2008.10.11 13:00 - Like a body image problem

The guardian for this meeting was Storm Nordwind. The comments are Storm's.

Descending into the pavilion from a thousand feet, I found Wol there, alone, wearing a "busy" tag. I just waited patiently in silence. No one spoke. Presently, Corvi joined us.

Storm Nordwind: Hello Corvi
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Hiya..
Corvuscorva Nightfire: whatcha done with Wol?
Storm Nordwind chuckles
Storm Nordwind: It's an electronic gag
Storm Nordwind: It's called scripting :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire snorts...
Storm Nordwind: Wol does the scripting and doesn't notice what else is going on
Corvuscorva Nightfire nods.
Storm Nordwind: Then we try and provoke with comments until Wol is forced to reply
Corvuscorva Nightfire goes to sit by Storm and whisper stuff in his ear about how to provoke Wol.

Wol surfaces for long enough to blow a raspberry, listen to our rude comments and then disappear into busy-ness for a while longer.

Wol Euler: hello sorry, phone.
Corvuscorva Nightfire laughs.
Wol Euler: :-PPP
Storm Nordwind listens to Corvi ... "Really?! Wow!"
Corvuscorva Nightfire: mmmhmmm. and then we'll say...
Corvuscorva Nightfire: oh Hi, Wol!

But Wol was not hearing anymore.

Corvuscorva Nightfire: So,
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Storm.
Storm Nordwind: Yes?
Corvuscorva Nightfire: What shall we discuss?
Storm Nordwind: What would you like?
Storm Nordwind: Pick a subject
Corvuscorva Nightfire thinks....
Storm Nordwind hopes it's not politics :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire nodsnods...or economy?
Storm Nordwind: If I tell my Icelandic joke one more time I'll heave
Corvuscorva Nightfire: hahahah
Corvuscorva Nightfire: I can't think of anything at all..I'm too recently home from work.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: my brain has not gotten back into gear.
Storm Nordwind: That's fine. What do you work at?
Corvuscorva Nightfire: I am a grocery store assistant manager.
Storm Nordwind: Interesting stuff
Corvuscorva Nightfire: very.
Storm Nordwind: Which country are you in?
Corvuscorva Nightfire: United States. You?
Storm Nordwind: Scotland. For now.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: til you move here.
Storm Nordwind: yes
Storm Nordwind: I have to persuade a store in Denver to get some decent free-range butter, like I have here
Corvuscorva Nightfire grins..might not be as hard as you think...if you go to the right store.

And Corvi and I broke off open chat to discuss shoppy things by IM. :) Shortly after we returned, Adams joined us. We began to talk about PaB exercises and struggles.

Storm Nordwind: So... any PaB experiences to share?
Corvuscorva Nightfire: No...not really.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: I keep trying an exercise Pema suggested..but I haven't gotten far, yet.
Storm Nordwind: Oh which one?
Storm Nordwind: Hi Adams
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Pema Pera: It may be fun to flex your muscles of imagination: trying to see/feel what it would be like, to be completely seen/understood by Being . . . . all aspects of you no matter how small, like an ultimate friend accepting literally everything about you, even all that you don't even know yourself . . .
Adams Dubrovna: Hi Storm :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: 2008.10.9
Adams Dubrovna: Srill rezzing
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Hi, Adams.
Storm Nordwind nods to Corvi
Adams Dubrovna: Hi Corvi :)
Storm Nordwind: It's an interesting notion.
Storm Nordwind: I've done all the other exercises but not that one
Adams Dubrovna: Hi Wol :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire nods. Appropriate, I think for my own struggles.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Being that I'm struggling with Being and all.
Storm Nordwind: What does it feel like to be struggling like that? Can you describe it?
Storm Nordwind: Feel free to tell me to stop prying!
Corvuscorva Nightfire smiles
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Not at all..I was just considering the question...and experiencing it for a second so I could try to answer.
Storm Nordwind nods
Corvuscorva Nightfire: We've talked about the 9 seconds and "getting out of the way" of Being.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: I find that I have alot in the way.
Storm Nordwind nods sympathetically
Storm Nordwind: It sounds like the unlearning before learning
Adams Dubrovna nods emphathetically
Corvuscorva Nightfire: and the issue of acceptance "appears" each time I find a new obstacle.
Storm Nordwind: acceptance? By whom of what (or whom)?
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Acceptance of "me" by "me"
Storm Nordwind: I see
Storm Nordwind: That's something many people (it seems to me) spend most of their lives running away from
Corvuscorva Nightfire: It is, in my experience, incrediby difficult to do.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: I mean..to accept.
Adams Dubrovna just read an old log in which Pema tried to explain what an identity and I in my naivitewas thinking of my name, my occupation and my familial status
Storm Nordwind: I understand. It's like being honest Corvi - easy to be with others, harder to be with yourself
Corvuscorva Nightfire: I find, each time I try to move forward....I find myself eliding by it. sometimes moving further away. Afraid, I think of what I will find if I strip.
Corvuscorva Nightfire laughs.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: like a body image problem.
Storm Nordwind: So you cover up further, right?
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Yes!!! Perfect!
Corvuscorva Nightfire: exactly!

We continued to talk of self-acceptance.

Adams Dubrovna: Acceptance seems to come in different ways
Corvuscorva Nightfire thinks about what Adams said...yes...it's easy to start there...well covered.
Corvuscorva Nightfire looks at Adams with interest...
Corvuscorva Nightfire: what ways?
Adams Dubrovna: Sometimes it comes by discovering that we are carrying about someone else's judgments about ourselves
Adams Dubrovna: Maybe from childhood
Storm Nordwind: Brilliant observation :)
Adams Dubrovna: Not so brilliant, I just stumbled over one :)
Storm Nordwind smiles
Adams Dubrovna: sometimes acceptance just comes with time
Adams Dubrovna: seeing things a from a different perspective
Storm Nordwind: I agree with the time thing...

I was going to continue with something witty and inspiring, but Wol resurfaced and it quite slipped my mind. Honest! ;-)

Wol Euler: back, at last. ehllo everyone
Storm Nordwind: Welcome back Wol
Corvuscorva Nightfire: I am frustrated and tired of waiting.
Adams Dubrovna waves a hello at Wol
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Welcome back Wol!!!
Corvuscorva Nightfire: more please.
Wol Euler: sorry about that.
Corvuscorva Nightfire bats Wol with a pillow.
Storm Nordwind: Don't worry Wol, we've been talking about you, not to you
Wol Euler: oh ok

Was the 'trying' an obstacle in itself? Like meditation, was it like trying to grab the soap in the bath - too loose and it slips from our hands, but too tight and it springs from our fingers?

Adams Dubrovna: Sometimes that may be what is in the way Corvi. When we finally relax then it may come
Corvuscorva Nightfire: huh.
Adams Dubrovna: Sometimes the frustration or impatience may be in the way of getting to the identity that is in the way
Corvuscorva Nightfire nods slowly, considering.
Storm Nordwind: So the solution to that is, Adams?
Adams Dubrovna considering
Adams Dubrovna: I think just got my mind working on something else. The exercies have been a help to me
Storm Nordwind nods
Storm Nordwind: So is that simply "distraction"?
Adams Dubrovna: :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: no..
Corvuscorva Nightfire: I don't think so.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: I think it might be...well..when I wrote papers in college...
Adams Dubrovna: Letting one's inner mind work it out
Corvuscorva Nightfire: I would do the research the night before
Corvuscorva Nightfire: and write the paper in the morning.
Storm Nordwind: I can understand that in both of your cases
Storm Nordwind: I find that sleeping on something and letting the inner unconscious/subconscious/intuition or whatever your model work on it is very effective
Adams Dubrovna: That is our creativity

I recalled a personal example of being forced to stop trying, and the miraculous result...

Storm Nordwind: My ex-wife used to say it would take me 6 months to learn something, simply by not thinking about it!
Wol Euler: an inner wu wei :-)
Storm Nordwind: hehe!
Corvuscorva Nightfire: yes.
Storm Nordwind: I once had quite a spectacular example from my guitar playing (well... spectacular to me personally anyway)
Storm Nordwind: I first learnt to play the guitar in 1968
Storm Nordwind: And played for several years as a rock musician but had to give up for 5+ years in the late 1970s
Storm Nordwind: There was one guitar lick I could never play up to that point - which was a shame as it was on a favourite album
Storm Nordwind: When I picked the guitar up after not playing at all for 5 years, I was able to play the lick properly first time
Adams Dubrovna: :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: oooooo
Storm Nordwind: I'd learnt it in the interim somehow
Wol Euler: wow
Storm Nordwind recalls it's a solo in Led Zeppelin's Good Times Bad Times
Storm Nordwind: Time and the Mind are powerful tools
Wol Euler: perhaps you unlearned something in that time?
Storm Nordwind: That's possible too
Wol Euler: forgot to do something htat you thought you had to do....
Adams Dubrovna wonders about Storm's finger callouses
Storm Nordwind picks up a guitar in RL and finds he can still play it, callouses or no
Adams Dubrovna: :)
Adams Dubrovna admires Storm's fingers
Corvuscorva Nightfire wishes she could hear it....
Storm Nordwind hides the guitar quickly
Adams Dubrovna: :O)
Adams Dubrovna: :)

I recalled a voice conversation I had with a mutual SL friend by Voice.

Storm Nordwind: I noticed yesterday that one of our group (who shall remain nameless) is using PaB as a tool. When they get stressed by work, they slip in an asynchronous "9 second moment" :)
Adams Dubrovna looks at his shoes
Corvuscorva Nightfire giggles..I do it too.
Storm Nordwind: present company excepted, even if applicable!
Storm Nordwind thinks he sounds like an ad disclaimer!
Adams Dubrovna: :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: I often do it when I leave my office..to go to the floor.
Corvuscorva Nightfire: where all the people are.
Storm Nordwind: Putting on your armor? :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire nods..or something.
Adams Dubrovna: Getting in touch with Being? :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: trying.
Storm Nordwind: Yes - I was being slightly provocative :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: the odd thing is..if I do it..even if I am not different in any way I can tell...more people around me seem to smile.
Adams Dubrovna: :)
Wol Euler smiles
Corvuscorva Nightfire: Can't figure out if it's about my perseption or my behavior.
Corvuscorva Nightfire giggles.
Storm Nordwind: So either perhaps you notice, or you are broadcasting something they pick up
Corvuscorva Nightfire nods.
Storm Nordwind thinks of another possibility
Corvuscorva Nightfire: doesn't much matter which..but I enjoy the phenomonom.
Wol Euler: I think the latter, I suspect we are much more in tune to each other than we believe.
Storm Nordwind: Yes.
Corvuscorva Nightfire fears they are talking about something other than behavior.
Wol Euler: no, based in behaviour but not consciously controlled.
Storm Nordwind: I was going to say, I suspect it's opposite of putting on armor. More the removing of barriers between. A first stage in removal of separation that comes from realisation of Being
Adams Dubrovna: :)
Corvuscorva Nightfire: yes. that's how I think of it, anyway.

Armor/armour... trying to accomodate my spelling for my American friends was becoming a chore! We lightened up.

Storm Nordwind gives up on trying to spell like an American
Corvuscorva Nightfire: hahahah!
Corvuscorva Nightfire: don't try it at home.
Wol Euler: hehehehe
Adams Dubrovna: They'll smell you out when you get here. :)
Storm Nordwind: I find it's a positive advantage to flaunt my Englishness. Not that I would. Much...
Corvuscorva Nightfire: I wind up spelling like a Brit, after being on SL too long.
Wol Euler: our bad influence
Corvuscorva Nightfire: yours in particular.
Storm Nordwind: As long as you don't smell like a Brit, you'll be OK!
Adams Dubrovna: :)
Wol Euler: mind you, when I see the awful spelling of your compatriots, I think it makes not a quintilla of differernce.
Adams Dubrovna: Wot?
Storm Nordwind looks up quintilla
Wol Euler: yer, innit?
Storm Nordwind: yer aw'a spel like wo I can, init?
Adams Dubrovna: Bush today said it was good he is in charge for the financial crisis BTW
Corvuscorva Nightfire whops Wol with the ever present pillow.
Corvuscorva Nightfire whops Adams.
Adams Dubrovna: Bush today said it was good he is in charge for the financial crisis BTW

It must be true: after all it was in the New York Times. ;-) But general mayhem ensued and I clicked us off-record!