2010.02.03 19:00 - Snow and Regret

The Guardian for this meeting was stevenaia Michinaga. The comments are by stevenaia Michinaga.

Solobill Laville joined me after a long period of silence. Our conversation moved from snow and seeing to our views of "regret"

stevenaia Michinaga: hello Solo
stevenaia Michinaga: been quite a while
Solobill Laville: Indeed! Good to see you Steve!
stevenaia Michinaga: it's been a quiet evening
Solobill Laville nods and smiles
Solobill Laville: Has it been quiet much lately?
stevenaia Michinaga: for me here, yes
stevenaia Michinaga: winter seems to be the season for quiet
Solobill Laville: Ah...isn't that interesting, I'd think the opposite
stevenaia Michinaga: yes, you would, I have a friend in New Zealand and it;s always interesting to see the contract of his summer and my winter
stevenaia Michinaga: contrast
Solobill Laville: Southern Hemisphere!
stevenaia Michinaga: nods
Solobill Laville: yep
stevenaia Michinaga: opposing perceptions
stevenaia Michinaga: hello Skie
Solobill Laville smiles to Skie
stevenaia Michinaga: feel free to join us
Solobill Laville: Of course
Solobill Laville: To Steve -> how has your winter been so far, snow-wise?
stevenaia Michinaga: intermittent but I enjoy snow here in the middle Atlantic states, we had an inch this morning and exceptions anywhere from 2-10 inches on friday depending on which way the wind blows, literally
Solobill Laville: Ha! Too funny 2-10, like they're so similar...
stevenaia Michinaga: snow always brings a nice change to what you see and how you move
Solobill Laville: oh, yes, and the silence :)
stevenaia Michinaga: yes, that special outside sound deadening is very nice
stevenaia Michinaga: where you you from Solo
stevenaia Michinaga: *are
Solobill Laville: 30 degrees, nighttime, snow, and and full moon, I'll take any day
Solobill Laville: Detroit
stevenaia Michinaga: I used to live in the UP where 30 feet of snow in the winter is typical
Solobill Laville: Hah! I didn't know that, I recall Penn...
--BELL--
Solobill Laville: My mom grew up in northern Mi. where lake-effect snow was common, so yes, many, many feet
stevenaia Michinaga: snow doesn;t last here for very long
Solobill Laville: Winter is a wonderful time for reflection
stevenaia Michinaga: it offers a fresh perspective on seeing since so much changes
Solobill Laville: yes, good point, I was thinking in a different way
stevenaia Michinaga: and cold is something you can dress for, taking clothes off in the heat only goes so far
Solobill Laville: hah! literally!
Solobill Laville: It's funny, I know what you are saying about change
Solobill Laville: but winter is seeming more and more about continuance to me
stevenaia Michinaga: it is interesting how similar the desert sand and snow can be
Solobill Laville: Yes! and grass and water!
stevenaia Michinaga: why more and more?
Solobill Laville: Well, gettin' older and all ;)
Solobill Laville: I mean wiser, or something
stevenaia Michinaga: :)
stevenaia Michinaga: ofcourse
Solobill Laville: hehe
Solobill Laville: Seriously, though, more about "hloing up", and about appreciation
Solobill Laville: *appreciation
stevenaia Michinaga: age is just the ever lovely accumulation of experience
stevenaia Michinaga: "hloing up"?
Solobill Laville: Yes, I think we're all a terribly unique blend of old and young all at the same time
Solobill Laville: *holing up
Solobill Laville: as in psudo-hibernation, hot tea / warm blankets
stevenaia Michinaga: awww
Solobill Laville: going into our own hobbit holes, so to speak
stevenaia Michinaga: nods, right
Solobill Laville: Provides an opportunity to appreciate the basic niceties of warmth, smiles, etc.
stevenaia Michinaga: for some reason the thought of age and regret past through my mind... regret of not taking advantage of opportunities to appreciate so much of what can be appreciated
Solobill Laville: Yowza, that is the most serious regret of all...
stevenaia Michinaga: something you only see in hindsight
stevenaia Michinaga: nods, when you said "holing up" I thought of all that can missed when in that hole
stevenaia Michinaga: you thought the opposite I presume
Solobill Laville: I did
Solobill Laville: :)
stevenaia Michinaga: :)
Solobill Laville: It is not hiding
Solobill Laville: But, literally, holing up, like a squirrel waiting for spring
stevenaia Michinaga: yes, everything can offer you a moment to appreciate
stevenaia Michinaga: there never really is any regret
Solobill Laville: One of my big "topics for practice" is the total disconnection with regret
Solobill Laville: It is a very detrimental emotion
stevenaia Michinaga: it was only a fleeting thought
Solobill Laville: :) but a valuable one
Solobill Laville: There is a wonderful Buddhist practice
--BELL--
Solobill Laville: of writing down all of your regrets
stevenaia Michinaga: ..listens
Solobill Laville: and ceremonially buring them in an urn - setting them free
stevenaia Michinaga: :)
Solobill Laville: *burning
stevenaia Michinaga: I suspect my list would be short
Solobill Laville: I'm very glad to hear that - I'd think you may be in the minority!
Solobill Laville: but that is a key practice, in my experience
stevenaia Michinaga: I suspect it relates to how much you dwell in the past or present
stevenaia Michinaga: now is always most entertaining for me
Solobill Laville: Ah, yes, I think you're right - tough to be "here" all the time
Solobill Laville: What to you is the difference between regret and guilt?
stevenaia Michinaga: regret is a missed opportunity, guilt is a miss-spent opportunity
Solobill Laville: That is very positive, it is all about the opportunity :)
stevenaia Michinaga: and for you?
Solobill Laville: Ah, that's partially why I asked
Solobill Laville: I have dealt with regret
stevenaia Michinaga: how?
Solobill Laville: but guilt I have always sensed from far-off and avoided
Solobill Laville: I am a very non-guilty person :)
stevenaia Michinaga: nods
Solobill Laville: for me, perhaps I have had more missed opportunities than time mis-spent...
stevenaia Michinaga: missing Malta is a regret, for instance, but I don;t carry it too heavily
stevenaia Michinaga: it was not feasible
Solobill Laville: Right, the carrying may be the key "non-action"
Solobill Laville: Oh, to answer your question...
Solobill Laville: How I deal with regret
Solobill Laville: 1) recognize it for what it is
Solobill Laville: Not too easy
Solobill Laville: 2) Try to understand the context and specifics
Solobill Laville: 3) Forgive myself - damn hard, but unbelievably liberating
Solobill Laville: In fact, a requisite for spiritual growth
stevenaia Michinaga: yes, forgiving yourself paves the way for that
Solobill Laville nods
Solobill Laville: That can be a big boulder for people
stevenaia Michinaga: sometime acceptance of the regret is enough
stevenaia Michinaga: that may be forgiveness
Solobill Laville: Do you think? To me, that is recognition (step 1 above), but not quite the same as self-forgiveness, which seems to be a very affective process (to me at least)
Solobill Laville: Necessary, but not sufficient, quite
--BELL--
stevenaia Michinaga: there are some regrets that may not be anyone's "fault" such that there may be nothing to forgive
Solobill Laville: Ah...but then what is regret, if you con't place some sort of "fault" on yourself, for example, for a missed opportunity?
stevenaia Michinaga: a missed opportunity to influence something that may simply have been meant to be the way it turned out, no matter what you could have done
Solobill Laville: OK, I see. Good point. To me then, part of the reflective process would be to let go of that as a regret, which is the same as what you are saying I think, Steve
Solobill Laville: I guess, a regret to me is a missed opportunity to have behaved differently, not doing the "right thing"...
stevenaia Michinaga: or two aspects of it
Solobill Laville: Indeed :)
stevenaia Michinaga: I suspect a third person may have others
Solobill Laville: exponentially :)
stevenaia Michinaga: then , there always is:
stevenaia Michinaga: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regret_(emotion)
stevenaia Michinaga: a very short page
Solobill Laville: Hmmm...so guilt here defined is a component of regret. I'd define it a bit differently.
Solobill Laville: I think your "missed opportunity" is perfect
stevenaia Michinaga: smiles
Solobill Laville: Anyway, good night, I hope I kept you company for a while... :)
stevenaia Michinaga: thank you, a most interesting evening
Solobill Laville: :) Yes, all the best, Steve, until next time!