2009.04.18 07:00 - 'BEING the Silence'

Scáthach Rhiadra was the guardian on call, covering for Lia who could not be there.  The comments are hers.

I was replacing Lia, who could not be there, and arrived at the pavilion to be soon joined by Fael and Corvi.

Scathach Rhiadra: Hello corvi, Fael
Fael Illyar: Hi again Scath :)
Scathach Rhiadra: :)
Faenik: indeed?

Corvuscorva Nightfire: Hi
Scathach Rhiadra: so how is your day going?
Fael Illyar: plodding along :)

Fael spoke of something which had lately begun to bother her, something from childhood surfacing now.....

Fael Illyar: I'm having something coming to surface and I'm occasionally feeling restless from it. I'm still not exactly clear on what it is.
Scathach Rhiadra: oh, can you say more..
Fael Illyar: something from childhood. Most likely the main reason why I chose to live mostly by being by myself.
Scathach Rhiadra: mmm, I wonder do we ever leave behind our childhoods
Faenik: なるほど^^
Fael Illyar: perhaps, perhaps not but it's coming out rather strongly and is a bit distracting so I'll eventually need to do something about it.
Fael Illyar: especially since one of the effects is that I feel unwelcome.
Scathach Rhiadra: not here I hope:)

Fael Illyar: well, I feel unwelcome and on the other hand know it's not true... just, also feels like having this in the background will blind me to really being unwelcome.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Hi Moon.
Fael Illyar: Hi again Moon :)
Moon Fargis: hiya:)
Scathach Rhiadra: Hello Moon
Fael Illyar: if I had to guess what's going on, I've opened up to a part of my mind that's convinced I'm not welcome.
Moon Fargis: not welcomed? where?
Play as Being 15 minute bell: Conversations here are recorded when ON AIR. Please see http://playasbeing.wik.is/
Play as Being 15 minute bell: Please observe 90 seconds of silence.
Fael Illyar: not sure about a general answer to that.
Fael Illyar: but I felt unwelcome jumping to you and Corvi a while ago and am uncertain if it was imagined or not.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: yes, my dear Fael
Corvuscorva Nightfire: i was distracted but glad to look up and see you.
Fael Illyar smiles 'Thank you.'
Moon Fargis: (youre always welcomed to me fael, you know that)
Play as Being 15 minute bell: Thank you.
Scathach Rhiadra: :)
Fael Illyar: there's a more useful poseball :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: heheh
Corvuscorva Nightfire: same one..i just placed it badly
Fael Illyar: it'll have you on the ground, not below the ground :)
Fael Illyar: it's a fixed one :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: nice
Fael Illyar: will place you so your kneew are at the ball.
Fael Illyar: this old one you have places you so your chest is on the ball :)
Faenik: なるほど^^
Fael Illyar: first edit, then right-click and sit.
Fael Illyar: then you can move yourself comfortably :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Yayay!
Corvuscorva Nightfire: heheh
Corvuscorva Nightfire ruffles your hair.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: thanks for the patience.
Fael Illyar smiles.
Moon Fargis: whee
Faenik loves wells!
Scathach Rhiadra: :)
Moon Fargis: iced corvi
Corvuscorva Nightfire: So, Fael..tell more about feeling unwelcome? in general? *laughs*
Fael Illyar smiles.

Fael Illyar: It's difficult to say much about it. I can tell something's off about it but so far, before now (and after it started), it hasn't really weakened much.

Aurel joins us, and at first cannot see many people, as Corvi and Moon are piled on one cushion with Fael....

Fael Illyar: Hi aurel :)
aurel Miles: Hi Fael
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Hi, Aurel!
Moon Fargis: hi aurel
aurel Miles: Scath
Scathach Rhiadra: Hello aurel:)
aurel Miles: Hi Coruscova
aurel Miles: Hi Moon, Hi Scath
aurel Miles: funny - i hardly see anybody
Scathach Rhiadra: mmm, lag?
aurel Miles: doubtless
aurel Miles: Hi Moon
aurel Miles: I thought you were an attachment
Corvuscorva Nightfire: hahah
Corvuscorva Nightfire: right
Fael Illyar: we're all piled up here, perhaps thats why?
aurel Miles: that's probably why
Moon Fargis: noo i am no attachment
Fael Illyar: Ah, it was because we're piled up here :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Moon and i are being Fael attachments today.
aurel Miles: i see

Corvi brings the conversation back to PaB......

Corvuscorva Nightfire: so...Aurel, Scath? anything coming up around the 9 seconds for you today?
Moon Fargis: beside my cold legs ?:)
Faenik: ah :)
aurel Miles shakes her head
Play as Being 15 minute bell: Conversations here are recorded when ON AIR. Please see http://playasbeing.wik.is/
Play as Being 15 minute bell: Please observe 90 seconds of silence.
Fael Illyar hugs Moon.
Scathach Rhiadra: no, nothing today:)
Moon Fargis purrrrrrsssssssss
Faenik is a hairy black ball with eyes and ears.
Play as Being 15 minute bell: Thank you.
Fael Illyar: somehow it's starting to make sense to me how come I've always felt like I need a reason to approach someone.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: ah!

At a session the previous evening, Solobill had brought up the topic of the PaB bell message asking us to 'observe' 90 seconds silence, and how this seems unsatisfactory.  I had been thinking of this earlier, as during my early morning sessions I am sometimes alone when the bell sounds, and am therefore already silent.  Have felt the need to be more actively silent, so to speak.....

Scathach Rhiadra: though I have noticed that even when I am here alone, and so silent, when the 90 sec bell sounds, I feel the need to be more 'actively' silent, so to speak
Corvuscorva Nightfire smiles..does that feel different?
Fael Illyar smiles 'I'm having problems imagining what that means.'
Fael Illyar: brb
Corvuscorva Nightfire: i like the idea of being actively silent
Moon Fargis: hmmm
Moon Fargis: silence..
Scathach Rhiadra: not just 'observing' the silent, as Solo said yesterday:)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: but actuall BEING the silence?
Scathach Rhiadra: yes
Scathach Rhiadra: being aware
Corvuscorva Nightfire: awake aware as Sophia said
Scathach Rhiadra nods
Fael Illyar: so, being actively silent means being aware in the silence instead of just being in the silence?
Scathach Rhiadra: yes, not excluding anything, but still being the silence, so to speak
Fael Illyar: hmmh... actively is the word that threw me off since being aware is not quite what I'd consider active ... well, not passive either but ...
Moon Fargis: silence cna be verry loud
Scathach Rhiadra: ah, I feel you can be actively aware, more alert, alive
Faenik: ah :)
Moon Fargis: especially if you are aware
Scathach Rhiadra: maybe the difference between observing 'awareness' and being aware
Moon Fargis: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtGVbbThrzs&NR=1
Play as Being 15 minute bell: Conversations here are recorded when ON AIR. Please see http://playasbeing.wik.is/
Play as Being 15 minute bell: Please observe 90 seconds of silence.

Play as Being 15 minute bell: Thank you.

Pema joins us and the topic of being actively silent, or aware, occupies us for the rest of the session......

Scathach Rhiadra: Hello Pema
Fael Illyar: Hi Pema :)
[2009/04/18 7:46]  Moon Fargis: ahh hi pema
Pema Pera: Hi everybody!
Fael Illyar: Ah, the triangle is complete :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Hi, Pema!
Scathach Rhiadra: back in New York?
Faenik: could be
Pema Pera: yeah, for the time being
Pema Pera: Tuesday I'll fly to Tokyo
Fael Illyar: life's keeping you busy :)
Pema Pera: :-)
Moon Fargis: we keep life busy
Fael Illyar: haha, yes, we create the life that keeps us busy :)
Pema Pera: btw, is this Lia's slot, or did one of you take over?
Scathach Rhiadra: yes me:)
Pema Pera: ah, thank you!
Pema Pera: what have you been talking about, so far?
Corvuscorva Nightfire: silence and it's ways of being
Pema Pera: :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: welcoming and what it sounds like
Moon Fargis: ^^ ahh that remembers me, cant be theer tormorow at my plot
Moon Fargis: theres a big hanami festival where i need to go
Scathach Rhiadra: mmm, silence, like when the 90 sec bell sounds do we just observe the silence, or can we be more actively silent
Fael Illyar: oh, I'll see if I can pick that up :)
Pema Pera: interesting question, Scathach!
Pema Pera: and thank you, Fael
Pema Pera: how do you see/sense the "more actively silent"?
Scathach Rhiadra: being aware, not just observing awareness, more alert alive...
Pema Pera: yes, that is the big challenge in "not doing"
Pema Pera: or "doing by not-doing"
Moon Fargis loves to do nothing
Pema Pera: to stay engaged, galvanized, in/with there, without slackening off
Scathach Rhiadra: :)
Scathach Rhiadra: mmm, being right here, right now
Pema Pera: yes, that is key
[2009/04/18 7:54]  Fael Illyar: Pema, how's the great guardian slot shuffle going? many replies?
[2009/04/18 7:54]  Pema Pera: but there are so many ways in which to do that
[2009/04/18 7:55]  Pema Pera: half a dozen replies, Fael, I'll respond soon

Pema Pera: the "here" and the "now" can be understood in very many ways
Faenik: why not?
Pema Pera: from more narrowly, in the usual every-day way, to a far wider way
aurel Miles: how, in a wider way?
Pema Pera: taken literally "being here and now" can easily be seen as closing oneself off from a wider horizon of concerns
Pema Pera: and focusing in a self-absorbed way on what is going on here (for me) and now (for me)
aurel Miles: particularly apt for sl
Pema Pera: and what Scathach points to is something much more inclusive
Pema Pera: yes, for sl as well as rl
Pema Pera: the two mistakes we all tend to make are to get lost in the not-here not-now, in worries and daydreams, etc; and to get lost in the here-and-now :-)
Scathach Rhiadra: how to find the 'inbetween':)
Pema Pera: by seeing *how* we get lost
Pema Pera: how we tend to run on, compulsively
Pema Pera: and to drop that
Faenik is a hairy black ball with eyes and ears.
Pema Pera: "stop and drop" is the key there
Scathach Rhiadra nods
Play as Being 15 minute bell: Conversations here are recorded when ON AIR. Please see http://playasbeing.wik.is/
Play as Being 15 minute bell: Please observe 90 seconds of silence.
Pema Pera: and the 9-sec is the invitation to start working with that :)
Play as Being 15 minute bell: Thank you.
Pema Pera: (or 90 sec as the case may be :-)
Scathach Rhiadra: yes:)
Fael Illyar: It's just very easy to get stuck with something even while seemingly dropping.
Pema Pera: yes, there are so many layers of dropping!
Pema Pera: it's like an onion
Fael Illyar: yes, drop one layer until it's so worn out it won't stick anymore and then move to the next one
Corvuscorva Nightfire: ooooo
Corvuscorva Nightfire: that is gorgeous!!!! thank you Fael!
Fael Illyar: umm... you're welcome. :)
Fael Illyar had no idea it was for Corvi.
Faenik: why not?
Corvuscorva Nightfire smiles.
Pema Pera: :)
Fael Illyar: persistence is key :)

Pema Pera: yes
Fael Illyar: (some call it being sturbborn too)
Pema Pera: btw, RL is persistently calling me again -- I'll be back at 1 pm and 7 pm today.
Pema Pera: good seeing you all, even though briefly!
Fael Illyar: Ok, see you later Pema :)
Fael Illyar: Thank you for stopping by :)
Pema Pera: bfn!
Corvuscorva Nightfire: bye, Pema!
aurel Miles: bye Pema
Scathach Rhiadra: bye Pema, see you later, thanks for coming by:)

Scathach Rhiadra: RL is calling me too, thank you all for being here, namasté
Fael Illyar: See you later Scath :)
aurel Miles: bye
aurel Miles: me too
aurel Miles: bye all
Corvuscorva Nightfire: bye..Scath, Aurel