2008.06.06 13:00 - As I Am

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    That afternoon, Solobill was the guardian. He sent me the following chat log with his comments.

    I arrived at the tea house with Delani, Adams, and Fael sitting on the porch. Fael was sitting in a large cardboard box marked, “Free kitten”.

    Delani Gabardini: hi solobill
    Solobill Laville: Hello!
    Adams Rubble: Hello Solobill
    Adams Rubble: Hello Fael
    Fael Illyar: Hello Adams
    Solobill Laville: Hi, Fael!
    Delani Gabardini: hi fael
    Fael Illyar: Hi solo
    Fael Illyar: Hi Delani
    Delani Gabardini: got free kittens
    Solobill Laville: Has anyone wanted to pick-up a free kitten yet?
    Fael Illyar: :)
    Delani Gabardini: i just got a koala bear today from someone
    Delani Gabardini: Hi Hotaru
    Fael Illyar: Hello Hotaru
    Hotaru Myoo: Hi Delani!
    Hotaru Myoo: Hi Fael!
    Solobill Laville: Hi, Hotaru!
    Adams Rubble: Hi Hotaru
    Hotaru Myoo: HI Solo and Adams!
    Solobill Laville: Is anyone here for the PaB session?
    Delani Gabardini: yes
    Delani Gabardini: i am
    Hotaru Myoo: Whatcha got in the box, Fael?
    Solobill Laville: Excellent!
    Hotaru Myoo: I think we all are.. :)
    Fael Illyar: Only me in the box :)

    Hotaru sat on a bench, and it seemed like a great idea to have the session out in the beautiful Rieul sunshine.

    Solobill Laville: Let’s stay out in the sun, then!
    Delani Gabardini: good idea
    Solobill Laville: We can keep Fael company
    Hotaru Myoo: Are you a free kitten?
    Faenik is a hairy black ball with eyes and ears.
    Fael Illyar: Maybe :P
    Delani Gabardini: so solobill 3 of us were here yesterday with storm
    Solobill Laville: : Oh, great!
    Solobill Laville: What did you discuss?
    Delani Gabardini: well mostly storm explained the process to us as many were new to it
    Delani Gabardini: he recommended reading the blogs and Piet’s website
    Delani Gabardini: oops - Pema
    Hotaru Myoo: he’s ‘ok’ with that!
    Delani Gabardini: ty hotaru
    Hotaru Myoo: yw
    Fael Illyar: I don’t think it really matters if you call him Pema or Piet :)
    Solobill Laville: Great, did you have a chance to look at some of it?
    Adams Rubble: I did
    Delani Gabardini: i read quite extensively today
    Fael Illyar: I read it quite a bit too today.
    Solobill Laville: There are copious amounts these days of reading opportunities!
    Fael Illyar: Yes, it takes quite a bit of time to read the logs :)
    Hotaru Myoo: so what did you think, Delani?
    Delani Gabardini: the other thing we discussed was my zen indoctrination getting in my way
    Solobill Laville: Oh, interesting!
    Delani Gabardini: but I think i have resolved that now
    Solobill Laville: Oh, do tell!
    Hotaru Myoo: is it the time thingy?
    Delani Gabardini: i have been practicing for 10 years and I am a rl ordained dharma teacher
    Solobill Laville: Wowza
    Delani Gabardini: but i want to be open and use the exercise effectively
    Delani Gabardini: tried it today
    Hotaru Myoo: how did it go?
    Delani Gabardini: i am not sure - I started a blog but I don’ t know what to do with it
    Fael Illyar: I find that I need to do them in a bit of a Zen way. That’s what came naturally to me.
    Delani Gabardini: yes that helps me to being a zennie
    Delani Gabardini: too
    Delani Gabardini: well I found it an interesting event today
    Delani Gabardini: i like that u write down the first thing that comes to mind
    Solobill Laville: You know, that is interesting
    Solobill Laville: I found that the thought of writing a blog was quite an impediment
    Delani Gabardini: no I like the blog
    Delani Gabardini: of course it is only on my pc but I like writing
    Delani Gabardini: anyway they were short sentences
    Delani Gabardini: 9 secs is not a lot of time for ruminating
    Solobill Laville: Could you elaborate on the short sentences, why do think?
    Solobill Laville: …they were short, I mean…
    Delani Gabardini: well before that let me say that I like letting my mind go free to “dance” so to speak
    Delani Gabardini: and of course, play
    Solobill Laville: Freedom and play are great mind-sets!
    Faenik: ah :)
    Solobill Laville: Or, lack of mind-sets!

    Spock walked over the bridge and into our discussion.

    Solobill Laville: Hello, Spock
    Hotaru Myoo: Hi Spock
    Spock Yuitza: hi all
    Fael Illyar: Hello Spock
    Delani Gabardini: hi spock
    Adams Rubble: Hi Spock
    Spock Yuitza: Hello everybody
    Delani Gabardini: my first thought was “No I ams - more what ifs”
    Hotaru Myoo: Ah yes
    Hotaru Myoo: I love the idea of the possibilities
    Hotaru Myoo: then branching out from there
    Delani Gabardini: never realized how much my ego possesses me
    Fael Illyar: Hmmh, I seem to have forgotten to write down notes the past two days.
    Solobill Laville: I find the more I think I lose ego, the more I inevitably discover how immense it actually is…
    Hotaru Myoo: I rarely write the notes
    Hotaru Myoo: because I am in action during those times
    Hotaru Myoo: and the momentum of the moment is pulling me through it
    Hotaru Myoo: so the 9 secs is the capture of that motion
    Delani Gabardini: i like that hotaru

    Next Xavien strolled over the bridge, which I was starting to think is a great way to join into the discussion…

    Delani Gabardini: hi xavien
    Solobill Laville: Hello, Xavien!
    Fael Illyar: Hello Xavien
    Solobill Laville: Join us!
    Spock Yuitza: hello Avien
    Adams Rubble: Hi Xavien
    Xavien Paine: hi
    Xavien Paine: alguien sabe español?
    Spock Yuitza: si yo se
    Spock Yuitza: hola xavien
    Delani Gabardini: no hablo espanol - do u have a babbler?
    Hotaru Myoo: Buenos dias Xavien
    Xavien Paine: no problem i speak english
    Hotaru Myoo: I also like that it has not become object
    Hotaru Myoo: as writing does
    Hotaru Myoo: it is a lot of what we do here
    Hotaru Myoo: and not writing provides a freedom…a release

    I was very intrigued by Hotaru’s last point. For me, and my practice, I consider some types of metaphysical arguments and writings very dangerous as I am wary of the attachments that I might make to them, even subconsciously. If I write, I cannot not try to make the sentence perfect, even if it is only three words. This is especially true when I consider I’m writing for a peer-reviewed PaB Blog ;). I’ve learned that this is the small “mind” – this ego here – struggling against the fear of loss into nothingness and immersion in Big Mind; Being. It seems a silly thing, but it is a constant battle for which I try to be ever vigilant, and these “objects” - words, thoughts, paragraphs - can create sticky entangling webs for me.

    Delani Gabardini: adams did u try the exercise today
    Adams Rubble: I have not so well with the exercise yet. I hear sounds
    Adams Rubble: or I am focused on the sounds
    Delani Gabardini: i think that may be your way of playing the mind
    Delani Gabardini: sounds
    Solobill Laville: Sounds can just fine.
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Solobill Laville: They are no different than thoughts.
    Hotaru Myoo: same with touch
    Solobill Laville: Just let them come, let them go
    Hotaru Myoo: yes Solo!
    Solobill Laville: But, just doing it, and not expecting anything, is really quite good
    Delani Gabardini: yes touch is important i finally during one found a silver ball
    Delani Gabardini: it was so warm to touch - I wanted to stay in the 9 secs
    Solobill Laville: Then stay!
    Hotaru Myoo: that is awesome Delani
    Solobill Laville: That is a nice way to put it - warm to touch!!
    Delani Gabardini: i really think this is a wonderful experience
    Solobill Laville: makes me smile
    Hotaru Myoo: :))
    Solobill Laville: Spock and Xavien, are familiar with what we’re talking about?
    Solobill Laville: http://playasbeing.wordpress.com/
    Delani Gabardini: spock can u ask him if he has a babbler
    Fael Illyar: I think my problem writing something after the exploration is that I’ve learned to be too stingy with what I let out.
    Hotaru Myoo: ah
    Hotaru Myoo: the bounded self
    Solobill Laville: You know though, I think perhaps expectations of what the writing is meant to do can stand in the way
    Solobill Laville: **at least for me**
    Solobill Laville: And I do write a lot
    Solobill Laville: But for me, again, PaB is about experience
    Solobill Laville: practice
    Solobill Laville: Being
    Delani Gabardini: yes exactly
    Solobill Laville: so the words, as they say, can just get in the way
    Solobill Laville: ;)
    Solobill Laville: But expression is very important too
    Solobill Laville: Which is why these meetings are so great
    Hotaru Myoo: yes I agree
    Delani Gabardini: the sharing is important
    Fael Illyar: Of course, it could just be that words aren’t my primary mode of thought … although I can’t really explain what is.
    Solobill Laville: Yes, Fael
    Solobill Laville: I just think level-setting expectations for the outcomes of these writings is perhaps wise
    Delani Gabardini: well some think in words and some in images and some in both
    Hotaru Myoo: yes
    Solobill Laville: I think in words
    Solobill Laville: Amazingly so, but try not too, and practice letting it go
    Adams Rubble: hmmm
    Hotaru Myoo: I think there is more I think in technicolor
    Delani Gabardini: i usually think in words also so the silver ball was a treat
    Solobill Laville: hehe
    Fael Illyar: I’m often having difficulty figuring out which word would be the least wrong for what I want to say.
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Delani Gabardini: i think u have to set the judgmental part aside
    Solobill Laville: Yes
    Delani Gabardini: just say it
    Hotaru Myoo: internal thesaurus filter…
    Solobill Laville: Yes!
    Solobill Laville: Wish my mom had one of those…
    Hotaru Myoo: lol
    Fael Illyar: Yes, I’m going to have to unlearn that one to be able to get something to write

    The play of our conversation took a great turn when Delani made a recommendation.

    Delani Gabardini: speaking of which wouldn’t it be great if sl has a spell checker
    Solobill Laville: yse!!!
    Solobill Laville: hehe
    Delani Gabardini: lol
    Hotaru Myoo: write the lindens
    Delani Gabardini: an auto correct spell checker of course
    Hotaru Myoo: it could actually be fun
    Solobill Laville: That could make for some interesting auto-corrections
    Adams Rubble: yes it could
    Solobill Laville: yes, very funny ones
    Delani Gabardini: smile
    Hotaru Myoo: just what I was thinking.
    Adams Rubble: deer me
    Faenik: ah :)
    Hotaru Myoo: :)
    Delani Gabardini: hoo hoo

    I tried to get back to Fael’s comments about writing, but Spock was having issues sitting on one of the stone benches.

    Solobill Laville: Fael, do you feel you need to write to communicate something?
    Delani Gabardini: spock - you got ants in your pants??
    Solobill Laville: It is easier fly than sit, in SL!
    Fael Illyar: Well, I do talk with some people but mostly I communicate by writing.
    Hotaru Myoo: Do you think of this as talking or writing?
    Fael Illyar: both, sort of :)
    Adams Rubble: :)
    Solobill Laville: Great question, and answer!
    Adams Rubble: it is direct communication
    Hotaru Myoo: relatively
    Delani Gabardini: ah Moon will be here - I was worried about him
    Solobill Laville: Is writing then?

    Just then Moon joined us out in the sunlight.

    Moon Fargis: hello everyone
    Delani Gabardini: here is our sweetie
    Hotaru Myoo: Hi Moon!
    Fael Illyar: Hello Moon :)
    Delani Gabardini: Moon I only see your Dharma wheel
    Solobill Laville: Wow, what a greeting! Hi, moon!
    Adams Rubble: hi moom
    Delani Gabardini: is sl weird today or what?
    Hotaru Myoo: indeed
    Moon Fargis: sorry couldn’t make it faster today
    Delani Gabardini: are u feeling better?
    Adams Rubble: With apologies I must slip away. bye
    Hotaru Myoo: sumimasen….brb
    Delani Gabardini: oh bye adams
    Solobill Laville: Goodbye, Adams

    Adams logged out and Moon sat in her spot on the porch. Delani had been wearing a small white bear on her shoulder with a red Coca-cola scarf.

    Moon Fargis: ahh still warm :)
    Solobill Laville: he he
    Moon Fargis: hehe
    Moon Fargis: nice bear delani
    Delani Gabardini: ty - someone gave it to me - it is a koala bear
    Delani Gabardini: i was jealous of fael’s creature
    Solobill Laville: Hmmm, it looks a little like a little polar bear, no?
    Solobill Laville: *sponsored by Coca-cola
    Delani Gabardini: perhaps - that would be nice since they are in danger
    Solobill Laville: Indeed
    Hotaru Myoo: sorry…back!
    Xavien Paine: polar bear=lost
    Delani Gabardini: very true Xavien
    Delani Gabardini: and sad to say that
    Hotaru Myoo: oh …I cannot go there…too sad
    Xavien Paine: lost the tv series
    Xavien Paine: :)
    Delani Gabardini: back on track
    Hotaru Myoo: so what did I miss?
    Delani Gabardini: I am not sure - I will have to read the blog - LOL
    Solobill Laville: Greetings and goodbyes mostly
    Hotaru Myoo: Oh
    Hotaru Myoo: Adams left eh?
    Delani Gabardini: yes
    Delani Gabardini: but she read the blogs today and did an exercise
    Hotaru Myoo: And Spock?
    Delani Gabardini: i think he is in the tea house
    Solobill Laville: Spock is by the big Buddha
    Solobill Laville: sitting
    Xavien Paine: he must have teleported to the enterprise
    Solobill Laville: hehe
    Delani Gabardini: hehe
    Xavien Paine: i have to go ladies and gentlemen
    Solobill Laville: Goodbye, Xavien
    Delani Gabardini: come again xaviane
    Delani Gabardini: bye
    Moon Fargis: bye xav
    Hotaru Myoo: Bye Xavie
    Delani Gabardini: see spell checker
    Hotaru Myoo: lol
    Hotaru Myoo: or chill spocker?
    Solobill Laville: hehe
    Solobill Laville: I think we should market a PaB SL spell-checker
    Delani Gabardini: Moon and fael can develop it
    Solobill Laville: Excellent!
    Delani Gabardini: i can be a tester
    Fael Illyar: umm… spell checker?
    Moon Fargis: yes what ?:)
    Delani Gabardini: i said sl needs to implement an auto correct spell checker
    Moon Fargis: well i would be the laaaaaast person in this world who would do a spell checker :)
    Hotaru Myoo: ah…
    Moon Fargis: for that i must be very advanced in the language i speak
    Delani Gabardini: since my blog is going nowhere I will share my third exercise if no one minds
    Hotaru Myoo: you do so well tho..Moon
    Solobill Laville: Whenever someone type “teh” it could autocorrect to “Play as Being”
    Delani Gabardini: lol
    Solobill Laville: Sorry, go ahead Delani
    Hotaru Myoo: I always feel inadequate as a linguist
    Moon Fargis: well i speak good engleutsch i guess :)
    Hotaru Myoo: impressive..
    Hotaru Myoo: hehe
    Solobill Laville: Very good!
    Delani Gabardini: the third time i wrote (spontaneously) “As I am i am not one”
    Fael Illyar: :)
    Solobill Laville: Was that a self-assessment?
    Delani Gabardini: sounds like it huh?
    Solobill Laville: Or, do you really know
    Solobill Laville: If it was spontaneous
    Delani Gabardini: well I am realizing more and more that I am not separate
    Delani Gabardini: sounds simple but to truly believe it is a challenge
    Delani Gabardini: saying it and believing it are two very different states
    Hotaru Myoo: going on with that…
    Hotaru Myoo: we are not separate from each other
    Delani Gabardini: no as the Buddha said we are jewels in a great connected web
    Solobill Laville: and we are the web, and the connections!
    Delani Gabardini: so we are one with the web - yes Solobill
    Hotaru Myoo: yes
    Hotaru Myoo: mass of blinking energy
    Solobill Laville: wow, quite a visual, Hotaru!
    Solobill Laville: but the web is only as real as we make it, too
    Hotaru Myoo: oh its real
    Hotaru Myoo: we can sever the connections
    Delani Gabardini: yes I agree with hotaru
    Hotaru Myoo: but the web remains
    Moon Fargis: hotaru. like leaf’s on a tree
    Hotaru Myoo: sure
    Delani Gabardini: or the wave in the ocean
    Solobill Laville: I’m no so sure what you mean by “real” perhaps
    Solobill Laville: Definitions are so important
    Hotaru Myoo: does it matter what real is?
    Solobill Laville: No!
    Delani Gabardini: is the wave the ocean or is the ocean the wave
    Hotaru Myoo: who are we to know?
    Delani Gabardini: is there a ‘real’
    Solobill Laville: Only that it is
    Solobill Laville: It is
    Hotaru Myoo: indeed
    Solobill Laville: Actually
    Solobill Laville: IT!
    Solobill Laville: That’s enough for me
    Hotaru Myoo: ohm
    Delani Gabardini: so tomorrow I am going to do more exercises
    Hotaru Myoo: blink
    Solobill Laville: But I think I know where you’re coming form :)
    Solobill Laville: Oops, *from
    Hotaru Myoo: spell checker!!
    Solobill Laville: (darn spell-checker)
    Delani Gabardini: the more we do the more we extend
    Delani Gabardini: or expand
    Solobill Laville: What do you mean Delani?
    Hotaru Myoo: Pema would probably chime in with something like ..: the expanding universe’
    Delani Gabardini: well - I think the more we practice PaB - the more we can expand our minds
    Delani Gabardini: to great possibilities
    Hotaru Myoo: I’ll disagree on just a part of that
    Solobill Laville: Yes, but I also think there different benefits for different people
    Hotaru Myoo: because I think it expands AND contracts
    Solobill Laville: Different strokes for different folks!
    Delani Gabardini: that is interesting
    Solobill Laville: Go, on Hotaru
    Hotaru Myoo: different moments in time
    Delani Gabardini: well I just started so tell us
    Hotaru Myoo: it is the perpetual motion…
    Delani Gabardini: like the fluidity of the mind?
    Fael Illyar: I’ve been wondering for a couple of years if “I” could be described as an individual or if it actually is more of a commune of sorts :)
    Hotaru Myoo: go girl..
    Hotaru Myoo: we have to be connected
    Hotaru Myoo: can’t be an island
    Hotaru Myoo: see what happens to islands…
    Delani Gabardini: but we are shown over and over that we are connected
    Delani Gabardini: we just don’t always listen
    Solobill Laville: I think we are a bit hard-wired to see the separateness
    Solobill Laville: Suzuki’s “monkey-mind” as he called it
    Hotaru Myoo: islands die …interdependent organisms thrive
    Hotaru Myoo: western thought does that
    Hotaru Myoo: creates the ‘I’
    Hotaru Myoo: since the mid 14th century
    Hotaru Myoo: we are peaking out
    Solobill Laville: I don’t think we Westerners have the market cornered on that though, Hotaru
    Hotaru Myoo: ok…
    Hotaru Myoo: collapsing …
    Solobill Laville: Oh, please!
    Hotaru Myoo: it is my only perspective presently
    Solobill Laville: ‘I’m jus’ sayin’…
    Hotaru Myoo: ever read “collapse” by Jared Diamond?
    Solobill Laville: No, tell us about it
    Delani Gabardini: i will check that one out
    Solobill Laville: *please :)
    Hotaru Myoo: he outlines all the civilizations that have collapsed….and
    Hotaru Myoo: never finds conclusive evidence for a theory…
    Hotaru Myoo: but starts us thinking about the mechanisms behind the phenomenon
    Solobill Laville: Do you think that the lack of a connected-ness worldview may contribute then?
    Hotaru Myoo: yes
    Delani Gabardini: but that does not mean the oneness collapses
    Delani Gabardini: just the structure
    Hotaru Myoo: the lack of nurturing interdependency
    Solobill Laville: From face validity it seems logical
    Solobill Laville: yes
    Solobill Laville: It’s interesting; I thought we were going in the direction of impermanence,
    Solobill Laville: and here we are back at connectedness!
    Solobill Laville: lol
    Solobill Laville: And that also must bring it full circle for me, I’m afraid
    Hotaru Myoo: the spiral
    Hotaru Myoo: hehe
    Delani Gabardini: samsara
    Fael Illyar: Ah, the hour’s over again. See you later Solo :)
    Solobill Laville: Yes, spiral is true
    Solobill Laville: Good to see you again Fael!
    Solobill Laville: : nice to meet you Delani
    Delani Gabardini: we will meet again
    Delani Gabardini: thank u solobill
    Solobill Laville: You as well Sock
    Solobill Laville: GAD - *Spock
    Hotaru Myoo: I am running too!
    Solobill Laville: (spell check!!)
    Delani Gabardini: i as well
    Solobill Laville: Goodbye, Moon
    Delani Gabardini: thank you all
    Moon Fargis: ah good bye
    Spock Yuitza: see you
    Moon Fargis: sorry im showing sl to a fried
    Hotaru Myoo: Good to see everyone!

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