2013.06.17 19:00 - The space between silence and action

he Guardian for this meeting was Aphrodite Macbain. The comments are by Aphrodite Macbain.

Ewan Bonham: Hi Aphro..
Aphrodite Macbain: Hiya Ewan
Ewan Bonham: Congrats. on your promotion...:) (My dispay name was Duchesse de Beaufort)
Aphrodite Macbain: lol
Aphrodite Macbain: only until Friday
Ewan Bonham: It is a beautiful name...:)
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi Aph, Ewan :)
Aphrodite Macbain: thank you
Ewan Bonham: Hi Catrina
Aphrodite Macbain: Hiya Cat
Aphrodite Macbain: I went to a Regency ball with this name
Aphrodite Macbain: June 15,  1815
Catrinamonblue Resident: nice
Ewan Bonham: Are you going to keep it?
Aphrodite Macbain: No. But have to keep it for a week. I am normally Lady Macbain!
Ewan Bonham: Why do you keep it for a week?
Aphrodite Macbain: I have to. SL rules.
Aphrodite Macbain: When I change my display name I have to keep it for a week
Ewan Bonham: Ah, I see... smile... well that can be a conversation piece..
Aphrodite Macbain: yes- it is a bit embarrassing
Ewan Bonham: Oh, it does not in any way change who you are..
Ewan Bonham: Just becomes a curiosity...:)
Aphrodite Macbain: nods- I could tell them how I went to a reconstructed ball that actually took place
Aphrodite Macbain: The Duc and Duchess of Beaufort actually attended the ball
Aphrodite Macbain: How are you cat?
Aphrodite Macbain: Hi Korel
Korel Laloix: Heya
Korel Laloix: On phone
Catrinamonblue Resident: doing pretty good really :)
Aphrodite Macbain: yay
Catrinamonblue Resident: had a wonderful day today :)
Aphrodite Macbain: I'm glad. What did you do?
Catrinamonblue Resident: my kids are back home with me :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: brb
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: kk

Aphrodite Macbain: I am trying to remember what the theme of the week is. I'll just check
Aphrodite Macbain: Ah, I have just remembered: I believe it was initiated by you Cat.
Aphrodite Macbain: when is it best to stay quiet and when is it best to act?
Ewan Bonham: Hmmm... what is the theme?
Aphrodite Macbain: what I just said
Aphrodite Macbain: I tend to jump in with both feet; not always wise
Aphrodite Macbain: Do you three prefer to sit silently or to act and speak out?
Catrinamonblue Resident: back :)
Aphrodite Macbain: wb
Aphrodite Macbain: After 3 minutes...I think you three prefer to sit silently!
Catrinamonblue Resident: I tend to sit and wait
Aphrodite Macbain: what do you do when you wait? what do you wait for?
Ewan Bonham: Nod... yes, I like to get the feel for the conversation rather than steer it...
Catrinamonblue Resident: patience and compassion have been motos of mine for most of my life really
Aphrodite Macbain: what about offering your opinion?
Aphrodite Macbain: contributing ideas?
Catrinamonblue Resident: I wait to see what will happen :) other peoples actions determine my actions
Ewan Bonham: Oh... for me... I do not mind contributing...
Aphrodite Macbain: So you are uncomfortable initiating things/
Catrinamonblue Resident: and my opinion is offered only after listening to others and thinking about them
Ewan Bonham: I just want to make sure it is pertinent to what has already been startred..
Catrinamonblue Resident: not at all Aph I will initiate if I feel it is needed
Catrinamonblue Resident: but most times others are very happy to get things started :)
Aphrodite Macbain: Korel? I guess she's on the phone
Catrinamonblue Resident: being still is not just waiting though it is I feel a form of listening
Aphrodite Macbain: As I have grown older I am more self confident offering my opinion when I know it wont be popular
Catrinamonblue Resident: but do you listen to others opinions and truly contemplate on them?
Aphrodite Macbain: I rather like to provoke - to stir things up- and encourage people to say things they might be afraid to say
Catrinamonblue Resident: if your opinion isn't popular why is that?
Aphrodite Macbain: Varies
Aphrodite Macbain: Depends on whom I'm with
Ewan Bonham: Well, once the topic is set... then to get dialogue going... is stimulating..
Aphrodite Macbain: I like to encourage debate- honest debate that is respectful nevertheless
Ewan Bonham: It certainly can be...
Catrinamonblue Resident: so when is the moment you decide action is necessary, how does that moment feel?
Aphrodite Macbain: good question Cat
Ewan Bonham: The moment is when I am clear of what is being discussed...
Aphrodite Macbain: It feels urgent, filled with energy
Catrinamonblue Resident: smiles
Catrinamonblue Resident: for me it feels soft filled with love
Aphrodite Macbain: especially when I fee the opinion stated is incorrect or unfair
Ewan Bonham: We can extend love in a conversation..
Aphrodite Macbain: yes- it keeps the edge off and the conversation going
Catrinamonblue Resident: if the opinion is incorrect or unfair how do we determine that, it may be correct and fair to them
Aphrodite Macbain: For me it isn't about who is right or wrong, but what the truth is
Catrinamonblue Resident: who is to say it is wrong?
Aphrodite Macbain: It may not become clear; but my hope is that we look at the issue from all sides before we leave it.
Catrinamonblue Resident: truth is a three edge sword that cuts two ways. There is no real truth as my truth may be very different from your truth and both are correct.
Aphrodite Macbain: ah... the relativity of truth
Ewan Bonham: Yet...is that really the question here?
Korel Laloix: There have been some heated exchanges in here for sure... smiles
Ewan Bonham: Is it not... when do we feel comfortable to add our opinions?
Aphrodite Macbain: when a safe space is created
Aphrodite Macbain: where we are not trying to be right and make the other people wrong
Aphrodite Macbain: but we are exploring an issue central to all of us
Catrinamonblue Resident: so back to being still
Catrinamonblue Resident: listening to others
Aphrodite Macbain: there comes a point where we might need to act or say something after listening to to others
Aphrodite Macbain: If no one spoke and everyone were still - where would we stand?
Ewan Bonham: And it can be said with great respect for the others..
Ewan Bonham: And their opinions..
Aphrodite Macbain: always
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes
Aphrodite Macbain: that is HOW we act or discuss
Catrinamonblue Resident: so there is a balance between being still and action
Aphrodite Macbain: but the question is WHEN should one stop thinking and start acting or speaking?
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes
Ewan Bonham: My heart guides me..
Catrinamonblue Resident: compassion
Catrinamonblue Resident: a moment of suffering
Aphrodite Macbain: I find there are many times when someone has already said something and it is unnecessary to say it again
Catrinamonblue Resident: true
Aphrodite Macbain: but there are times when coming to the defense of another is important
Catrinamonblue Resident: but some things bear repeating to understand
Aphrodite Macbain: yes
Aphrodite Macbain: or to support something someone says
Catrinamonblue Resident: nods
Ewan Bonham: nodding
Aphrodite Macbain: I find that often no one listens but is busy formulating their own statement
Catrinamonblue Resident: laughs (guilty as charged)
Catrinamonblue Resident: we all do
Aphrodite Macbain: me too
Korel Laloix: What?
Aphrodite Macbain: ?
Korel Laloix smiles
Aphrodite Macbain: what what?
Korel Laloix: I was not listening.
Aphrodite Macbain: lol
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Aphrodite Macbain: you were listening to someone on the phone
Korel Laloix: True... smiles
Catrinamonblue Resident: there are times in our lives when we must be still, to allow others to find their truth
Korel Laloix: And a lovely voice it was...
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: aww
Catrinamonblue Resident: times when you must sit back and let them find their path even if that path is off a cliff
Ewan Bonham: And Cat... there are times when we must speak up so others may find their truth..
Catrinamonblue Resident: and how do you know the difference?
Aphrodite Macbain: yes- and know when to do that
Catrinamonblue Resident: when do you speak and when do you sit back?
Aphrodite Macbain: each case is different.
Ewan Bonham: Again, I follow my heart...
Catrinamonblue Resident: sometimes the heart hurts too much to be of any guidance
Ewan Bonham: And like in this very conversation, my expressing my opinion in no way requires you to agree to it..
Ewan Bonham: Or even to listen to it.
Catrinamonblue Resident: but I value your thoughts as they help me to understand my own
Aphrodite Macbain: no- but why come here if you ignore what is said?
Aphrodite Macbain: I like the Socratic method of discussion and debate.
Aphrodite Macbain: asking questions, and then questioning the answers
Ewan Bonham: Yes, many questions..
Aphrodite Macbain: it's open and respectful and can lead people to "find their truth."
Catrinamonblue Resident: sometimes I think there are no answers
Catrinamonblue Resident: just life going on it's merry way
Aphrodite Macbain: In matters of the heart there are definitely no single answers. In other matters, one can collectively determine a truth and agree upon it. That is how laws and constitutions are made.
Catrinamonblue Resident: nods
Ewan Bonham: I think ...sometimes without it being obvious...All matters include the heart..
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes I agree
Aphrodite Macbain: Imagine what a new country must go through to develop laws,
Aphrodite Macbain: but what do you mean by that Ewan?
Aphrodite Macbain: to be compassionate?
Aphrodite Macbain: the heart is a pumping organ in our body.
Aphrodite Macbain: personally, I go by my gut!
Ewan Bonham: What do I mean all matters include the heart?
Aphrodite Macbain: yes
Catrinamonblue Resident: the heart is where the child resides safely tucked in love and compassion
Catrinamonblue Resident: soft flows the waters of life round the babe
Ewan Bonham: Think of Any activity that in even the most remote way includes other people ..
Catrinamonblue Resident: stillness and movement are one and the same
Ewan Bonham: The smoothest way for the activity to happen is when there is fun and goodwill among the people involved..
Aphrodite Macbain: yes
Ewan Bonham: Even the writing of a constitution..
Aphrodite Macbain: yes
Catrinamonblue Resident: smiles
Aphrodite Macbain: you need a  situation of a space where there is harmony and safety, allowing all voices to be heard and taken account of
Aphrodite Macbain: when there is stress, fear, axiety - no useful dialogue can take place
Ewan Bonham: Nod... all matters of the heart..
Catrinamonblue Resident: I think I disagree on that one Aph
Aphrodite Macbain: how Cat?
Catrinamonblue Resident: if one can see the fear one can address it and a dialog about fear can take place
Aphrodite Macbain: you think things can be discussed when one person is angrily fighting another?
Ewan Bonham: Nod..
Aphrodite Macbain: How often does that happen?
Catrinamonblue Resident: not fighting no but with awareness yes
Catrinamonblue Resident: I have had it happen
Catrinamonblue Resident: it's not an easy thing but it can happen
Ewan Bonham: I strive for it to happen..
Aphrodite Macbain: It has to be mutually agreed upon
Catrinamonblue Resident: awareness is key
Aphrodite Macbain: If one person is very angry and the other person is very defensive... it will be hard
Ewan Bonham: I must take my leave folks.. Enjoyed it as usual..
Catrinamonblue Resident: Bye Ewan it was great listening to you :)
Aphrodite Macbain: No matter how aware one is
Ewan Bonham: Good night..
Aphrodite Macbain: Bye Ewan- thanks for participating and speaking up in your gentle way
Aphrodite Macbain: Korel? are you there?
Catrinamonblue Resident: and angry person can only fight if the other fights, if one side doesn't fight then where is the fight?
Aphrodite Macbain: Laughs. Guess she's talking on the phone
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Korel Laloix: Partially... smiles
Korel Laloix: I have been really offended here a few times...And I just hope I was able to response reasonably.
Korel Laloix: But that is perfectly OK for me.
Aphrodite Macbain:  But can the other person listen when they are angry? It takes 2 to tango
Catrinamonblue Resident: that is were the stillness comes in, waiting till the anger has gone
Aphrodite Macbain: I think you have Korel. You have often been outspoken but I believe people respected you for that
Catrinamonblue Resident: yes we do :)
Korel Laloix smiles
Korel Laloix: i will have to try harder then...
Catrinamonblue Resident: lol
Aphrodite Macbain: Yes- I agree - waiting for the calm and respect that is needed.
Korel Laloix: But sometimes a good passionate argument is needed.
Aphrodite Macbain:       Grins at Korel. I must go now.
Catrinamonblue Resident: Bye Aph :)
Korel Laloix: Take care.
Aphrodite Macbain: yes- a good venting can be useful
Aphrodite Macbain: but it is afterwards that the discussion can begin, no?
Aphrodite Macbain: Hiya san
Aphrodite Macbain: welcome.
Santoshima Resident: hey
Aphrodite Macbain: nice hair
Santoshima Resident: wig. one of many
Catrinamonblue Resident: Hi San :)
Korel Laloix: Heya
Aphrodite Macbain: I am not leaving because of you,San. I have to go
Aphrodite Macbain: Thanks everyone
Catrinamonblue Resident: :)
Santoshima Resident: so long
Santoshima Resident: were you venting?
Korel Laloix: No.. just talking about it.
Korel Laloix: There there are sometimes when a point needs to be made.
Korel Laloix: I have responded to offense here I hope adequately.
Santoshima Resident: when?
Catrinamonblue Resident: sry guys I must get off to bed, busy day tomorrow :)
Catrinamonblue Resident: night :)
Santoshima Resident: bye gal
Santoshima Resident: gtsy
Korel Laloix: Take care..
Santoshima Resident: ok, back to work ...see ya
Korel Laloix: Take care.. smiles
Korel Laloix: Good to see you..
Santoshima Resident: likewise
Santoshima Resident: did you shrink your avi?
Santoshima Resident: seems shorter