2014.08.18 13:00 - Focusing

No headers

The Guardian for this meeting was Eliza Madrigal. The comments are by Eliza Madrigal.

Eliza Madrigal: Hi Cat!
Catrinamonblue Resident: hi :)
Eliza Madrigal: I'm just trying to remember the coordinates to make this fit right
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Eliza Madrigal: there!
Catrinamonblue Resident: nice :)

Eliza Madrigal: thanks again for grabbing the guardians session
Catrinamonblue Resident: np :) I wasn't sure anybody was going to come
Eliza Madrigal: :) I really enjoyed reading it actually
Catrinamonblue Resident: :) Eos had some really interesting things to say
Eliza Madrigal: and also Bleu's session
Eliza Madrigal: yes
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes

Bleu Oleander: oooo nice hiya
Eliza Madrigal: Hi Bleu :))
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Bleu
Bleu Oleander: feeling better?
Eliza Madrigal: basically, although I still have waves of >blah<
Catrinamonblue Resident: yucky....
Eliza Madrigal: birthday celebrations .. maybe got a bit indulgent :)
Bleu Oleander: have experienced those waves too at times!
Bleu Oleander: bday excitement :)
Eliza Madrigal: I think it was the salmon, which is sad, because I'd brought half home to keep enjoying...ah well. I was saying to Cat that I still enjoyed reading your session Bleu, and guardian session
Eliza Madrigal: there is often such a beauty and gentleness in our interactions
Catrinamonblue Resident: smiles
Bleu Oleander: makes note to read guardian session :)

Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Bruce :)
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Eliza Madrigal: Hi Bruce :))
Bleu Oleander: hi Bruce :)
Bruce Mowbray: Hi, Eliza, Bleu, and Cat... still rezzing, here.
Eliza Madrigal: sure, take your time
Bruce Mowbray: thank you ;-)

--BELL--

Eliza Madrigal: everything reset itself for me a second ago... little glitchy today
Bruce Mowbray: Actually, only three of us attended the Guardian's session, as Cat may already have told you.
Eliza Madrigal: but good to be here, alive on planetSL
Bleu Oleander: hi Zon
Eliza Madrigal: yes, I read and enjoyed the guardian session
Eliza Madrigal: Hi Zon :)
Bruce Mowbray: Hello, Zon!
Catrinamonblue Resident: I gave Eliza the log to post as I couldn't remeber how to do it
Eliza Madrigal: I posted it and titled it "the taming power of the small"
Zon Kwan: heya
Bleu Oleander: nice title :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Zon :)
Bruce Mowbray: My all-time favorite hexagram!
Bruce Mowbray: Go for it, Zon!
Zon Kwan: lol

Eliza Madrigal: can you elaborate a little on what it means in a wider sense?
Bruce Mowbray: To me, it is in honoring and an appreciation of the power of small things....
Eliza Madrigal: to tame us? :)
Eliza Madrigal: set our minds at ease?
Bruce Mowbray: yes, it does have a taming effect.
Eliza Madrigal ... seems true to me
Bruce Mowbray: I recall the quote from Timothy Leary: "No snowflake in an avalanche feels responsible."
Eliza Madrigal: lol
Bruce Mowbray: but that's sort of the negative side of it....
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Eliza Madrigal: neurosis usually means that some snowflake does feel responsible (in our time)
Bruce Mowbray: "Majority of one" might be a more positive way to view the taming.
Eliza Madrigal: I was thinking that sometimes doing little things is very self-taming... accomplishing something small

Bleu Oleander: having just read "middlemarch" it ends by saying "... for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs" I thought of that when I read your title :)
Bruce Mowbray: Oh, yes.
Eliza Madrigal: "Lived faithfully a hidden life" <--- love that
Bleu Oleander: yes, me too
Bruce Mowbray: What a wonderful quote! Thank you, Bleu.
Bleu Oleander: great book!
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Bruce Mowbray ponders.... George Eliot....?
Bleu Oleander: yes
Bruce Mowbray: Hmmm.
Bruce Mowbray: also wrote "Silas Marner."
Bleu Oleander: yes
Bruce Mowbray: (which my typist read in high school, alas.)
Bleu Oleander: quite an interesting life herself!
Bruce Mowbray: yes, she certainly did.
Bruce Mowbray: away from keyboard for a sec, brb.
Eliza Madrigal: years ago I watched a rather good film about her... not very deep but enjoyable
Eliza Madrigal: so many female writers, even now, disguise their names

Focusing...

Bleu Oleander: hiya Wol
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Wol :)
Wol Euler: evening all, sorry I'm late
Eliza Madrigal: :) I also got to catch up a bit on the email discussion... have had a "focusing" session with a friend and it was really fascinating
Eliza Madrigal: Hi Wol :))
Bruce Mowbray: Hello, Wol!
Bleu Oleander: say more
Eliza Madrigal: (Eos mentioned the focusing technique in emails)
Bruce Mowbray: "Focusing" is a wonderful discipline and opportunity.

Wol Euler: eliza, may I mention a recent event out-of-world here?
Eliza Madrigal: please sure
Bruce Mowbray listens carefully.
Wol Euler: happy birthday! <3
Catrinamonblue Resident: listens as well
Eliza Madrigal laughs
Eliza Madrigal: Thanks :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: ah :) lol
Wol Euler cheers!
Bruce Mowbray: Eliza's birthday was on Saturday!
Eliza Madrigal: appreciate the affection... have to say that FB has made birthdays feel more like they did when very young
Bruce Mowbray: Happy Birthday, Eliza! + 3
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Eliza Madrigal: ^.^

Eliza Madrigal: Okay so focusing... lol...
Wol Euler sits up straight.
Eliza Madrigal: For me it was meditation, but with an intimate witness
Eliza Madrigal: a guide of sorts
Bruce Mowbray: http://www.focusing.org/
Bruce Mowbray: It is a wonderful framework and discipline. . .
Eliza Madrigal: and my biggest surprise was how helpful it was, for someone to be there, in that (seemingly inside) space, asking questions that didn't exactly lead...
Eliza Madrigal: but more reminded to stay with felt sense
Eliza Madrigal: which is easy to get away from

Bruce Mowbray: And part of the discipline is that the listener says nothing in response to what the speaker says....
Eliza Madrigal: well that's true, there is no judgment

--BELL--

Bruce Mowbray: May I ask, Eliza, what your time framework was for each speaker?
Eliza Madrigal: In my case it was just myself and a rather close friend, for about 15-20 minutes
Eliza Madrigal: with a short pre-session
Bleu Oleander: how do you eliminate self-judgement?
Eliza Madrigal: Well there wasn't any need to eliminate anything...
Bruce Mowbray: I see. When my typist first did it - back in the early 90s - he and his partner did 30 minute sessions each.
Eliza Madrigal: it was just very gentle.. to come back to felt sense, which is something that was physically VERY invigorating
Bruce Mowbray listens carefully for Eliza's answer to Bleu's question.
Wol Euler nods.
Eliza Madrigal: that surprised me too... how much it refreshed me physically after
Eliza Madrigal: because it seemed so simple

Bleu Oleander: focus on the felt sense?
Eliza Madrigal nods... sometimes it is possible to really notice where one may be holding feelings
Bruce Mowbray: Did you have a particular topic or agenda, Eliza? Or, was it a spontaneous, meditation-type of sharing?
Bruce Mowbray: My partner and I did both.
Eliza Madrigal: a light topic... basically, my sense of aimlessness lately
Bruce Mowbray: kk, ty.
Eliza Madrigal: but we didn't really focus on it
Eliza Madrigal: it was almost forgotten in the process, but came up interestingly at the end
Wol Euler listens.
Eliza Madrigal: I'm very new to it but do plan to have another session soon
Bruce Mowbray: We felt that it was important not to let the session fall into a therapeutic mode . . . . which of course is one reason for no responses from the listener.
Eliza Madrigal: right, indeed
Eliza Madrigal: I like that too
Bruce Mowbray: We did it for about six months..... once a week.
Zon Kwan: waves
Wol Euler: it sounds great, eliza
Wol Euler: bye zon
Bleu Oleander: bye Zon
Catrinamonblue Resident: bye Zon
Bleu Oleander: is this something you must do with another or was that your choice?
Eliza Madrigal: when Eos mentioned it, I thought of how kind of doable it is for pauses.. not to go deeply but as bursts of exercise

Bruce Mowbray: We also discovered that some of what we "said" was emotional, nonverbal.
Eliza Madrigal: My friend has been training in it for a while, and is ready to share with others so she offered/asked
Bruce Mowbray: tears, sighs, laughter.... that sort of thing.
Eliza Madrigal nods... in that sense it is like yoga Bruce
Bruce Mowbray listens for more.
Eliza Madrigal: right? where you are doing something physical but it gets to you emotionally in ways you don't predict
Bruce Mowbray: for sure (!)
Wol Euler: interesting

Bruce Mowbray: The man who did it with me was a member of our men's group and wanted to explore some of those themes in depth... That's how we got started....
Eliza Madrigal: it was a lot like personal (solo) meditation I felt, but kept me more well, focused! lol
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Bleu Oleander: :)
Bruce Mowbray: yes, for sure.
Eliza Madrigal: that's wonderful Bruce... didn't realize people had been at this for so long
Eliza Madrigal: to me it seems very progressive and light
Bruce Mowbray: well, at least since the late 80s....
Bruce Mowbray: I think it started at the University of Chicago, actually.
Bruce Mowbray: I'd have to check out the history, though.
Eliza Madrigal: I thought it might have been a sort of next step from nonviolent communication
Bruce Mowbray: nods.

Eliza Madrigal: want to try something similar for next bell?
Bruce Mowbray: sure!
Catrinamonblue Resident: how does it work?
Bleu Oleander: how would that work?
Wol Euler: great
Catrinamonblue Resident: as in I never heard of this before :)
Eliza Madrigal: I hesitate to call it "focusing" but...
Bruce Mowbray: give us a framework, Eliza.
Eliza Madrigal: just see if there is any felt sense we are drawn to
Bruce Mowbray: kk, excellent.
Catrinamonblue Resident: ok
Eliza Madrigal: any place in ourselves that is asking for noticing
Eliza Madrigal: I'd say physical but I don't think it has to be strict..we're just experimenting
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Bleu Oleander: physically, mentally?
Eliza Madrigal: aha intuitive Bleu
Bruce Mowbray: Good point, Bleu.

Eliza Madrigal: for me it helps to stay physical for a while
Eliza Madrigal: but 90 seconds is a blip, so I'm curious
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Wol Euler: should we go longer, then?
Wol Euler: you're the guide :)
Bruce Mowbray: sure, we can go longer. . . .
Eliza Madrigal: Maybe 90 seconds is okay just to see this first time
Wol Euler: ok
Eliza Madrigal: then maybe next bell see if we want to go longer
Bruce Mowbray: the drop will begin in exactly 30 seconds....
Eliza Madrigal: :) ty Bruce
Bruce Mowbray: yw.
Eliza Madrigal: so get comfortable, settled...

--BELL--

Eliza Madrigal: :) any comments?
Wol Euler: I became aware of a half-dozen *dis*comforts
Wol Euler: back, legs, ankles
Bruce Mowbray: Many voices inside of me clamoring for my attention.... ( similar to Wol, perhaps.)
Bleu Oleander: felt the need to get up and stretch
Bruce Mowbray: [ although mine were more emotional than physical.]
Bruce Mowbray listens.
Wol Euler: related I think to coming back from holiday, going abruptly from walking all day long to sitting at a computer all day long
Bruce Mowbray: nods.
Wol Euler: I've been woken by cramps in my calves regularly since coming back
Eliza Madrigal: understandable
Bruce Mowbray: Yikes!
Wol Euler nods.
Eliza Madrigal: after days of stomach issues, I was surprised that very quickly my lower neck is what "asked for" attention
Wol Euler listens.
Bruce Mowbray also listens.

Eliza Madrigal: after having done this, I remembered not to try to fix it mentally, which is a habit picked up from body scan meditations
Eliza Madrigal: just to notice
Eliza Madrigal: but then end bell rang
Bruce Mowbray: nods.
Bleu Oleander: for this exercise, should I have just noticed the need to stretch, but not actually stretched?
Eliza Madrigal: that's guidance that I think was helpful about having someone there with you.. that you are verbalizing but sort of forget that you are, and they're able to just be with you
Eliza Madrigal: I think it is okay to stretch actually...
Bruce Mowbray: no "shoulds" with Focusing, actually.... well, very few of them anyway.
Bleu Oleander: felt good :)
Eliza Madrigal: if body felt drawn to adjusting
Wol Euler smiles.
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Eliza Madrigal: visceral movement

Eliza Madrigal: Wol I think your noticing is why things like this are really important...
Eliza Madrigal: cause we *know* we need to pay attention to our bodies and felt sense...
Eliza Madrigal: that we have these instincts for a reason and so much wisdom within already
Eliza Madrigal: but we also have habits :)
Eliza Madrigal: and jobs :)
Wol Euler nods.

Bleu Oleander: is this a kind of re-packaging of "listen to your body"?
Eliza Madrigal: I think that's an important component
Bruce Mowbray: not just listening to the body, Bleu, but also listening to thoughts agendas emotions and more.
Bruce Mowbray: but the body is indeed an important component.
Eliza Madrigal: I'm very much in the shallows with all that I've shared, too :)
Eliza Madrigal: what I know is that after immersing for a period of time like that, there was just a lot of energy
Bruce Mowbray: That's one advantage of doing it on a regular basis for several months ( Focusing, I mean.)
Bruce Mowbray: the shallows become deeper and deeper (!)
Wol Euler smiles.

Eliza Madrigal: were your sessions more emotionally based, Bruce?
Bruce Mowbray: :)
Bruce Mowbray: There are probably some Focusing groups in Second Life, come to think of it.
Bruce Mowbray: Sometimes they were emotionally based. But often they were not.
Bruce Mowbray: both of us were working with father issues... well, parent issues, actually.
Bruce Mowbray: doing men's work.
Eliza Madrigal: ah
Bruce Mowbray: men's consciousness work.
Bruce Mowbray: so sometimes it went this way sometimes it went that way... completely unpredictable, actually.
Eliza Madrigal nods
Bruce Mowbray: sometimes it was about dreams, terrors, memories, regrets....
Bruce Mowbray: you get the idea, I'm sure.
Eliza Madrigal: yes, as much as one can in a general sense... but I do find it fascinating to get away from therapy thinking yet there be a release
Eliza Madrigal: but my ideas of therapy may be outdated at this point... to hear Maxine :)
Bruce Mowbray: All too often, I feel, the therapist becomes a sort of surrogate parent....
Bruce Mowbray: And that is unfortunate.
Bruce Mowbray: It's not really about what we should be thinking or feeling or doing,
Catrinamonblue Resident: (has been in and out of therapy for most of my adult life) For me it has been very helpful
Bruce Mowbray: it's more about what we are feeling, and what we are thinking... and what we are doing with that.
Eliza Madrigal: I've been in therapy before also and I agree... don't mean to denigrate the process at all
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Bruce Mowbray: me neither, Eliza.
Bruce Mowbray: but focusing is a different sort of "therapy".
Bruce Mowbray: as is meditation, perhaps.
Eliza Madrigal: it is very intimate... because it is just you really.. the person there with you, focusing, is there, but doesn't feel separate from you after a while
Bruce Mowbray: Intimate --- in spades!

Bruce Mowbray: drop approaches in 30 seconds.
Wol Euler nods.
Eliza Madrigal: so in that sense it was unique and maybe hard to recreate in SL or have the right conditions for in text
Eliza Madrigal: but fun to see what we see ^^

--BELL--

Bruce Mowbray: ;-)
Eliza Madrigal: :) I'm highly influenced... that time I stretched my neck and yawned
Bleu Oleander: yes, I stretched also
Bruce Mowbray: nods. Good, Eliza!
Bruce Mowbray: Great, Bleu!
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Bleu Oleander: rested my eyes by looking far off in the distance ... a re-focusing of sorts :)
Eliza Madrigal: nice
Bruce Mowbray: It would have been equally good and great if neither of you had done either, though.
Wol Euler was surprised by a little wave of sadness.
Bruce Mowbray: it's really up to you to figure those things out, not the auditor.
Bruce Mowbray: Listens for more from Wol, if she would care to share.
Eliza Madrigal: oh, Wol... close to surface

Wol Euler: I'm not sure what it was about, it didn't seem to have a trigger that I could tell
Wol Euler: I wasn't sad about a memory
Eliza Madrigal: bodily?
Bleu Oleander: a kind of background sadness?
Bruce Mowbray: For sure, merely existing brings with it a sort of sadness, I feel.
Wol Euler: yes, like a background drone, like an air conditioner running
Bruce Mowbray: nods, excellent analogy.
Bruce Mowbray: we "hum" with the experience of all beings... and with the sadness of all beings, as well.
Wol Euler: actually I think there was a trigger
Eliza Madrigal nods... do think it can be fortunate to allow that
Bruce Mowbray: like harmonic vibrations on the piano, perhaps.
Bruce Mowbray listens for more from Wol.
Wol Euler: I overheard boss talking to his mother on the phone, who is falling into dementia
Wol Euler: and that made me think of my own parents
Eliza Madrigal: mmm
Bruce Mowbray: nods, empathizes.
Catrinamonblue Resident: (((((WOL))))))
Wol Euler: so combining two triggers, being with Mom in London was on my mind because of the cramps, and then that
Eliza Madrigal nods... likely after such a trip you haven't had time to really sort and process
Wol Euler nods.
Eliza Madrigal: coming back and getting on the computer/work right away
Bruce Mowbray: [My typist received a very nice Facebook message from Loretta, by the way. What a fine woman and mother!]

Wol Euler: none at all, fell straight back into a pair of 12 hr days
Bleu Oleander: tough to do!
Wol Euler: ah :) glad of that, bruce
Eliza Madrigal smiles
Bruce Mowbray: ;-) It made my day, Wol.
Eliza Madrigal: tough to make conditions to process, Bleu?
Bleu Oleander: re-entry can be very hard!
Bleu Oleander: I always feel that when I come back from a holiday
Wol Euler nods.
Catrinamonblue Resident: Me too
Bleu Oleander: rhythms needs to be synced I think

Wol Euler: there have been a few "why on earth am I doing this" moments :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: that was me last week :)
Bruce Mowbray: Oh yes.
Eliza Madrigal: fresh view
Wol Euler: followed by the realization that I cannot make a living by walking around London eating sandwiches
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Bleu Oleander: lol
Eliza Madrigal: no? you could write about sandwiches in London...hehe
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Bleu Oleander: be a food critic lol
Wol Euler smiles.
Eliza Madrigal: sure! Anthony Bourdain just roams around and curses a lot
Eliza Madrigal giggles
Bleu Oleander: eats some pretty yucky looking stuff too
Eliza Madrigal: for sure
Eliza Madrigal: joking but in all seriousness I don't switch gears very easily.. can take me weeks to come out of a book or movie even
Eliza Madrigal: can't imagine what it must feel like to separate from parents who are struggling and one is close to
Wol Euler nods.

Visitor (edited out) arrives and asks for 10L in a bit of a panic, then goes after receiving...

Bruce Mowbray: 30 seconds until another drop.
Eliza Madrigal: ah, yes let's settle again

--BELL--

Eliza Madrigal: was hard for me to drop into "felt sense" this time
Catrinamonblue Resident: I was fretting about the laundry I left in the dryer, hoping another tenant in the building isn't inconvenienced by my tardiness in retrieving it :)
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Bruce Mowbray: (.... was feeling what ____ might have been feeling....)
Wol Euler: seems to be universal this time, I was still thinking about whatsername
Bruce Mowbray: ____, yes.
Eliza Madrigal: interesting to notice though, how much effect someone can have... just in a minute
Wol Euler nods.
Catrinamonblue Resident: nods
Bruce Mowbray: yes,
Catrinamonblue Resident: I really must go and get that laundry :)
Wol Euler chuckles.
Catrinamonblue Resident: bye everyone :)
Eliza Madrigal: :) okay Cat... I feel ya. I go through that now too
Bruce Mowbray: she reminded me in some ways of person sitting on the sidewalk in New York City with cups in front of them... asking for a small donation.
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Bruce Mowbray: I also need to be going. Thank you, good people!
Wol Euler: bye bruce, bye cat
Eliza Madrigal: bye Bruce, take care
Bruce Mowbray: Bye for now.
Eliza Madrigal: :) When I was in San Francisco, I offered a woman something but she gave me her McDonalds order instead and set me across the street to get it
Bleu Oleander: sorry got up to stretch and didn't come back lol
Eliza Madrigal giggles
Wol Euler: fair enough :)
Bleu Oleander: good break in that sense hehe
Wol Euler: at least she wanted food instead of spending cash on drugs or alcohol
Eliza Madrigal: movement is therapy
Eliza Madrigal nods... I didn't begrudge her, just sort of admired / wondered at her boldness
Wol Euler nods.

Eliza Madrigal: btw I'm sure I didn't go a great job at describing "focusing" - only have the one experience with it really, and a little reading
Wol Euler smiles.
Bleu Oleander: i'm still not sure what it is :)
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Wol Euler: no worries, thank you for the introduction
Eliza Madrigal: it does feel like emotions and wisdom can concentrate or somehow 'wait' in body though
Eliza Madrigal: mind-body
Eliza Madrigal: which speaks to the email discussion also
Wol Euler nods.
Bleu Oleander: yes

Wol Euler: a friend who became a masseur said he was surprised by how often people would spontaneously cry during a massage session
Wol Euler: may be related
Eliza Madrigal: absolutely... that's what I meant about yoga
Wol Euler: typically when he was working on a knot somewhere
Bleu Oleander: yes, have experienced that!
Wol Euler smiles.
Eliza Madrigal: I always cry sometime during a good massage or yoga session but it feels releasing rather than burdensome
Bleu Oleander: yes
Eliza Madrigal: walking helps too
Eliza Madrigal: fascinating really
Wol Euler nods.
Eliza Madrigal: mentally though, it is easy to feel like there is so much that one would have to stop and cry for days
Eliza Madrigal: but in practice a little actually goes a long way I think :)
Wol Euler: what, you too? :)
Eliza Madrigal: oh goodness.. so much happening in the world... micro levels with friends and self, then "the world" on the whole
Eliza Madrigal: :::head spins:::
Wol Euler nods

Bleu Oleander: one needs to just back up a bit and "focus" I think
Bleu Oleander: can't solve all the problems
Eliza Madrigal: yes... the one snowflake
Bleu Oleander: the news has a way of pushing us to frenzy sometimes
Wol Euler: their self-assigned goal, I think
Eliza Madrigal nods... information can be empowering in some ways, but there seems to be a point at which yes... step back or sink under
Eliza Madrigal: or do something (seemingly) small and meaningful
Bleu Oleander: yes

Bleu Oleander: focus on small things to bring us back to where we started :)
Eliza Madrigal smiles
Eliza Madrigal: like these sessions, our check ins
Wol Euler: mmhmm
Eliza Madrigal: the moss helps too ^.^
Bleu Oleander: yes I really like this
Bleu Oleander: soothing

--BELL--

Bleu Oleander: makes me want tea :)
Eliza Madrigal nods.. intricate lifeform
Wol Euler: I was remarking inwardly earlier how pleasant it is
Eliza Madrigal: cushioning
Eliza Madrigal: and even in SL it gives me the feeling that I can breathe better
Bleu Oleander: gentle
Eliza Madrigal: happy sigh
Wol Euler smiles.

Eliza Madrigal: must gather dinner... was A's first day of school and he's hungry
Wol Euler: my dears, I fear I must be moving on
Wol Euler: thanks for this lovely session, eliza
Bleu Oleander: yes, thanks for a nice conversation and fosucing
Eliza Madrigal: thank you both for being here (and Bruce and Cat and Zon) - really enjoy and appreciate your company
Bleu Oleander: take care and enjoy the rest of your days
Eliza Madrigal: you too
Wol Euler: bye for now <3
Bleu Oleander: byeee
Eliza Madrigal: take care <3 bfn