2014.06.12 13:00 - Communication or lack thereof

The Guardian for this meeting was Aphrodite Macbain. The comments are by Aphrodite Macbain.

Aphrodite Macbain: Hi Wol
Wol Euler: hello aph
Aphrodite Macbain: How are things with you?
Wol Euler: mixed, but mostly good
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Wol Euler: I just spent a strange hour with my very elderly, housebound neighbour
Aphrodite Macbain: oh? how was it strange?
Wol Euler: I was in the kitchen and heard him shouting outdoors, trying to get somebody to respond. Nobody did.
Aphrodite Macbain: so you did
Wol Euler: well, yes
Aphrodite Macbain: good for you
Wol Euler: I hope that I am salting away a few karma points to balance out my more egregious sins
Aphrodite Macbain: he he
Wol Euler: it's so hard
Aphrodite Macbain: what is?
Wol Euler: he is profoundly deaf, or perhaps it's just my impenetrable accent
Aphrodite Macbain: eh?
Wol Euler: so we cannot communicate. He talks, sometimes, and I listen and try to emote appropriately
Wol Euler: hello korel
Aphrodite Macbain: waves- hi Kori
Wol Euler: he doesn't remember me. I've lived downstairs from him for twenty years
Korel Laloix: Heya
Aphrodite Macbain: what was his problem? why was he calling out?
Wol Euler: he wanted somebody to call the police
Wol Euler: that was it, "call the police!"
Aphrodite Macbain: did you ever find out why?
Wol Euler: I couldn't make clear to him that I wanted to know why he wanted them
Wol Euler: and I suspect he didn't know either really
Aphrodite Macbain: aww
Wol Euler: he was not particularly distressed, certainly not in discomfort, not immobilized
Wol Euler: and there were no signs of a break-in or anything of that ilk
Aphrodite Macbain: Kori - Wol is talking about her next door neighbour
Wol Euler: I think he just thought that the police were the people to call when things are not quite right
Wol Euler: yes, sorry
Wol Euler: elderly housebound guy who lives upstairs
Aphrodite Macbain: Has he ever done this before?
Wol Euler: was shouting out his kitchen window
Wol Euler: yes, sometimes he stands at his apartment door and shouts down the staircase
Wol Euler: there too, nobody but me seems to hear
Aphrodite Macbain: Has he any friends or family you can ask about him?
Wol Euler: he has a son who doesn't give a damn
Aphrodite Macbain: sigh
Wol Euler: who, to be fair, is a bit burdened with his family at the moment and perhaps just doesn't have enough damns left over
Aphrodite Macbain: he he
Wol Euler: no friends that I know of, I never saw anyone visiting even when his wife was alive
Aphrodite Macbain: what a lonely life he must live!
Aphrodite Macbain: especially as he can't hear well
Wol Euler: he's ... let me see, he was 84 when ... he must be somewhere between 88 and 90
Aphrodite Macbain: nods
Wol Euler: he has a daily home help who comes in, two or three times daily
Aphrodite Macbain: I suppose that's something.
Wol Euler: I've met her a few times, once I was in the apartment having responded to him in distress when she arrived. We have a kind of professional-respect relationship :)
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: I suspect it is an underlying fear we all have- to be alone and old and powerless
Wol Euler: he sat on the bed for a while, talking occasionally in half-sentences, then wanted to sleep
Wol Euler: so I got him to stand and walked him up to the head of the bed and sat him again
Wol Euler: tucked him in, and made the mistake of asking whether he wanted his glasses on in bed or not
Wol Euler: I must remember not to do that. Questions only confuse him
Aphrodite Macbain: choices are difficult?
Wol Euler: point is: one lens was missing and the other was so encrusted with dirt that it had a texture
Aphrodite Macbain: erk
Aphrodite Macbain: so I guess he couldn't see or hear well
Wol Euler: so I washed it and will send a message to his son, which he'll ignore
Aphrodite Macbain: :=/
Wol Euler: the lens
Aphrodite Macbain: I imagine your presence was reassuring
Wol Euler: I hope so
Wol Euler: It's hard to tell given the lack of communication, but I hope he understood that I was trying to help
Aphrodite Macbain: I'm sure he must have
Aphrodite Macbain: The tone of your voice, your smile can communicate warmth
Wol Euler: I'm not sure he hears the tone of my voice
Wol Euler: it's not so much that choices are hard (your question) as that being asked a question confuses him. I see that in my own father. He's not prepared to interpret and analyze and form a policy
Aphrodite Macbain: nods
Wol Euler: or perhaps it really was just that he couldn't understand a single thing I said
Wol Euler: or did
Wol Euler: he can't interpret mime either
Aphrodite Macbain: interesting
Aphrodite Macbain: I suppose it has to do with parts of the brain- that we take for granted-don't work anymore
Aphrodite Macbain: understanding facial expressions, tones of voice are both learned and innate

Aphrodite Macbain: How is your grandmother Kori - is she well?
Aphrodite Macbain: oops
Aphrodite Macbain: she left
Wol Euler: I bored her away :(
Aphrodite Macbain: I doubt that :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: she is working right now
Wol Euler nods.
 

Aphrodite Macbain: How is your dad Wol?
Aphrodite Macbain: Any better? Happier?
Wol Euler: well, he has settled in and accepted the place, which is good
Wol Euler: he said "I like it here" at one point a few weeks ago
Aphrodite Macbain: Must be a relief for your mother
Wol Euler: oh yes
Aphrodite Macbain: and the rest of the family
Wol Euler: though she is still flaying the skin from her back daily for not caring for him at home until death do them part
Aphrodite Macbain: oh dear
Aphrodite Macbain: guilt is an ugly emotion
Wol Euler nods.
Wol Euler: and in this instance a totally inappropriate one
Wol Euler: IMHO
Aphrodite Macbain: I wonder why we do that? Take on responsibility for things we cannot change
Aphrodite Macbain: Not accepting what is.
Wol Euler nods.
Wol Euler: well, it damages her self-image
Wol Euler: and her pride
Aphrodite Macbain: she thinks she should be capable of almost anything?
Wol Euler: she's had various repairs and maintenance done on the house, I think as a way of proving that she's not incapable
Wol Euler: well she always was.
Aphrodite Macbain: nods
Wol Euler: and yes, she expects nothing less than total competence at all times from herself
Aphrodite Macbain: I suppose she expects you to be that way too?
Wol Euler: fortunately not
Wol Euler: as oldest child all I need do is continue breathing to be a perfect being
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: The concept of perfection is such an odd one
Aphrodite Macbain: and such a social construct
Aphrodite Macbain: and so relative to the person constructing it.
Wol Euler nods.
Aphrodite Macbain: I wonder what would make you imperfect in her eyes
Aphrodite Macbain: Maybe she simply accepts you warts and all
Wol Euler: well, perfect is not a word she applies to me, that was incorrectly expressed before
Wol Euler: she knows the warts
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Wol Euler: but ... say "fully sufficient" or some such expression
Aphrodite Macbain: nods
Aphrodite Macbain: she accepts you for who you are.
Aphrodite Macbain: but she doesn't apply that to herself
Wol Euler: she accepts who she thinks I am, and it is a close enough match to who I am that it is not worth discussing
Wol Euler: true
Wol Euler: which I am sure is the voice of her mother echoing in her head
Aphrodite Macbain: nods
Wol Euler: grandma was a nasty old bitch
Aphrodite Macbain: lol
Wol Euler: vicious, mean, spiteful, rude
Aphrodite Macbain: your poor mother!
Wol Euler: if you brought her a pie, she would tell you at length about the wonderful cake that Doris brought her last week, oh boy that was such a good cake, and on and on
Wol Euler: never once mentioning the damned pie
Aphrodite Macbain: some people have no empathy at all
Wol Euler: my interpretation is that Mom is fighting off grandma's voice telling her that she is not good enough. Which she did say, sometimes in as many words
Aphrodite Macbain: sounds very likely - a fight she will never win I guess
Aphrodite Macbain: how sad
Aphrodite Macbain: Things like that are indelibly ingrained within our psyche.
Wol Euler: well given that grandma has been dead for thirty years, it's now unlikely
Wol Euler: but yes
Wol Euler: that inner voice(s) of the critic
Aphrodite Macbain: nods
Aphrodite Macbain: I suppose we all do that to ourselves to a certain extent.
Aphrodite Macbain: we would have to be psychopaths to have no inner self critical voice
Aphrodite Macbain: no feelings of guilt
Wol Euler nods.
 

Aphrodite Macbain: I was thinking of going to Venice again soon
Wol Euler: ah :)
Aphrodite Macbain: combining it with a trip to either Bologna or the Lakes
Aphrodite Macbain: provided I have any money in my pocket. My wallet is a bit thin these days....
Wol Euler nods.
Wol Euler: there's a lot of that going around
Aphrodite Macbain: :(
Aphrodite Macbain: How's work?
Aphrodite Macbain: Thin?
Wol Euler: work is thick but payment is thin
Aphrodite Macbain: hmmm
Aphrodite Macbain: lots of preparation for projects that don't come through?
Aphrodite Macbain: I'm in the same boat with the Cape Dorset project
Aphrodite Macbain: a month's worth of work....
Wol Euler nods.
Aphrodite Macbain: So I keep busy by organizing a solstice celebration on SL- at Sorrentina
Aphrodite Macbain: Did you get a notice?
Wol Euler: yes but I haven't read it yet (rezzed it)
Aphrodite Macbain: kk
Wol Euler: ten days?
Wol Euler: nine
Aphrodite Macbain: ?
Aphrodite Macbain: June 21/22
Aphrodite Macbain: yes
Aphrodite Macbain: Sat/Sun
Wol Euler: good :)
Aphrodite Macbain: Just gave you the schedule
Wol Euler: ty
Aphrodite Macbain: Maybe you can come and get your Tarot cards read
Wol Euler: Fencing on the Great Lawn!
Aphrodite Macbain: yes :-)
Wol Euler: can I bring my two-handed samurai greatsword?
Aphrodite Macbain: EnGarde
Aphrodite Macbain: mhmm
Aphrodite Macbain: you can give a demo
Wol Euler chuckles.
Aphrodite Macbain: pokes you in the ribs

Wol Euler: just another of the ways in which I thought I might use SL, before I figured out that it wasn't about using.
Aphrodite Macbain: ??
Wol Euler: that it wasn't a game
Aphrodite Macbain: ah
Wol Euler: that there is no compulsion to "do" here
Aphrodite Macbain: For me it's a means of creating and connecting
Aphrodite Macbain: a means that can be playful or serious
Aphrodite Macbain: not for you?
Wol Euler: sure
Wol Euler: all of the above
Wol Euler: but there is no single thing that is the only right way for one (each individual one) to use it
Aphrodite Macbain: Nods
Aphrodite Macbain: true
Aphrodite Macbain: It holds no expectations
Aphrodite Macbain: But nevertheless I make commitments to people I encounter here
Wol Euler: of course
Wol Euler: because you and they are people
Aphrodite Macbain: yes
Aphrodite Macbain: and SL is simply a means of communicating
 

Aphrodite Macbain: speaking of which
Wol Euler: mmm?
Aphrodite Macbain: I am finally in the market for a cell phone
Aphrodite Macbain: and have no idea where to start. Maybe an Android
Wol Euler: ha!
Wol Euler: well, wait just a sec
Aphrodite Macbain: k

The conversation transformed into tech talk that not remotely relates to PaB and its vision...

Aphrodite Macbain: thanks Wol
Wol Euler: yw
Wol Euler: have fun°!
Wol Euler: take a lot of patience with you when you go
Aphrodite Macbain: I'm off to see what Rogers has to offer
Wol Euler smiles.
Aphrodite Macbain: and will pack some patience
Wol Euler: take care, aph
Aphrodite Macbain: u2 Hugs
Wol Euler smiles.