2014.05.06 _ 14

Rolled out of bed and onto the cushion for five minutes of grumbling and self-annoyance and recrimination. Let it flow past without impinging on my serenity (at least, that was the theory).

http://slantedflying.com/a-talk-on-taiji-the-philosophy-of-yin-yang/

A bit hard to get going this morning. And suddenly aware of the blinds onto the garden which have been drawn each morning lately. I have just not taken the time nor notice to raise the blinds on the springtime abounding outside in the condo courtyard. Sitting in the dark, as it were, just out of not noticing! Now there should be a lesson in there, I tell myself. Of course the fantasy is that everyone else raises his/her blinds each morning to reveal the garden and its delights. But that's a dangerous road to travel, where all the light/enlightenment is then felt to be out there and none inside of me...

So I try to carefully tend this awareness of the blinds, of the garden, of that inner tendency to get down on myself when I notice my staying in the dark. This is part of my hope during these 33 days -- to bring more awareness into the dark regions...

Maxine, that's wonderful and insightful. How many of us have not been there? Thank you. :-)

It has been said, by some of those for whom I have worked in the past as "bosses", that I had a problem of disrespect for authority, or that I was dismissive or supercilious. It was only in later years that I understood myself well enough to know why that appeared so to some. For I can see I had little respect for the kind of authority held by those I felt had no place being there, whose position seemed arbitrary, and and yet who exercised their authority without humility as though they deserved it.

Who was I to be so judgmental? Never mind if things seemed out of balance to me, and their position felt to me to be detrimental to the success of the organization, I must have seemed so arrogant to those elevated folk.

Yet now I read of the Glass Bead Game's protagonist as follows: "... he was aware of still other forces within himself, a certain independence, a self-reliance which by no means barred him or hampered him from serving, but demanded of him that he serve only the highest master."

Sometimes Hesse talks of internal turmoils such as guilt and fear, which I find I cannot relate to. But sometimes those internal discussions and realizations find a resonance in me - like this one.

Of course, who am I to judge who is the highest master, or one sufficiently high? What makes me either capable or worthy to do so? Who am I to consider myself worthy of apprenticeship to them?

I'm not after status, but I love to learn and feel compelled to serve. When recently someone (in a different organization to which I belong) was elevated to a position akin to that of guardian in Play as Being, my congratulatory message to them, in the new forum that they were now granted access to, was simply, "Welcome to the servants' quarters."

Joy
All there is
No room for sorrow
No room for regrets
Filled beyond measure
Joy abounds

Love that: "I love to learn and feel compelled to serve."

Today the rain in the evening seemed to suddenly clear into freshness and light. I worked in the garden stillness trimming, listening to pure sounds of bird song, the song.

Lol cat and max and storm and wol and liza stevenaia et al...

One decisive stroke
this thought nowhere supported
Enso on I-pad

"The ensō symbolizes absolute enlightenment, strength, elegance, the universe, and mu (the void). It is characterised by a minimalism born of Japanese aesthetics.(snip) Usually a person draws the ensō in one fluid, expressive stroke.[1] When drawn according to the sōsho (草書?) style of Japanese calligraphy, the brushstroke is especially swift. Once the ensō is drawn, one does not change it. It evidences the character of its creator and the context of its creation in a brief, contiguous period of time. Drawing ensō is a spiritual practice that one might perform as often as once per day.
[ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ens%C5%8D ]



"Work is the privilege of serving others." <-- a line my grandfather has repeated to me a million times; we talked about it just yesterday when I laughed, "Yes yes you always tell me that..." Lately he also tells me his age, every time he visits. No one would guess to see him, driving around in his old red pick-up truck, how much he accomplished at various points in his life - accomplishments now invisible, having been given away.

He has also said to me that everything he did, starting his own businesses, etc., he did because he was lazy and was trying to get out of working. : ) edited 00:14, 7 May 2014

"accomplishments now invisible, having been given away" - what a wonderful line! Yes i can relate to that. Thank you eliza. Your grandfather sounds very like me, and perhaps we would like each other, or at the very least I suspect we would understand each other! :-)

Lovely to glance back to these lovely, lively, insightful shadings from dear, dear friends! Thank you so much, Storm, Eliza, Eos, Cat, Wol.

Adding this late..this day was full.
Walking trip to Burke Museum with the Pre K.
Saw the Columbia mammoth tusk.
Being in an exhausted/energized state has me wondering what we learned.
We managed to ask questions which I wrote down for them.
What did you notice and what are you wondering about...