2008.08.01 01:00 - Fragile Yet Invulnerable

That night at 1 am Gaya was already waiting in the pavilion when I arrived.

Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Gaya Ethaniel: How are you?
Pema Pera: Hi Gaya!
Pema Pera: Fine, relaxed at the end of a long day, and you?
Gaya Ethaniel: Finally got some sleep last night
Pema Pera: that sounds nice :)
Gaya Ethaniel: So no longer feeling 'fragile' then?
Pema Pera: ?
Gaya Ethaniel looks up her diary
Gaya Ethaniel: [19:18] Pema Pera: I've been feeling quite frail recently as well
Gaya Ethaniel: 31 July 7 PM discussion - we talked about 'Fragility'
Pema Pera: ah!
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Pema Pera: and I believe that elsewhere I said that I feel fragile at every session
Pema Pera: and I could add that I also feel invulnerable at every session
Pema Pera: both
Gaya Ethaniel thinks Pema's a sensitive person
Pema Pera: on a relative level, as a being, a human being, I am fragile
Pema Pera: any moment anything can happen
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Pema Pera: while on an absolute/ultimate level what I am is invulnerable
Pema Pera: and it is the combination what makes us truly human
Pema Pera nods to Gaya's kindness
Gaya Ethaniel: I do get hurt by words from others still but not reallyl afraid/aware of me being afraid anymore
Gaya Ethaniel smiles

I reflect upon the wonderful quality of our Play as Being group.

Pema Pera: The beauty here is that it really seems that hurt is never intended in our group
Pema Pera: quite amazing
Gaya Ethaniel: Was called 'clumsy' and 'dull = stupid' yesterday :(
Pema Pera: ?!?
Gaya Ethaniel: That's right - as long as we know that no harm is meant, we shouldn't get offended or upset by it
Pema Pera: and instead see it as an opening for more clarity
Pema Pera: like debugging a computer program
Gaya Ethaniel: Well, I've been real tired because of my insomnia and some problems in my RL. Silly that I even attempted a serious talk with this person in that condition and I of course typed things that I didn't really understood, upsetting the other... and those words were the response from the person, was a little upset at the time but ok now
Pema Pera: a good programmer is always grateful to find a bug
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Gaya Ethaniel: don't think all programmers think that way :)
Pema Pera: the good ones do :)
Gaya Ethaniel: I guess so :)
Pema Pera: as for someone calling someone else stupid, like "you are stupid" that is certainly a mis-use of "to be" :-)
Pema Pera: at most someone has something momentary that might be interpreted in some way in some context as not very clever :)
Pema Pera: and if that person is wrong, it is interesting to wonder why, how come
Pema Pera: and if that person is right, it is interesting to wonder what and how happened to trigger than judgment
Pema Pera: and of course in practice, that person is never 100% right or 100% wrong
Gaya Ethaniel: Yes, think I at least will ponder about that today. Anyway, maybe it was our first 'argument' - in a way a good sign
Pema Pera: :)
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Pema Pera: and sometimes you can just let go of analysis
Pema Pera: lovingly accepting all reactions
Gaya Ethaniel: Yes I did and do :)
Gaya Ethaniel: Everyone has own failings
Pema Pera: like what I read in one of the session logs . . . don't remember which one now

The last weeks seem to have had a special flavor.

Pema Pera: I've seen a deepening in the session conversations over the last couple weeks -- or so it seems to me at least. I very much enjoy reading what happened at each session
Gaya Ethaniel: Same here
Gaya Ethaniel: What particular point jumped at you in #one of the session logs'?
Pema Pera: not one single point
Pema Pera: more the amazing way that people rub off each other
Pema Pera: that the whole is so much more than the parts
Pema Pera: a few remarks here and there
Pema Pera: some tuning of instruments
Pema Pera: and then it seems a whole symphony starts
Gaya Ethaniel: Yes sometimes you see things coming toghether and it's a wonderful feeling regardless diff points of view
Pema Pera: yes, and because of diff points of view, too
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Gaya Ethaniel wonders what instrument Pema would ilke to play if in an orchestra
Pema Pera: drums
Gaya Ethaniel: cool so percussion for you then
Pema Pera: :)
Gaya Ethaniel: thought you'd like to take up a baton :)
Pema Pera: and you?
Pema Pera: drums gives me two batons!
Gaya Ethaniel: hm... that's a good question
Gaya Ethaniel: probably soloist rather than part of the orchestra
Gaya Ethaniel: true... conductor has only one baton :)
Gaya Ethaniel doesn't really see herself fitting into an 'orchestra'
Pema Pera: yet you seem to fit into PaB quite well !
Gaya Ethaniel: Thanks Pema. PaB is not a common 'orchestra' if I may say so
Pema Pera: :>)
Pema Pera: Hi Claire!
Pema Pera: Come join us
Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Gaya Ethaniel: Welcome Claire
Pema Pera: I've mentioned PaB to Claire, Gaya, and asked her to come over
Pema Pera: Claire, meet Gaya

Claire drops in and joins us.

Claire Beltran: *points above head* Oh, this is so embarrassing...
Claire Beltran: I was leaving an RP sim and it's stuck there at the moment.
Gaya Ethaniel: Lovely to meet you Claire
Claire Beltran: You, too! ^-^
Gaya Ethaniel: So you two study together?
Claire Beltran: No.. I just saw Pema at some sort of gathering and friended him.
Claire Beltran: I recognize your outfit...
Gaya Ethaniel knows how big Pema's feet are
Pema Pera: a very SL thing to do :)
Gaya Ethaniel: mine?
Claire Beltran: Yup.
Gaya Ethaniel: From where?
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Claire Beltran: I saw it at LicoLico. I was just there for a minute before I tped here.
Gaya Ethaniel: Never been there... I bought it from a Korean shop
Claire Beltran: Some of their stuff is there... it's a shopping mall.
Gaya Ethaniel: cool, can you send me lm?
Pema Pera: I spoke on a panel about science in SL, as part of the fifth birthday celebration of SL, that's where I met Claire, a few weeks ago. Was a fun panel.
Gaya Ethaniel: 5th birthday SL was a while ago if I remember correctly
Pema Pera: http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=t3Gx68OjAO8 was where I spoke :)
Gaya Ethaniel: cool thanks
Pema Pera: Claire, did you get a bit of an idea what we are doing here, from what little I told you so far?
Claire Beltran: Yes.
Claire Beltran: Sure, I've got an LM...
Gaya Ethaniel thanks Claire
Pema Pera: do you have any questions, or suggestions, about our Play as Being approach -- very brief meditations, frequent discussions, that kind of stuff?
Claire Beltran: You're very welcome <3
Claire Beltran: I'm not sure...
Claire Beltran: But I would still like to ask you about that torch XD
Pema Pera: torch?
Pema Pera: ah!
Pema Pera's memory working slowly
Pema Pera: yes, you gave that to me, I now remember -- no I didn't do anything with it yet :)
Pema Pera: what do yo mostly do in SL, Claire?
Pema Pera: RP?
Claire Beltran: Do you know the name of the sim the torch is going on?
Pema Pera: no?
Claire Beltran: I've only been doing that recently...
Claire Beltran: Mostly I just wander around... find places to shop.
Claire Beltran: I was very lonely until very recently, and i'm still working on that.
Pema Pera: in SL or RL or both, if I may ask?

Bert is dropping by as well.

Pema Pera: Hi Bert!
Pema Pera: meet Claire!
Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Claire Beltran: Both.
Claire Beltran: More so in RL than SL.
Claire Beltran: It's a little jarring because people on the street here actually *want* to talk to you.
Bertrum Quan: Hi Pema, Gaya, Claire
Pema Pera: SL is a remarkable place for meeting friends quickly, isn't it
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Claire Beltran: It can be just the tiniest bit intimidating.
Claire Beltran: And I still have the concerns that I have IRL...
Pema Pera: yes, depending on where you hang out :)
Pema Pera: yes, Claire?
Gaya Ethaniel wonders what IRL means
Claire Beltran: Just... fears that people won't like me, that I can't conduct myself properly.
Pema Pera: have you had those for a long time?
Claire Beltran: Very.
Claire Beltran: Hello, Bert ^-^
Pema Pera: So is SL helping you in that respect, making it easier to deal with than in RL?
Bertrum Quan: Hi Claire
Claire Beltran: I don't know.
Claire Beltran: I started volunteering at a pet store today and I felt very inept.
Pema Pera: I would too, I guess, doing something for the first time . . .
Pema Pera: btw Claire, do you mind if we include our conversations here on the http://playasbeing.wordpress.com/ blog? We want to make sure that we don't include anyone without their permission.
Claire Beltran: You can do that, if you want.
Pema Pera: thank you!
Bertrum Quan: Pema, when will the new Pavilion be ready?
Pema Pera: I don't know, probably in a few days or so, or maybe a week
Claire Beltran: I don't know what upset me so much about working at the pet store...
Claire Beltran: It wasn't just the work I had to do, it was concerns about making a good impression on the people there.

Gaya picks up on what Claire said about fear.

Gaya Ethaniel: Claire, I do like to contribute to your conversation regarding fears and so on but just feel a little hesitatnt as we just met
Gaya Ethaniel has similar issues as Claire
Claire Beltran: *nods*
Pema Pera: Does it help to look at the fear directly, Claire? To look it in the face?
Claire Beltran: I don't know.
Pema Pera: Have you tried?
Claire Beltran: I feel sometimes that I have to just do something to make it work... but it's very hard.
Gaya Ethaniel: I am slowly growing out of my desire to 'please people' and this helps me to get over such fears - does it make sense Claire?
Claire Beltran: It might... but part of me never wants to stop 'pleasing people'.
Claire Beltran: I feel that would be doing them a disservice... like it means I care less.
Gaya Ethaniel: how about pleasing yourself? in my case, pleasing others don't always please me
Gaya Ethaniel: i've realised that people i care want me to meet my needs and wants so if i don't look out for myself, i'm doing 'disservice' to my friends and family
Gaya Ethaniel: want to meet*
Claire Beltran: I don't have many people I feel that way about...
Claire Beltran: I have a certain feeling of resentment towards blood ties that makes me shy away from that sort of thinking.
Gaya Ethaniel: not relevant with # Claire, I have a very small # of people I'd say I feel that way
Gaya Ethaniel: how about friends?
Claire Beltran: IRL, I have... none at the moment.
Claire Beltran: The last close friend I had was hit by a car and killed two years ago.
Claire Beltran: I shed not a single tear.
Gaya Ethaniel: i'm guessing that you have opportunities to make friends in RL but recently unable to?
Claire Beltran: I have very few, actually.
Gaya Ethaniel: hm... why do you think you didn't cry over your friend
Claire Beltran: I don't know...
Tabitha Ugajin: hello
Gaya Ethaniel: think that's something you need to reflect upon if i may say so Claire - could be important in understanding yourself and how you interact with others
Pema Pera: Hi Tabitha!
Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Pema Pera: come join us

Tabitha sits down, and Claire is ready to leave.

Tabitha Ugajin: may i join
Claire Beltran: I think I need to go for the night...
Claire Beltran nods
Pema Pera: sure, please take a seat!
Claire Beltran: Thank you for speaking with me.
Gaya Ethaniel: Hope to see you again Claire
Gaya Ethaniel: Take care now
Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Claire Beltran: You, too!
Pema Pera: bye Claire!
Tabitha Ugajin: why does ur hair cover ur face
Pema Pera: me?
Tabitha Ugajin: oh ok it was just messed up when i was standing there
Pema Pera: :)
Pema Pera: Have you been here before, Tabitha?
Tabitha Ugajin: it does things like that to me all the time
Tabitha Ugajin: no
Pema Pera: we gather here four times a day
Pema Pera: every six hours
Pema Pera: this is a relatively quiet time of day
Pema Pera: to chat about the nature of reality :)
Pema Pera: sometimes serious
Pema Pera: sometimes silly
Pema Pera: as the mood strikes us
Pema Pera: what is it that you like to do in SL?
Tabitha Ugajin: just walk around and talk to people i know
Pema Pera: or people you don't know :-)
Tabitha Ugajin: been looking for a job on here
Tabitha Ugajin: yah that too
Pema Pera: a job may not be so easy to find . . . . I have no experience with that at least
Pema Pera: we have a blog, http://playasbeing.wordpress.com/ where we include our conversations -- do you mind if we included this conversation too on our blog?
Tabitha Ugajin: well a frend i know she knows a lot of people on here so she is going to help me in the morn
Tabitha Ugajin: i dont care
Pema Pera: thanks!
Pema Pera: great, I wish you good luck in getting a job!
Tabitha Ugajin: cant spell very well if that matters
Tabitha Ugajin: ty
Pema Pera: what we do here is to spend a few seconds every quarter of an hour dropping what we normally do, to look around a bit, and step back from what we normally glue ourselves to.
Tabitha Ugajin: thats cool i got 2 kids so its nice to do things like that
Pema Pera thinking that kids can do a lot of mischief in a few seconds . . . .
Tabitha Ugajin: well they are in bed so this is my quiet time at home
Tabitha Ugajin: and my hubby is gone so i get to be on the comp
Pema Pera: must be nice to relax a bit
Tabitha Ugajin: yes very
Tabitha Ugajin: 2 boys they are a hand full
Tabitha Ugajin: more lik 2 and fulls

Gaya gets ready to leave as well, but then gets hooked by Bert's remark.

Gaya Ethaniel thanks for the conversation, wishes everyone good day and leave quietly
Bertrum Quan: Gaya, the hour'almost up. I wanted to mention that your new appraoch is very interesting. I wanted to commend you for your creativity!
Pema Pera: bye Gaya!
Pema Pera: I guess she was too swift for ya, Bert :)
Tabitha Ugajin: so what do u two do on here
Tabitha Ugajin: she is back
Pema Pera: and swiftly back too :)
Gaya Ethaniel: back sorry Bert
Pema Pera: what we do here, Tabitha, is talk about what is real
Gaya Ethaniel: So i've got you saying [2:00] Bertrum Quan: Gaya, the hour'almost up. I wanted to mention that your new appraoch is very interesting. I wanted to commend you for your creativity!
Pema Pera: or at least what we can find that is real
Gaya Ethaniel: Pls continue
Pema Pera: caught by your toenails, Bert!
Tabitha Ugajin: can u hear my voice thing on here
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Pema Pera: We are only using text, Tabitha
Bertrum Quan: I read the email that Pema sent. I was impressed that you have thought so deeply about it.
Tabitha Ugajin: ok i wasnt sure i forgot i had it on and the cat meowed in it
Pema Pera: =^+^=
Gaya Ethaniel: which email Bert?
Gaya Ethaniel receives many emails from Pema
Tabitha Ugajin: bye all
Bertrum Quan: This afternoon I think?
Pema Pera: bye Tabitha!
Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Gaya Ethaniel looks up her diary
Pema Pera: I'm not sure I know which email you are refering to, Bert
Gaya Ethaniel: Was it the discussion with Sky or Vertigo?
Pema Pera: ah, the session that I pointed to?
Gaya Ethaniel: of course Pema was with me for both...

The conversation turns to ESBS, letting an imagined enlightened version of your self see, followed by letting Being see.

Pema Pera: ESBS?
Bertrum Quan: Yes.
Gaya Ethaniel: Ah ok
Pema Pera: ah!
Gaya Ethaniel: We kind of reached an understanding at the end I felt. Would you agree Pema?
Gaya Ethaniel: Didn't know I was being creative though :)
Pema Pera: oh yes, it was very helpful, I think
Gaya Ethaniel thanks Bert
Pema Pera: (my av types away without me typing :)
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Gaya Ethaniel: What are your thoughts on the session Bert?
Bertrum Quan: This session?
Gaya Ethaniel: No ESBS
Bertrum Quan: The idea was unexpected.
Gaya Ethaniel: You mean ES bit?
Bertrum Quan: Yes.
Gaya Ethaniel: pls continue
Bertrum Quan: SL lends itself to a number of approaches. I thouht that direction was interesting... one to give some thought to.
Bertrum Quan: thought
Gaya Ethaniel: Sorry but i'm still puzzled by 'direction' we took at that session, could you expand on it a little pls?
Gaya Ethaniel has attended numerous sessions recently
Bertrum Quan: Just the new exercise that emerged
Gaya Ethaniel: ah... ES instead of BS
Bertrum Quan: Yes.
Gaya Ethaniel: Thanks largely to Pema really
Bertrum Quan: Pema is an accelerator of ideas!
Gaya Ethaniel nods

And here is the pedigree of ESBS:

Pema Pera: Well, actually, to give full disclosure . . . .
Pema Pera: the chain is, believe it or not:
Pema Pera: Storm - Fael - Gen - Sky - and then our session that you just read :)
Pema Pera: so many many ingredients
Bertrum Quan: Everyone played a part...
Pema Pera: Storm wrote in his blog "don't try this at home" about an exercise in which you view yourself as really isolated and small
Pema Pera: then when I introduced YSBS Fael remembereed Storm's exercise, and at first thought that I meant YS in that spirit
Pema Pera: and I said, no, better to take YS just in the ordinary way
Pema Pera: as you normally do
Pema Pera: not more isolated and not less
Pema Pera: But then when I talked with Gen later, when I met her in RL, and when we talked about YSBS, I mentioned that you could also exaggerate YS a bit
Pema Pera: not only what you normally see
Pema Pera: but what you could possibly imagine seeing
Pema Pera: as long as there was a you involved, the Y
Pema Pera: and then, soon afterwards, I met Sky in RL
Pema Pera: and we talked about YSBS and I mentioned this enhanced Y-on-steroids YSBS
Pema Pera: and then that came up in the session of 24 hours ago
Gaya Ethaniel is sure that Pema's day is more than 24 hours looking at his various meetings with people
Pema Pera: you see, quite a large number of people involved, to make one new form of practice appear!
Pema Pera: lol, Gaya :)
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Gaya Ethaniel wonders if Pema's tired...
Bertrum Quan: It's revealing in how Mind works... there that quality that is almost magical
Pema Pera: YES !
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Pema Pera: it really comes out of our group, Bert
Pema Pera: that is how it feels
Pema Pera: the orchestra, Gaya
Pema Pera: I am just drumming up the people :)
Gaya Ethaniel feels the pain of being drummed up by Pema at times
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Pema Pera: :>)
Pema Pera: better be upbeat about it, Gaya

Bert sums it all up.

Bertrum Quan: There's a dynamic quality... the PaB group is really quite surprising!
Pema Pera: I keep being amazed every day, Bert!
Gaya Ethaniel: the idea of 'orchestra' actually came from Dakini while we discussed 'multi-tasking'
Gaya Ethaniel: another chain there :)
Bertrum Quan: More than the sum of the parts!
Pema Pera: yup
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Bertrum Quan: I enjoy the unpredictable nature of these sessions as well...
Pema Pera: well, this part is going to sleep now :)
Pema Pera: so this part will part . . . .
Gaya Ethaniel: Good night Pema see you soon
Pema Pera: indeed, Bert!
Gaya Ethaniel: Thanks again Bert
Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Bertrum Quan: Night Pema,
Pema Pera: see you both soon again!
Pema Pera: Thanks for coming here
Bertrum Quan: Night Gaya.
Pema Pera: and for Being :)