2008.05.14 19:00 - Insecurity and love

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    The guardian at this meeting was Pema Pera and the comments are his. 

    That evening I joined in with Dakini’s zen sitting group, next door to the tea house. After the initial chatting, the 20 minutes sitting, and a bit more conversation, Dakini mentioned the upcoming PaB session. I saw no reason to wait, and suggested we sit outside, given the fair number of people. Indeed, it was a good thing that we stayed outside, since we would gather eleven people in total, far more than the tea house could contain comfortably.

    Dakini Rhode: Pema has a discussion group starting here in 20 minutes
    Ziana Tauber: can I hang?
    Pema Pera: sure!
    Pema Pera: we can start talking now
    Pema Pera: or hanging out
    Pema Pera: :>)
    Hotaru Myoo: actually
    Dakini Rhode: :-)
    Hotaru Myoo: I’ll stay too then
    Hotaru Myoo: !
    Pema Pera: yw, Hotaru!
    Ziana Tauber: cool
    Pema Pera: shall we walk over?
    Pema Pera: there are some benches there outside
    Dakini Rhode: good - earlier is better :-)
    Pema Pera: may as well
    Pema Pera: Ziana, we get together here every day
    Pema Pera: four times a day

    While walking over, I noticed to blocks floating in the area, next to the tea house, near the benches. I clicked on them to find their owners.

    Pema Pera: Dakini, it seems like Solo and Gen have been playing — and not cleaning up after themselves ;>)
    Pema Pera: I met them yesterday here
    Dakini Rhode: haha practicing rezzing boxes?
    Hotaru Myoo: haha
    Pema Pera: we were talking about building a pub
    Pema Pera: I guess they just couldn’t wait to get started!
    Hotaru Myoo: there was a mega prim demo the other day…Ayu and I went
    Dakini Rhode: hahaha
    Pema Pera: can you remove those?
    Dakini Rhode: sure
    Dakini Rhode: i think you can, too
    Hotaru Myoo: they could have left 60×60x60 m prims here
    Pema Pera: what kind of demo?
    Pema Pera: let me try Dakini
    Hotaru Myoo: be thankful these are little
    Dakini Rhode: okies
    Hotaru Myoo: nothing really
    Dakini Rhode: you can return them

    I had to smile with the idea of a megaprim 60 meter on each side, lying there in the pond. I tried to click and return the first block, but to no avail.
    Meanwhile Ayu joined us.

    Removal of the object ‘Object’ from the simulator is disallowed by the permissions system.
    Hotaru Myoo: just big objects
    Dakini Rhode: hello Ayu
    Pema Pera: can’t return Dakini
    Hotaru Myoo: Hi Ayu!
    Pema Pera: tried
    Pema Pera: hi Ayu!
    Ayukam Harsley: hi all!
    Hotaru Myoo: why?
    Pema Pera: can you?
    Hotaru Myoo: can you delete?
    Dakini Rhode: do you have Zen Retreat group activated?
    Pema Pera: ah!
    Hotaru Myoo giggles

    I switched to activate my Zen Retreat group, but alas, that didn’t help.

    Removal of the object ‘Object’ from the simulator is disallowed by the permissions system.
    Pema Pera: Removal of the object ‘Object’ from the simulator is disallowed by the permissions system.
    Dakini Rhode: ok i’ll check the group settings
    Pema Pera: even though I became “clearly” member of the zen retreat group
    Pema Pera: ha!
    Pema Pera: I bow to your powers, Dakini
    Hotaru Myoo: haha
    Dakini Rhode: lol i guess i didn’t give you those powers
    Pema Pera waiting humbly to receive more powers when the time will come
    Dakini Rhode: haha
    Hotaru Myoo: Ayu..Have you met Dakini?
    Dakini Rhode: ok i need check into it
    Hotaru Myoo: She came to ‘lost’ one evening too.

    Hotaru was refering to the dancy party of angles, a couple weeks ago.

    Dakini Rhode: this is my first time doing a SL group :-P
    Hotaru Myoo: Dakini…this is Ayu
    Dakini Rhode: hi Ayu :-)
    Ayukam Harsley: hi Dakini
    Hotaru Myoo: Dakini hosts the sittings everyday here
    Hotaru Myoo: rings the bell
    Ayukam Harsley: nice
    Dakini Rhode: it’s great! I get to sit with nice people :-)
    Ayukam Harsley: yes :)
    Dakini Rhode: wonderful at the end of my day :-)
    Dakini Rhode: Hey!
    Types Sideways: oops
    Dakini Rhode: oopd
    Types Sideways: :))
    Ziana Tauber: Types Sideways AND Sits Backwards?
    Pema Pera: nice splash Types
    Types Sideways: hahaha

    Types had joined us, but overshot in the process, probably due to the recent large lag. And yes, the stone benches do regularly leave people sitting sideways or backwards :-) . Types was followed by Tara.

    Pema Pera: Ayu and Ziana, we get together here four times a day, believe it or not, at 1 am, 7 am, 1 pm and 7 pm SL time . . . . see http://playasbeing.wordpress.com/
    Ayukam Harsley: ok
    Pema Pera: Hi Tara!
    Dakini Rhode: wb Tara
    Hotaru Myoo: Hi Tara!
    Pema Pera: we talk about many things here
    Pema Pera: whatever comes up
    Tara Farmer: ha ha
    Pema Pera: but somehow vaguely related to the nature of reality
    Pema Pera: which cannot be caught in words
    Pema Pera: so we sprinkle words around instead
    Pema Pera: ;>)
    Pema Pera: we have a little practice too
    Pema Pera: very little
    Pema Pera: much littler than Dakini’s
    Pema Pera: not 20 minutes
    Pema Pera: not even 20 seconds
    Pema Pera: but 9 seconds at a time
    Pema Pera: but then every 15 minutes
    Pema Pera: in RL
    Pema Pera: and here in SL we talk about what happens when we do that
    Pema Pera: you see, you landed in a rather strange group . . . . .
    Ziana Tauber: what a relief
    Hotaru Myoo: lol
    Pema Pera: haha!

    Hotaru expressed the openness of the 9-sec practice.

    Hotaru Myoo: I tink you would have to say that the practice is just a varied
    Hotaru Myoo: and suits each individual’s needs
    Pema Pera: yes
    Hotaru Myoo: but the habituated piece is constant
    Pema Pera: the main idea is to shake you up
    Pema Pera: shake ourselves up
    Pema Pera: a few seconds at a time (^_^)
    Pema Pera: but naggingly so
    Pema Pera: persistently
    Hotaru Myoo: keeping the conversation alive
    Hotaru Myoo: the awareness
    Tara Farmer sings “A little less conversation …a little more action…..”
    Dakini Rhode: nagging and persistent - sounds a little neg. 2 me
    Dakini Rhode: especially the nagging
    Pema Pera: ((joke joke))
    Hotaru Myoo: yes
    Dakini Rhode: for me it is more like a love affair
    Types Sideways: :)
    Hotaru Myoo: I like to think of it as joyful reminders
    Ziana Tauber: how about “consistent reminding”?
    Dakini Rhode: i love to come back to that space
    Pema Pera: me too
    Dakini Rhode: that brief moment of dropping
    Types Sideways: could say that space is love
    Pema Pera: yes
    Hotaru Myoo: of course it is

    Tara’s questions triggered quite a bit of discussions.

    Tara Farmer: self love?
    Hotaru Myoo: it is our connection
    Hotaru Myoo: no
    Hotaru Myoo: I think it is the love of the other
    Dakini Rhode: for me, a time to put self aside
    Types Sideways: yes
    Pema Pera: Please have a look at Dakini’s web site, one of the web sites that is linked to the Play as Being website, under the “links” — Dakini has some wonderful descriptions of what this 9-sec PaB practice can offer
    Hotaru Myoo: the awareness of meaning beyond self
    Types Sideways: cool
    Pema Pera: http://playasbeing.wordpress.com/ >>===>>> http://zenretreat.blogspot.com/
    Dakini Rhode: aw
    Types Sideways: :))
    Dakini Rhode: ty Pema
    Tara Farmer: how do “playing at being” and “creating your own reality” mix?
    Tara Farmer: like oil and water?
    Dakini Rhode: dakini raises her hand
    Dakini Rhode: creating our own reality is what we do the rest of the time
    Dakini Rhode: yes?
    Pema Pera: nicely put, Dakini!
    Ziana Tauber: I thought that that is all we do
    Pema Pera: PaB is an antidote
    Tara Farmer: life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans?
    Tara Farmer: LOL
    Hotaru Myoo: insert spiritual practice
    Types Sideways: so true
    Tara Farmer: to quote ol Johnny
    Pema Pera: yes, Tara, and we try to be not-busy for 9 sec at a time

    We quickly dreamt up some variations :-).

    Types Sideways: life is you happening as you make other plans
    Types Sideways: :))
    Tara Farmer: LOL
    Pema Pera: you is life happening as you make other plans
    Types Sideways: :)
    Dakini Rhode: life is happening :-)
    Tara Farmer: pfft…philosophers all of you
    Types Sideways: life = you
    Tara Farmer: :)
    Tara Farmer: life=cheese
    Tara Farmer: ha ha
    Dakini Rhode: hi Maxine :-)
    Types Sideways: hahaha
    Types Sideways: hi Max

    Maxine must have been surprised seeing almost a dozen avatars, given that she often comes here in the morning, when there are relatively few.

    Pema Pera: well, Tara, the philosophy does lead to some shocking insights, like Dakinis great blog quote: Insecurity results from a mistaken belief in your own importance.
    Hotaru Myoo: Hi Maxine
    Pema Pera: Hi Max!
    Pema Pera: nice to see such a crowd here!
    Maxine Walden: hi, Pema
    Tara Farmer: i’m sorry pema, but i disagree….i am under the belief that i am important
    Dakini Rhode: we are all pretty much there, Tara
    Dakini Rhode: we all think Tara is important :-)
    Tara Farmer: ha ha
    Pema Pera: hehehe
    Dakini Rhode: ok i’m being silly
    Pema Pera: that’s the Play part
    Pema Pera: of Play as Being
    Pema Pera: the Being part is harder to express
    Pema Pera: we try to do that in many ways — by showing up here regularly all the way to constructing a large forest
    Tara Farmer: I just am not enlightened enough to believe my thoughts and actions are not important
    Pema Pera: everything is important and nothing is, Tara
    Tara Farmer: accepted
    Tara Farmer: i have a hard time believing in nothing

    Dakini expanded upon her sentence that I had quoted.

    Dakini Rhode: if i may
    Dakini Rhode: explain what my insight involved
    Tara Farmer: but i guess i don’t have to
    Dakini Rhode: it was about insecurity
    Tara Farmer: i am alle ars dakini
    Tara Farmer: all ears
    Dakini Rhode: insecurity resulting from thinking you’re tooooo important
    Dakini Rhode: hold your importance a little more loosely
    Dakini Rhode: lighter
    Dakini Rhode: not quite so important
    Dakini Rhode: and insecurity seems to melt away

    At that moment Friedrich appeared on the scene and like Types overshot.

    Friedrich Ochsenhorn: oops
    Friedrich Ochsenhorn: autopilot
    Pema Pera: Hi Friedrich!
    Types Sideways: LOL
    Types Sideways: hi Fredrich
    Friedrich Ochsenhorn: what an entrance. sorry for the tummult
    Dakini Rhode: hi Fred
    Types Sideways: very zen entrance
    Types Sideways: :))
    Friedrich Ochsenhorn: more like a marx bros. one
    Types Sideways: hahaha
    Tara Farmer: eh…i guess i got a god complex
    Hotaru Myoo: explain Tara
    Tara Farmer: ummm….
    Tara Farmer: the part of zen i cannot seem to grasp is the letting go
    Tara Farmer: i do not want to let go
    Tara Farmer: does this mean i like to suffer
    Tara Farmer: or does it mean i am enlightened
    Tara Farmer: LOL
    Hotaru Myoo: every religions asks that you let go in some way
    Ziana Tauber: If I may, I think it is about letting go of the chargedness of it

    I was happy to see the way in which the lightness and chargedness of letting go were being stressed. Indeed, there is nothing in itself that needs to be abandoned let alone denied: the challenge is to hold it all lightly.

    Dakini Rhode: why don’t you want to let go?
    Tara Farmer: i like the way i am
    Ziana Tauber: not letting go of self
    Tara Farmer: yes
    Ziana Tauber: right
    Dakini Rhode: yes letting go of thoughts
    Ziana Tauber: it is about being intense about it
    Tara Farmer: is it suffering to like myself
    Ziana Tauber: no
    Ziana Tauber: I don’t think so
    Ziana Tauber: It is a western thing to not like yourself I hear
    Tara Farmer: I hold myself in huge esteem, as i do all of you
    Tara Farmer: it IS about us
    Hotaru Myoo: is it?
    Tara Farmer: if we are conscious and present
    Tara Farmer: it is
    Tara Farmer: and many other things
    Tara Farmer: but we are vessels of energy
    Tara Farmer: a combination of just the right things
    Tara Farmer: because we are thinking these things they are in existence
    Hotaru Myoo: that is contradictory
    Hotaru Myoo: if we are vessels
    Tara Farmer: if we were not, they would not exist
    Hotaru Myoo: then we are filled with the other
    Hotaru Myoo: whatever it may be for each individual
    Tara Farmer: what does “the other” mean to you Hotaru
    Hotaru Myoo: does it matter?
    Hotaru Myoo: it is not the self
    Tara Farmer: i guess not
    Tara Farmer: isn’t it?
    Tara Farmer: we are everything
    Hotaru Myoo: every person has the belief that they hold on to
    Tara Farmer: i am a bad buddhist…self proclaimed
    Ziana Tauber: it is the holding that is the difficulty I believe
    Hotaru Myoo: and the y are the vessel for it

    Types clicked with the idea.

    Types Sideways: hehehe
    Types Sideways: bad buddhist
    Ziana Tauber: I don’t think there is such a thing as a bad buddhist
    Tara Farmer: i said that to isen and he said “what is a bad buddhist”
    Tara Farmer: i said me
    Ziana Tauber: lol
    Types Sideways: hehehe
    Tara Farmer: the Dali Lama wouls probably slap me
    Tara Farmer: LOL
    Tara Farmer: just kidding
    Friedrich Ochsenhorn: i think i am partially w/ Tara on this one…. in a way…. (well, not the provoking the Lama part)
    Ziana Tauber: I think people can missundertand “emptyness” as “nothingness”
    Tara Farmer: ha ha i would not provoke, but would prob get it anyway
    Friedrich Ochsenhorn: i have been struggling w./ the tension between accepting things as they are, and wanting to change them
    Types Sideways: theres really only one path BE
    Tara Farmer: ziana, i understand what you are saying
    Ziana Tauber: accept/change doesn’t matter
    Tara Farmer: Fried, as a pagan who follows the buddhist path i am torn between letting go and having intention
    Ziana Tauber: what are you letting go of?

    Cal walked into the party.

    Pema Pera: hey Cal ! ! !
    Tara Farmer: ziana, i find when people say things like :it doesn’t matter” it makes it seem like a defense mechanism
    Dakini Rhode: so if i may paraphrase….
    Pema Pera: join the crowd!
    Caledonia Heron: hi :)
    Tara Farmer: because i feel it does matter
    Tara Farmer: hey caledonia
    Caledonia Heron: thanks
    Hotaru Myoo: Hi Cale!
    Dakini Rhode: does it seem that letting go
    Ziana Tauber: It does, if it didn’t I wouldn’t be doing what I do in life
    Dakini Rhode: would result in nothing
    Caledonia Heron: :)
    Ziana Tauber: sorry if I came across wrong
    Tara Farmer: i see ziana, i am not attacking
    Dakini Rhode: nothing there without you?

    The discussion heated up further. It took a bit of concentrattion to pieces the lines together. For example, Dakini had just typed “so if i may paraphrase…. does it seem that letting go would result in nothing, nothing there without you?” but it took me a bit of squinting to see that.

    Friedrich Ochsenhorn: of course, there is a balance and a middle way here. i think healing is a good analogy
    Types Sideways: get it out Tara
    Tara Farmer: merely taking the opposite side for arguments sake
    Types Sideways: :)
    Tara Farmer: he he types
    Hotaru Myoo: isn’t that the title of a song?
    Friedrich Ochsenhorn: the tension bewteen wanting to improve and accepting yourself the way you are
    Tara Farmer pinches types
    Pema Pera: hahahaha
    Types Sideways: ouch
    Caledonia Heron thinks she missed the pithy part :)
    Dakini Rhode: Fred the razors edge
    Types Sideways: hehehe
    Tara Farmer: caledonia, do not worry , you will catch on to our nonsense as it were
    Caledonia Heron: lol, maybe :)
    Caledonia Heron: maybe even contribute some myself
    Pema Pera: the best is yet to come, Cal, when we get started about squizzles
    Types Sideways: oh no
    Tara Farmer: whats that pema?
    Hotaru Myoo: I’ll bite..
    Friedrich Ochsenhorn: now, i can also entertain the notion that our inner world is mirrored and paralleled in the outer world (as above, so below), so these internal tranformations neccesarily play out “out there” too
    Types Sideways: :))
    Hotaru Myoo: what’s a squizzle?
    Tara Farmer already wishes she hadn’t asked
    Caledonia Heron: ah, sqizzies indeed
    Caledonia Heron: uh-oh
    Tara Farmer: friedrich, i agree

    Given that the squizzle was out of the bag, prompted by me hearing Cal talking about contributing, I wondered where the conversation would meander next.

    Pema Pera: weeeelllll squizzles . . . . .
    Tara Farmer: he’s typing a lot
    Friedrich Ochsenhorn: but, i am not quite prepared to abandon the hubris of Will
    Tara Farmer: ha ha
    Ziana Tauber: lol
    Caledonia Heron: perhaps another time
    Tara Farmer squizzles Dakini
    Tara Farmer: he he
    Ziana Tauber: I am not willing to always get that people arent mean to me : - )
    Types Sideways: yes
    Types Sideways: please
    Dakini Rhode: what is a squizzle?
    Caledonia Heron: a forest creature Dakini
    Pema Pera: seen only in SL
    Pema Pera: and then only rarely
    Dakini Rhode: i’ve been squizzled and i don’t know it :-P
    Hotaru Myoo: and anime?
    Tara Farmer: ziana, explain?
    Tara Farmer: that’s for yesterday dakini!
    Ziana Tauber: poking fun at myself
    Friedrich Ochsenhorn: is that like a jackalope?
    Tara Farmer: :)
    Pema Pera: and often not recognized as such
    Caledonia Heron: I think some will come to our new forest….just maybe
    Ziana Tauber: oh, where forest?
    Tara Farmer hugs Ziana
    Pema Pera: around the corner, Ziana
    Pema Pera: several sims worse of forest ;>)
    Pema Pera: big project
    Pema Pera: we just started

    Caledonia warmed up the topic of squizzles.

    Caledonia Heron: much more refined than a jackalope Fried
    Pema Pera: incomporably so
    Friedrich Ochsenhorn: not stuffed, i hope
    Ziana Tauber: nice
    Hotaru Myoo: Storm said there are trees now
    Pema Pera: meeting a squizzle may stuff you
    Pema Pera: yes
    Pema Pera: and waterfalls!
    Caledonia Heron: no stuffing, no stuff, no baggage, just fur and fun
    Ayukam Harsley: I’ll be afk for a bit
    Pema Pera: We can walk over and have a look in a few minutes
    Pema Pera: lots of fun
    Pema Pera: lots of fur
    Tara Farmer: lol
    Ziana Tauber: furries?
    Caledonia Heron: soft red fur
    Ziana Tauber: I am scared
    Pema Pera: with white lining
    Caledonia Heron: yes, like a tuxedo
    Hotaru Myoo: oh my
    Hotaru Myoo: lions and tigers and bears
    Pema Pera: a few off-color spots
    Tara Farmer: he he
    Caledonia Heron: yes, the most rare have spots or brindle
    Tara Farmer: “and another with spots”

    I began to wonder when we would meet squizzles in the forest.

    Pema Pera: no wings but can float
    Hotaru Myoo: no wings?
    Caledonia Heron: it’s like they’re flying
    Hotaru Myoo: absurd!
    Pema Pera: most of the time not no
    Tara Farmer: sometimes i feel like PaB meetings are in Wonderland
    Pema Pera: squizzles are absurdness incarnated
    Types Sideways: yes not no not no
    Tara Farmer: he he
    Pema Pera: yup, Types
    Pema Pera: everything that is not a not-squizzle may just be one
    Pema Pera: but not sure
    Pema Pera: nothing is sure with squizzles
    Ziana Tauber: I have my wings on now, now what?
    Caledonia Heron: lol, hard to tell where squiz and not squiz starts and stops
    Hotaru Myoo: be afraid
    Pema Pera: we can fly to the forest?
    Hotaru Myoo: be very very afraid
    Pema Pera: squizzles never stop
    Friedrich Ochsenhorn: do they wobble?
    Pema Pera: shall we walk to the waterfall?
    Caledonia Heron: sure
    Dakini Rhode: folks, I’m wobbling to meet my pillow :-)
    Tara Farmer: FIELD TRIP
    Caledonia Heron: when they drink too much, yes
    Pema Pera: walk or wobble ?
    Ziana Tauber: the box said pixie wings but these look an awful lot like dragonfly wings

    Just when we were getting up, Sprit was joining us.

    Types Sideways: turn down that hair spirit
    Spiritnoname Saphir: Hair?
    Types Sideways: :)
    Dakini Rhode: please do have fun :-)
    Maxine Walden: gonna go, guys see you later
    Caledonia Heron: bye Maxine :)
    Tara Farmer: my walker is broken
    Friedrich Ochsenhorn: Sorry to chat and run, but i gots to make a phone call myself. i might pop back in and hitch a TP.
    Pema Pera: by Fred!

    I had started to walk toward the center of the forest, first in the direction of the Hall of appearance.

    Ziana Tauber: who do I follow?
    Pema Pera: anyone who walks in the right direction!
    Ziana Tauber: are you walking in the right direction?
    Pema Pera: like me hopefully ;>)
    Pema Pera: but let’s see whether the others follow

    They didn’t so I turned back.

    Pema Pera: Hi Spirit!
    Spiritnoname Saphir: Hiya Pema!
    Tara Farmer: pema, whats the deal?
    Tara Farmer: are we walking?
    Pema Pera: are we going to view the waterfalls?
    Pema Pera: Sure, why not!
    Tara Farmer: I wanna go
    Pema Pera: let’s !
    Pema Pera: hi There!
    Caledonia Heron: :)

    I set out once again, and found Ziana waiting. This time Cal came along, and others soon too.

    Pema Pera: others were slow
    Pema Pera: catching up now!
    Pema Pera: I hope!
    Pema Pera: Cal have you met Ziana — guess not yet?
    Pema Pera: Ziana, Cal
    Ziana Tauber: Hi there
    Caledonia Heron: hey :)
    The region you have entered is running a different simulator version. Click this message for details.
    Pema Pera: here it all is!
    The region you have entered is running a different simulator version. Click this message for details.
    The region you have entered is running a different simulator version. Click this message for details.

    I got stuck for a while oscillating between sims. While the Hall of Appearance was fully in Rieul, the large steps leading to the forest were in Magoja.

    Pema Pera: sim boundary
    Pema Pera: tricky
    Ziana Tauber: nice
    Pema Pera: well Tara, what do you think!
    Tara Farmer: i love it
    Tara Farmer: i’m going swimmming
    Pema Pera: walking on water
    Pema Pera: you are God, Tara!

    The first part of the water was not wet yet, unlike the water directly near the waterfall. We spent quite a bit of time there, admiring what Storm had created in just about a week. It was great to see the whole group darting over the large boulders, splashing and thrashing about in the water, and wandering hither and dither. We also discovered a somewhat spooky forest dwelling that Jobe seemed to have created. Wandering over to the neighbors we found a somewhat similar looking house, blending right in, but alas, the neighbors were not that friendly: we were not allowed to enter their parcel, and so we returned. I wasn’t used to the fact of seeing all of us milling about, yet being able to speak with only a few within earshot. It began to give me a sense of the size the forest will have when it reaches completion.

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