2012.11.04 07:00 - Love and Desire

The Guardian for this meeting was Bleu Oleander. The comments are by Bleu Oleander.

Bleu Oleander: hi Xs :)
Xs Andree: hello
Bleu Oleander: how's everything?
Xs Andree: doing okay. trying a new look, not sure if I like it.
Bleu Oleander: big wings :)
Xs Andree: that is what i keep thinking too
Bleu Oleander: better :)
Xs Andree: how has our day been?
Bleu Oleander: my day is lovely sofar ... yours?
Xs Andree: dVery interesting dream I had last night, and i remembered it long enough to write down
Xs Andree: eh, the sit on this ao sucks
Xs Andree: well, kind of
Bleu Oleander: hi Eliza :)
Xs Andree: It works for the cane
Eliza Madrigal: Hello Bleu, Xs :)
Bleu Oleander: Xs was just trying a new look :)
Xs Andree: Hi hi, Eliza
Eliza Madrigal: how refreshing - zooming in on avie
Bleu Oleander: new looks are fun ... brings out aspects of ones personality
Xs Andree: you know i think have better eyes and contacts than what came with this ao
Bleu Oleander: I like to tweek some of the bought designs ...
Bleu Oleander: make them my own in a way
Xs Andree: me too
Xs Andree: most of this one is the Vendom Angel avatar
Xs Andree: i don't like the shape it is too comic booky
Xs Andree: But all the stuff fits on the shape. :(
Bleu Oleander: shape is an important component
Bleu Oleander: yes, so if you change the shape you have to tweek everything else :(
Bleu Oleander: how are you Eliza?

--BELL--
Eliza Madrigal: mmm :)
Eliza Madrigal: still here!
Bleu Oleander: :)
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Bleu Oleander: a subject of interest today?
Xs Andree: what is this weeks topic?
Eliza Madrigal: this would be the last "desire" topic
Bleu Oleander: we pick new topics today :)
Eliza Madrigal: day... topic sssion...
Xs Andree: oh, okay
Bleu Oleander: last week was desire
Bleu Oleander: interesting that by the end of the week there is a certain "topic fatigue"
Eliza Madrigal: I have enjoyed reading some of the conversations.... like, yesterdays... suggestion of desires coming from Source, in a sense, which makes sense.... longing... return... home
Eliza Madrigal: or maybe it wasn't from yesterday, but I read some sessions yesterday :)
Bleu Oleander: "Source"?
Xs Andree: divinely inspired
Xs Andree: i wonder...
Eliza Madrigal: well best shot at a generic word for center... core?
Xs Andree: there was a mention also of xtianity's belief in the desire for the knowledge of good and evil.
Eliza Madrigal: "cultivate the heart with tenderness for out of it flow the virtues of life"
Bleu Oleander: is there a fixed center or core?
Xs Andree: if perhaps our desire isn't corrupted by that.
Xs Andree: erm, random thought.
Eliza Madrigal: well I can't speak for anyone else... my sense is that people do have feelings of calling... some things that spark them more than others.. that perhaps drive them in some way - or that they key into more deeply than other things
Xs Andree: I do.
Xs Andree: yeah, that is a desire, isn't it.
Bleu Oleander: I find that's a moving target for me
Xs Andree: lol bleu
Eliza Madrigal: :) can understand that
Eliza Madrigal: sometimes my desire for openness obliterates everything else... decentered center
Eliza Madrigal: Hi Xiri :)
Xirana Oximoxi: hello Bleu, Eliza, Xs
Bleu Oleander: probably would not recognize my 20 year old self if she walked in to a room haha
Bleu Oleander: hi Xiri :)
Eliza Madrigal smiles
Xs Andree waves waves
Xs Andree: Hey Xiri
Xirana Oximoxi: hello :))
Eliza Madrigal: I think my desires right now are very close to those I had as a small child
Bleu Oleander: really? wow
Eliza Madrigal: layers and sophistication are there, but cutting through all that... much the same
Xs Andree: What are/were those?
Bleu Oleander: can you say in what sense?
Eliza Madrigal: love
Bleu Oleander: ah perhaps universal desire
Eliza Madrigal: am simple, even simplistic, but that was it
Xs Andree: not so simple somteims.
Xs Andree: trying to love someone who hurts you continously can be very complicated
Bleu Oleander: indeed
Xirana Oximoxi: sure
Eliza Madrigal nods
Xs Andree: I like love more than desire.
Xs Andree: Love you can have.
Xs Andree: and keep and hold

--BELL--
Eliza Madrigal: love and desire are similar.... have noticed you are familiar with kabbalah Xs - where desire to receive and desire to bestow are talked about...
Eliza Madrigal: like this is almost what humans are
Bleu Oleander: receivers and bestowers?
Eliza Madrigal: well the longing in that sense...
Xs Andree: only acquainted with it, long ago, maybe 12 years ago I did a little searching in it. It changed much on how i percieved the world.
Bleu Oleander: how did it change that?
Bleu Oleander: I'm not familiar with Kabbalah details
Xs Andree: The idea that all things are, that things do not come into existence or dissapear from it, merely hidden and revealed.
Xs Andree: and that light has no speed, it is throughout all things.
Eliza Madrigal: no 'going' no real 'arising'
Xs Andree nods
Xs Andree: one of the reasons I like play as Being as well.
Xs Andree: There are no "steps" to "enlightenment"
Xs Andree: just a realization that we are.
Eliza Madrigal: "start at the end"
Eliza Madrigal: but then all the steps are much more fascinating
Xs Andree: it is already, in some hidden, because they choose, in some revealed, because they choose, but never absent
Bleu Oleander: I don't really understand "start at the end"?
Xs Andree: The Alpha and the Omega
Xs Andree: The beginning is the end, the end is the beginning
Eliza Madrigal: well rather than saying there is a path to follow to get to some realized state...
Xs Andree: Those who serve the least among you are the greatest in heaven
Xs Andree: Those who are the greatest will be among the least
Eliza Madrigal: am wondering what was 20 year old Bleu like now :)
Bleu Oleander: for me its a journey ... can't pinpoint a beginning or an ending in a sense
Bleu Oleander: haha
Bleu Oleander: saw a video of myself when I was 20-something
Xs Andree: When they are the same, can you really tell where you are at? Even in the middle, there are beginnings and endings.
Bleu Oleander: was shocked
Xirana Oximoxi: :)
Eliza Madrigal: shocked?
Xs Andree: Bleu, if you could go and meet yourself at 20...
Bleu Oleander: was like seeing myself from outside of myself
Bleu Oleander: if that makes sense
Xs Andree: What would you say to yourself...if you could give one line of advice for your life, with the experience you have now?
Eliza Madrigal: oh please say more.... :))
Xirana Oximoxi: I understand that...I somehow feel the same when thinkig of me when I was 20 years old
Bleu Oleander: I would say be comfortable with yourself, be true to what you believe in your heart
Bleu Oleander: what I realized when I saw the video was that I wasn't
Xs Andree: Do you remember hearing it then?
Bleu Oleander: didn't realize it at the time though
Eliza Madrigal: so your 20 year old self might not have listened to you...
Bleu Oleander: exactly
Bleu Oleander: :)
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Eliza Madrigal: relate to that
Xs Andree: maybe she did. Some things take time.
Bleu Oleander: that's true
Xs Andree: you wouldn't advise yourself things you already knew, anyway. At least i wouldn't.
Eliza Madrigal: though, I do remember in darkest times projecting back from forward... trying to see myself from a future time
Xs Andree grins wide
Xs Andree: and what did you say?
Bleu Oleander: nothing like time to give one a new perspective
Eliza Madrigal: I can remember the feeling as though looking at myself through my bedroom window
Eliza Madrigal: and how small the little room was... trying to widen my sense of the world
Bleu Oleander: being a voyeur on your life
Eliza Madrigal: indeed... as you describe
Eliza Madrigal: I suppose I mothered myself sometimes - basic things - "it'll be okay" :)
Bleu Oleander: for me, I needed actual time to change the way I see things to see my younger self in a new light

--BELL--
Eliza Madrigal: do you see the creative seeds in her? what she was interested in, intrigued by?
Bleu Oleander: hmmm
Bleu Oleander: probably always art
Bleu Oleander: art for me is vision
Bleu Oleander: how I interpret life's experiences
Bleu Oleander: so I can see parallel changes in my art too
Eliza Madrigal: ah, turns you took?
Bleu Oleander: yes, ways of seeing
Bleu Oleander: ways of reacting
Eliza Madrigal: mmm
Bleu Oleander: ways of reflection
Eliza Madrigal: perspective over time
Bleu Oleander: I've always been interested in self portraits
Bleu Oleander: what they reveal about how one feels about themselves
Eliza Madrigal: ah.. interesting
Bleu Oleander: they somehow remain instructive over the years
Bleu Oleander: a snapshot in time
Xs Andree listening
Bleu Oleander: more detailed than a photo
Bleu Oleander: Xiri, have you painted any self portraits?
Bleu Oleander: Xiri is a wonderful artisit Xs, incase you haven't seen her work
Xirana Oximoxi: I only painted one selfportrait...but I see changes related to myself in all the other subjects I have painted
Xirana Oximoxi: ty Bleu:)
Bleu Oleander: are your shows still up?
Xs Andree: i have seen some of her work. I like it.
Xirana Oximoxi: but, I agree with Bleu, a painted selfportarit can be more 'detailed' or revealing than a foto
Eliza Madrigal: seeing artists' self portraits is an exploration in itself because one imagines all the crossroads they may have come to in expressions - what to leave in, not leave in, exaggerate, smooth over...
Bleu Oleander: yes!
Xirana Oximoxi: yes:) until mid November:)
Eliza Madrigal: I've been writing a lot lately, and one of those things is a will... eep.. talk about coming to crossroads of what to leave in and out @@
Bleu Oleander: oh my yes!
Xs Andree: i wrote a will recently as well, Eliza!
Bleu Oleander: hiya steve :)
Eliza Madrigal: deep work, that
stevenaia Michinaga: morning
Bleu Oleander: power back on?
Xirana Oximoxi: hi Steve! :)
Eliza Madrigal: Morning Stevenaia - glad all okay with you and yours
Xs Andree waves waves to Stevenaia
stevenaia Michinaga: yes, but more importantly, the internet has returned
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Xs Andree giggles
Xs Andree: you were in Sandy, then?
Bleu Oleander: my family back east is still without power and water
Eliza Madrigal: oh dear
Eliza Madrigal: glad safe though, Bleu
Bleu Oleander: maybe for another week ... yikes
Eliza Madrigal: remember that experience well
stevenaia Michinaga: We have friends like that nearby too, Bleu
Bleu Oleander: yes, all safe if a bit uncomfortable
Eliza Madrigal: ...how fragile we are....
Eliza Madrigal: I will make my way to the village and freshen coffee
Bleu Oleander: yes
Eliza Madrigal: see you soon
Bleu Oleander: ok yes
Xirana Oximoxi: see you soon:)
Bleu Oleander: will go too ...
Bleu Oleander: thank you all for a nice conversation
Xs Andree: you too, all
Xirana Oximoxi: ok... we meet there in a moment:)
Bleu Oleander: yes
Xirana Oximoxi: bye bye for now:)
Xs Andree: Bigger things are coming soon.
Bleu Oleander: bye for now
stevenaia Michinaga: nice wings Xs
Xs Andree: Thank you, i still adore that dress.
Xs Andree: It makes me homesick
stevenaia Michinaga: howso?
Xs Andree: it reminds me of sights i can't remember
stevenaia Michinaga: nice to find things you can no longer remember what
Xs Andree: like you were draped with cosmos
Xs Andree nods
Xs Andree: We've been friends a long time.

--BELL--
stevenaia Michinaga: we have?
Xs Andree: i think so, yes.
Xs Andree: You haven't seen it yet, though. you gave me something, long ago, far from now.
stevenaia Michinaga: I don;t rely on my memory much, I actually rely on the memory of others to fill in the blanks, usually much more interesting
stevenaia Michinaga: well I'm off to another meeting, hope to see you soon
stevenaia Michinaga: enjoy your day
Xs Andree: you too.