2008.10.07 01:00 - Smiling Warmly at the Love

That night at 1 am I, Pema, tried to enter SL but I encountered a range of problems. Linden Lab had decided to force people to install an update before allowing them in. This was rather unusual: nowadays we generally get the option to postpone such updates till it is convenient. Not only that, I was on an internet connection that got clogged quickly through the forced download, and it took me a while to find a better internet connection.

When I finally got in, almost twenty minutes had passed. I found Corvi, Gaya, Wol and Adams all there. However, it turned out that they, too, had been struggling to get in, so I hadn't missed much. Wol would later send me the few dozen lines before my entrance:

Wol Euler: hello corvi
Corvuscorva Nightfire: /hiya Wol
Wol Euler: how's it going?
Corvuscorva Nightfire: honestly, pretty well despite my wakefulness.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: How are you?
Wol Euler: good!
Wol Euler: and I am well
Wol Euler: still struggling with the scripts, trying to figure out why it goes into waiting mode in mid-session
Corvuscorva Nightfire nods.
Corvuscorva Nightfire smiles at Gaya
Wol Euler: morning gaya!
Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Gaya Ethaniel: how are you both?
Corvuscorva Nightfire: fine, fine....
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Wol Euler: pretty well, thanks. Geeking.
Wol Euler: hello adams
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Adams Rubble: Hello Wol, Gaya, Corvi :)
Gaya Ethaniel: how are you Adams?
Faenik: could be
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Hi, Adams.
Adams Rubble: I am not all that great. Can't sleep. SL made me upload to new version then told me my computer can't handle it
Wol Euler: oh dear.
Wol Euler: but you are here?!?
Adams Rubble: Hmmm
Adams Rubble: yes
Wol Euler: a mystery...
Adams Rubble: :)
Adams Rubble: How are all of youse?
Gaya Ethaniel: my SL?
Wol Euler grins. We iz fine, thankz
Adams Rubble: Ah, NJ speak for youse guys

At this point I had succeeded to jump through all the hoops and joined the crowd.

Corvuscorva Nightfire: good, dood.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Hiya, Pema
Wol Euler: hello pema!
Gaya Ethaniel: ah... I see. I'm better now but had a rough day/night
Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Adams Rubble: Hello Pema
Pema Pera: Hi Corvi, Gaya, Wol and whomever I can't see yet, while slowly rezzing -- ah, Adams too!
Gaya Ethaniel: I have been battling with my fears for a while now
Pema Pera: Adams, what are you doing up at this time ?!?
Gaya Ethaniel: Adams can't sleep Pema
Gaya Ethaniel: my self-awareness has faded over this period I've realised
Gaya Ethaniel: so I've done some long meditations last night and this morning
Gaya Ethaniel: seems that I got confused what it means to trust others
Gaya Ethaniel: and I have given myself 'away'...
Faenik loves wells!
Gaya Ethaniel: I'm clawing it back... though slowly
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Oh!
Wol Euler: ah
Corvuscorva Nightfire: tell me more about confused?
Gaya Ethaniel: as my self-awareness went down, I began to rely on others to 'understand' me
Gaya Ethaniel: as I trust others, I began to give my personal belief in myself away
Gaya Ethaniel: that I am my best student and teacher
Gaya Ethaniel: others I trust and love had become a clutch
Gaya Ethaniel: in those period, I was still practising 9 sec but I did less and less regular meditation and left it to 'well don't quite feel like it'
Corvuscorva Nightfire nods.
Gaya Ethaniel: a degree of routine has always been important to me and I'd forgotten this
Gaya Ethaniel: that it means self-respect and self-discipline that I take much joy out of... some of my routines
Gaya Ethaniel: so slowly I was losing some core in myself since then for a while now
Corvuscorva Nightfire: mmm
Gaya Ethaniel: well... so many things have come up since yesterday... perhaps I'm talking all over the place <smile>
Corvuscorva Nightfire smiles warmly. I am glad you have said these things.
Gaya Ethaniel: there is one thing I remembered from Pema in one of those meditation
Wol Euler smiles and nods
Gaya Ethaniel: we play in harmony yet still distinctive individually
Gaya Ethaniel smiles. ty
Pema Pera: :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire decides to hold onto that one, too.
Faenik: indeed?
Gaya Ethaniel: I almost lost my individual distinctiveness by immersing myself in others
Pema Pera's distinctive trait today was coming in twenty minutes late while battling the new SL download -- sorry to miss the beginning of your story, Gaya!
Gaya Ethaniel: np Pema
Wol Euler: heheheh
Adams Rubble: Battling download was not a distinctive trait :)
Pema Pera: I look forward to read the beginning of the log later
Adams Rubble: It sounds important Gaya
Gaya Ethaniel nods. important... very important to me Adams
Adams Rubble nods
Corvuscorva Nightfire: goodbye all...I must go for now.
Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Pema Pera: bye Corvi!
Adams Rubble: by Corvi :)
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Adams Rubble: /'s camera thanks Wol
Wol Euler: :-)
Faenik: indeed?
</smile>

After Corvi had left, I learned that in fact I hadn't really missed anything.

Adams Rubble: Hmm. Unless Gaya said something before I came, Pema was here for everything
Pema Pera: ah!
Wol Euler: you missed only a few hellos, Pema, and some NJ-speak
Pema Pera: how interesting -- I didn't see anything since I was convinced dropping into the middle of a long conversation :-)
Pema Pera: I guess we all had trouble getting into SL today?
Adams Rubble: I did
Gaya Ethaniel: no problem for me luckily
Wol Euler: not after the download, which worked OK
Pema Pera: can someone IM me the part I missed, before 1:19? I'm the goc today
Pema Pera: Yes, Gaya, trusting yourself is essential
Gaya Ethaniel: sure Pema
Pema Pera: yourself and Being
Pema Pera: nothing and nobody else -- ultimately
Pema Pera: but that doesn't mean we can help and love and be loved and learn and be helped
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Pema Pera: all of that is the core beauty of being human -- but we can't ultimately rely on it in an absolute way
Pema Pera: it is what we have not what we are
Pema Pera: we can give each other beautiful things to wear . . .
Pema Pera: which can really help . . . .
Gaya Ethaniel: it is what we have not what we are => ??
Pema Pera: what we can do for each other, what we can give each other, is what the other than will have
Pema Pera: we can exchange gifts
Pema Pera: we cannot exchange what we are
Pema Pera: we are already what we are -- and that we already share in the most intimate possible way -- what we have we can exchange to celebrate that intimacy, not to create it
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Gaya Ethaniel: I know that now... and I saw what happens when I lose what I am
Pema Pera: yes, we all tend to lose sight of what we are . . . . each of us, every day!
Adams Rubble: Yes!
Pema Pera: but then we can learn to see that even when we lose sight of what we are, we CANNOT POSSIBLE lose what we are
Pema Pera: no matter how hard we keep trying -- that's the joke
Pema Pera: and that is more reassuring than anything possible
Pema Pera: seeing that you can die, and then you can finally live
Gaya Ethaniel: yes but 'trying to lose' myself... I had created so much fears
Pema Pera: yes
Gaya Ethaniel: celebrate not create...
Pema Pera: when we think we help each other, give something to each other, what we are really doing is celebrating that there is nothing to give . . . and that is the most tender gift possible, that reassurance
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Gaya Ethaniel: happy to show/share what we are rather than making each other happy
Pema Pera: the gift of confidence, yes
Faenik loves wells!
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Adams Rubble is smiling warmly at the love

Yes, what a warm exchange it was! I hesitate to add any specific comments here; better to just let the conversation flow. I only want to add how much I felt a sense of shared presence, something that may be difficult to come across when just reading these chat lines -- though with enough SL experience and/or knowing the individuals involved, the experience may even transcend the barriers of time and distance.

Pema Pera: :)
Gaya Ethaniel: so have I climed another hill again
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Pema Pera: looks that way -- can you look further now?
Wol Euler: :-)
Gaya Ethaniel: no not yet Pema
Gaya Ethaniel: catching my breath...
Pema Pera: :)
Pema Pera: standing on a hill in the mist can also be a beautiful experience . . . have some memories of such times :)
Gaya Ethaniel: in Japan?
Wol Euler loves walking in fog
Pema Pera: in Germany, riding my motor bike as grad student in the fall around Freiburg
Pema Pera: seeing the Weinberge wie Insel (the wine hills like islands) rising out of the fog
Wol Euler: :-)
Gaya Ethaniel smiles. sounds beautiful
Pema Pera: im Nebel spazieren -- hard to translate
Pema Pera: walking in fog, yes -- German is good for operas :-)
Wol Euler: hehehe
Adams Rubble: :)
Gaya Ethaniel has seen those wine hills on TV where people still do a lot of work without using much machinery
Pema Pera feels like doing a Nietsche impersonation
Pema Pera: Nietzsche?
Gaya Ethaniel: mm... Neitzsche and fog?
Wol Euler: the latter
Pema Pera: Nietzsche
Pema Pera does not care for German s'z and z's and c's
Adams Rubble: ")
Adams Rubble: :)
Wol Euler chuckles
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Pema Pera: may I ask, Gaya, how you found your nice new hill?
Gaya Ethaniel: how I found it in the first place Pema?
Pema Pera: yes, and/or the last couple days?
Gaya Ethaniel: it started over a week ago and got a rough feeling of it last 2-3 days or so and came to a head last night
Gaya Ethaniel: why Pema?

About sharing experiences.

Pema Pera: oh, it is nice to share with each other how we stumble upon new insights
Faenik: why not?
Pema Pera: if we feel like it, and if it feels appropriate -- yes, Faenik!
Pema Pera: we can help others stumble :)
Wol Euler: !
Pema Pera: let each other trip :-)
Gaya Ethaniel: it's always easier to see afterwards though
Pema Pera: sure, and perhaps the most important parts may remain invisible . . . .
Gaya Ethaniel: yes... there's that too... invisible parts will surface again I'm sure
Pema Pera: but there is one pattern that we can really share, I think:
Gaya Ethaniel can only climb one hill at a time...
Pema Pera: often we hit our heads against a wall for a long time and then we suddenly see that our direction was wrong -- that there was a door behind us that was open all the time -- that sort of experience we can share and that can help others
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Adams Rubble: and we seem to have to do it again and again :)
Pema Pera: what we find is hard to share, but what we did wrong before finding it is far more shareable
Pema Pera: funny thing, that
Gaya Ethaniel: that banging against a wall... quite painful but had to reach the absolute climax of pain to get out of it
Pema Pera: yes, sometimes you need to . . . .
Gaya Ethaniel nods
Pema Pera: . . . and sometimes you don't :)
Gaya Ethaniel: would it ever get any easier?
Pema Pera: yes!
Pema Pera: with a little help from our friends . . . .
Adams Rubble: :)
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Pema Pera: if the banging takes more than 6 hours, there will be a PaB session . . .
Adams Rubble: hehe
Gaya Ethaniel giggles. true Pema
Wol Euler: lol
Pema Pera: to bang our your neighbor's (guardians) door!
Pema Pera: that's why I want to stick with the 6 hour commitment no matter what
Pema Pera: my only rule for PaB :-)
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Adams Rubble: Some of us come at odd times :)
Pema Pera: thank you very much for sharing Gaya
Adams Rubble: Yes, thank you Gaya
Pema Pera: it means a lot to me, both hearing it and seeing that you feel comfortable sharing
Gaya Ethaniel: thank you for listening to another Gaya babbling session
Pema Pera: :-)
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Faenik is a hairy black ball with eyes and ears.

Wol unintentionally wetted our appetites.

Wol Euler gives you a nucge
Wol Euler: *nudge even
Pema Pera: haha
Gaya Ethaniel: hope I don't wait for a couple of weeks next time
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Pema Pera: nucge sounds like German chocolate cake
Wol Euler saliveates reflexively
Gaya Ethaniel: oh coffee shops in Germany...
Pema Pera: yes, Gaya, we learn to speed up, each time gets a little easier
Pema Pera: btw, German evening in Kira Cafe tomorrow, 11 am SLT, 8 pm in Germany
Pema Pera: Wol, will you be there?
Faenik: could be
Gaya Ethaniel: hope so Pema. sure I will <smile>
Wol Euler: ah, yes, I saw themail from Gen. I probably will be. She didn'T say when the English session was :-)
Pema Pera: welcome Gaya!
Pema Pera: Do you speak German?
Pema Pera: English is all the time, also in the Cafe
Pema Pera: in the rest of the Cafe
Wol Euler: :-)
Pema Pera: only the bar area is non-English part of the time
Gaya Ethaniel: me no Germa no... I'm afraid
Pema Pera: ah, sorry, Gaya, responded to wrong context, my fault
Wol Euler: but google knows all ...
Pema Pera: yes to "getting easier"
Gaya Ethaniel: nice to see you get all fired up Pema
Pema Pera: hehe
Pema Pera: I hope that we can integrate some of what we are learning here in the pressure cooker of PaB with a wider group of people in the Kira Cafe
Pema Pera: in an even more relaxed atmosphere (without chat log recording :-)
Gaya Ethaniel: I'm still a bit unclear what I'd visit the cafe for Pema
Pema Pera: we haven't really explained yet, Gaya -- I should do that soon
Wol Euler: Newcastle Brown Ale on tap!
Pema Pera: it is basically a place to get together for anyone with a real respect for both science and for other ways of knowing, including the PaB approach as well as various traditional approaches
Gaya Ethaniel giggles
Pema Pera: so if you want to hang out and relax AND you like to talk about the nature of reality, this is your Cafe!
Pema Pera: come to Kira -- music in the background
Pema Pera: end of commercial
Gaya Ethaniel asks if fried Mars bars are also sold alongside
Pema Pera: fried? . . . hmmmmm
Wol Euler laughs and shudders.
Pema Pera: we do have a fire place
Adams Rubble: hehe
Pema Pera: so you can fry them while there!
Gaya Ethaniel giggles
Wol Euler: NPISL
Pema Pera: Well, I have to get going!
Pema Pera: NPISL?
</smile>

Then Wol set another wheel in motion.

Wol Euler: some things are so wierd that they can onlyexist in RL, not in SL.
Gaya Ethaniel: sounds great Pema. will give it a try
Adams Rubble: Bye Pema. Wish you well on big event tonight
Gaya Ethaniel: _/!\_
Pema Pera: hahaha, Wol, that'a great one!
Pema Pera: AHAHA!
Wol Euler: bye pema, take care
Pema Pera: IDEA:
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Pema Pera: how about writing a children's story?
Gaya Ethaniel: good day Pema and hope it all goes well for you
Wol Euler grins
Pema Pera: for children what the expierence is like to enter RL for the first time coming from SL?
Pema Pera: How strange it all is, like a bad dream or so?
Wol Euler: aaaaaaah
Gaya Ethaniel: sounds great to try out
Wol Euler: "what is this 'weathr' thing?"
Pema Pera: another PaB project for the wiki
Pema Pera: yes!
Pema Pera: why do people all hide their profile?
Wol Euler: good idea
Wol Euler: my TP is broken
Gaya Ethaniel: people looking at you puzzled when ask for tps
Adams Rubble: Why canlt we tp?
Pema Pera: why can't we make friends by clicking?
Adams Rubble: Why can;t we make it light
Gaya Ethaniel: oh please first ask for animation permissions before rushing to hug me
Wol Euler laughs: and the typical newbie question: how do I have sex?
Pema Pera: my camera is stuck to my forehead, help!
Gaya Ethaniel giggles
Faenik: indeed?
Pema Pera: hehehe
Adams Rubble: :)
Pema Pera: like Apollo 13
Pema Pera: Linden, we have a problem!
Adams Rubble: :)
Wol Euler: yep
Wol Euler: I like it, good idea.
Gaya Ethaniel smiles
Pema Pera: see y'all ! In safe good old SL . . . :)
Faenik: なるほど^^
Adams Rubble: bye