2014.01.27 13:00 - Impostor or Alibi

The Guardian for this meeting was Eliza Madrigal. The comments are by Eliza Madrigal.

A few nights ago, I heard someone describe a yoga class in which their teacher had asked a question for consideration as the class took each new pose.    
It was: Who are you? or, maybe it was: What are you now?
The topic of ALTS and "deciding who to sign in as that day" that we eventually came around to during this session, reminded me of this story.

:)  WHO is taking poses?    pauses?    pawses? 
 

Talk of weather woes and heavy snows ...

Bruce Mowbray: Heya, Cat! Always good to see you.
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Bruce gtsy :)
Bruce Mowbray: I have forgotten. . . . It this supposed to be the theme session on the movie "her"?
Catrinamonblue Resident: not sure :)
Bruce Mowbray: hmmm. Well, then, we'll just take it as it flows.
Catrinamonblue Resident: smiles
Bruce Mowbray: Can you see the snow?
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes
Bruce Mowbray: :)
Bruce Mowbray: Have you ever seen snow fall that FAST before?
Catrinamonblue Resident: nicer than the snow I was driving in this morning
Bruce Mowbray: yeppers.
Bruce Mowbray: I do empathize with you on that one.
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes, white out conditions, wasn't fun
Bruce Mowbray: I have a jury duty appearance tomorrow morning --- when we're suppose to have a chill factor of at least 20 below zero here.
Bruce Mowbray: And I have been trying to call the court all day to find out what to do... but no one will answer my calls.
Bruce Mowbray: (or respond to my voice messages).
Catrinamonblue Resident: smiles, was out last week to work with wind chills near to -40
Bruce Mowbray: amazing.
Bruce Mowbray: My lungs simply could not deal with that.
Bruce Mowbray: It's enough for me to walk to the mailbox and back.
Bruce Mowbray: (almost TOO MUCH, in fact.)
Catrinamonblue Resident: nods, it wasn't fun but have to work
Catrinamonblue Resident: need money to pay bills and such :)
Bruce Mowbray: I had a severe pneumonia two years ago that left my lungs scarred to the point that really cold temps impair my breathing.
Bruce Mowbray: oh yes, I empathize with that money stuff, too.
Bruce Mowbray: alas.
Bruce Mowbray: I filled out my federal tax forms today.
Catrinamonblue Resident: ah, I have no lung issues fortunately :) so didn't have too hard a time with the cold

Bruce Mowbray: YO, Eliza-ji!
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Eliza :)
Bruce Mowbray: Our favorite mermaid!
Eliza Madrigal: YO, Bruce-mon
Eliza Madrigal: Hi Cat :))
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)

--BELL--

Eliza Madrigal: Is it still snowing?
Bruce Mowbray: Unmercifully, yes.
Bruce Mowbray: and the coldest chill factors in three decades coming tomorrow morning...
Bruce Mowbray: do they have chill factors in SL?
Eliza Madrigal: oooh poor you
Eliza Madrigal: but nice reason to go nowhere
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Bruce Mowbray: (Well, not me, actually.... but my typist. Yes, I fear for his health during times like these.)
Bruce Mowbray: Yes, unless you have been "commanded" to appear for jury duty in a town 24 miles away...
Eliza Madrigal: sigh
Bruce Mowbray: (as my typist has....)
Eliza Madrigal: the justice system needs fair-minded persons such as yourself though...
Bruce Mowbray: sigh sigh double sigh,,,,,, everybody know my pligh --t.
Eliza Madrigal: so, thank you Bruce
Bruce Mowbray: yw.
Bruce Mowbray: I AM NOT GOING!
Eliza Madrigal: hehehhe
Bruce Mowbray: They can find some other fair-minded souls.
Bruce Mowbray: ha ha!
Eliza Madrigal: where?
Eliza Madrigal laughs
Bruce Mowbray: well, somewhere in the county.
Bruce Mowbray: I only go to that town twice a year to see my dentist...
Bruce Mowbray: so why I have been commanded to appear in their municipal court, I'm not sure.
Eliza Madrigal: hm
Bruce Mowbray: But I have a notion that it's not because I'm fair-minded.
 

Eliza Madrigal: Hi Aggers!
Bruce Mowbray: Hello, aggers!
Agatha Macbeth: G'day folklings :)

The session begins...

Eliza Madrigal: So I've rezzed the singing bell for 5 minute pauses, for the next 3. I'll need to leave about 5 minutes early today to attend a doggie event
Agatha Macbeth: Woof
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Zen Arado: there was a lovely photo on FB
Zen Arado: of a doggie rescue
Bruce Mowbray: wow.
Agatha Macbeth: Good, it compensates for the murdered bear
Eliza Madrigal: :(
Bruce Mowbray: awwwww.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...type=1&theater
(Photo courtesy of Paw Protectors Rescue)
 

(hah) Let's try this again...

Eliza Madrigal: would anyone like to throw a topic into the mix, that we can consider during the pauses?
Agatha Macbeth: Snow?
Eliza Madrigal: um...no
Agatha Macbeth: Ok
Eliza Madrigal: the point of this being to bracket the cares of the day
Bruce Mowbray: I was wondering when we decided to have the theme session on "her."
Agatha Macbeth: Not sure I want my cares bracketed ;)
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Eliza Madrigal: this coming weekend? giving some like wol a bit more time?
Bruce Mowbray ponders bracketing anything - especially one's cares.

Eliza Madrigal: meaning...not quite drop them...
Bruce Mowbray: kk, ty, Eliza.
Eliza Madrigal: but consider placing them on hold

Catrinamonblue Resident: was thinking earlier about alts and why people use them and how they decide who to log in as on a given day?

--BELL--

Agatha Macbeth: Always seems hard to get these things in Germany for some reason
Eliza Madrigal: (5 minutes... alts in various forms it is)
Agatha Macbeth: Bong
Eliza Madrigal smiles at Bruce
Agatha Macbeth: Oh where did he go?
Bruce Mowbray: As an alt, this one is less than desirable.
Agatha Macbeth: Plus it has the same name ;)
Bruce Mowbray: Neither the jet pack, nor the skates, nor the sunglasses FIT!
Eliza Madrigal: :) do you consider it an alt when you have a dramatic change of appearance"as Bruce"
Bruce Mowbray: I guess I must consider it that.
Eliza Madrigal: (with apologies for term it)

Bruce Mowbray: I could never warm up to having different names....
Eliza Madrigal: interesting

Catrinamonblue Resident: I created an alt but don't use her, I can't see myself as anyone but Cat, and I feel like I am deceiving people if I meet them not as Cat and don't tell them. And with telling them it's really Cat why have an alt :) or at least that was my thought process earlier today :)

Bruce Mowbray: so, back to Bruce (in the flesh).

Bruce Mowbray listens.

Zen Arado: first nature expresses us as humans..then the human expresses itself as an avatar...we have more control over the second choice...or do we?

Agatha Macbeth: Lot of logic in that Cat
Eliza Madrigal: I like that question Zen
Eliza Madrigal: I can only speak for myself really, though I do have understanding of many perspectives
(moved the sentence above, for sake of coherency of oohing and ahhing that follows photo)
Zen Arado: doggie photo : https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...type=1&theater
 

Let's see that again! ^.^

Catrinamonblue Resident: awww sweet :)
Bruce Mowbray: AWWWW. SO BEAUTIFUL.
Bruce Mowbray: THANKS for sharing that, Zen.
Agatha Macbeth: Woof woof
Eliza Madrigal: paw protectors ^^
Agatha Macbeth: Barking mad 
Zen Arado: makes me want to have a dog again

Eliza Madrigal: Hi Maude!
DR42 Resident: ηαмαѕтє
Zen Arado: Hi Maude
Agatha Macbeth: Rather
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Maude
Arisia Vita: greetings all
Zen Arado: Ari
Eliza Madrigal: we've been talking about alts, doggies, and snow
Eliza Madrigal: Namaste
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Ari :)
Eliza Madrigal: Hi Ari! when did you sneak in?
Agatha Macbeth: Hello Ari dear
Eliza Madrigal: easy to miss a tall blue avatar... hehe
Arisia Vita: like asking a man wearing a mask who he is? :)
Bruce Mowbray: Heya, Ari-ji-ster!
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Bruce Mowbray: Heya, Maude-ji-ster!

Eliza Madrigal: So I have two main alts, but a total of 5...
Zen Arado: Why don't I come in as Jan?
Agatha Macbeth: Lizcrowd
Eliza Madrigal: I really only sign in regularly as Eliza and Lila
Eliza Madrigal: but I do have a male alt, an alt that is most often a giant wolf, and a less recognizable female alt
Zen Arado: I have 3 alts..Zen, Jan and a secret one
Bruce Mowbray: [My typist has so many sub-personalities (alts???) that I figure it's more stable for me to appear just as one.]

Eliza Madrigal: when Eliza is on, she is so multitasky.. so social
Bruce Mowbray: :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Eliza Madrigal: if I go to a meditative event as Eliza, I feel like I have to be "on" more
Zen Arado: I don't see why you would change with a different alt
Bruce Mowbray: Heya and welcome, Alana!
Zen Arado: it is still the same typist
Eliza Madrigal: as Lila I can be in the background... and good friends allow me

Eliza Madrigal: Hi Alana, welcome!
Zen Arado: Hi Alana
Eliza Madrigal: Alana have you visited PlayasBeing before?
Eliza Madrigal: please join us
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Alana
AlanaEmily Resident: yes, many times
Eliza Madrigal: Oh, wonderful... forgive me for not recognizing you
Eliza Madrigal: so you know about our recording sessions, etc?
Zen Arado: when we talked about alts one time before a lot of them appeared
AlanaEmily Resident: Well, I am sitting on the opposite side of the circle, too. :)
Bruce Mowbray: Hmmmm. Curious how that happens.
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Eliza Madrigal: that was fun, Zen...that session!
Eliza Madrigal: and we had an Alt of Being project too ^^
Bruce Mowbray: Yes, I was at that one.
Agatha Macbeth: Hello Zon
Bruce Mowbray: I came as a tree.

Eliza Madrigal: Alana, in one minute we'll pause...for 5 minutes
Zon Kwan: heya
Zen Arado: Hi Zon
Bruce Mowbray: (but really did NOT understand the concept of "alt" yet.)
Eliza Madrigal: there will be a small bell, but we'll finish at the second end bell after 5 minutes
Eliza Madrigal: Hi Zon :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Zon :)

--BELL--

Eliza Madrigal: let's consider "alts and friends"
Bruce Mowbray: A warm welcome to you, Jan!
Eliza Madrigal: Hello Jan! Ltns you at PaB :)
Agatha Macbeth: Here comes Jan :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Jan :)
Zen Arado: she's such a poser

Eliza Madrigal: What Cat described was, when in an alt, feeling like an impostor... which made me think of a phenomenon called "impostor syndrome" which people often experience in RL
(The impostor syndrome, sometimes called impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome, is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be. -Wikipedia)

Jan Qualia: look who's talking
Eliza Madrigal: now now you two
Zon Kwan: hi Jan
Bruce Mowbray: tsk tsk.
Agatha Macbeth: Say more Liz?
AlanaEmily Resident: I also feel like an Impostor, but I felt that way for a long time in RL, too.
Eliza Madrigal: care to say more Alana?
Catrinamonblue Resident: oh wow, I suffered that for years.... never knew.....
Bruce Mowbray listens carefully for more about imposter-feelings.
AlanaEmily Resident: I wasn't being me. Took hard work to overcome that.
Bruce Mowbray: Is it about "pretense"?
Catrinamonblue Resident: nods
Eliza Madrigal: Aggers it is usually when someone experiences success or something good ...and can't allow themselves to take credit for it... or feels like they have gotten away with something

Eliza Madrigal: Ah, I see Alana...so you weren't being you, as you?
Bruce Mowbray: Hmmm.
Agatha Macbeth: How strange
Zen Arado: how can you not be you? hmm
Eliza Madrigal: most often females go through this
Bruce Mowbray ponders not being worthy of accepting credit.
Catrinamonblue Resident: always felt like a kid with their hand caught in the cookie jar, was always waiting for people to say how bad a job I did
Zen Arado: unless you put on an act
Eliza Madrigal nods
Zen Arado: but maybe we are always acting
Catrinamonblue Resident: never could beleive I did a good job, took a long long long time to move away from that
Eliza Madrigal: well what if you are rewarded for the act, and ignored for "being you"
(although one could say that you deserve credit for putting on such a good act! :P)

Bruce Mowbray notices cookie jar is right in front of Zen.
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Zen Arado: takes hand out quickly
Bruce Mowbray: ha ha!
Catrinamonblue Resident: laughs

AlanaEmily Resident: Hmmm. Consider that most think "inside the box."
Zen Arado: often comes from having critical parents
Catrinamonblue Resident: nods
Catrinamonblue Resident: or controlling parents
Bruce Mowbray: or homicidal parents.

Eliza Madrigal: to some extent we're all affected by trying to figure out what the world wants from us at some point in life?
Eliza Madrigal: trying this and that on for size?
Eliza Madrigal: part of development...but maybe can get stuck?
Bruce Mowbray ponders "what the world wants from us" and wonders if it matters.

Jan Qualia: perhaps we try different personas until we find one that is comfortable
Jan Qualia: to hide behind
AlanaEmily Resident: Yes, but more when the world expects you to be what you are not, and you try to make people happy and end up being an imposter.
Eliza Madrigal nods.. or reveal through
Eliza Madrigal: if we feel another packaging is in the way

Bruce Mowbray: Isn't that an absolutely necessary part of socialization, though -- I mean, trying out different personas to see which ones fit?
Eliza Madrigal nods Alana...
Jan Qualia: Aspergers people have this problem
Jan Qualia: they don't like socialising but have to act like others
Jan Qualia: to fit in
Eliza Madrigal: I think so Bruce, but it can be a really brutal process for some

Bruce Mowbray: Did I miss your arrival, Zon.
Bruce Mowbray: Yeya, and welcome!
Bruce Mowbray: (in that case).
Eliza Madrigal nods with Jan
Catrinamonblue Resident: who is me behind you
Jan Qualia: we all act to fit social mores don't we?
Bruce Mowbray: But isn't that experimentation with personas what adolescence is about?
Jan Qualia: and we don't even notice it
Eliza Madrigal: Eliza taps into something that my typist is, not is posing as, but so do quite different alts
Eliza Madrigal: that's not always easy to understand, or for others to reconcile
Bruce Mowbray: Well, adolescents do both ---- trying to fit in -- and trying to rebel against fitting in.
Eliza Madrigal: contraditions

--BELL--

Bruce Mowbray: And maybe Second Life give us late-bloomers a second chance at experimentation.
Bruce Mowbray: (sry).
Eliza Madrigal: :)) Yes! Let's consider "experimentation" in this 5 minutes
Bruce Mowbray: kk.
Bruce Mowbray: (sits on hands).

AlanaEmily Resident: The expectations of society can make it extreamly difficult for experimentation. Consider people who are not gender binary.
Eliza Madrigal: very true
Bruce Mowbray: listens and ponders dearly.

Zen Arado: yes...comes back to nondual thing that we really don't have choice
Zen Arado: our culture and many other factors determine our behaviour
Eliza Madrigal: it is one thing to know not to "care what others think" but we don't live as islands

Bruce Mowbray: The entire universe "determines" our behavior.
Zen Arado: we choose but the choices are conditioned
Zen Arado: not out of the blue
Zen Arado: exactly bruce
Bruce Mowbray: the tributaries of who we are - are infinite.

Bruce Mowbray: But is that an excuse?
Zen Arado: but we like to see ourselves as separate from it
Eliza Madrigal: so we condition one another
Zen Arado: everything conditions everything else
Bruce Mowbray: We "condition" the entire cosmos - and are conditioned BY it.
Eliza Madrigal: It comes back to the early PaB saying of "what I have, not what I am"

Zen Arado: excuse for what bruce?
Bruce Mowbray: I actually meant something more like, "alibi."
Zen Arado: I know what you mean
Bruce Mowbray: But an "excuse" for being what we are -- existentially chosen, as it were.
Zen Arado: difficult question
Bruce Mowbray: oh yeah, difficult.
Zen Arado: moral culpability
Bruce Mowbray: Indeed.

Bruce Mowbray: and that is one of the essential questions that the movie "her" asks, in my opinion.
Zen Arado: 'In the Ghetto' song again
Bruce Mowbray listens.
Zen Arado: oh?
AlanaEmily Resident: Why should people need an excuse for being who they are?
Bruce Mowbray: yes.
Bruce Mowbray: The movie, yes.
Eliza Madrigal: I can't wait to discuss the film
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Bruce Mowbray: (me neither.)
Eliza Madrigal: social isolation is a big theme
Zen Arado: excuse if they do things society doesn't approve of
Zen Arado: we are free to do what we like as long as we don't break the rules
Zen Arado: then they lock you up

Eliza Madrigal: I apologize but I have to go now... to play with some dogs :) Interesting topic and session - thanks so much, and please feel free to stay and chat
Eliza Madrigal: Nice that you came today Alana, and everyone
Arisia Vita: I too must fly...it's been great being with you all
Bruce Mowbray: [or, even an "excuse" for themselves -- for their own existence.... if they have been conditioned to feel they need such an excuse.)
Zen Arado: to see a man about a dog?
Catrinamonblue Resident: Bye Eliza :)
Agatha Macbeth: Bye Liz, woof well
Zon Kwan: bye eliza
Zen Arado: byee Eliza
Catrinamonblue Resident: Bye Ari :)
Bruce Mowbray: Great to see you, Ari!
Arisia Vita: be well and happy
Zen Arado: bye Ari
Arisia Vita: see you again soon
Agatha Macbeth: Take care Ari
Bruce Mowbray: Be YOU!
Eliza Madrigal: bye Ari :) bye everyone! <3
Jan Qualia: nice outfit Ari
Zon Kwan: bye Ari
Zon Kwan: bye all
Jan Qualia: byee Eliza

Bruce Mowbray: oh dear.
Bruce Mowbray: Everyone is leaving again.
Agatha Macbeth: She forgot the bell again
Bruce Mowbray: I am having separation anxiety.
Agatha Macbeth: I'll be back :p
Catrinamonblue Resident: hugs Bruce... I'll stay a bit with you :)
Bruce Mowbray: kk.
Agatha Macbeth: Byee
Bruce Mowbray: I hope so!
Bruce Mowbray: no obligations, Cat.
Bruce Mowbray: but I appreciate your compassion.
Bruce Mowbray: Maybe a cookie would help.
Catrinamonblue Resident: :) no obligations :) just waiting for my son to get home so I have time :)
Zen Arado: no bribery :)
Bruce Mowbray: cool!
Bruce Mowbray ponders "bribing" himself . . .

--BELL--

Jan Qualia: guess I better go
Bruce Mowbray: bye for now, Jan!
Catrinamonblue Resident: Bye Jan :) glad to have had you here :)
Bruce Mowbray: I should also go.
Bruce Mowbray: My typist needs to find out if he's going to have to do jury duty tomorrow.
Bruce Mowbray: May all be warm and well.
Catrinamonblue Resident: Bye Bruce :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: and Zen :)
Zen Arado: kk byee Bruce
DR42 Resident: bye'
Zen Arado: byee all
Bruce Mowbray: Bye for now, good people.

Catrinamonblue Resident: I guess I'm going now as well :) Since I'm the last one here :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: bye bell :)

--BELL-- bye, Cat  o/