2014.05.15 _ 23

So I made the day-page and scrolled down here to start a comment, and found that I couldn't remember what happened while sitting this morning. Turns out, that was because I haven't sat yet this morning. I read in bed instead of rolling out, until I needed to pee, then went directly to the kitchen and from there to the office. I'll have to make up the time at lunch.

I'm sitting in the sunshine this morning, starting to feel a bit better I think. It's been a difficult week but the week is almost over and a long weekend ahead. I love coming to this little space and reading everything you all share. It feels very much like phone conversations in getting to know each of you better.
Hugs

Appreciate Cat's and Wol's postings above. But still I feel there was
so much richness in yesterday's postings I look over my shoulder to see if I can bring them into today, which right now seems a bit bleak -- bleak as I sit at the airport, flight delayed a couple of hours, and here in an old telephone booth cubby with computer plug in but a hard seat (can't have everything!) I feel a bit, well, lonely I guess. On these long (6 hour) flights I try to organize readings/writings/snoozings to 'fill the flight' and sometimes feel so drained by the effort that many of these plans stay 'potential'. Maybe that is why I invite the enlivened postings...

Wishing us all an enlivened day.

Hugs to Maxine. There are few things as bleak as airports. I know that may seem trite and there are are many things that afflict humanity and that are far worse, but there is something about an airport that shrinks the soul. Here speaks a keen aviator!

Today, on my walk, I was reminded of paper. Outside my apartment is a paper birch. It was like seeing it for the first time. Like yesterday, that wonderful chill was in the air, and perhaps this freshness helped me observe things afresh.

On a lamppost was a small paper poster, a piece of political propaganda. I was surprised; I'd forgotten such things existed, coddled as I am in my hometown. It took me a while to piece together its message, due to a puzzling choice of font and graphics. It made me wonder, not only who posts these things, but whom do they hope to reach here in suburbia.

And then on a public noticeboard, a handwritten sign announcing "Lost Cat". One can only imagine the heartache behind that.

So in our increasingly paperless society, paper still thrives. I wonder how we would fare if these 33 and 99 day projects depended on circular letters, handwritten and speeding between us by airmail!

:) I really like airports, although not often delays unless they bring gifts, and not the colds they often implant like a time bomb whether or not I douse myself in anti-bacterials and work my way handlessly through aisles and doors. But I love the in-betweenness of airports, neither here nor there. Potential, yes, and the unknownness of people, and the different rules... how rare it is these days to talk to anyone nearby while traveling, until the very last minute, after landing, waiting for luggage. So often it is this almost-off-the-plane time in which people let down their "Don't talk to me" air and make introductions.

One place more bleak than airports, is the dentist's office on a day like today when I finally return to the surgeon I abandoned a few years ago. He had lied to me after the first of four scheduled procedures... said the healing would take just a few days, a week at most, and weeks later I was still in pain and groggy. So, I left him to "live my life!" Well... not having at least the second of the four turned out to be a huge mistake, and possibly an irrevocable decision now requiring far more time with he and possibly orthodontists over the next year when - @@ - I don't even know if I will have proper insurance.

Ahhhh...
I wanted to cry hard in frustration, but couldn't. How could I? There is too much right and well in my life to possibly fall apart in self-pity, and there are too many others I know that are going through stresses that must seem life-and-death in magnitude, but still, there is a part of me that wants to just take the day and whine on someone's shoulder and hear "there there."

:) Well... I've made myself giggle now... talked down from the ledge. <3

We somehow need to allow ourselves acceptable places for these moments, guilt-free, compartmentalized so that we can then cover them up with the soil of 'what else is true' having watered the seeds of potential learning with our tears of humility, tears that likely contain far more than that moment's frustration. edited 14:14, 15 May 2014

../me walks into the 99 days room and puts on the music - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCbnp0bhW_o - this is the music I usually listen to when I "come" to read all the latest 99 news :)

hmm airports ... usually for me its an exciting place ... but its because when I travel - its often in the process of doing something life changing ...very different from work ... 6 hours ... that is a long flight .. and lots of waiting when the flight is delayed. May be we could come up with suggestions for Maxine .. what to do when waiting at airports ...most people get on the net right?

There there Liz - all will be ok :)~~~(~~(~~~~@

I agree Cat there is something special about following your thoughts and experiments with new habbits, exercise, meditation....

Today has been a bit hard, its getting cold in the evenings, and mornings and one has to get used to it again.
Lots to do and feeling so scatter brain .... at least I am more settled now - listening to this relaxing music. May be the evening will be more cosy and peaceful. <3

The whole day turned out differently than expected (yes, I know: expectation is the enemy of appreciation aka happiness). Sat just now, late evening, and quite unsatisfactory it was too.

((( eliza ))) and ((( everyone )))

Putting on Szavanna's music...

For some reason, hearing from Maxine and related comments, what came to mind was: "look at people's faces". Someone once told me to do that, and over the years I've been finding that more and more simple and powerful.

Which accords with a realization today, further clarifying 33 days intention:

"Suchness" says it better than "emptiness" or "nowness": just what is, nothing more or less than what is happening. Heart and mind and being unspun.



So meditate not on absenting thoughts or perceptions or emotions or anything, but on suchness.

I suppose another perspective on that is: complete openness.

Which comes back to faces :-) edited 22:39, 15 May 2014

Oh Eos I love what what you are saying.
Meditation has always confused me so I have stated away from it. I'm not able to slow down or shut off my thoughts so felt I would fail at such a task. I do however find that allowing the thoughts to move in their own direction is entertaining and sometimes really soothing.
And I do study faces :-) there is so much written there

Thank you