The Guardian for this meeting was Adelene Dawner. The comments are by Adelene Dawner.
Travieso Sella: greetings
Adelene Dawner: hi :)
Adelene Dawner: Hi, Pila ^.^
Travieso Sella: hello
Travieso Sella: I've been missing these discussions. But I finally made it to one.
Travieso Sella: again...
Pila Mulligan: hi kenji
kenji Pookes: Hello all.
Travieso Sella: hi kenji
Adelene Dawner: Hi, Kenji
Pila Mulligan: any ideas on anyone's mind?
Travieso Sella: I have one.
Adelene Dawner: Well, I'm following a neat discussion on social signaling on a web forum...
kenji Pookes: What does "social signaling" mean?
Travieso Sella: Sounds as good as mine if not better =]
Adelene Dawner: Doing things because of what they make others think of you, basically.
kenji Pookes: I see.
Travieso Sella: that is interesting.
Adelene Dawner: The discussion is on "how can I tell how much of what I'm doing is because of social signaling, and how much is because I really want to do the thing?"
kenji Pookes: You probably can't.
Adelene Dawner: Not easily, anyway. :)
Pila Mulligan: what was yours, Travieso? Maybe it can also fit in with Ade's
kenji Pookes: So a few minutes ago, I added a hat and leather jacket to my Avatar. Is that for all of you, or for me?
Pila Mulligan: :)
Travieso Sella: Mine has to do with the four establishments of mindfullness in Buddhism.
kenji Pookes: When thinking about SL, it becomes more complex, I think. Because I am creating the Avatar as something I will look at (maybe I'm wrong about this).
Travieso Sella: It's a tight fit heh
Pila Mulligan: :
Pila Mulligan: :)
kenji Pookes: Yes, and it's squeezing my head, too.
Adelene Dawner: Well, there is such a thing as self-signaling, too - doing things because they make you think better of yourself, or think of yourself in a certain way. And the two aren't mutually exclusive.
Travieso Sella: I suppose the crossover would be a practise of remaining mindful of one's motivation during the course of the day
kenji Pookes: Yes, of course what makes one think better of oneself? I would argue, I think, that we determine what is good for ourselves on the basis of social convention.
Travieso Sella: and how that is effected by others
kenji Pookes: Adelene, may I ask you a question?
Adelene Dawner: How we think of ourselves is based on social convention, but not that simply... valuing individuality or rebelion, for example.
Adelene Dawner: Yes, Kenji?
kenji Pookes: First, inviduality and rebellion may simply be forms of social convention. Wearing hats backwards was/is a sign of rebellion, but since so many young men do it, it isn't much of a rebellion--it is convention.
kenji Pookes: Quesiotn is: Why does your avatar have wings?
Adelene Dawner: *chuckles* wings have been part of my personal self-image since well before I got involved in SL. They have a metaphorical signifigance, and I'm uncomfortable using an avatar that doesn't have them. :)
kenji Pookes: How did you develop a self-image that involved wings?
Adelene Dawner: (And no, 'angel' is not part of the metaphor' 'bird, freedom' is closer.)
kenji Pookes: I see. bit "freedom" is a social concept. It is par of conventional thinking in the US.
Travieso Sella: I used to rebel much more outwardly and convince myself and others that I didn't acre at all what others think. I've learned that pretty much everyone, regardless of what they say, care what other people think of them. I don't know if that relates much.
Adelene Dawner: I don't know. I have poetry I've written refering to myself that way back as far as elementary school, so it's been around for a long time.
kenji Pookes: Well, I think even as children, we are shaped by social context--significantly. I don't mean to suggest social determinism, but I wonder if we can actually think outside of the box of culture.
kenji Pookes: The more I think about it, the less I think we can.
Adelene Dawner: It's possible, it's just very, very hard. Wearing your baseball cap backwards is just a different kind of cultural signaling... wearing a clown wig generally wouldn't be thought, at least the first few times someone did it.
kenji Pookes: Yes, when I teach one of my classes (on concepts of self and identity), I sometimes ask mys tudents what they would think if I cam to class wearing a flower print sun dress (I'm male). That seems to be too far beyond convention--but I can do it.
kenji Pookes: Of course, if I do wear a dress to teach in, I may well be doing it to flaunt convention, in which case my behavior is still structured by convention.
Pila Mulligan: hi Eliza
Eliza Madrigal: :) Hi Everyone
Adelene Dawner: Yep, the point would be to go sideways of that, in a new and unique way - a male wearing a dress in that situation would be socially unacceptable, but that's still a defined reaction that you can reasonably predict that people would have. If you're truly outside the box, there wouldn't be a predictable reaction at all.
Eliza Madrigal: Hey Pila :)
Pila Mulligan: (a couple of young neighbor kids just came over (real life) with their new puppy .. I told them I'd come out to play with them, so I'll need to leave a little early :)
kenji Pookes: Hello Eliza
Adelene Dawner: cool, Pila ^.^
Eliza Madrigal: Ah, Bye Pila...enjoy the puppy and neighbors
Pila Mulligan: :)
kenji Pookes: Sounds like fun.
Travieso Sella: ok, hi eliza, by pila
Pila Mulligan: nice kids, cute puppy :)
Eliza Madrigal: H Kenji, Travi
Eliza Madrigal: Ade, Good to see you :)
kenji Pookes: Kids are the most wonderful think in the world.
Pila Mulligan: bye everyone -- have fun :)
Adelene Dawner: ^.^ good to see you, too, Eliza.
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Adelene Dawner: cya, Pila
Adelene Dawner: We're talking about social signaling, Eliza - is it avoidable, and how can you tell how much of your motivation for a particular action is social signaling?
Eliza Madrigal: I'll listen in. I'm not sure I understand. Do you mean social marketing?
Eliza Madrigal: Ie... what I wear tells you something...?
Adelene Dawner: mmhmm
Eliza Madrigal: Ah
Eliza Madrigal: In SL, those signals are more flexible aren't they?
Adelene Dawner: [13:01] Adelene Dawner: Well, I'm following a neat discussion on social signaling on a web forum... [13:01] kenji Pookes: What does "social signaling" mean? [13:02] Adelene Dawner: Doing things because of what they make others think of you, basically.
Adelene Dawner: Yes, social signals are very very common in SL and much more flexible than FL.
kenji Pookes: What's FL?
Eliza Madrigal: We were discussing that a little I think the other day here... what one 'thinks' other people think.
Adelene Dawner: (FL = First Life)
kenji Pookes: I've gotten used to using RL. sorry.
Adelene Dawner: oo, good one Eliza.
Adelene Dawner: no problem, Kenji
Eliza Madrigal: Sl often gives a way to find out that what we thought was the case, isn't actually.. etc.
Travieso Sella: I think where it counts alot is in things like art and music, where the jazz musican creates based on self-expression, while everyone around them is opposed, confused or afraid of it, if they are innovative at all.
Travieso Sella: But out of integrity they choose either truthfullness or commerce.
kenji Pookes: Well, as a jazz musician, I think I should amend that a bit. Jazz does involve self-expression, but it is also highly structured.
Eliza Madrigal: yes anyone who is 'ahead' of things. or hearing their own drummer is misunderstood at first. Love drives them on.
Travieso Sella: Well, I just mean very early on, when people like Miles Davis or John Coltraine were hated by the critics who didn't understand, but pressed on.
Adelene Dawner: Traditionally, maybe. In this day and age, it's so easy to find or make a community of other people hearing the same drummer, that doesn't seem to happen much any more.
kenji Pookes: True, but what they did still was structured in terms of very specific musical forms.
Eliza Madrigal: Ade, that is very true :)
Eliza Madrigal: It will take a while I think before 'everyone' has the opportunity... finds it :)
Adelene Dawner: Actually, the point of the original question was that having a group is not entirely a good thing - once you've got a group to signal to, it's hard to know if you're really staying true to your vision any more, or doing things because they'll get the group to think better of you.
Eliza Madrigal: Oops... Travi poofed
Eliza Madrigal: Something we said? :)
Adelene Dawner: *shrugs, chuckles*
Eliza Madrigal: hehe
Eliza Madrigal: It may just be Sl... people have been having issues all day.
Eliza Madrigal: I do hear your point though
Eliza Madrigal: I think there is a threshold phenomenon though... that once you 'find' a group... you are more aware that this is a possibility, and if you aren't closed off, then you also find others :)
Adelene Dawner: hm?
Eliza Madrigal: Getting stuck in any group would be like never growing up out of one's family. You don't shed your family unless you have to, but you explore and branch out which enriches and circulates the other groups? But that is sort of a tangent... not signaling topic. hhe
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Adelene Dawner: Well, it's close to one of the topics I've been trying to find an opening for on the forum where the discussion came up - dealing with a variety of very diverse groups can help you realize what things are signals you use with each of those groups. You still wouldn't notice the things that you do the same to signal to all of them, but if the groups are diverse enough, the overlap should be pretty small.
Adelene Dawner: Welcome back, Travieso.
Eliza Madrigal: Hm. like trigger words? Like knowing what Being means here ?
Eliza Madrigal: WB Travi
Travieso Sella: ty
Adelene Dawner: That's a decent example, Eliza - group-specific language is definitely a signal that you belong to the group in question.
Adelene Dawner: Hiya, Steve ^.^
Eliza Madrigal: Hey Steven :)
stevenaia Michinaga: let me know of I'm to distracting and "ll quiet down my aura
Adelene Dawner: heh ^.^
Eliza Madrigal: hehe..not at all!
Eliza Madrigal: That's great :)
Adelene Dawner: There's something relevant to the topic there somewhere, I'm just not sure where ^.^
Eliza Madrigal: Well, the girl bird of paradise knows what the boy bird of paradise is doing when he builds the nest and dances around... but to the hawk, maybe looks silly? hehe
Adelene Dawner: *nods*
Eliza Madrigal: and to what Travi and Kenji were saying.. the musicians in the group give more space to one who goes far out.... because they know what he/she's doing?
Adelene Dawner: *shrugs*
Eliza Madrigal: :)
stevenaia Michinaga: what is the general topic?
Eliza Madrigal: Social signaling, Steve
Travieso Sella: well, someties that leads to space to 'themself'
stevenaia Michinaga: nods
Travieso Sella: but all prgress depends on the unreasonable man some say
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Adelene Dawner: Specifically, how can you tell how much of your motivation for a particular action is social signaling, Steve.
Travieso Sella: or woman =]
Eliza Madrigal: All man's progress can depend on unreasonable women? hahah
stevenaia Michinaga: is it a signal or how it is read
Eliza Madrigal: JK
Adelene Dawner: Both, but for this conversation I'm trying to focus on the signal - how much of my motivation in doing X is to *try* to make you think Y? Where that trying may not be conscious?
Travieso Sella: this is a tough topic to get my head around.
Travieso Sella: which in a way is rare
Eliza Madrigal nods. 'secret motivations'
Adelene Dawner: Good, Trav. Means I'm doing something right. ^.-
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Travieso Sella: Yes.
Eliza Madrigal: heh
stevenaia Michinaga: in its simplist form there is no social signaling, as that is not "real" communication, it;s expectations and presumptions
stevenaia Michinaga: real communications issaying move over or I'll run you over"
Adelene Dawner: And yet we spend a massive amount of energy on trying to do it anyway.
Travieso Sella: I think perhaps its easier to look at the antithesis of this? like how can we tell how much is NOT this kind of signaling and is simply what we believe or enjoy doing?
stevenaia Michinaga: mot I'm moving so fast you better get your ass out of my way (socail signaling)
Adelene Dawner: That'd work, Travieso.
Eliza Madrigal: in some cases it is the case that someone wants to be like/learn from those in a group but is afraid of not being 'allowed to' so puts on a shirt that says "I belong here" though it isn't quite true yet? :) That's what children often do.
Adelene Dawner: Yanno, Steve, I'm kind of surprosed to hear you taking that angle - as I understood it, architecture was all about social signaling.
Adelene Dawner: Eliza: YES. That kind of bluffing happens all the time. Very good example.
Eliza Madrigal: (sorry for redundancy redundancy above)
Travieso Sella: We're all so unique already I believe. And yet we have many similarities.
Travieso Sella: I forget where I was going with that after I reade it.
Travieso Sella: It's somewhat cliche.
Eliza Madrigal: Something very important there though, Travi. Being part of a group can bring out aspects that might not emerged otherwise? They are dormant?
stevenaia Michinaga: there is something more concrete (no pun) about the affects and influence of enclosure on people, the intenet is to act on an individula in some way, not two people acting on each other, perhpas a different socail signaling
stevenaia Michinaga: not internet, intent
Eliza Madrigal: Hmm
stevenaia Michinaga: a building affects it to place someone in context, prefeable a positive one
stevenaia Michinaga: * is to place
Adelene Dawner: It's a different kind of social signaling, Steve, but they're not all that different, especially if you're the one setting the signal up.
stevenaia Michinaga: with people it;s give and take, like the musitions mensioned earlier
Adelene Dawner: And not all social signaling is negative - the complaint about it in the original context was that it was *distracting*, nothing else.
Eliza Madrigal nods... am thinking about architecture now, and creating contexts
Eliza Madrigal: I've always felt that was my most vital job as a mother... to create a nurturing space
Adelene Dawner: mmhmm, exactly ^.^
stevenaia Michinaga: I can sit it up, as anyone can with social signaling, but how they actually react is not under anyone's control, I can hop to raise ones spirts with space... but if I fail, everyone can be miserable and the intended influence fails
Travieso Sella: I suppose a self-actualizing, self-esteem supportive community is important in maintaining our individuality which can be enhanced through a synergy of various people
Adelene Dawner: And you do that, Eliza, by signaling things like "you can trust me to take care of you" and "I value you".
Eliza Madrigal nods... yes Steve, you create it and then have to let it go in a way
Travieso Sella: there is perhaps the danger of too much self-esteem which I think is a difficulty these days
Eliza Madrigal: Ade, yes! I say "You have a welcome place here"
stevenaia Michinaga: same as social signaling, intent and result may differ
Eliza Madrigal: (Have to go...sorry to interrupt the bell)
Adelene Dawner: Agreed, Steve. And in architecture it's especially hard - you only get one chance, where in interpersonal situations, you can guage the reaction you're getting ant tweak your message, or pick a more specific one in the first place for the exact audience you're targeting.
stevenaia Michinaga: yes
stevenaia Michinaga: but what define's social signaling, the value of ne's clothes, the intent of actions, something subtler than words?
stevenaia Michinaga: jsut so I understand the context
Travieso Sella: in graphic design there is the principle of 'visual code.' THis is determined by teh audience. Such as the reference to subcultures through recognizable visual images.
stevenaia Michinaga: wonders if that is communication or manipulation...like architecture can be, for both good and bad intents
Travieso Sella: It is rather sill for the designer to attempt to set the code up themself.
Adelene Dawner: clothing, yes. People can't see your intent, so that doesn't work, but what you tell them about your intent counts. Many, many things subtler than words count - tone of voice, choice of discussion topics, all kinds of things.
Travieso Sella: silly(
Adelene Dawner: Travi: Yes, completely agree.
Travieso Sella: beleive me I've tried hard
stevenaia Michinaga: manipulation is not necessarrily bad either
Adelene Dawner: Steve: yes.
Adelene Dawner: But that wasn't the original question.
stevenaia Michinaga: please re-establish the track Ade
Adelene Dawner: A lot of our signaling happens subconsciously - we're wired to do it, and don't think about it, and it influences almost everything we do to one degree or another.
Adelene Dawner: It's very easy to think you're doing something because it's actually a good idea, when you're really just doing it to impress people.
stevenaia Michinaga: yes, I agree
Adelene Dawner: So how can we tell when we're doing that?
stevenaia Michinaga: I think when we met the room was full of that sort of thng
Adelene Dawner: I'd've been shocked if it wasn't, if I'd noticed either way. :)
stevenaia Michinaga: when we both pulled out the pez despensers... a wow moment,
Travieso Sella: Well, when we are alone, we tend not to do this I imagine
Adelene Dawner: Two problems with that, Trav - self-signaling, where we do things to impress ourselves with how cool we are, and the fact that you can do something alone, and talk about it later, and still get credit for it with your social group.
stevenaia Michinaga: perhaps less after a while
Travieso Sella: ah
Travieso Sella: I thought I stumbled onto the solution, but I'm recapitulating
Travieso Sella: BUt it is a matter of self-awareness is it not?
Adelene Dawner: Mindfulness was mentioned earlier, and I think that's one of the best ways, though what I mentioned earlier about interacting with a wide variety of different kinds of social groups with different values, and observing the differences, also seems useful.
Adelene Dawner: Yes, self-awareness is another way of putting that. :)
Adelene Dawner: hullo, Nymf
Nymf Hathaway: Good day everyone :)
stevenaia Michinaga: hello Nymf
Travieso Sella: hello
Nymf Hathaway: sorry for the interuption :(
Adelene Dawner: no problem :)
Travieso Sella: I would do well to listen/read more than type this session perhaps lol.
Adelene Dawner: I think you did okay. I did kind of jump in at the deep end with the topic today. :)
stevenaia Michinaga: that would make for a less inspiring session, Travieso
Adelene Dawner nods :)
Travieso Sella: well, I think it's something we probably thinkn about in some way quite often without addressing it too much
Travieso Sella: To catch Nymf up, we are discussing backwards hats
Adelene Dawner: Well, I do - not that question specifically, but signaling in general - but I think most people don't think about it explicitly. "How can I make someone think well of me", yes, but not anything deeper than that.
Travieso Sella: no, we're discussing social signaling
Nymf Hathaway: Thank you :)
Adelene Dawner: *chuckles*
stevenaia Michinaga: the truest results are based in the actions, not on the signaling,
Nymf Hathaway: Agrees :)
Adelene Dawner: Ah, that gets into 'expensive signals' - actions are usually pretty expensive signals, but they can still be done for signaling purposes.
stevenaia Michinaga: caring or compassion, for instances come through actions not mere signaling
Travieso Sella: oO
Adelene Dawner: Example: if I ask you to pass me a pencil, doing so is an action, but your motivation for doing so would likely be something like not wanting me to think you're rude, or wanting to confirm that you don't think I'm a horrible person. (It's also not a very costly signal.)
stevenaia Michinaga: or you are willing to part with a pencil to be helpful
stevenaia Michinaga: and show a modest amount of compassion for the penciless
Nymf Hathaway: I cannot agree fully to this Adelene.... I do not feel presured in giving you the pencil... I would automatically
Adelene Dawner: In other words, wanting to be able to think of yourself (or have me think of you) as a helpful or compassionate person.
Adelene Dawner: Feeling pressured or not feeling pressured is something else entirely, I think.
Travieso Sella: It's interesting that no matter what, one may find their actions of identity to be offensive at some point someone or a few people, or perhaps where the signaling simply doesn't function well
stevenaia Michinaga: even if you intent in asking for the pencil is to generate some reaction, that may be lost on the pencil giver
Nymf Hathaway: I think doing something for someone else because of the fact the other thinks good of you... is presure... within yourself
stevenaia Michinaga: very good point Travieso
Adelene Dawner: Actually, Steve, in this society, in a normal social situation, I'd probably only be asking for a pencil if I actually needed one. But if the person I asked for one was to not give it to me, without a very good reason? That'd be a very strong signal.
stevenaia Michinaga: I give pencils freely w/o sence of the request to give
Adelene Dawner: Giving a pencil may not be a very good example. How about donating a kidney? That's a very expensive signal, and with no non-social personal payoff that I can think of.
Nymf Hathaway: :))))
stevenaia Michinaga: but Ade, the signal you preceive that it is a strong signal for not getting the pencil may be in total error of you own percetions of another's "pencil" situation
Adelene Dawner: (donating a kidney to a stranger, specifically.)
stevenaia Michinaga: kidney, pencil, both are good examples
Nymf Hathaway: I would not Adelene but thats because I can't
Adelene Dawner: Hypothetical person giving a hypothetical kidney to a hypothetical stranger: What would their possible motivations be?
stevenaia Michinaga: so if Nymf said sorry, no kidney's today, would you think less of her or simple that she is unable to give and accept that
Nymf Hathaway: Give someone money for a coffee....someone I do not know in a coffeecorner..... depends :)
Adelene Dawner: Okay, and if you were to do so, Nymf, what would your motivation be?
Nymf Hathaway: If I would... because I know the feeling... I do not know when I would not... maybe because I am in a hurry...something insignificant
Adelene Dawner: (Steve, I default to assuming that someone would be unwilling to do something of that magnitude; it wouldn't change anything if she, or anyone, declined. Not declining would be the signal that would change my opinion, and the change would be very dependent on the circumstances.)
Adelene Dawner: "because I know the feeling" doesn't make sense: expand?
Nymf Hathaway: well when you can relate to someones issue (no money with him/her)
Adelene Dawner: Yes, I know what you're describing, but it doesn't make sense as a reason to do something, without further information.
Nymf Hathaway: well I would buy the coffee just to make this persons day a better one to start...without wanting something back...I probably never see the person again
Nymf Hathaway: and meanwhile I hope the world becomes a better day so when I am at the coffeecorner without money...
stevenaia Michinaga: Giving has that affect
Nymf Hathaway: day = place
Adelene Dawner: Ok, that as you've described it is actually not a social-signaling goal. :)
Adelene Dawner: But.
Adelene Dawner: Would you feel that you were a better person for having done that?
Nymf Hathaway: thats the result
Nymf Hathaway: it goes hand in hand
Adelene Dawner: Mmhmm, that's self-signaling.
Nymf Hathaway: smiles
Adelene Dawner: So, how much of your motivation is making the world a better place and increasing your karma, and how much is that you get to feel like you're a better person?
Nymf Hathaway: For the record; I would not feel a better person, I would feel I have done something correct that day
Adelene Dawner: ok, 'more correct' person. :)
Nymf Hathaway: Is searching her brain if any Good act would ever come without the result just spoken of
Adelene Dawner: A friend of mine offered an example of that, a few weeks ago, though it's not a very realistic one, I think.
Adelene Dawner: But good enough.
Adelene Dawner: Say you're a pacifist, you consider it completely incorrect to injure others. Now say you're staff at an orphanage, and a serial killer just got in. You have (for some reason) a gun, and can shoot him, which is your best chance to stop him from killing the kid he's menacing at the moment, but you believe that that's a morally incorrect thing to do.
Nymf Hathaway: hahahahha
Adelene Dawner: I did say it wasn't very realistic.
stevenaia Michinaga: lol
Nymf Hathaway: :))
stevenaia Michinaga: I must return to RL, let me know how it turns out
stevenaia Michinaga: :)
Travieso Sella: cya steve
Nymf Hathaway: :)) Have a nice day :)
stevenaia Michinaga: buy Ade, it;s been a while
Adelene Dawner: (the conclusion that I came to was that people who are pacifistic enough for that to be a problematic situation are not especially sane, by the way.)
Adelene Dawner: cya, Steve. :)
stevenaia Michinaga: nice to see you again Nymf and Travieso
Nymf Hathaway: Thinking about Adelene's last words
Nymf Hathaway: :)))
Adelene Dawner: log: http://angelshelper81.livejournal.com/3576.html
Nymf Hathaway: Nice Adelene is it yours?
Adelene Dawner: mmhmm
Travieso Sella: I'll have to read through it a bit later
Adelene Dawner: The blog is fairly short - I don't post often. There's some really good stuff there, though. :)
Nymf Hathaway: I bookmarked it :)
Adelene Dawner: :)
Adelene Dawner looks at the clock... two hours. Yeesh. :)
Travieso Sella: Yes.
Nymf Hathaway: I need to go, wishing you both a good discussion :) see you both later
Travieso Sella: cya nymf
Adelene Dawner: cya, Nymf.
Adelene Dawner: i think I'm done, too.
Nymf Hathaway: Bye bye :)
Travieso Sella: Well, thanks for the disucssion, I'll be contemplating it I'm sure
Adelene Dawner: Good ^.^
Travieso Sella: _/!\_
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