2008.09.10 19:00 - Lessons from waiting in line

The guardian for this meeting was Sylectra. The comments are hers.

Sylectra, Stevenaia, Adelene, Sky, and Rowan were attending this meeting. The conversation was circling around expectations, goals, desired outcomes, and how we make ourselves feel irritated when these objectives seem to be in conflict with the activities of others.

I had trouble logging in for about 20 minutes but finally got in exactly at 19:00. I wondered if the same thing was happening to others.

Sylectra Darwin: hihi
stevenaia Michinaga: hello sylectra
Adelene Dawner: I consider it a bug that SL automatically activates whatever groups you join. I always forget to deactivate them.
stevenaia Michinaga: welcome back
Sylectra Darwin: good to 'see' you guys
Sylectra Darwin: i do too Adelene
Sylectra Darwin: so what's shaking?
Adelene Dawner: ^.^
Sylectra Darwin: it was a lovely rainy day here today.
stevenaia Michinaga: not much... last night was quiet here, was wondering if there were log on problems then too
Sylectra Darwin: there is supposed to be a major rolling restart about now.
Adelene Dawner: I was busy working this time yesterday... SL seemed ok but I wasn't trying to teleport in any case.
Sylectra Darwin: hmm, I usually am not troubled by SL problems.
Sylectra Darwin: So have things been pretty quiet lately in PaB?
stevenaia Michinaga: yes, how was Tampa
Adelene Dawner: Yes, Syl, and affirming that at every meeting isn't going to help it.
Adelene Dawner: (Sorry, just, that topic's getting old.)
Sylectra Darwin: sorry :)
Sylectra Darwin: Tampa was great!
Sylectra Darwin: Lots of activity going on
Sylectra Darwin: I got to look over the shoulder of a professional magician as he did his light and music show from a bar in the conference hotel.
Adelene Dawner: cooool ^.^
Sylectra Darwin: he's a magician in real life - married to another magician in real life
Sylectra Darwin: and they found each other in Second Life.
Sylectra Darwin: And they both live in the Boston area.
stevenaia Michinaga: threeDee and I were in the middle of a conversation on monday that ran last on monday, was hoping to pick up again the next time we got to gether, we were discussing moving our discussion to tranformation and enlightenment
Adelene Dawner: I actualy just got an email from Three
stevenaia Michinaga: *ran late
Sylectra Darwin: now that's interesting.
stevenaia Michinaga: is he online?
Sylectra Darwin: Do you expect Threedee?
Adelene Dawner: He's been away from home all day and just got in - he'll be here in 45 minutes or so.
Sylectra Darwin: hmm
stevenaia Michinaga: yes, we had a crankie crew here and were discussing how to tranform to be less judgemental towards other which leads to stress within yourself
Sylectra Darwin: that's such a great topic for discussion.
Adelene Dawner: sounds useful
stevenaia Michinaga: stiving towards greater patience towards others
Sylectra Darwin: No matter how tranquil you are that seems to be a little irritation.
stevenaia Michinaga: striving
Sylectra Darwin: I always know what you are saying, Steven.
Sylectra Darwin: :)
Sylectra Darwin: So this week my theme is finding my rhythm
stevenaia Michinaga: thanks
Sylectra Darwin: With all this business in Tampa and moving and such, it's time to relax and get into the groove
Sylectra Darwin: Relax, haha
Sylectra Darwin: Hello!
Rowan Masala: you rang??
Sylectra Darwin: Hey Rowan.
Sylectra Darwin: Good to see you
Rowan Masala: hi all
stevenaia Michinaga: Hi Rowan
Adelene Dawner: ^.^
Sylectra Darwin: Sky, welcome.
stevenaia Michinaga: we were begining a topic about transformation, that I mentioned to you earlier, suggesting a less stressful and more enlightened state
Sylectra Darwin: Excellent.
stevenaia Michinaga: hello Sky
Sky Szimmer: hi.
Sylectra Darwin: I find that my state of activity is an impediment to my transformation at the moment.
Rowan Masala: hi Sky
Adelene Dawner: ^.^

Waiting in line and waiting for others can be an impediment to our serenity, because of our expectations.

stevenaia Michinaga: part of what ThreeDee and I touched on is the waste and inefficience of letting others bilities or inabilities affect you in negative ways, such as waiting on line at a check out conter and it taking forever... that seems to drive peole crazy sometimes
Sylectra Darwin: nods
Rowan Masala nods
Sylectra Darwin: In what other ways can people's abilities affect your own composure?
stevenaia Michinaga: well if they are positive, that affects you positively
Sylectra Darwin: It's a trap.
Rowan Masala: cognitive behaviorists would say that no one can make us feel anything, that it's all about the way we frame it
Adelene Dawner: That's not entirely true, Rowan.
Sylectra Darwin: When we focus on feeling a certain way as a result of someone else's abilities or lack of abilities, we are in a trap of our own expectations.

Perhaps our friends can lend us some patience if we run low. :)

stevenaia Michinaga: I seem to not have as much an issue with line waiting to the point people ask me to call computer help lines for them because thay can't stand being put on hold for extended periods, anyone ahve that problem?
stevenaia Michinaga: serrogate line waiter
Sky Szimmer: brb
Adelene Dawner: Not as such - but at my first job I was always asked to deal with the difficult phone calls to problem customers. I have, or at least had, trouble *not* being pleasant on the phone.
Sylectra Darwin: patience, being expected to endure long waits because you seem to have more patience?
Sylectra Darwin: how interesting.
Sylectra Darwin: I guess that happens to me when I am called upon to be a supervisor in my web content department.
Sylectra Darwin: Because I have to reach out to the other person and wait for a connection that works for us both.
Sylectra Darwin: As today. Sigh
Sylectra Darwin: I was just trying to post a story for the marketing department but it wasn't up to news standards so I had to negotiate with her on the edits.
Sylectra Darwin: I hope she is happy with the results.
Sylectra Darwin: I certainly worked hard at it.

Time was described as a precious commodity which, if focused on exclusive of other aims, can encourage us to be impatient with other people.

stevenaia Michinaga: I suppose when you take the annoyance persoanlly it seems to addect you badly, like why is this person wasting my time
stevenaia Michinaga: affect
stevenaia Michinaga: when if you take away the "personal" impact, there is really no reason to be affected by it in a negative way
Sylectra Darwin: that's a very important observation actually.
Sylectra Darwin: you're right, Steven. But it still gets my goat! LOL
Rowan Masala laughs
stevenaia Michinaga: if time is not loked at as a vaulable asset subject to being wasted by others, then perhaps the stress will disipate
stevenaia Michinaga: belive it or not, I used to frequent a chat room where someone there would actually get belligerent with bad grammer and typos were present, thank goodness it had no affect on me....smile
Rowan Masala: good gracious, Steven
Sylectra Darwin: this is how our time-conscious nation keeps us from being content, in America.
Rowan Masala: lol
stevenaia Michinaga: but I know through his own doing , that his blood pressure was rising
Sylectra Darwin: who is "his"?
Sylectra Darwin: a friend?
Rowan Masala: the man in the chat room?
stevenaia Michinaga: just someone in the chat, yes
stevenaia Michinaga: on "regular"
stevenaia Michinaga: for him the point became not the subject of the conversation, but if it was spelled correctly
Sylectra Darwin: wow.
Sylectra Darwin: I hate to sound flippant, but my response to that is "Bummer, man"
stevenaia Michinaga: yes he felt that it was a perfectly valid perspective, I thought it was a total waste of time on energy
Rowan Masala nods
stevenaia Michinaga: Bummer for him
Sylectra Darwin: What I mean by that is that some people choose to make a bigger deal of the small stuff.
stevenaia Michinaga: I had my view of the world and he would make sure it was spelled corectly

This seems to be touching on goals, i.e., what is a person's desired outcome in a situation? And can we kind of leave that open so that we aren't expecting a specific end and being irritated if it doesn't happen as planned?

Rowan Masala: but it's the "cover" in a chat room, as in judging a book by its cover--like ignoring someone because of their physical appearance
stevenaia Michinaga: yes, filtering out what may be irrelivant
Rowan Masala: the form rather than the content
Sylectra Darwin: that's short sighted but I guess we can each fall into that trap at intervals. :)
stevenaia Michinaga: yes, from time to time, but recognizing it is useful
Sylectra Darwin: how so, Steven?
stevenaia Michinaga: when your stress level rises and you see it you can ask why.. and then why bother
stevenaia Michinaga: and move on
Sylectra Darwin: I want to ask "why bother?"
Sylectra Darwin: we get to caring about the wrong things.
Sylectra Darwin: We get swept up in the moment of one's job and life.
stevenaia Michinaga: perhaps PaB is one vehicle to assit in that reflection, I ahve not been able to focus on a specific subject, but perhaps with time
stevenaia Michinaga: with patience
Sylectra Darwin: it's the journey that's most educational for me. If I feel I have reached the destination, I stop trying.

We began to wonder how our desired outcome could be destructive or constructive, and how purposeful the 9-second moment can be and still let it be constructive.

Sylectra Darwin: I am not into sports but I always think of this particular sports analogy:
Sylectra Darwin: I am a batter trying to hit the ball farther than ever before.
Sylectra Darwin: So I visualize a point just beyond where the ball will hit my bat.
Sylectra Darwin: I swing for that spot.
Sylectra Darwin: And if I get it just right, I overshoot the mark and do much better than expected.
stevenaia Michinaga: you do this as an excercise?
Sylectra Darwin: As a mental exercise, yes
Sylectra Darwin: I try to draw parallels with my real life.
Sylectra Darwin: Does anyone else use a way to visualize how much or how little to push on a goal?
Adelene Dawner doesn't... but then she comes at goals from a weird angle in general anywa.
stevenaia Michinaga: has anyone used the 's to directly focus on a topic rather then letting the mind open and self direct (similar question)
Adelene Dawner: *anyway
stevenaia Michinaga: the 9's
stevenaia Michinaga: I don;t do enough meditation of any type to know the answer
Sylectra Darwin: you are too modest, Steven.
Sylectra Darwin: Is that a form of control that's actually not constructive?
Rowan Masala: I think Steve sort of lives meditation rather than doing it
Sylectra Darwin: hehe
Sylectra Darwin: I think so too.
Sylectra Darwin: He is very lucky
Rowan Masala smiles
Rowan Masala: he's very wise
Sylectra Darwin: He's Even Steven.
Rowan Masala laughs
stevenaia Michinaga: typing but no words appear
Sylectra Darwin: LOL!
Sylectra Darwin: what is the sound of no hands typing?
stevenaia Michinaga: that would be what Adelene with her feather fingers
Adelene Dawner: ^.^
Rowan Masala looks at her own fingertips
Sylectra Darwin: fuff fuff fuff fuff....lol
stevenaia Michinaga: lol
Sylectra Darwin: how cool would it be to be a bird like Adelene?
Sylectra Darwin: To fly when the weight of the world gets to be too oppressive?
Adelene Dawner chuckles. "Different. Not better."
stevenaia Michinaga: I think it;s time for me to conclude this evening's conversation... thank you all
Rowan Masala: goodnight, Steven
Adelene Dawner: 'night, Steve, all.
Rowan Masala: goodnight Adelene
Rowan Masala: goodnight Sylectra