. grins
Korel Laloix: But having a snack and a chat helps..
Wol Euler: :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Wol Euler: we were talking about finding moments of happiness, and enjoying them fully as children do
Korel Laloix: I think I still can do that on occation.... smiles
Wol Euler: I'll give you a notecard, just a sec
Korel Laloix: wado
Wol Euler: [01:25] Catrinamonblue: but what I find happens for myself is that while I can live and experience the joy fully so to do I live and experience the pain fully, not overwhelmed by it all just experienced fully [01:27] Catrinamonblue: hard for others to understand sometimes because as you say there is the thought that the negative is not to be experienced
Korel Laloix: You don't appreciate the good withouth the not so good.
Wol Euler nods.
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Korel Laloix: And a lot of the negative moments are learning moments as well.
Wol Euler: oh yes :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: oh yes
Wol Euler: snap
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Korel Laloix: And also sometimes they are launching points.
Catrinamonblue Resident: big yes :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: places to find yourself
Korel Laloix: And launching you to change or make change.
Wol Euler: it's often true in biographies that the cause of the famous person *becoming* famous was the way they recovered from some crushing blow
Wol Euler: or awful circumstance
Catrinamonblue Resident: nods
Korel Laloix: I think we all have our moments.
Korel Laloix: I can think of a few of those in my life.
Wol Euler: mmhmm
Catrinamonblue Resident: lol was just writing the same thing Kori :)
Korel Laloix: We all have them.
Catrinamonblue Resident: yup
Wol Euler: I am where I am now because I was fired from a job that I really enjoyed :)
Korel Laloix: Just what we do with them is the important thing
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Wol Euler: absolutely, yes
Catrinamonblue Resident: finding silver linings :)
Wol Euler nods.
Korel Laloix: The down side though for me
Korel Laloix: is that things like that can be external motivations....
Korel Laloix: And when those feelings fade.. so does the motivation.
Korel Laloix: I just wish I was more internally motivated.
Wol Euler: it may well come with age (and I know that young people hate to hear that :)
Korel Laloix: That works for me.. smiles.. I just want to be able to keep my focus.
Wol Euler: practice is the great enabler :)
Korel Laloix: I can only pray I get better at it as I let the moon pass through me.
Korel Laloix: Sorry.. that is probably an obscure idiom...
Korel Laloix: It means as the months go by.. or years.
Wol Euler: understood :) moon as time
Catrinamonblue Resident: sounds cool though I wsa liking the image that came to me with that

--BELL--

Korel Laloix: I am finding I am loosing a lot of my focus for school.
Wol Euler listens.
Korel Laloix: Just a few more weeks and I am done though.. so just in time.
Korel Laloix: For me, doing well in school was largely about proving my mother wrong about me.
Korel Laloix: And she did not go to my highschool or undergrad graduations... so that really give it a nice spike for me.
Korel Laloix: But she is going to come to tis graduation though.. somehow dissapointed in that.. so sorting out some strange emotions.
Wol Euler: huh
Catrinamonblue Resident: strange how mothers can affect us, there is a bond there even when we want to deny it.
Korel Laloix: So now she is interested in my academic sucess... it gives me less motivation.. sort of sad really.
Wol Euler: the failed bond of what is missing, as it were
Wol Euler nods
Korel Laloix: I have not called her mother or mom or anything like that in well over a decade now.
Wol Euler: I can see that, Korel.
Wol Euler: will your grandmother be there? (I suggest that she should :)
Wol Euler: a little balance for you
Korel Laloix: So that is how I wish I was more internally motivated... using my dislike of my mother can only get me so far.
Korel Laloix: Yes.. very much so.
Catrinamonblue Resident: I feel, and please bear with as I sort out the words here, that motivation based outside is a shallow thing but motivation based inside will hold true
Wol Euler: good :)
Korel Laloix: And my father is throwing me a nice party as well.
Wol Euler smiles.
Catrinamonblue Resident: but that finding that place inside is an adveture of it's own
Korel Laloix: Will be interesting to see my mom and father meet for the first time in 27 years... lol
Wol Euler: heheheh
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Wol Euler: just keep saying to yourself "what they do is their choice, none of my business" and let it happen :)
Korel Laloix: inside is where I want my energy from for sure.
Wol Euler nods.
Wol Euler: perhaps, and this is just an idea, perhaps what you are feeling is saying farewell to your mother's domination
Wol Euler: and you are worried deep down about what you will have in its place
Wol Euler: (wondering rather than worried)
Korel Laloix: I think it is closing a chapter in that story .. yes.
Wol Euler nods.
Korel Laloix: Still in the process of letting go of the anger and finding forgiveness.
Wol Euler: I have an image of you opening a door (from the inside) and stepping through, and pulling it closed behind you.
Korel Laloix: That is a nice image.. thanks.
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Wol Euler: and I think that is a very good place to be
Wol Euler: it will be uncomfortable, of course, for the first
Wol Euler: because you won't know where you are
Korel Laloix: A lot of things are comming together for me in the next couple of months..
Korel Laloix: So looking forward to what's next.
Wol Euler nods.
Wol Euler: that's the spirit!
Wol Euler smiles.
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Korel Laloix: Graduation... new job.. maybe some different school.
Korel Laloix: Just picking up with a new relationship... against my better judgement though.. lol
Wol Euler: oh?
Catrinamonblue Resident: listens :)
Korel Laloix: lol.. just seeing someone 20 years older than me...
Korel Laloix: So not really dating.. smiles
Korel Laloix: Was at the party with this evening... why I am still a bit rilled up.
Catrinamonblue Resident: feels a hesitation in that age difference... just be careful... have seen several relationships like that not myself but others and they have never worked out

--BELL--

Korel Laloix: I know.. thanks.... I am just enjoying the rush of a rebound relationship. And really, she is just looking for a toy for a bit... so it works out for both of us...
Catrinamonblue Resident: ok
Korel Laloix: Not long term healthy.. but seem to be what I want right now.
Wol Euler grins.
Catrinamonblue Resident: just worry for you and I guess I feel a bit protective of you :)
Korel Laloix smiles
Korel Laloix: Thank you
Wol Euler: I'm sorry about Reba
Wol Euler: and yes :)
Korel Laloix: Me to.
Wol Euler leans over and gives your hand a squeeze
Korel Laloix: But the whole thing made me think of some things.
Catrinamonblue Resident: gives a hug
Korel Laloix: The consequences of choices I made in the past.
Korel Laloix smiles
Wol Euler nods.
Wol Euler: the silver lining is usually that we get a chance to stand up and try again
Catrinamonblue Resident: smiles
Korel Laloix: Or an excuse for some light self abuse for a bit...grins
Korel Laloix: And at least I did not pick up smoking again after this break up.. that is my normal pattern.
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Korel Laloix: OK.. thanks for the chat.. need to go take my face off and get to bed.
Korel Laloix: Have a great day...
Catrinamonblue Resident: night Kori, sleep well :)
Wol Euler: goodnight!
Wol Euler smiles.
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: should go... busy weekend ahead :) going away to visit some friends :)
Wol Euler: nice :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Wol Euler: I wish you moments of happiness, and some of the others too
Wol Euler: but in a good proportion
Wol Euler smiles.
Catrinamonblue Resident: and you too Wol :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: ty
Wol Euler: thank you :)
Wol Euler: take care
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)