2008.08.13 07:00 - Selves

Here's the log for this morning's 7am discussion.  I was a little confused sometimes.  Cal

I sat around by myself for a while and then Fael, Adelene and Tahuti showed up:

Tahuti Thor: hello : )
Adelene Dawner: :)
Caledonia Heron: morning :)
Caledonia Heron: how are you?
Caledonia Heron: both? :)
Fael Illyar: Hello everyone :)
Caledonia Heron: morning/afternoon Fael :)
Fael Illyar: :)
Tahuti Thor: hello :)
Faenik: could be
Fael Illyar ruffles Adelene's fur.
Caledonia Heron: :)
Adelene Dawner: :D
Caledonia Heron: nice av Adelene :)
Adelene Dawner: Thanks :)
Fael Illyar: Yes, nice one :)

We had some software bug issues for a bit:

Caledonia Heron: I think Tahuti is writing a short story :)
Fael Illyar: yes, definitely looks like one
Tahuti Thor: it was shown me typing for no reason
Fael Illyar: ah, the old typing bug :)
Tahuti Thor: :)
Caledonia Heron: lol, ok .... I think we were waiting for your comment, to be polite

A false start:

Caledonia Heron: ok, I will start then
Caledonia Heron: Lots of comments flowing on the email channel - I am assuming we all get that?
Faenik loves wells!
Tahuti Thor: email channel?
Caledonia Heron: I'm speaking of the email group - I may have made a mistake thinking you are on that Tahuti
Caledonia Heron: are you a "guardian"?
Tahuti Thor: k
Tahuti Thor: no
Caledonia Heron: ok, my mistake

About taking a break from 9sec practice:

Caledonia Heron: it is basically the same data as we have been talking about here.... about being and the 9sec practice
Caledonia Heron: have you guys been doing that?,... the practice I mean?
Adelene Dawner: I've actually been taking a break from intentional practice for a few days - it still comes to me to do it, sometimes, but I'm not pushing to remember, if that makes sense.
Caledonia Heron: yes absolutely Adelene, makes perfect sense
Caledonia Heron: do you know why you're taking a break? or you just are?
Fael Illyar: I was not doing the breaks for a while since the old way I was doing them suddenly felt like it's got the opposite effect from what they should have but I'm starting to do them again as I'm realizing how.
Adelene Dawner: Well, it's not something I decided, exactly, but I know why it happened.
Tahuti Thor: yes i watch the experience but i dont try n remember it
Faenik: indeed?
Caledonia Heron: Fael - can you say it again, I don't quite get it :)
Caledonia Heron: Why did it happen Adelene?

Adelene decides to withhold her story until a later date and Fael talks about her experience:

Fael Illyar: but then, after yesterday I kind of have to meditate all the time.
Caledonia Heron: what happened yesterday Fael?
Fael Illyar: it was quite serious. I had multiple personalities for a while.
Caledonia Heron: no kidding?
Caledonia Heron: anyone we know? ha ha, just kidding ....
Adelene Dawner will let Fael talk, as she's intendingto tell the story of why she's stopped - though not for that reason - on Friday.
Fael Illyar: and spent the last 5 hours of last night fixing myself.
Tahuti Thor: from the 9 sec practice ?
Caledonia Heron: ok Adelene
Caledonia Heron: how do you mean fixing yourself Fael?
Fael Illyar: Well, there were multiple personalities, my RL one and Fael.
Fael Illyar: somehow ended up with RL one deciding to sleep and Fael taking over.
Fael Illyar: but Fael wasn't quite enough to handle things.
Fael Illyar: She broke in an hour after the other parts were asleep.
Caledonia Heron: ok, I'm getting the info now..... are you ok?
Faenik is a hairy black ball with eyes and ears.
Fael Illyar: Yes, I am.

Ways to possibly share the discussion between Fael and Moon:

Fael Illyar: anyway, when broken, she realized that there's a need to meditate to reset and luckily Moon was there to guide the process.
Caledonia Heron: not sure I fully understand or am qualified to make comment but hope you are well
Caledonia Heron: Moon? our PaB Moon?
Fael Illyar: Yes
Caledonia Heron: ok good - what do you make of all that? any insight or comment?
Fael Illyar: Well, the log of conversation that went on between me and Moon then might be interesting :)
Caledonia Heron: perhaps you can post it as a file to the google group if you think it's of interest to the group
Caledonia Heron: or the wiki, perhaps it is too private ... I can't tell :)

Fael continues her description, Tahuti looks for Fael (another software bug issue):

Tahuti Thor: where is Fael
Fael Illyar: The problem I had was that because Fael was a self formed with just Love and logic she built massive labyrinth and got lost into it.
Fael Illyar: integrated ... well, me, really but I'm whole now.
Caledonia Heron: she is seated to my left Tahuti - can you not see her?
Fael Illyar: The wall that separated her was fear of love.
Caledonia Heron: so we are talking about the two selves of a real person and an sl avatar?
Tahuti Thor: i see Adelene
Adelene Dawner is sitting practically on top of Fael.
Caledonia Heron: Fael is to Adelene's left :)
Fael Illyar: I think mine is a special case.
Caledonia Heron: how so Fael?
Fael Illyar: or perhaps not.
Faenik: なるほど^^
Fael Illyar: The problem was that I was too reckless with a wall I found.
Fael Illyar: most likely the fear of love.
Fael Illyar: that's what it was that I started keeping down
Tahuti Thor: layin on top of her?
Caledonia Heron: beside her Tahuti in my view
Fael Illyar: Beside me on my screen as well
Caledonia Heron: how can we relate this to the exploration of being? within the context of our exploration? I'm trying to understand what you're telling us.... I'm struggling a bit
Tahuti Thor: thats interesting
Tahuti Thor: still cant see her
Tahuti Thor: probably another bug :)
Fael Illyar: I was forced to learn more about meditation to fix myself and I did.
Caledonia Heron: Fael appears on my screen Tahuti - if you take a seat to my right you will be ok ... maybe you can read the "local chat" tab to stay in sync?
Tahuti Thor: ok i see her now
Caledonia Heron: yay!
Tahuti Thor: dunno what happened there

Still trying to understand what Fael is telling us:

Caledonia Heron: by fix yourself I take it to mean rejoin the selves?
Fael Illyar: the rejoining happened during the meditation as I let go of the idea of separateness.
Caledonia Heron: ok, sounds like a good thing
Tahuti Thor: all i do is meditate aka cut my mind off
Fael Illyar: I pretty much let go of nearly everything ... possibly everything.
Caledonia Heron: I don't have enough experience to know whether this is a standard occurance within meditation practice or not
Tahuti Thor: too much thinking can split the mind
Fael Illyar: I'd guess not.
Fael Illyar: tahuti, exactly :)
Fael Illyar: so what I was doing last night was concentrating on not thinking ... whatever that means :)
Caledonia Heron: lol, concentrating sounds like thinking to me :)
Fael Illyar: I started from assumption that I don't know which parts of my memories are true or false.
Caledonia Heron: and... I can understand that you could be so concentrated that you are not focused on your thinking... maybe that's more like it?
Tahuti Thor: right

Information about "walls":

Fael Illyar: well, whatever the state, I could feel my walls ... hmmh, some of them just popped up, a moment.
Tahuti Thor: watching breath and not entertaining thoughts ....as u do not entertain mind gives up
Tahuti Thor: and settles
Faenik: why not?
Caledonia Heron: yes Tahuti - I think we might describe it different ways and... it seems like a calming or settling is a commonality
Fael Illyar: the walls feel like tense muscles to me.
Caledonia Heron: the walls? like between selves? or what you notice? [sorry, feeling dense, not getting it]
Fael Illyar: using phrases "I think" "I should" or a few others tends to make a wall get stronger.

Joshua pops in and out:

Fael Illyar: Hello Joshua
Joshua Seoung: hi
Caledonia Heron: hey Joshua
Joshua Seoung: hi
Joshua Seoung: what going on
Fael Illyar: Hello Avastu :)
Caledonia Heron: :) yes, looks official doesn't it?
Curious George is Online
Avastu Maruti: hello my friend
Caledonia Heron: we are having a discussion as part of the play as being group
Caledonia Heron: you are welcome to join us
Tahuti Thor: hello Joshua
Caledonia Heron: hi Avastu :)
Tahuti Thor: hello Avastu
Joshua Seoung: thanks guys
Avastu Maruti: hello my friend
Avastu Maruti: friend(s)
Caledonia Heron: may we include your comments in the log?
Tahuti Thor: i, me, myself, etc do make the wall stronger
Caledonia Heron: Joshua - may we include your comments in our log please?
Caledonia Heron: lol, guess not

Thoughts on focusing mental energy:

Fael Illyar: yes, that might be why I say them less now.
Tahuti Thor: i kno sometimes u can concentrate too much energy in the head
Tahuti Thor: while meditating
Tahuti Thor: so, sometimes might direct awareness to my abdomen
Caledonia Heron: sure, or outside your body maybe
Faenik: なるほど^^
Tahuti Thor: too much in head gave me headaches sometimes
Caledonia Heron: :) it can get pretty busy in there :)
Tahuti Thor: lol yes

An example of "being"?

Caledonia Heron: I was reading about an Olympian's swimming performance - a quote and I'll paraphrase was "I knew I had to swim out of my mind" ... really caught my attention
Caledonia Heron: he was behind at the finish (10 feet from the wall) and he all of a sudden kind of lifted up on the water and swam really hard and just barely touched out the other guy
Caledonia Heron: it was an amazing thing to watch.... I imagined it to be like he got out of his thinking and was in a "be" situation,
Caledonia Heron: remarkable
Caledonia Heron: hopefully that makes sense ... like he was beyond an ordinary frame of mind and in that few moments was "be"
Caledonia Heron: "being"
Fael Illyar: yes, sounds like that.
Faenik is a hairy black ball with eyes and ears.
Caledonia Heron: it's a possibility :)

Touching back to the main discussion, establishing support:

Caledonia Heron: Fael, do you have someone to turn to should you require consultation in the future? regarding our previous thread?
Faenik loves wells!
Fael Illyar: There are several people who have offered to help if necessary.
Caledonia Heron: ok, glad to hear that .. I am assuming that is inclusive of sl and rl :)
Fael Illyar: I do have one I can call in rl if there is an emergency.
Caledonia Heron: ok that's good and I sincerely hope there is no emergency .... I did not pick that up from our discussion.... have I miscalculated the situation?
Faenik: indeed?
Fael Illyar: miscalculated?
Caledonia Heron: I took your comments to be observational in nature and manageable, I did not understand the comments might rise to a type of emergency... did I miscalculate that?
Fael Illyar: talking about that does tend to return some walls... but they don't come that fast.
Fael Illyar: and I can sense them now.
Caledonia Heron: ok, I get it about the walls, how about my question?
Faenik is a hairy black ball with eyes and ears.
Fael Illyar: which one?
Caledonia Heron: " I did not understand the comments might rise to a type of emergency... did I miscalculate that?"
Fael Illyar: that wasn't problematic.
Caledonia Heron: ok, I take that as a "no"
Fael Illyar: but really, it's practise to put the walls back down :)
Fael Illyar: as long as it doesn't get too frequent.
Caledonia Heron: ok, as Maxine might say... notice the boundaries :)

Time to go:

Caledonia Heron: Thank you all for coming for this session :)
Caledonia Heron: I have another meeting now
Fael Illyar: actually, it's more like letting go of them now.
Fael Illyar: accept that they're there.
Avastu Maruti: good bye my friend
Caledonia Heron: sure, makes sense, it's what's so
Fael Illyar: See you later Cal :)
Caledonia Heron: bye, see you soon, .... be well :)
Fael Illyar: I will