2008.08.13 07:00 - Selves

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    Here's the log for this morning's 7am discussion.  I was a little confused sometimes.  Cal


    I sat around by myself for a while and then Fael, Adelene and Tahuti showed up:

    Tahuti Thor: hello : )
    Adelene Dawner: :)
    Caledonia Heron: morning :)
    Caledonia Heron: how are you?
    Caledonia Heron: both? :)
    Fael Illyar: Hello everyone :)
    Caledonia Heron: morning/afternoon Fael :)
    Fael Illyar: :)
    Tahuti Thor: hello :)
    Faenik: could be
    Fael Illyar ruffles Adelene's fur.
    Caledonia Heron: :)
    Adelene Dawner: :D
    Caledonia Heron: nice av Adelene :)
    Adelene Dawner: Thanks :)
    Fael Illyar: Yes, nice one :)

    We had some software bug issues for a bit:

    Caledonia Heron: I think Tahuti is writing a short story :)
    Fael Illyar: yes, definitely looks like one
    Tahuti Thor: it was shown me typing for no reason
    Fael Illyar: ah, the old typing bug :)
    Tahuti Thor: :)
    Caledonia Heron: lol, ok .... I think we were waiting for your comment, to be polite

    A false start:

    Caledonia Heron: ok, I will start then
    Caledonia Heron: Lots of comments flowing on the email channel - I am assuming we all get that?
    Faenik loves wells!
    Tahuti Thor: email channel?
    Caledonia Heron: I'm speaking of the email group - I may have made a mistake thinking you are on that Tahuti
    Caledonia Heron: are you a "guardian"?
    Tahuti Thor: k
    Tahuti Thor: no
    Caledonia Heron: ok, my mistake

    About taking a break from 9sec practice:

    Caledonia Heron: it is basically the same data as we have been talking about here.... about being and the 9sec practice
    Caledonia Heron: have you guys been doing that?,... the practice I mean?
    Adelene Dawner: I've actually been taking a break from intentional practice for a few days - it still comes to me to do it, sometimes, but I'm not pushing to remember, if that makes sense.
    Caledonia Heron: yes absolutely Adelene, makes perfect sense
    Caledonia Heron: do you know why you're taking a break? or you just are?
    Fael Illyar: I was not doing the breaks for a while since the old way I was doing them suddenly felt like it's got the opposite effect from what they should have but I'm starting to do them again as I'm realizing how.
    Adelene Dawner: Well, it's not something I decided, exactly, but I know why it happened.
    Tahuti Thor: yes i watch the experience but i dont try n remember it
    Faenik: indeed?
    Caledonia Heron: Fael - can you say it again, I don't quite get it :)
    Caledonia Heron: Why did it happen Adelene?

    Adelene decides to withhold her story until a later date and Fael talks about her experience:

    Fael Illyar: but then, after yesterday I kind of have to meditate all the time.
    Caledonia Heron: what happened yesterday Fael?
    Fael Illyar: it was quite serious. I had multiple personalities for a while.
    Caledonia Heron: no kidding?
    Caledonia Heron: anyone we know? ha ha, just kidding ....
    Adelene Dawner will let Fael talk, as she's intendingto tell the story of why she's stopped - though not for that reason - on Friday.
    Fael Illyar: and spent the last 5 hours of last night fixing myself.
    Tahuti Thor: from the 9 sec practice ?
    Caledonia Heron: ok Adelene
    Caledonia Heron: how do you mean fixing yourself Fael?
    Fael Illyar: Well, there were multiple personalities, my RL one and Fael.
    Fael Illyar: somehow ended up with RL one deciding to sleep and Fael taking over.
    Fael Illyar: but Fael wasn't quite enough to handle things.
    Fael Illyar: She broke in an hour after the other parts were asleep.
    Caledonia Heron: ok, I'm getting the info now..... are you ok?
    Faenik is a hairy black ball with eyes and ears.
    Fael Illyar: Yes, I am.

    Ways to possibly share the discussion between Fael and Moon:

    Fael Illyar: anyway, when broken, she realized that there's a need to meditate to reset and luckily Moon was there to guide the process.
    Caledonia Heron: not sure I fully understand or am qualified to make comment but hope you are well
    Caledonia Heron: Moon? our PaB Moon?
    Fael Illyar: Yes
    Caledonia Heron: ok good - what do you make of all that? any insight or comment?
    Fael Illyar: Well, the log of conversation that went on between me and Moon then might be interesting :)
    Caledonia Heron: perhaps you can post it as a file to the google group if you think it's of interest to the group
    Caledonia Heron: or the wiki, perhaps it is too private ... I can't tell :)

    Fael continues her description, Tahuti looks for Fael (another software bug issue):

    Tahuti Thor: where is Fael
    Fael Illyar: The problem I had was that because Fael was a self formed with just Love and logic she built massive labyrinth and got lost into it.
    Fael Illyar: integrated ... well, me, really but I'm whole now.
    Caledonia Heron: she is seated to my left Tahuti - can you not see her?
    Fael Illyar: The wall that separated her was fear of love.
    Caledonia Heron: so we are talking about the two selves of a real person and an sl avatar?
    Tahuti Thor: i see Adelene
    Adelene Dawner is sitting practically on top of Fael.
    Caledonia Heron: Fael is to Adelene's left :)
    Fael Illyar: I think mine is a special case.
    Caledonia Heron: how so Fael?
    Fael Illyar: or perhaps not.
    Faenik: なるほど^^
    Fael Illyar: The problem was that I was too reckless with a wall I found.
    Fael Illyar: most likely the fear of love.
    Fael Illyar: that's what it was that I started keeping down
    Tahuti Thor: layin on top of her?
    Caledonia Heron: beside her Tahuti in my view
    Fael Illyar: Beside me on my screen as well
    Caledonia Heron: how can we relate this to the exploration of being? within the context of our exploration? I'm trying to understand what you're telling us.... I'm struggling a bit
    Tahuti Thor: thats interesting
    Tahuti Thor: still cant see her
    Tahuti Thor: probably another bug :)
    Fael Illyar: I was forced to learn more about meditation to fix myself and I did.
    Caledonia Heron: Fael appears on my screen Tahuti - if you take a seat to my right you will be ok ... maybe you can read the "local chat" tab to stay in sync?
    Tahuti Thor: ok i see her now
    Caledonia Heron: yay!
    Tahuti Thor: dunno what happened there

    Still trying to understand what Fael is telling us:

    Caledonia Heron: by fix yourself I take it to mean rejoin the selves?
    Fael Illyar: the rejoining happened during the meditation as I let go of the idea of separateness.
    Caledonia Heron: ok, sounds like a good thing
    Tahuti Thor: all i do is meditate aka cut my mind off
    Fael Illyar: I pretty much let go of nearly everything ... possibly everything.
    Caledonia Heron: I don't have enough experience to know whether this is a standard occurance within meditation practice or not
    Tahuti Thor: too much thinking can split the mind
    Fael Illyar: I'd guess not.
    Fael Illyar: tahuti, exactly :)
    Fael Illyar: so what I was doing last night was concentrating on not thinking ... whatever that means :)
    Caledonia Heron: lol, concentrating sounds like thinking to me :)
    Fael Illyar: I started from assumption that I don't know which parts of my memories are true or false.
    Caledonia Heron: and... I can understand that you could be so concentrated that you are not focused on your thinking... maybe that's more like it?
    Tahuti Thor: right

    Information about "walls":

    Fael Illyar: well, whatever the state, I could feel my walls ... hmmh, some of them just popped up, a moment.
    Tahuti Thor: watching breath and not entertaining thoughts ....as u do not entertain mind gives up
    Tahuti Thor: and settles
    Faenik: why not?
    Caledonia Heron: yes Tahuti - I think we might describe it different ways and... it seems like a calming or settling is a commonality
    Fael Illyar: the walls feel like tense muscles to me.
    Caledonia Heron: the walls? like between selves? or what you notice? [sorry, feeling dense, not getting it]
    Fael Illyar: using phrases "I think" "I should" or a few others tends to make a wall get stronger.

    Joshua pops in and out:

    Fael Illyar: Hello Joshua
    Joshua Seoung: hi
    Caledonia Heron: hey Joshua
    Joshua Seoung: hi
    Joshua Seoung: what going on
    Fael Illyar: Hello Avastu :)
    Caledonia Heron: :) yes, looks official doesn't it?
    Curious George is Online
    Avastu Maruti: hello my friend
    Caledonia Heron: we are having a discussion as part of the play as being group
    Caledonia Heron: you are welcome to join us
    Tahuti Thor: hello Joshua
    Caledonia Heron: hi Avastu :)
    Tahuti Thor: hello Avastu
    Joshua Seoung: thanks guys
    Avastu Maruti: hello my friend
    Avastu Maruti: friend(s)
    Caledonia Heron: may we include your comments in the log?
    Tahuti Thor: i, me, myself, etc do make the wall stronger
    Caledonia Heron: Joshua - may we include your comments in our log please?
    Caledonia Heron: lol, guess not

    Thoughts on focusing mental energy:

    Fael Illyar: yes, that might be why I say them less now.
    Tahuti Thor: i kno sometimes u can concentrate too much energy in the head
    Tahuti Thor: while meditating
    Tahuti Thor: so, sometimes might direct awareness to my abdomen
    Caledonia Heron: sure, or outside your body maybe
    Faenik: なるほど^^
    Tahuti Thor: too much in head gave me headaches sometimes
    Caledonia Heron: :) it can get pretty busy in there :)
    Tahuti Thor: lol yes

    An example of "being"?

    Caledonia Heron: I was reading about an Olympian's swimming performance - a quote and I'll paraphrase was "I knew I had to swim out of my mind" ... really caught my attention
    Caledonia Heron: he was behind at the finish (10 feet from the wall) and he all of a sudden kind of lifted up on the water and swam really hard and just barely touched out the other guy
    Caledonia Heron: it was an amazing thing to watch.... I imagined it to be like he got out of his thinking and was in a "be" situation,
    Caledonia Heron: remarkable
    Caledonia Heron: hopefully that makes sense ... like he was beyond an ordinary frame of mind and in that few moments was "be"
    Caledonia Heron: "being"
    Fael Illyar: yes, sounds like that.
    Faenik is a hairy black ball with eyes and ears.
    Caledonia Heron: it's a possibility :)

    Touching back to the main discussion, establishing support:

    Caledonia Heron: Fael, do you have someone to turn to should you require consultation in the future? regarding our previous thread?
    Faenik loves wells!
    Fael Illyar: There are several people who have offered to help if necessary.
    Caledonia Heron: ok, glad to hear that .. I am assuming that is inclusive of sl and rl :)
    Fael Illyar: I do have one I can call in rl if there is an emergency.
    Caledonia Heron: ok that's good and I sincerely hope there is no emergency .... I did not pick that up from our discussion.... have I miscalculated the situation?
    Faenik: indeed?
    Fael Illyar: miscalculated?
    Caledonia Heron: I took your comments to be observational in nature and manageable, I did not understand the comments might rise to a type of emergency... did I miscalculate that?
    Fael Illyar: talking about that does tend to return some walls... but they don't come that fast.
    Fael Illyar: and I can sense them now.
    Caledonia Heron: ok, I get it about the walls, how about my question?
    Faenik is a hairy black ball with eyes and ears.
    Fael Illyar: which one?
    Caledonia Heron: " I did not understand the comments might rise to a type of emergency... did I miscalculate that?"
    Fael Illyar: that wasn't problematic.
    Caledonia Heron: ok, I take that as a "no"
    Fael Illyar: but really, it's practise to put the walls back down :)
    Fael Illyar: as long as it doesn't get too frequent.
    Caledonia Heron: ok, as Maxine might say... notice the boundaries :)

    Time to go:

    Caledonia Heron: Thank you all for coming for this session :)
    Caledonia Heron: I have another meeting now
    Fael Illyar: actually, it's more like letting go of them now.
    Fael Illyar: accept that they're there.
    Avastu Maruti: good bye my friend
    Caledonia Heron: sure, makes sense, it's what's so
    Fael Illyar: See you later Cal :)
    Caledonia Heron: bye, see you soon, .... be well :)
    Fael Illyar: I will

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