2014.05.04 _ 12

With so much energy in the postings I am surprised I am the first to post this morning, a continuingly rainy Northwest morning. Hoping, Luci, this is a time allowing mourning for you and yours after your lovely posting.

And here, on rainy Vashon Island, where some of us retreated a few years ago amidst sunshine, it is quiet, the wet trees beckoning to share their drips. And the birds are all plumaged, especially the bright lemon yellow gold finches; they don't mind the rain at all.

Part of my 33 days is to gain deeper appreciation for the natural dialectic cycle in life but in efforts toward the truth -- the new idea which needs to be examined before it can be taken in as a part of oneself, and the vulnerable aspect of having faith to let go of any lessons 'gained, gleaned, possessed' from that examination to become part of the implicit next intuitions. All involves courage and humility, it seems from my rainy perch this morning.

I have a lovely image of Vashon, Maxine, from your vivid storytelling. A truly wonderful place. Such a grace to have once walked some of its byways.

May the Fourth be with you!

A real gift for such a vivid impression to come across, be imparted. Thank you for taking us there today, Maxine. :)

While watching the TV show I became wrapped up in over the last few days, I considered the way "true fiction" may reveal more than non-fiction. The show I'm watching is so strange... guess my life isn't all that original, because it feels a lot like my life... even scenes that seemed so particular to me with interactions with the kids, my mother, or internal struggles. It is fancied up a lot... but one does think about templates and patterns... how one's stories can seem simultaneously unique and formula.

Practices are about patterns too... posturing.

It brings me to consider how that affects what is revealed or concealed to oneself or others... light getting in... the way we write our lives and the way others read them. edited 19:53, 4 May 2014

Nice perspective on Qi Gong, Eliza. Today outside with a cool breeze blowing through the trees, partly cloudy calming standing in the grass I had the feeling that all I wanted to do is slow down my Tai Chi to enjoy the sun. Yet, after meditation and Qi Gong, my Tai Chi lasted no longer than is has since I began, it just felt longer :)

Stevenaia, did you see yesterday's comments? Answering Wol I described my 55 breaths practice, and was hoping you could say more about your 100 breaths. Thanks!

I am the open door
the breath between
life moves through and around me
creating eddies in the fabric of the universe
ripples that touch other people
other lives
and their ripples touch me
move me
and then I realize
there is no door
no fabric to ripple
there is only what there is
and words just can not encompass it
the universe just is
as we just are
a drop in the fabric


today I went to Parliament Hill in Ottawa and watched and listened to a ceremony in commemoration of the Battle of the Atlantic.... In so many ways it touched me.....

Feeling relieved as the Commedia performance was performed today with no major misshaps and I can shake away the butterflies in my stomach. Still working on the job I'm doing for Cape Dorset but the pressure is mainly off. Here are a few shots outside of my hotel window that I took last week - hard to believe it was the end of April. I am revelling in the soft west coast rain after the steely cold of the north Maxine - it feels like home. edited 21:58, 4 May 2014

Struggling with focus, unable to keep my mind on the point for even a minute. Discouraged.

Wol, can you do your meditation practice walking, perhaps outside? I find conditioning can slip in when there is a set indoor place for such practice. Sometimes that conditioning is good, but sometimes much less so. A pleasant amble in the fresh air while still practicing can break any bad habits and help restore confidence! :-)

Each day a lab session, each comment a lab report - life as a lab, woof!

Keep coming back to nowness as having a still quality. So not so much striving for something other than what's happening here and now, but being totally nowhere else - so still with the energy.

If there are bees in your head - there they are.

Woof!

Some books have changed my life.

Of course many have not. But, if I look back at my past, I see a few bright beacons that have punctuated the years, and I can point to changes that came afterward.

These beacon books mostly had a context. In other words, had I read the same book at a different time I doubt I would have seen them as so influential. It is tempting to say, therefore, that they appeared when I was ready - as in "When the student is ready, the Master appears" - but what then of all the other books that were not beacons? Did I just read them before I was ready? Or did they never have what it took? Perhaps I was and am more master of my own fate than the past-me, who blithely trusted in unseen guidance and karma, gave credit for.

And so I find myself wondering whether The Glass Bead Game will be such a book. Which is odd, because I don't recall wondering that about a book before. But now the interminable self-consciously apologetic prelude of the narrators is long past, and the biographical story is developing apace, I have hints about how the book may affect me. Where before I had doubts I would finish, now reading the whole book seems certain. Where before I had doubts whether or not I would complete the book before the end of our 33 days (assuming I did persevere), now the pages are unfolding at a more rapid rate and that completion seems certain.

What a self-adventure! I hadn't expected that. And that itself is a revelation of self-adventure, for I am not "past it", and needn't expect otherwise. I can still make discoveries, beat paths, embrace change, and feel the unmistakable euphoria of the learning journey.

Early rise today...
Enough time to feel the quietness of a rainy morning.
Much blog planning for the memorial...grief has not surfaced as of yet.
In time...
Auction day for my orchestra/ choir where I created a treasure trove of wine.
Very tired now.