2010.01.29 01:00 - Awareness and numbness

The Guardian for this meeting was Liza Deischer. The comments are by Liza Deischer.

Being here on my own, no one around, I just wrote down what I experienced. To make it easier to read, I erased my name in most of the lines.

Liza Deischer:
no-one around, I'm in this big circle all by myself and watch the water of the fountain going up and down, seeing the changes and watching myself how I and my body react on it
It is still strange to notice how natural everything feels in sl
The water soothes me, like real water does
and it helps me to get into that place in myself in which it is easier to drop and easier to become aware
noticing the subtle changes in my body
but it also soothes me in a way that I tend to get away form myself
to other places in which I feel comfortable, but without really noticing it, being aware
like i'm there and at the same time drifting away
I notice it is not always easy to feel the difference between those two stages of mind
before you notice you miss any feeling of being in contact with yourself, feeling peaceful and at the same time 'out of it', some kind of numbness
while staying in contact, being aware is the real interesting part

--BELL--

Liza Deischer:
it is tricky, because the numbness feels nice and peaceful and actually feels like I'm in contact with myself and mine surroundings, but there is a subtle difference with being aware
At least that is how I feel it
Awareness to me is important, because it helps me to understand why I feel like I do and with doing so, it gives me more choices. It takes me to the heart of who I really am.
'who I really am' are no words a buddhist would use, but I'm only describing what I feel :-)
But the one that is really me, seems to understand the flows of life, and seems to understand better the way 'I' am in contact with myself and others and my surroundings
which actually brings up the question: who is me?
Am I in contact with, or am I the contact itself, or better, the space in with real contact can take place
Being space, hmmmmm
I like that concept

--BELL--

Liza Deischer:
I actually think that is enough for today, so here my contemplation ends, and I'm getting back to my daily thoughts, like sending an e-mail to someone

Liza Deischer: :-)