2016.01.08 13:00 - Healthy Egos

The Guardian for this meeting was Aphrodite Macbain. The comments are by Aphrodite Macbain.

Aphrodite Macbain: Hiya Cat
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Aph :)
Aphrodite Macbain: Happy 2016
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes :) to you too :)
Aphrodite Macbain: Thanks
Catrinamonblue Resident: it's going to be a busy year for me :)
Aphrodite Macbain: Getting married?
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes and moving :) but first a trip to Cuba :)
Aphrodite Macbain: Nice
Aphrodite Macbain: You'll like Cuba
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes :) I'm excited :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: bf has been before :) he's excited to show me around :)
Aphrodite Macbain: where are you planning to go?
Catrinamonblue Resident: Varadero :)
Aphrodite Macbain: - the beach...
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes :)
Aphrodite Macbain: Make sure to go snorkeling
Catrinamonblue Resident: :) he's planning everything so we'll see :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: I would love to though so will mention it to him :)
Aphrodite Macbain: It's great snorkeling- so many multi-coloured fish
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Aphrodite Macbain: I even rode a horse on a beach when I was there
Aphrodite Macbain: amazing
Catrinamonblue Resident: oh wow :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: I'm not sure we are up to horseback riding :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: but will see :)
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: the mojitos are nice too!
Catrinamonblue Resident: mmmmmm :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: How are you doing? any travel plans this winter?
Aphrodite Macbain: no - I'll stick close to home.
Catrinamonblue Resident: sometimes that's nice too :)
Aphrodite Macbain: I've committed all my money to my 3 week trip to Italy in May
Catrinamonblue Resident: oh wow :) that's awesome :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: how long will you be going for?
Aphrodite Macbain: I'm going with my university class
Aphrodite Macbain: 3 weeks
Catrinamonblue Resident: oh that's great!! :) happy for you :)
Aphrodite Macbain: Bologna and Rome
Aphrodite Macbain: Thanks
Catrinamonblue Resident: nice :)

TSK TSK

Aphrodite Macbain: How are you enjoying reading TS&K?
Catrinamonblue Resident: difficult :) lol
Aphrodite Macbain: yes- it is
Catrinamonblue Resident: but I'm trying :)
Aphrodite Macbain: good for you
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Aphrodite Macbain: The trick is to slow down and read it carefully
Aphrodite Macbain: rather than rushing through it
Aphrodite Macbain: Think about every sentence
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes I see that... trouble is time slips away from me :)
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: You can slow time down, reading and re-reading-- like a piece of poetry
Catrinamonblue Resident: I will be taking the book with me on vacation and hope to put in a pit of reading on the beach :)
Aphrodite Macbain: ;-) good luck! It's not really beach chair reading!!
Catrinamonblue Resident: and yet I get the impression that it could be ;)
Catrinamonblue Resident: I'm not that good at being still, it will give my mind something to do :)
Aphrodite Macbain: I find that I need quiet, the right light and no distractions to read anything like that and understand it...
Catrinamonblue Resident: nods
Aphrodite Macbain: Taking notes helps. It forces you to find the right words for you
Catrinamonblue Resident: I think this first read though will not be as deep as I might want but it is an introduction for me
Aphrodite Macbain: yes
Aphrodite Macbain: It's great you're doing it
Catrinamonblue Resident: a second go through at a later time when life is hopefully not so busy will be better
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Aphrodite Macbain: when are u going to Cuba?
Catrinamonblue Resident: Jan 23 :) we will be back Jan 30
Aphrodite Macbain: Hiya Bruce
Bruce Mowbray: Heya, Aph and Cat.
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Bruce :)
Aphrodite Macbain: perfect time
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes :)
Aphrodite Macbain: Not too hot
Aphrodite Macbain: Bruce, Cat is going to Cuba
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Bruce Mowbray: Wow!
Catrinamonblue Resident: in a couple of weeks :)
Bruce Mowbray: Fascinating.
Bruce Mowbray: You'll feel like you're in a 3rd World country -- and probably will be.
Bruce Mowbray: (I felt that way in parts of Panama.)
Bruce Mowbray: )
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes I know. :) Yann has been there before
Bruce Mowbray: The cars will mostly be from the 1950's.
Catrinamonblue Resident: he is buying and packing things to give to the workers there
Bruce Mowbray: Wonderful.
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Aphrodite Macbain: they like Bic pens
Bruce Mowbray: so do I... ha ha.
Catrinamonblue Resident: :) we have made up a couple of school packs for the children :)
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: That's great Cat
Catrinamonblue Resident: as well as a number of other things :)
Bruce Mowbray: Are you going on a tour, or will you just be finding your own way around?

Catrinamonblue Resident: we are staying at a resort, will take a day trip out I think but for the most part will stay around there
Aphrodite Macbain: in Havana?
Catrinamonblue Resident: not sure :) he's planning that part :) I just follow
Aphrodite Macbain: It's the capital and near Veradero Beach
Bruce Mowbray: Ahhh! A mid-winter break is great.
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes :) although we haven't had much winter yet really :)
Aphrodite Macbain: more than we've had...
Bruce Mowbray: A polar vortex will be coming in this weekend.
Bruce Mowbray: We will be into the teens (F.) in southern Ohio.

Healthy egos

Aphrodite Macbain: Did you get my notecard Bruce?

Bruce Mowbray: Yes, I received it, Aph.
Aphrodite Macbain: Do you want to talk about what it means to have a healthy ego or shall we day dream about warm beaches?
Aphrodite Macbain: I'm fine with both :-)
Bruce Mowbray: We could do both, actually.
Aphrodite Macbain: Having a healthy ego on a beach?
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Bruce Mowbray: :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: according to the weather network we will hit plus 5 C over the weekend with rain
Bruce Mowbray: I think a healthy ego is one that is flexible... doesn't let itself get too locked in to literalisms - especially those about itself.
Catrinamonblue Resident: nods :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: never take yourself to seriously :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: or too :)
Aphrodite Macbain: What I have been realizing is that the smaller and softer the ego, the more equanamous life can be
Bruce Mowbray: But one needs tofeel secure with oneself in order to do that.
Bruce Mowbray: Indeed, Aph.
Bruce Mowbray: Yaku!!
Bruce Mowbray: Great to see you again, Yaku!
Aphrodite Macbain: Yaku!
Aphrodite Macbain: Glad you could come
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Yaku :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Yakuzza Lethecus: hey, good evening
Bruce Mowbray: We're discussing what a "healthy ego" might be.
Aphrodite Macbain: that and life in Cuba.
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Bruce Mowbray: (Egos on the beaches of Cuba in January.)
Aphrodite Macbain: A healthy ego might be one that doesn't feel superior to the Cubans.... and recognize that they are a rich and complex nation
Bruce Mowbray: A healthy ego needs to be able to say "no" to things - but not compulsively.
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Aphrodite Macbain: what kind of things Bruce?
Bruce Mowbray: A healthy ego might need to say "no" instead of having to prove itself...
Bruce Mowbray: or trying to win friends,
Bruce Mowbray: etc.
Aphrodite Macbain: ah
Aphrodite Macbain: what would it be saying "no" to?
Bruce Mowbray: so, sometimes, it's necessary to be able to say 'no' to the requests of people our egos want to have approve or and like us.
Catrinamonblue Resident: also maybe not be a people pleaser... be able to say no to others
Aphrodite Macbain: nods
Bruce Mowbray: yes, that's the idea.
Catrinamonblue Resident: I have a friend who can't say no..... frustrates me when she says yes to something I suggest and I find later she didn't want to
Aphrodite Macbain: nods
Aphrodite Macbain: she is afraid of disapproval
Bruce Mowbray: Yes, I agree....
Aphrodite Macbain: she wants to please

Bruce Mowbray: Heya, Qt.
Aphrodite Macbain: Hi Qt!!
Yakuzza Lethecus: hey qt
Qt Core: Hi all
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Qt :)
Aphrodite Macbain: Splash landing
Bruce Mowbray: !!

Yakuzza Lethecus: not all the things we don´t want are bad, sometimes we need a push
Yakuzza Lethecus: or at least i do
Aphrodite Macbain: we're talking about a healthy ego Qt - what is it?
Yakuzza Lethecus: healthy ego and cognitive dissonance are often problematic
Bruce Mowbray: for sure, Yaku.
Aphrodite Macbain: cognitive dissonance?
Aphrodite Macbain: how do you mean Yaku?
Yakuzza Lethecus: i know i should do some sport but the candy bar looks so tasty :P
Bruce Mowbray: Before you arrived, I mentioned that a healthy ego is flexible... and needs to be when it comes to cognitive dissonance.
Yakuzza Lethecus: i shouldn´t smoke, i know better but do it anyway
Bruce Mowbray: :(
Yakuzza Lethecus: - i don´t smoke...just an example
Bruce Mowbray: :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Aphrodite Macbain: cognitive dissonance = when two desires conflict?
Yakuzza Lethecus: well, knowledge vs desire often
Aphrodite Macbain: or when 2 concepts are irreconcilable?
Bruce Mowbray: yes, that's the sort of thing.
Aphrodite Macbain: How does that relate to ego? Sorry, I'm dense.
Bruce Mowbray: Yes, when two ideas - both of which might seem desirable - are in conflict, either with themselves, or with other principles.
Qt Core: may i post the Google translation of an Italian song titled "La parola io" (The I word) ?
Bruce Mowbray: Yes, please do, Qt.
Bruce Mowbray: The "I" word.
Aphrodite Macbain: si, per favore
Bruce Mowbray: :)

Qt Core:
The word I The word I is an idea that makes its way slowly in Schweet! baby sounds like an echo. It is a push to groped the first steps towards an inner certainty of themselves.
The word I with time assumes a tone more precise sometimes threatens to be annoying but it is also the sign of a child logic
It is a recurring sin but venial. I, I, I me again.
But the vice adolescent not cleared with age and in adults strangely It becomes more alarming and growing.
The word I It is a strange cry hiding in vain the fear of not being anyone.  It is an exaggerated need and a bit 'morbid is the poignant image of Narcissus.
I, I, I and still am. I was not born to remain forever confused in anonymity. I do I cannot stand the idea of feeling a number among many every day.  I do.
I expand
I can be the center of the world. I am always present I am willing to any baseness to feel important I do soon enhanced by this mania establish myself at all costs I inflated, sell at loss
Qt Core:
I want to be the center of the world. I do not respect anyone.
What if I need
I can pretend to be good
I have to dominate.
I  may be without ideals power-hungry. I who command.
I must be the center of the world. I vain, conceited exhibitionist, arrogant, pompous.  I arrogant, megalomaniac, blowhard greedy and pushy disgusting, arrogant, overbearing I, only I wherever I. The word I this Schweet! innocent monosyllable it is inevitable that you become rampant in the logic of the Western world, maybe it's the last original sin.

Aphrodite Macbain: Nods
Aphrodite Macbain: wonderful Qt
Bruce Mowbray: Wow!
Aphrodite Macbain: So a healthy ego does not stand at the centre (of the universe) but off to one side?
Qt Core: here id the Italian text: http://lyricstranslate.com/en/giorgi...io-lyrics.html and a video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUlGAt0WJak
Bruce Mowbray: :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Bruce Mowbray: (a healthy ego brushes off misspellings.) (and typos.)
Aphrodite Macbain: a decentred I is a healthy I?
Bruce Mowbray listens.
Aphrodite Macbain: perhaps watching and experiencing
Aphrodite Macbain: but not claiming?
Bruce Mowbray: sometimes claiming....
Aphrodite Macbain: Pays attention but doesn't demand it?
Bruce Mowbray: ownership ... responsibility
Qt Core: ego as an animalistic part that doubts and defends itself and still pushes to success ?
Aphrodite Macbain: nods
Aphrodite Macbain: But there is room for our ego to be "healthy" not bad or unhealthy
Bruce Mowbray: My experience is that I become more obnoxious the more insecure my ego is.
Aphrodite Macbain: nods
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Aphrodite Macbain: I also become more egocentric when I KNOW I'm right
Bruce Mowbray: sometimes I simply can't stand myself.
Aphrodite Macbain: lol
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Qt Core: i said not as a bad things, at least not when controlled by a more rational level of thought
Aphrodite Macbain: nods
Aphrodite Macbain: so a healthy ego is controlled by our rational self?
Catrinamonblue Resident: sometimes being right is not always the right way to be :)
Aphrodite Macbain: smiles - exactly Cat!
Qt Core: an healthy person has ego controlled by rational thought
Catrinamonblue Resident: who's version of rational do we go by :)
Aphrodite Macbain: I agree, but that seems to imply that we should ignore our emotions, doesn't it?
Catrinamonblue Resident: sometimes emotions are more rational than thought.. or perhaps closer to the truth
Qt Core: not ignore, control the usual "an immediate gain may be a loss tomorrow"
Aphrodite Macbain pauses and tries to be unemotional during the break
Bruce Mowbray: afk -- urgent phone call.
Catrinamonblue Resident: why be unemotional? sometimes emotions point to truth?
Aphrodite Macbain: I agree Cat
Catrinamonblue Resident: just control emotion :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: don't go off half cocked as they say ;)
Aphrodite Macbain: monitor our thoughts and feelings
Aphrodite Macbain: be equanamous, balanced
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Aphrodite Macbain: sounds so boring....
Qt Core: when needed, when there is no reason to stay in control let them go
Catrinamonblue Resident: dance in the wind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Catrinamonblue Resident: wild and free
Aphrodite Macbain: how do we know when there is no reason to stay in control?
Qt Core: and sometimes what ego says may even be right, after all it is mostly the results of billions of years of evolution
Aphrodite Macbain: perhaps developing a sensibility-
Aphrodite Macbain: as we get older, to judge wisely
Aphrodite Macbain: based on experience as well as knowledge
Aphrodite Macbain: I think that's how our brain makes decisions
Aphrodite Macbain imagines Cat dancing in the wind above the beaches of Cuba
Catrinamonblue Resident: yay!!!!!
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)
Aphrodite Macbain: warm breezes
Yakuzza Lethecus: onigokko
Aphrodite Macbain: lol
Catrinamonblue Resident: drat forgot to put it back on
Aphrodite Macbain: Here
Yakuzza Lethecus: stop
Aphrodite Macbain: lol
Aphrodite Macbain: I gave u one Qt, Cat
Catrinamonblue Resident: I have it just forgot to put it back on after last costume change ;)
Aphrodite Macbain: kk
Aphrodite Macbain: hard to remember
Catrinamonblue Resident: ty though :)
Aphrodite Macbain: I realize my ego gets in the way of being truly happy
Qt Core: it is ego that controls all those things that we think but never say ?
Aphrodite Macbain: perhaps- to whom?
Qt Core: everyone else

Catrinamonblue Resident: what is truly happy? will you know it when you have it?
Aphrodite Macbain: good question Cat.
Catrinamonblue Resident: why do you need it?
Aphrodite Macbain: If you are mindful, and live in the present, it is easier to become aware of your mood
Catrinamonblue Resident: maybe I don't have much ego then Qt, I tend to say what I think all the time ;p
Catrinamonblue Resident: get myself in trouble sometimes
Aphrodite Macbain: me too - I say things and then regret it
Catrinamonblue Resident: I've learned not to regret it
Catrinamonblue Resident: it was true for me when I said it
Qt Core: that would be no ego control, not no ego
Aphrodite Macbain: I regret it when I hurt people
Catrinamonblue Resident: but I can change my mind later
Aphrodite Macbain: sometimes it can be too late
Catrinamonblue Resident: how do you hurt them?
Aphrodite Macbain: once said or done, it can't be undone
Catrinamonblue Resident: maybe they are not willing to accept you as you?
Aphrodite Macbain: not always
Aphrodite Macbain: I think about my needs more than theirs
Aphrodite Macbain: me me me
Catrinamonblue Resident: if they love you they will understand and forgive, that's part of love
Catrinamonblue Resident: I do that
Catrinamonblue Resident: for others as well as myself
Aphrodite Macbain: I don't want to take people's love for granted
Catrinamonblue Resident: your needs are important too
Catrinamonblue Resident: not just theirs
Aphrodite Macbain: I know
Aphrodite Macbain: Being considerate of others is not denying my needs
Catrinamonblue Resident: being aware of it you are not taking it for granted
Aphrodite Macbain: It includes their needs and mine
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes :)
Qt Core: i think that that is already on a upper level from the almost animalistic ego, Aph
Aphrodite Macbain: I find it very childish behaviour when people just act out their needs and don't consider others. I think it's the reason we have so much conflict in the world
Aphrodite Macbain: wb Yaku
Yakuzza Lethecus: thx
Aphrodite Macbain: It feels like lack of empathy or compassion
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes I agree with that, I just meant that people pleasers do more harm to themselves and others when they do not consider their own needs too
Catrinamonblue Resident: balance
Aphrodite Macbain: I suppose, if that is a dominant trait...
Aphrodite Macbain: upper level Qt? How do you mean?
Qt Core: upper on the scale of rational thought and maybe even the biological scale of the different "layers" our brains is composed of
Aphrodite Macbain: nods, I think I understand
Aphrodite Macbain: It's interesting how intellect and rationality always comes on top of passion and emotion
Aphrodite Macbain: from the early philosophers until now
Catrinamonblue Resident: the way the world spins round :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: slips away... sorry, having guests to dinner tonight and must go get ready :)
Aphrodite Macbain is getting dizzy with the spinning
Aphrodite Macbain: What's for dinner?
Qt Core: Bye Cat
Yakuzza Lethecus: bye cat
Catrinamonblue Resident: steak and seafood :)
Aphrodite Macbain: waves
Aphrodite Macbain: surf and turf
Aphrodite Macbain: anyone want a cookie?
Aphrodite Macbain: If not, I will take the cookie jar.
Aphrodite Macbain: I keep forgetting to
Qt Core: go for it, i just got chocolate ;-)
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: enjoy!
Aphrodite Macbain: Yaku?
Yakuzza Lethecus: sure
Aphrodite Macbain: Gotta go now
Aphrodite Macbain: Thanks for joining me. :-)
Yakuzza Lethecus: good night Aph
Yakuzza Lethecus: qt
Aphrodite Macbain: bye
Qt Core: 'night Aph
Qt Core: I'm going too, bye Yaku