2008.09.07 13:00 - Beyond 'who am I'?

The guardian for this meeting was Maxine Walden.  The comments are hers.

After a few minutes in the Pavilion Starseed joins me.  He and I are the only members of this conversation

  Starseed Xue: hi
  Maxine Walden: hi, Starseed
  Maxine Walden: how are you?
  Starseed Xue: im good
  Starseed Xue: you?
  Maxine Walden: fine thanks
 

As Starseed remained standing I offered an invitation

 Maxine Walden: care to join me or are you meandering
 Maxine Walden: I believe I have seen you at these meetings before, is that right?
 Starseed Xue: i've been to a few
 Maxine Walden: how are you finding them?
 Starseed Xue: theyre ok 

I thought I would ask outfight about the Play as being practice and was interested in his response:
 
 

 Maxine Walden: are you into the play as being practice?
 Starseed Xue: you mean 9sec every 15 minutes?
 Maxine Walden: yes, the 9 sec practice/
 Starseed Xue: i only practice it when im here
 Starseed Xue: i go to zen retreat daily though
 Maxine Walden: ah...
 Maxine Walden: so when you come like to this meeting, you might expect to do the 9 sec during this time?
 Starseed Xue: yes

At the time it seemed clear, but as I look back I may have been too concrete in assuming that indeed Starseed might be interested in our doing the 9 sec practice during this meeting
 

 Starseed Xue: yes
 Maxine Walden: maybe we each could do it and share our experience
 Starseed Xue: oK

  Starseed Xue: i usually try to keep a clear head
  Maxine Walden: good, I will try it now as well

We had a perhaps 30 second or so quiet period during which I went into a 9 second practice, anticipating Starseed did as well.  We then share our experiences
 

Maxine Walden: Care to share your experience just now?
 Starseed Xue: sure
 Starseed Xue: i thought about dinner lol
 Maxine Walden: lol, as well. I was aware of the sounds, and my pulse and they seemed to go together
 Starseed Xue: intresting
 Maxine Walden: it is interesting the different levels of focus possible with each practice, each attempt
 Maxine Walden: at least in my experience. If I were hungry then I probably would be thinking of dinner as well
 Maxine Walden: The SL sounds often capture my attention, the birds and the music and water
 Starseed Xue: yes'
 Starseed Xue: very pleasant
 Starseed Xue: pleasant
 Maxine Walden: yes very nice, soothing often

 I felt a bit of an inquirer,perhaps a guide of sorts, but also felt this to be quite appropriate in terms of our conversation:
 
 

Maxine Walden: Have you had a variety of experiences in the 9 sec practice?
  Starseed Xue: yes
  Maxine Walden: I'd be interested in hearing some of them if you would wish to share
  Maxine Walden: or is that putting you on the spot? 

And Starseed's responses suggested that he has had several noteworthy experiences and perhaps meditations about life and origins
 
 

Starseed Xue: often times i am in awe of life itself
  Maxine Walden: hmm, yes
  Starseed Xue: i wonder what it is and who created it
  Maxine Walden: the origins of it all?
  Starseed Xue: how did it begin
  Starseed Xue: yes
  Maxine Walden: it is almost too much to envision for me at times
  Starseed Xue: yea
  Maxine Walden: can't get my mind around it...
  Starseed Xue: its beyond human understanding

 
We also spoke of the limitations of human understanding and the attendant awe, and explorations toward enhanced levels of consciousness
 
 

Maxine Walden: probably is beyond human understanding, so much is beyond understanding...really makes me  humble
 Starseed Xue: at least, in our current state
 Starseed Xue: by that i mean
 Starseed Xue: if we were to evolve to a higher level, maybe then we could understand
 Maxine Walden: what might consitutite a higher level in this thought?
 Starseed Xue: a new level of consciousness
 Starseed Xue: a better understanding of mind
 starseed Xue: and what its capable of
 Maxine Walden: yes, that may be what we are searching for exploring about in these practices
 Starseed Xue: yes

 
We then turned to time, and how changed Starseed has felt with certain discoveries
 

 Maxine Walden: have you been exploring in this area, toward higher consciousness for awhile?
 Starseed Xue: not that long
 Maxine Walden: weeks, months, years?
 Starseed Xue: a couple years
 Maxine Walden: it is interesting for me, how time seems to lose its meaning in these explorations. A couple of years may seem very short or very very long. Interesting for me that fluid percpetion of time
 Maxine Walden: you probably have had some significant experiences in a couple of years
 Starseed Xue: hmm
 Starseed Xue: well
 Starseed Xue: my attitude
 Starseed Xue: and my outlook
 Starseed Xue: and my mood
 Starseed Xue: have chaged signifigantly
 Starseed Xue: changed
 Maxine Walden: In what ways, Starseed? Sounds like a lot has happened for you
 Maxine Walden: happened
 Starseed Xue: well
 Starseed Xue: i discovered
 Starseed Xue: true happiness comes from caring for others

A seemingly simple but profound thing, beyond the self, Starseed mentions an exploration of Being

 Maxine Walden: that can be a huge discovery!
  Starseed Xue: life changing
  Maxine Walden: indeed, life changing. Seems like a lot has happened for you in this regard
  Starseed Xue: for a while i couldnt uderstand who i was
  Maxine Walden: yeah?
  Starseed Xue: you hear the phrase "keep it real" alot these days
  Maxine Walden: yes...
  Starseed Xue: "be yourself"
  Starseeed Xue: that can be challenging
  Maxine Walden: yes...
  Starseed Xue: so i often would ask in meditation
  Starseed Xue: who am I? what is real for me?
  Starseed Xue: then i realized
  Starseed Xue: just be good
  Starseed Xue: its so easy

   

Starseed expresses an exploration in being.  As I look at the chatlog I realize I may have been more opaque than Starseed, as I continue to inquire.

   Maxine Walden: But what does that mean, just be good?
  Maxine Walden: mean for you?
  Starseed Xue: there are many ways to be good
  Maxine Walden: right....
  Starseed Xue: to start with
  Starseed Xue: random acts of kindness
  Starseed Xue: little things
  Starseed Xue: and maybe some day those little things will become big ones
  Maxine Walden: and maybe the little things, yes taken care of, and the big things may take care of themselves
  Starseed Xue: i often felt my being was defined by what i said
  Starseed Xue: by the words that came out of my mouth
  Starseed Xue: but i realized thats only partially true
  Maxine Walden: ah, and now you feel differently?
  Maxine Walden: yes,
  Starseed Xue: and actions truly do speak louder than words
  Maxine Walden: they do don't they, as if actions speak from the inside of us
  Maxine Walden: from our being perhaps
  Maxine Walden: Sometimes from intense places and sometimes from quiet places

 
It felt like we had in this brief exchange had a lovely example of explorations in being, in Being. I was saddened that I soon needed to go, and of course needed to mention my leaving in order not to be abrupt

Maxine Walden: Starseed, I need to mention that I will have to go in a few minutes and did not want that to seem abrupt or sudden.
Starseed Xue: =D
Starseed Xue: k
Maxine Walden: I have enjoyed our conversation; it is always interesting to see how others are in this journey, these exploration
Starseed Xue: yes indeed
Maxine Walden: We all are probably travleing similar paths, but of course each of us is unique

 
And tidying up the housekeeping duties I take my leave.

  Maxine Walden: oh, I need to ask, are you OK with my taking this log of our chat to put in the Play as Being log? Have you been asked that before?
  Starseed Xue: its fine with me
  Maxine Walden: great. Just needing to make sure. Are you aware of the Play as Being website?
  Starseed Xue: yes
  Maxine Walden: great. OK, I had better go. Look forward to seeing you again
  Starseed Xue: nice chatting with you
  Starseed Xue: have a good one