2013.03.25 19:00 - It Felt Real in a Different Way

The Guardian for this meeting was Eliza Madrigal. The comments are by Eliza Madrigal.

Eliza Madrigal: Hi Kori... how's it going?
Korel Laloix: Heya... painful first day back after the break.
Korel Laloix: But good.
Eliza Madrigal: Oh, learning the ropes at the new job?
Korel Laloix: Heya Eline
Korel Laloix: Still doing that yes.
Eliza Madrigal: Hi Eline, welcome to Play as Being :)
Eline Adjani: hi
Eline Adjani: thankyou
Korel Laloix: Eline is a good freind of mine.. and has been here once before at least.
Eliza Madrigal: Oh, great... so you know about the recording and our quirky nature of reality approaching thing :)

Eliza Madrigal: Hi Bleu :)
Bleu Oleander: hi Eliza and all :)
Korel Laloix: I am constantly crashing..
Eliza Madrigal: is the connection not so great at your new place?
Korel Laloix: Worse than at grandma's really.
Eliza Madrigal: ah, boo
Bleu Oleander: :(
Korel Laloix: Not sure why.
Korel Laloix: There is a cell tower accross the road.
Korel Laloix: But maybe not my carrier.
Eliza Madrigal: Ah, I see
Eliza Madrigal: Eline... you may find the blue cushions more to your liking
Eliza Madrigal smiles
Eline Adjani: yes...much more ladylike

Eliza Madrigal: Well the theme this week is continuation of Appreciate the presence of appearances as a presentation of Being... OR... PaB Stories :)
Bleu Oleander: oops forgot to change the sign
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Eliza Madrigal: I notice Aph asking everyone about how they first came to PaB...
Eliza Madrigal: has she asked for your story yet Korel?
Korel Laloix: Not that I know of.
Eliza Madrigal: (if not I will) :))

Korel Laloix: I was just TPing around looking at sims with the word Christian in the description.
Eliza Madrigal: Hi Eos :)
Bleu Oleander: hi Eos
Korel Laloix: And I found the first time I visited so bizzare, I stayed.
Eliza Madrigal: hahah
Eos Amaterasu: Hi bleu, eliza, korel, eline
Korel Laloix: Heya.
Eliza Madrigal: what made it bizarre?
Eline Adjani: hello eos
Korel Laloix: There was someone talking about if the past was real.
Korel Laloix: As there was something they wanted to leave behind so they could move on with their lives.
Korel Laloix: I need to look up those transcripts.
Eliza Madrigal: interesting... perhaps it was a 'dropping" discussion
Eliza Madrigal: Hi Luci :)
Bleu Oleander: hi Luci :)
Eline Adjani: the past is foundations
Korel Laloix: Not sure.. but my thought was.... just learn to forgive.. starting with youself.
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Eos Amaterasu: hi luci
Lucinda Lavender: hi:)
Korel Laloix: If I held all my mistakes againast myself, I would never get any sleep.
Bleu Oleander: :)

Eliza Madrigal nods.... in a way perhaps it is the same question at heart
Eliza Madrigal: if the past is too "real" then it is hard to forgive
Korel Laloix: If you can't love yourself, you cant love others.
Korel Laloix: If you can't forgive yourself, you cant forgive others either.
Eliza Madrigal: if it doesn't matter at all then there is no opening that way either.. so it can be a struggle through a whole life I suppose
Eos Amaterasu: unreal yet poignant
Korel Laloix: it can be consuming for sure.
Korel Laloix: If you let it be.
Eliza Madrigal: yes

--BELL--

Korel Laloix: I grew up thinking that everything that bad happened to me when I was little was my fault.. all the abuse and the like.. it took me forgiving myself before I realized that all that blame was just BS and part of the abuse.. So the forgiveness gave me the clarity to see things for what they were.
Eos Amaterasu smiles
Eliza Madrigal: was it a "decision" to forgive yourself, or a feeling/revelation?
Korel Laloix: Forgiveness is such a liberating expereince.
Lucinda Lavender: nodding and smiling
Korel Laloix: It was active and painful.
Korel Laloix: So it was a decision.
Korel Laloix: Had to force myself to do it.
Eliza Madrigal nods

Korel Laloix: Sadly enough, i still have not managed to force myself to forgive my mother.
Korel Laloix: one of my biggest spiritual issues/faults/road blocks.
Eliza Madrigal: the aspiration in itself is a form of forgiveness
Eliza Madrigal: just not fully bloomed yet
Korel Laloix: I keep hoping that is the case.
Eline Adjani: i thanked my uncle for abusing me...i felt forgiveness wasnt enough, i wanted to acknowledge his role in building me
Eliza Madrigal: at least that's how I feel about it... the taste of something
Korel Laloix: I really would like to have a relationship with my mother before she passes on.
Eliza Madrigal: Oh my, Eline
Korel Laloix: Never thought of it that way realy Eline...

Korel Laloix: I don't despise my past... I do like who I am today, so I guess I would not change it though.
Korel Laloix: Or would I?
Eline Adjani: i would suggest not
Korel Laloix: Not something I can be completely honest with myself over I don't think.
Eliza Madrigal: well you would change others having to go through it?
Korel Laloix: Yes I would.
Korel Laloix: But I don't like them.... smiles
Eline Adjani: if i could change the past, i would not. even if i discovered the me that would result was a better, happier person.....she would not be me
Eliza Madrigal: sounds like you've done a great deal of introspection Eline
Korel Laloix: I guess there are somethings i would avoid.

Korel Laloix: Hard to think of oneself apart from your history.
Eos Amaterasu: maybe impossible
Eline Adjani: i have had dialogues with myself and with god, and i have come to the conclusion that i am a decent person. i would not have had those opportunities or those dialogues if i had not had the past i had

Eos Amaterasu: it's stories all the way down :-)
Eliza Madrigal: :)

Korel Laloix: How do you seperate your baggage from your spirit?
Korel Laloix: If you coudl figure that out you would replace Dr Phil in a hearbeat.
Eline Adjani: why would anyone want to
Lucinda Lavender: was just wondering if the ancestral story must be a truth understood
Korel Laloix: Or a version of the truth from one perspective.

Eos Amaterasu: it has your back

Eline Adjani: the traveller who cannot go home will keep their baggage with them at all times
Eos Amaterasu: (your ancestral story)
Lucinda Lavender: nodding eos

Eliza Madrigal: I'm not sure... my experience has been somewhat different I think, in that it was necessary not to see me as my past or as my relations
Eline Adjani: we cannot go home, so we have to carry our lives with us
Eos Amaterasu: that's also very true I think Eliza
Korel Laloix: True Eline, but we can filter our lives and emphasize some parts, and ignore others.
Eliza Madrigal: I think I get out my past or things when I want to relate with someone who needs that from me
Eos Amaterasu: that's a very nice approach
Eline Adjani: yes, but thats just reorganising the contents of the bags, or carrying one bag in front of another
Korel Laloix: True... but you can still decie which parts to pull out.

Korel Laloix: Pull out and play with or use.
Eos Amaterasu: or identify with as being you
Korel Laloix: Almost selective memory.
Eliza Madrigal: somewhat... it is sort of like switching a channel, not necessarily strategy

Eline Adjani: but as you do that, the other parts remain in the bag. they keep it weighted down
Korel Laloix: People often forget the past and really exagerate the good memories.
Korel Laloix: And marginalize the bad.
Eliza Madrigal: I also learned to do this with others somewhat, and that was helpful in forgiveness... not tying them to past behaviors
Korel Laloix: So as we go on, our memories get more and more paletable.
Eline Adjani: bad memories are often better lessons
Korel Laloix: That is very true.. just hope those lessons are good ones.
Eline Adjani: all lessons learnt are beneficial

Eos Amaterasu: nice: merciful to self, merciful to others, Eliza

Eline Adjani: the only bad lesson is one you do not learn from
Korel Laloix: Not sure about that.. you can learn fear, hate, anger... other negative things.
Korel Laloix: So I think there are negative lessons that can leave impressions.
Eliza Madrigal nods
Eos Amaterasu: trauma
Korel Laloix: Maybe just another way of looking at it though.
Eline Adjani: learning anger is learning what makes one angry

--BELL--

Eos Amaterasu: 'night, all, thnx, _/\_
Korel Laloix: True.. but it can also be someone manipulating you into anger...
Eliza Madrigal: besides, we're all overlapping with one another at some point... along with shared stories and mythologies... sometimes hard to tell which is which :))
Korel Laloix: brb
Eliza Madrigal: Night Eos, pleasant sleep
Bleu Oleander: nite Eos
Lucinda Lavender: night eos

Eliza Madrigal: one healing thing can be to try to write out one's life story
Eliza Madrigal: at least in outlines or what wants to come up particularly
Eline Adjani: most of the fiction and poetry i have written has been at least partially autobiographical......it definitely helps
Eliza Madrigal: nice...maybe honors the experiences in some way

Eliza Madrigal: :) I was thinking earlier about the first time I met Luci... it was at the first Art of Being...
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Bleu Oleander: :)
Eline Adjani: life is just a series of accidental events. it helps to give them order, after the event
Lucinda Lavender: really?
Eliza Madrigal: Luci do you remember.. you came to the party?
Lucinda Lavender: can you remind me?
Eliza Madrigal: I like that Eline :))
Korel Laloix: Back in a bit..
Lucinda Lavender: listening...

Eliza Madrigal: Oh... I remember standing in front of Zen's sculpture and your describing to me how Calvino had introduced the group...
Eliza Madrigal: and telling me a little about your dreaming practice
Eliza Madrigal: I'm not sure if it was before you'd attended a session even
Lucinda Lavender: I probably had but very recent to it
Eliza Madrigal: but I remember thinking it must be a neat way to be introduced to the group
Eliza Madrigal: I signed off and appeared as my giant wolf Ferocious
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Bleu Oleander: :)
Lucinda Lavender: :)
Lucinda Lavender: so being introduced to each persons art...
Lucinda Lavender: to each persons seeing
Eliza Madrigal: mmmm
Lucinda Lavender: a lovely introduction yes
Lucinda Lavender: seriousness, playfullness...openess
Lucinda Lavender: all in play

Eliza Madrigal: your first impressions?
Lucinda Lavender: so much about realness...it felt real in a different way
Lucinda Lavender: real based in seeing

Eliza Madrigal: Seeing, yes
Eliza Madrigal: earlier when touching on forgiveness I thought of Pema's "seeing is enough" phrase...
Eliza Madrigal: that somehow the willingness to open one's heart is already it
Eliza Madrigal: its already all there

Eliza Madrigal: Bleu, want to share your entry story? :)
Bleu Oleander: ha!
Eliza Madrigal smiles
Bleu Oleander: not sure I remember my first PaB time .... thinking
Lucinda Lavender: Luci leans in...
Bleu Oleander: came in via Kira
Eliza Madrigal nods.. remember you from a few workshops for a while...
Eliza Madrigal: like Alfred
Bleu Oleander: wasn't for about a year before I came to PaB I think

--BELL--

Eliza Madrigal: what nudged you over? :)
Bleu Oleander: we were organizing our own events that Kira was hosting
Bleu Oleander: not sure what brought me over here ... perhaps Pema nudging :)
Eliza Madrigal: (oops Luci leaned in too far and poof)
Bleu Oleander: :)
Eliza Madrigal smiles... probably
Eliza Madrigal: maybe too when there were fewer workshops?
Bleu Oleander: yes perhaps

Bleu Oleander: it was hard for us to organize our own events
Bleu Oleander: hard to get people to come into sl
Eliza Madrigal nods... a shame really
Bleu Oleander: found myself training people all the time :)
Bleu Oleander: yes
Bleu Oleander: was fun though
Bleu Oleander: seeing people from rl in sl
Eliza Madrigal: I'm sure you learned a lot
Bleu Oleander: yes!

Eliza Madrigal: I've had that experience just a few times... but for whatever reason those I've introduced haven't taken to the medium the way I did
Bleu Oleander: yes I don't think anyone I brought in is still here
Eliza Madrigal: and play as being is a further leap ^.^

Eliza Madrigal: How did you learn of SL, Eline?
Eliza Madrigal: (wb Luci I'll give you a note)
Eline Adjani: my sister got me on here
Eline Adjani: she never comes on any more though
Eliza Madrigal: how come?
Eline Adjani: i think she just prefers other forms of online socialising
Eliza Madrigal: but for you it felt natural?
Lucinda Lavender: thank you so
Eline Adjani: yes
Eliza Madrigal: :) most welcome

Eline Adjani: i cannot get out much, and i have trouble speaking
Eline Adjani: so this is good for me
Eliza Madrigal: Oh, I see... so it allows you to move and communicate in different ways
Eline Adjani: yes
Eliza Madrigal: that's great
Eliza Madrigal: maybe true for many in different senses

Eline Adjani: i have always assumed that most people who spend a lot of time on the internet, in things like second life, chat rooms, discussion forums and so on, have some sort of physical or social disability
Eline Adjani: or are otherwise unable to meet other people

Eliza Madrigal nods.... I can see that... it is a question I've asked myself too...
Eliza Madrigal: although I have many friends in RL and yet find connection here amazing in a way hard to access in RL
Lucinda Lavender: interesting...i think for me it has been my devotion to understanding certain things...yes same Eliza
Eliza Madrigal: inquiry/ exploration is a huge part of things, agree
Bleu Oleander: yes for me too

Lucinda Lavender: like i was remembering while trying to get back in here...that it was my participation in a dream group that brought me here
Lucinda Lavender: and help from Cal made me able to understand the territory

Eliza Madrigal: a friend who knows the ropes is helpful
Lucinda Lavender: yes
Bleu Oleander: can make all the difference
Eliza Madrigal: I didn't have that, but somehow my SL entry was quite charmed
Eliza Madrigal: I've said this before, but when I met people they'd all tell me to look out for other people...

--BELL--

Eliza Madrigal: and I kept waiting to meet these terrible people...
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Lucinda Lavender: my view of the art show towards the beginning of my time here gave me a sense of brilliant minds...very attractive
Bleu Oleander: nice Luci :)
Eliza Madrigal feel very thankful that Bleu channeled energies into us
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Bleu Oleander: hehe
Lucinda Lavender: how could i possibly want to miss out on that?
Eliza Madrigal: hah ((Luci)))
Bleu Oleander: actually making art was the last thing I thought I would do in sl :)
Lucinda Lavender: well i could not...:)
Eliza Madrigal: really?
Lucinda Lavender: i remember a box art thing by Cal...
Bleu Oleander: yes didn't even think about it at first
Eliza Madrigal: such a surprise to hear that
Lucinda Lavender: hmmm really!
Bleu Oleander: until I met a few artists
Bleu Oleander: got hooked pretty soon after that

Eline Adjani: i used to attend poetry evenings here and i shared old writings...and it inspired me to write more
Eliza Madrigal: (and I remember Cal's piece... it had a script which was very advanced for our collective skill level)
Eliza Madrigal: Oh, that's wonderful Eline
Eline Adjani: need to do that again, in order to start writing again
Eliza Madrigal: poetry groups in SL are quite wonderful
Lucinda Lavender: a community of writers

Eliza Madrigal: Ah, which reminds me of going to see Eden read poetry for a Bleu event
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Bleu Oleander: yes I remember that :)
Eliza Madrigal: oleanders everywhere
Bleu Oleander: haha!

Lucinda Lavender: and it does feel good to have an appearance that does the exploring
Eliza Madrigal: interesting thing to say, Luci... go on?
Lucinda Lavender: well these little paper dolls seem like valuable play
Eliza Madrigal: :) layers of play playing
Lucinda Lavender: yes
Eliza Madrigal: I wrote my arrival to PaB in a poem for the celebrations... I could share it here but then I'd have to write another... hah. Shall I?
Lucinda Lavender: empowered...yes do!
Bleu Oleander: yes, we won't tell :)
Eliza Madrigal: "empowered" - nice :))
Eliza Madrigal: Okay... shhh
Bleu Oleander: hehe
Eliza Madrigal: I'll say (done) when done ;-)

A buddha brought Eliza to play as Being,
to meet his great winged lion friends.

I’m not kidding. His name was “buddha”

She was just a few weeks old, and
it was Valentines Day

The two climbed into a large white balloon
For an exhilarating ride, and soft landing

The pavilion that night was full with
the crackling conversation,

of curious minds
Sophisticated and innocent – both.

Mingling together like aged familiars reunited,
Peculiar and alive

A host was named for Persian queen or talking bird,
Introduced by a rugged, happy man with long red hair.

And someone named BB asked questions at which she
Startled

And stayed
And learned to play
To see inside of, what was happening


Eliza Madrigal: (done)
Bleu Oleander Applauds ☆*¨¨*:•.•:¸.·'´★
Lucinda Lavender: claps!!!
Eliza Madrigal: ty :)
Lucinda Lavender: smiles!!!
Bleu Oleander: lovely Eliza!
Lucinda Lavender: smiles!!
Eliza Madrigal: fun to write and remember the feelings
Bleu Oleander: I hope you'll read it for the celebration
Lucinda Lavender: please do...
Lucinda Lavender: perfect for that
Bleu Oleander: yes
Eliza Madrigal: not sure... I've gotten over a lot of my voice shyness thanks to VAI poetry readings... but hm, maybe not with PaB
Eliza Madrigal: :)

Eliza Madrigal: Eline did you read your poems aloud in SL?
Eline Adjani: no.....always in text
Bleu Oleander: I love to hear poetry aloud
Eline Adjani: i have speech difficulties so couldnt do that even if i wanted to
Lucinda Lavender: me too...
Bleu Oleander: makes a huge difference I think
Eliza Madrigal: me too... that's why I hesitate to do it... yet a forgiving audience makes a big difference too
Bleu Oleander: then it very nice that you can share in text Eline
Eline Adjani: i prefer to read it....i think it is too possible to misunderstand speech
Eliza Madrigal: yes, especially your own works
Lucinda Lavender: nods
Lucinda Lavender: understandable

Eliza Madrigal: SL voice has a long way to go unfortunately, yet I do love to hear too
Eline Adjani: maybe because i employ a fair amount of word play and dont always have rhymes or particular metres
Eliza Madrigal: even when someone has difficulties... it is part of their charm
Eliza Madrigal: ah, I see

--BELL--

Eliza Madrigal: and space play?
Lucinda Lavender: I guess i should go....thanks for this remembering!
Bleu Oleander: I should too :)
Eliza Madrigal: Night Luci, sweet dreams
Eliza Madrigal: Night Bleu, you too :))
Bleu Oleander: thanks for the lovely conversation
Eliza Madrigal: thank you ^.^
Lucinda Lavender: thank you and same for all of you!
Bleu Oleander: night all :)
Eliza Madrigal: Night

Eline Adjani: yes....appearance of the words is a big element too
Lucinda Lavender: very helpful for consideration of the celebration.
Eliza Madrigal: agree - guess poetry has as many expressions as people themselves

Eliza Madrigal: we had a few poetry sessions here for a while, if interested maybe we can try some again
Eline Adjani: its always nice to share it...and it does a lot for my self esteem to have people say nice things about it
Eline Adjani: i would definitely come
Eliza Madrigal: ah, great :) that will be something to plan then, after party celebrations which go on for a while :)
Eliza Madrigal: Are you a member of the friends of playasbeing group?
Eline Adjani: no
Eliza Madrigal: I can send you an invite
Eliza Madrigal: thanks :)
Eline Adjani: ok...thank you
Eliza Madrigal: wonder if Kori will return... maybe not :)

Eliza Madrigal: I should get some sleep but it was really lovely to spend time with you
Eline Adjani: doesnt look like it
Eline Adjani: i should too
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Eliza Madrigal: wish you pleasant sleep - see you again soon I hope
Eline Adjani: it was nice to be here again, i like intelligent conversation....it does not happen often on here
Eline Adjani: you too...goodnight
Eliza Madrigal: thanks so much... best compliment you can give :)
Eliza Madrigal: Night