2013.02.01 19:00 - Transitions

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    The Guardian for this meeting was Lucinda Lavender. The comments are by Lucinda Lavender. 

    Attending were Eliza, Paradise and Storm.

     

    Eliza Madrigal: 's current display-name is "Eliza".
    Eliza Madrigal: Hello Luci Juicy-fruit (pjs)
    Lucinda Lavender: :)) Hello Eliza:)
    Eliza Madrigal: nice to be able to attend your session again
    Lucinda Lavender: Yes!
    Lucinda Lavender: are you wearing a new dress?
    Eliza Madrigal nods... good of you to notice
    Lucinda Lavender: very pretty:0
    Lucinda Lavender: ) i meant
    Eliza Madrigal: ty ^.^
    Eliza Madrigal: so I'm really curious what is going on with you - what you are thinking about these days
    Lucinda Lavender: hmm:)...will think
    Lucinda Lavender: working pretty hard at work....new kids starting and one with sort of a tantrum response to transitions...I think working on communication and not worrying:)
    Eliza Madrigal: sounds challenging
    Lucinda Lavender: trusting that i know how to handle things
    Eliza Madrigal: do you have an assistant also?
    Lucinda Lavender: there are 4 teachers in the room...
    Lucinda Lavender: and 14 children
    Lucinda Lavender: and a very rich environment theme wise
    Eliza Madrigal: so able to take some extra time with the child for some things
    Lucinda Lavender: chinese lunar new year, valentines,
    Lucinda Lavender: and yes...time and space for the child
    Lucinda Lavender: i think we are in an initial period of adjustmentd
    Lucinda Lavender: testing
    Lucinda Lavender: etc
    Lucinda Lavender: it can be exhausting to the child to fall on the floor in distress
    Eliza Madrigal: am thinking of coping skills
    Eliza Madrigal: some have thinner buffers
    Lucinda Lavender: our goal is to attempt to make the experience successfull
    Lucinda Lavender: yes.. thinner buffers
    Eliza Madrigal: when my oldest daughter was dropped off at school in the mornings, as a preschooler, there was about 20 minutes of ritual to help her make the transition
    Lucinda Lavender: nodding! finding what works
    Lucinda Lavender: what did she like..?
    Eliza Madrigal: well I can't say we ever got it perfect...
    Eliza Madrigal: but she liked for me to stay through songs and pledges after she was in the room, as well as saying bye in a few different ways before she was in
    Eliza Madrigal: some days it was really hard
    Eliza Madrigal: and I'd sit in the car crying after, knowing she wasn't having an easy time
    Lucinda Lavender: ahhh!
    Lucinda Lavender: I can imagine.
    Eliza Madrigal: she got out of the car today - i dropped her off at university - and I had a flash of her as so little still :)
    Lucinda Lavender: some kids like to write a note home...or watch and wave out the window
    Lucinda Lavender: ah...amazing
    Lucinda Lavender: university!
    Eliza Madrigal: her teacher could have been a bit less strict - feel she made it harder, especially sort of invalidating the bond we felt
    Lucinda Lavender: nodding
    Eliza Madrigal: but the philosophy was ... well, many times teachers telling me "cut the cord, mom"
    Eliza Madrigal: but I didn't really believe in doing that :)
    Lucinda Lavender: :))
    Lucinda Lavender: good for you!
    Eliza Madrigal: jury out! lol
    Lucinda Lavender: lol
    Lucinda Lavender: well our connections are so important
    Lucinda Lavender: i was more business like i guess due to working in the field
    Lucinda Lavender: but i totally understand
    Eliza Madrigal: consistency and clarity are important... if there is a feeling of security it is easier, even with a certain strictness in place
    Lucinda Lavender: I experienced a lot of resistence
    --BELL--


    Lucinda Lavender: consistency as in ritual at the leaving time? I think that helps alot...and if the crying does not stop then we call the parent. Writing a note home seems to make a big differnece and sitting next to an adult who is "planted" as my boss calls it:)( the note home is written from the childs words)
    Eliza Madrigal: planted?
    Lucinda Lavender: taking a walk for a cracker or to the window:)
    Lucinda Lavender: planted...means sitting and not flitting around
    Eliza Madrigal: consistency of ritual yes, between parent and teacher - that's what I feel was missing in hindsight
    Lucinda Lavender: it greatly helps to insure a calm mood
    Eliza Madrigal: I see :) an anchor
    Eliza Madrigal: grounding presence
    Lucinda Lavender: yes...
    Eliza Madrigal: makes sense
    Lucinda Lavender: " it models...i do need to move...and really you don't either":)
    Lucinda Lavender: we are all just feeling the groove
    Eliza Madrigal smiles
    Lucinda Lavender: watching the room
    Lucinda Lavender: noticing things
    Lucinda Lavender: noticing what interests the child
    Lucinda Lavender: and working with it
    Lucinda Lavender: it was trains for a lot of boys...
    Lucinda Lavender: you can tune everything out with a train:)
    Eliza Madrigal: :))
    Lucinda Lavender: new environment can bring on true suffering
    Lucinda Lavender: when it is not ones choice
    Lucinda Lavender: and even when it is i think
    Eliza Madrigal: when there are articles about events that create the most stress... they are all transitions... it doesn't matter if they are good or bad really
    Eliza Madrigal: but there does seem to be varying abilities to cope
    Lucinda Lavender: yes...
    Eliza Madrigal: that's what I had to learn with my oldest daughter and to some extent am learning in a new way with my son
    Lucinda Lavender: ?
    Eliza Madrigal: wish trains would work ;-)
    Lucinda Lavender: is it too personal to ask how they are different
    Eliza Madrigal: I can answer in ways that aren't too personal
    Lucinda Lavender: ah:)
    Eliza Madrigal: his is more of a kind of existential anxiety
    Eliza Madrigal: whereas hers was attachment and also hm.. single pointedness
    Eliza Madrigal: so she was, when little, always 'rule keeper' for instance
    Lucinda Lavender: nodding
    Eliza Madrigal: very creative but the rules were important within that wide creativity
    Lucinda Lavender: did she like consistency?
    Eliza Madrigal: yes
    Lucinda Lavender: predictability?
    Eliza Madrigal: she needs many heads-ups, still, before able to make a shift
    Eliza Madrigal: and time to assimilate
    Eliza Madrigal: Hi Para! :)
    Lucinda Lavender: to get ready to change something...
    Lucinda Lavender: Hi Para!
    Paradise Tennant: smiles hello luci ..eliza
    Lucinda Lavender: Para did you fix the problem with going offline?
    Paradise Tennant: yes it seemed to fix itself
    Lucinda Lavender: great...
    Eliza Madrigal: great, maybe it was a connection issue in the area
    Paradise Tennant: not sure what it was
    Eliza Madrigal: SL seems to be behaving better, too
    Lucinda Lavender: we are talking about transitions and how children/people feel with them...
    --BELL--


    Lucinda Lavender: how much time we need before a transition etc...
    Paradise Tennant: hiya storm :)) gtsy
    Eliza Madrigal: Hi Storm :)
    Storm Nordwind: Hello everyone :)
    Lucinda Lavender: HI Storm!
    Eliza Madrigal: quite a practice really, to pay attention to transitions - then everything begins to feel like a transition - distinction breaks down :)
    Lucinda Lavender: many new moments experienced really..
    Lucinda Lavender: a day a month a year a decade
    Eliza Madrigal: each sentence each letter
    Eliza Madrigal: new arrival and departure
    Eliza Madrigal: so one person may feel more of a flow than another I guess
    Lucinda Lavender: some of the children I see are wired differntly it seems
    Lucinda Lavender: building openness to change...big job
    Lucinda Lavender: slow process
    Eliza Madrigal: an adult 'planted' on the scene is fortunate for those children
    Eliza Madrigal: :)
    Lucinda Lavender: yes...for sure!
    Eliza Madrigal: I guess one step between may be for they themselves to learn that they are wired a bit differently
    Eliza Madrigal: to allow for that as okay
    Lucinda Lavender: yes..and create strategies they understand
    Eliza Madrigal: excuse me pls, will be back in a few minutes
    Lucinda Lavender: give them work that they are successful at
    Lucinda Lavender: sure...
    Lucinda Lavender: anything new strom and Para?
    Lucinda Lavender: Storm...
    Paradise Tennant: smiles
    Storm Nordwind: Hmmm...
    Paradise Tennant: listens
    Storm Nordwind: Not much. Doing a little work for the 5th anniversary party in world. Some 99 day stuff in RL.
    Paradise Tennant: how is the 99 days going storm ?
    Santoshima Resident: 's current display-name is "San".
    Lucinda Lavender: listens...
    Storm Nordwind: Seems to be popular. But I think it always is for the first month
    --BELL--


    Eliza Madrigal: (back) Hi San
    Paradise Tennant: hiy a san
    Storm Nordwind waves
    Santoshima Resident: hello
    Lucinda Lavender: Hiya San..
    Lucinda Lavender: Sort a relaxed evening here...friday night and discussion has been about transitions and their challenges as well as 99 days...
    Paradise Tennant: smiles sort of end of the week dazed I guess
    Lucinda Lavender: me too
    Paradise Tennant: funny how hollow busy can make you feel
    Lucinda Lavender: :)) good point
    Lucinda Lavender: I had the children learn at chool about the word busy
    Paradise Tennant: what did they think of it
    Lucinda Lavender: it was in a book we read
    Lucinda Lavender: and I asked them...what is busy for you...
    Lucinda Lavender: where do you see business
    Lucinda Lavender: ?
    Lucinda Lavender: chores, shopping, school... they said
    Storm Nordwind: Sounds like things they'd prefer not to do! ;)
    Lucinda Lavender: :)) may be.
    Lucinda Lavender: busy is when the flow gets challenging i guess
    Paradise Tennant: funny I can be really busy and feel in flow there seems to be flow but when I let go .. sometimes feel .. empty
    Lucinda Lavender: and you have to wait sometimes
    Storm Nordwind: that's interesting. I would find it quite different. Busy for me would be when I was so focused on the flow of what I was doing that I didn't notice anything else outside that
    Eliza Madrigal: maybe when out of element, or downshifting in some way
    Lucinda Lavender: ...a train builders gift:)...focus
    Paradise Tennant: yes think that is the hall mark of flow .. when you seem to step out of time
    Storm Nordwind: Multitasking is the work of the devil ;-))
    Paradise Tennant: but when you come out of it . for me I will have been in numbers for many hours
    Paradise Tennant: it seems like you are leting go you have to shake
    Eliza Madrigal: re-entry
    Lucinda Lavender: :)) smiles at you all...
    Eliza Madrigal smiles back and realizes how relaxed she feels... ready for bed
    Eliza Madrigal: thanks Luci, everybody
    Eliza Madrigal: Night
    Santoshima Resident: g'nit Eliza
    Storm Nordwind: :)
    Storm Nordwind waves
    Paradise Tennant: smies sweet dreams elzia
    Lucinda Lavender: thanks to you
    Paradise Tennant: has anyone had a dream ?
    Lucinda Lavender: we put our clock puzzles out on the table today...
    Santoshima Resident: yes, i rarely dream
    Santoshima Resident: and had a wonderful dream last week
    Santoshima Resident: or if not wonderful
    Lucinda Lavender: would love to hear dreams
    --BELL--


    Santoshima Resident: anyway, a dream, and it has provided a kind of ripple
    Santoshima Resident: like a small stone dropped into a very still pool
    Santoshima Resident: so that is interesting to me
    Lucinda Lavender: nods..can you say more?
    Storm Nordwind loves the image
    Lucinda Lavender: :)
    Santoshima Resident: maybe, but not so much on the location
    Santoshima Resident: but that the main was an embrace from a teacher whom i love and admire in rl
    Santoshima Resident: simply gave me a hug
    Santoshima Resident: and reassured
    Santoshima Resident: in that way
    Santoshima Resident: that's all
    Paradise Tennant: ooooooo
    Paradise Tennant: it is enough :))
    Lucinda Lavender: how wonderful...time for hugs
    Santoshima Resident: :)
    Paradise Tennant: had a similar dream where my dad who has passed appeared to give me a hug .. what a lovely feeling
    Storm Nordwind: That may be all, but it can mean so much, and - as you say - it can ripple out to the whole of your life, for a long time.
    Santoshima Resident: true
    Lucinda Lavender: a memory for all time
    Paradise Tennant: it is what we should do with each moment and each othe . hold everything in an embrace :)
    Paradise Tennant: *other
    Santoshima Resident: :))
    Storm Nordwind: Sometimes, I find we need to embrace - a child or a friend - and them throw them into the air and let them fly!
    Storm Nordwind: *then
    Santoshima Resident: that's great
    Lucinda Lavender: play...
    Paradise Tennant: very important play we take ourselves so seriously
    Lucinda Lavender: educate our children to be elegant
    Santoshima Resident: !!!
    --BELL--


    Lucinda Lavender: burden of being good
    Paradise Tennant: funny my definition of good seems to be broadening as I get older
    Paradise Tennant: not so black and white
    Paradise Tennant: lots of room for grey
    Paradise Tennant: there is often good in things that don't look that great
    Paradise Tennant: form the outset
    Storm Nordwind: And there is Upaya
    Lucinda Lavender: what is Upaya?
    Storm Nordwind: Expedient means. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upaya
    Santoshima Resident: skillful means
    Storm Nordwind: Doeing/saying what is necessary to achieve a high good goal, even if superficially it might appear to be other than good
    Lucinda Lavender: sometimes sticking ones neck out...?
    Storm Nordwind: Maybe in some people's eyes. But it means having clear sight to see what is really important and not getting caught up in what is not so important.
    Paradise Tennant: or saying things that are difficult tosay
    Lucinda Lavender: nodding...
    --BELL--
    Santoshima Resident: good night ~ thank you
    Santoshima Resident: ~
    Lucinda Lavender: good noight and thank you!
    Santoshima Resident: that's a wave
    Storm Nordwind: Be well dear friend
    Paradise Tennant: smiles namaste san .. thank you
    Lucinda Lavender: I think I should go...be well all!
    Paradise Tennant: nite nite luci :))
    Paradise Tennant: be well
    Paradise Tennant: nite nite storm :))
    Paradise Tennant: namaste my friends :))
    Storm Nordwind: Namaste
    Lucinda Lavender: namaste

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