2011.11.02 13:00 - "just feelings"

The Guardian for this meeting was Eliza, filling in for Fefonz. The comments are by Arisia, Korel, Wol, ooO0Ooo, and Eliza.

Wol Euler: hello sam, ari
Arisia Vita: welcome Wol!
oO0Oo Resident: Wol :)
Wol Euler wonders why we are sitting in the outer row today
Arisia Vita: because Sam was there first
Wol Euler smiles.
Arisia Vita: so naturally...
Wol Euler: fair enough
Wol Euler: hello eliza
Arisia Vita: welcome Eliza
oO0Oo Resident: Hi Eliza !
Korel Laloix: Heya
Wol Euler: hello korel
Eliza Madrigal: Hi Wol, Ari, Samúð, Korel
 

Eliza Madrigal zooms in on Wol :)
Wol Euler waves
oO0Oo Resident: Osiyo Korel :)
Eliza Madrigal: such a cute look... but um... two pairs of shoes?
Wol Euler: oh damn
Wol Euler: thank you for pointing that out
Wol Euler: the lag, it bites.
Eliza Madrigal: at first I thought it was intentional...
Eliza Madrigal: neat :)
Wol Euler: I suppose I could have played it that way, if I'd thought of it
Eliza Madrigal: :))
 

Wol Euler sighs. Damn this core of honesty.
oO0Oo Resident: lol
Eliza Madrigal: is that what we're staying away from, out here on the edges of the pavilion?
oO0Oo Resident: if the shoe fits?
Wol Euler: heheh
Wol Euler: trying something different :)
Wol Euler: (actually just sitting beside Sam who was first and setttled here)
Eliza Madrigal: :)

oO0Oo Resident: (((Arisia, Korel, Wol, Eliza, Self)))
Wol Euler smiles.
Wol Euler: SL needs group-hug animations
Eliza Madrigal: inclusive :)

Wol Euler: how are we all today?
Eliza Madrigal waiting to be entertained
Wol Euler laughs.

Korel Laloix: Tired today.
oO0Oo Resident: thanks Wol well.. you?
Wol Euler: mixed, actually
Wol Euler: feeling sad and stupid and useless
Wol Euler: (work)
Eliza Madrigal: oh :(
oO0Oo Resident: (((((((Wol)))))))
Korel Laloix: Feeling like that for other reasons... frowns.
Eliza Madrigal: :(
oO0Oo Resident: ((((((((Korel)))))))))

Wol Euler: (bell coming up, shall we think on how we feel for 90 sec?
Eliza Madrigal: seems a good plan

--BELL--

Wol Euler: who would like to start?
Korel Laloix: feeling sad and stupid and useless

oO0Oo Resident: In the Non-Violent communications framework, they use lists to help people identify true feelings, as distinguished from evaluations and judgements and such.. I often refer to this page when considering how i am feeling: http://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory
oO0Oo Resident: ::looks in acknowledgement at Korel::
Wol Euler nods
Korel Laloix: Just stealing words though.
Korel Laloix: Interesting how they use the words satisfied and unsatisfied.
Korel Laloix: I can be very unsatified and happy.

oO0Oo Resident: The idea is we have feelings based on our needs being met or not met
oO0Oo Resident: oh?
oO0Oo Resident: mmm
oO0Oo Resident: nuance there Korel

Korel Laloix: There is more to life than having my needs and wants met.
Korel Laloix: I would trade my satisfactions for a lot of other peoples any day.
oO0Oo Resident: listens
oO0Oo Resident wonders what your satisfactions feel like
Wol Euler wonders what satisfactions you think others have.

Korel Laloix: I will let my grandma watch what she wants on the TV.
Korel Laloix: Or cook what she wants.
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Korel Laloix: I get more satisfaction out of that than having my way.
oO0Oo Resident: :)
Eliza Madrigal: hierarchy of satisfactions
Wol Euler: so you get satisfaction from satisfying her :)
Wol Euler: that's good :)
Wol Euler: that has a ring of good karma to it
oO0Oo Resident: sounds like appreciation and love for grandma
Korel Laloix: As you said, maybe there are shades of meaning I don't undersand in this.
oO0Oo Resident: that is my mantra of life Korel :)))
Korel Laloix: Sort of the mom I never had... I do care for her deeply.
oO0Oo Resident: aw
oO0Oo Resident: ((((Korels' Grandma))))
Eliza Madrigal: (((Korel's Grandma))))) :)
Korel Laloix: She is not even my biological grand... she is actually my stepdad's mom.
Wol Euler nods and smiles warmly

Wol Euler: doesn't matter :) family is whoever feels like family.
Eliza Madrigal: :)
oO0Oo Resident: yep
Korel Laloix: And I feel like it living with her like I never did growing up.
Korel Laloix: So again, her satisfaction is more fulfiling to me than my satisfaction.
Eliza Madrigal: would guess that brings her satisfaction as well
Korel Laloix: I just found those choices of words strange... but the lists were thought making.
oO0Oo Resident: yes
oO0Oo Resident: I 'm sure she loves you dearly Korel
Korel Laloix: I feel it every day.
Wol Euler smiles.

--BELL--

Eliza Madrigal: when I see a list of words like that , wherever my eye lands I think 'oh yes, that's how I feel' or 'there's a bit of that, sure' but one interesting thing is that if you look of clusters of words there seem to be personality types almost
Eliza Madrigal: like, one may often feel: lost - mystified - perplexed - puzzled or
Eliza Madrigal: mortified - self-conscious
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Korel Laloix: I like the word perplexed... going to have to start using it.... smiles
Eliza Madrigal: a good one
Wol Euler: indeed, very true
Wol Euler fails to improve on Eliza's statement so merely nods again
Eliza Madrigal looks for befuddled

oO0Oo Resident: Here's a question.. just whatever comes to mind first... What is the feeling of Play as Being?
Eliza Madrigal: :) hmmm
Wol Euler: encouraging
Arisia Vita: caring
Korel Laloix: Pleasently confusing.
Eliza Madrigal: :)))
Wol Euler: embracing --- well, that's somehow too *active*
Wol Euler: compassionate is good
Wol Euler: (looking through the lists)
Eliza Madrigal: :)
oO0Oo Resident: touching, wonderous
Wol Euler smiles.
oO0Oo Resident: open
Eliza Madrigal: appreciative
Eliza Madrigal: values and feelings seem blended in this context
Wol Euler nods.

Wol Euler: recalls Sam's introduction: " true feelings, as distinguished from evaluations and judgements and such"
Eliza Madrigal: hmmm
oO0Oo Resident: yes PaB seems wider than accomodation even :)
Wol Euler: the words I used were feelings, but what is going on inside is actually judgement, extremely harsh criticism
Wol Euler: if I heard somebody else say that about a (present) third person, I'd tell them to get up and go away from the table until they cooled down

oO0Oo Resident: what are the needs as you see them if you can say Wol? ( http://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventory )
Wol Euler: purpose, competence
Wol Euler hesitates to make this a me-me-me therapy session
Eliza Madrigal: interesting to look deeper
Wol Euler: pause coming up, let's all look a little deeper :)
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Wol Euler: I suppose, looking at that list, taht it's about competence and purpose and effectiveness

--BELL--

Eliza Madrigal: amazes me how the most competent I know feel incompetent, or loving feel unloving, or brave feel cowardly... like more attuned to certain things that both captivate and distress

Wol Euler: oh but it's not just feeling incompetent, I have the proof
Wol Euler: in e-mails sent out with the wrong atttachments
Wol Euler: in things forgotten and left un-done
Wol Euler: in letters carried home and left unposted for a week
Eliza Madrigal: mistakes don't equal incompetent.. if so I'd better stop sending out guardian notices

Wol Euler: boss is going to see all this on Monday, and look at me and ask "were you drunk all day every day?"
Wol Euler: and I won't know what to say
Eliza Madrigal: and boss will look at years of trust and care and whatever seems missing will be in perspective
Wol Euler: I don't know what the hell I've been doing or thinking these weeks, but it wasn't focussed on the work at all
Wol Euler: well, yes, that is true too (smiles)
Eliza Madrigal is glad we're not robots
Eliza Madrigal: yet :)
Wol Euler: heheh
Wol Euler: anyway I'm sorry to whine

Arisia Vita: I had those same symptoms when I first tasted love, so.....?
Wol Euler giggles.
Wol Euler: alas, no
oO0Oo Resident: wish we could all attend meeting Monday as character and competency witnesses, then have tea after :)
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Wol Euler: awwwww <3 thank you

oO0Oo Resident: #Occupy Wol's workplace
Wol Euler: ha!
Eliza Madrigal: hahah

Wol Euler: actually it's funny, while this has been going on the world outside has been loving me these weeks
Wol Euler: strangers start conversations over lunch
Arisia Vita: is this unusual?
Wol Euler: clap me on the shoulder, offer me their water
Eliza Madrigal: ah! :))
Wol Euler: not that unusual, actually, but more often and more intense than usual

oO0Oo Resident: you sure it's not your knee high boots they like?
Wol Euler grins.
oO0Oo Resident: :))
Wol Euler: I guess they see my virtual boots
Eliza Madrigal: must be
oO0Oo Resident: and charm, and kindness, and honesty, and competency, and graciousness... and...
Wol Euler blushes and shuffles her booted feet
Wol Euler: thank you, dear friends, for listening to this crap so supportively <3
Arisia Vita: it's what friends do
Eliza Madrigal: :) appreciative for this conversation... sure we all have these moments... I have them over my parenting more often than I care to admit @@
Arisia Vita: our turns will come
Eliza Madrigal nods
Wol Euler: I hope that I will respond with as much kindness and grace as you have done today
Arisia Vita: of that I am sure
oO0Oo Resident: indeed
Arisia Vita: I must fly my friends, but one more thing I wish before I go...

--BELL--

Arisia Vita: you are special
Wol Euler sighs and smiles
Wol Euler: thank you, ari
Eliza Madrigal smiles
Arisia Vita: be well and happy
Wol Euler: goodnight!
Korel Laloix: ciao
oO0Oo Resident: [witnesses Arisia give Wol a hug] ::melts::
Wol Euler smiles.
oO0Oo Resident: Bye dear Arisia

Wol Euler: I think part of what happens, at least to me, is that I get caught in an emotional death spiral
Wol Euler: with no outside ... balancing, no second opinion to keep things level
oO0Oo Resident: Don't ya just hate those!
oO0Oo Resident: EDS
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Wol Euler: :)
Wol Euler: like a moth around a candle of self-loathing
oO0Oo Resident: :)
Wol Euler thinks of the expression "emotional contagion"

Eliza Madrigal: sounds like the world is your witness... strangers in cafe's...
Wol Euler nods.
oO0Oo Resident: thinks of laughter yoga
Wol Euler: there is something going on there, yes
Eliza Madrigal: laughter yoga seems very PaB :)
Wol Euler: :)

Wol Euler: korel, would you like to say more? You had the same feelings, you said
Korel Laloix: Sorry, in and out at work.
oO0Oo Resident: no worries
Korel Laloix: Just comming down off of a relationship.
Wol Euler: awwww :(
Korel Laloix: And it is never pleasent.
Wol Euler nods.
Eliza Madrigal: :(
Wol Euler: I'm sorry to hear it, korel
Korel Laloix: Me to... frowns
Korel Laloix: All sorts of negative emotions... that I can't control well.
Korel Laloix: And I hate feeling out of control or controlled.
oO0Oo Resident: thank you for saying
Korel Laloix: Just how I feel.
Eliza Madrigal refrains from offering cliche advice , terribly hard I'm sure
Wol Euler nods sympathetically
Korel Laloix: wado

Korel Laloix: Just rying to avoid my standard pattern of post relationship self destruction.
Korel Laloix: Difficult.
Wol Euler: worth avoiding, though
Wol Euler: find a new pattern of self-forgiveness, perhaps?
Eliza Madrigal: tweak the program :)
Korel Laloix: Well, I can't afford to loose my normal five pounds.
Wol Euler: O.O
Korel Laloix: But i did go for some retail therapy... bought the new bike... smiles
Korel Laloix: So that is new.
Wol Euler: good ;)
Eliza Madrigal: :)

--BELL--

oO0Oo Resident wonders about self constructive patterns... one doesn't hear about those often
Wol Euler: indeed :)
Wol Euler: 99 days was intended to be one such
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Wol Euler: forming a positive habit to enrich life
oO0Oo Resident: :)
Eliza Madrigal pictures choosing from a catalogue of mind patterns
Wol Euler smiles.

oO0Oo Resident: I'd like to start a Laughter Yoga group in SL, if my RL settles down some to be consistent enough to supervise such a thing.
Wol Euler: great idea
oO0Oo Resident: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EGTETc5oFU
Wol Euler: I hope your RL does settle down, and not just for the sake of a new group
Eliza Madrigal nods
oO0Oo Resident: thanks Wol

Wol Euler: another word for PaB: loving
oO0Oo Resident: feels fundamentally that way
oO0Oo Resident: I'm away, Thanks everyone. And.. one thing before I go...
Wol Euler: ?
Wol Euler smiles.
Eliza Madrigal smiles
Wol Euler smiles warmly. thank you, sam
Wol Euler: goodnight, take care
oO0Oo Resident: :))) (((Eliza, Korel)))
Eliza Madrigal: Bye Sam
Eliza Madrigal: nice to see the hug giver given hugs
Wol Euler laughs and nods
Wol Euler: it feels good, yeah

Eliza Madrigal: amazing, people are naturally affectionate and we bury it under so much
Wol Euler: truth
Wol Euler: people feel that it's somehow wrong to express emotion, particularly to/about each other
Eliza Madrigal: indeed... guess there are many 'reasons' but none good :)

Wol Euler: I noticed that here, korel and I both said "just feelings" when talking about our unhappinesses
Korel Laloix: I did nto notice that... thanks.
Eliza Madrigal: that's interesting yes
Eliza Madrigal: apologetic?
Wol Euler: mmhmm
Wol Euler: and also in a way warding off attention
Eliza Madrigal: mmm
Eliza Madrigal: well it helps to bring attention to things ....
Korel Laloix: Never thought of it that way.

--BELL--

Eliza Madrigal: thank you both (sam and ari too) for a beautiful session in its way
Wol Euler smiles.
Wol Euler: thank you, dear eliza and korel, for your kind and warm contributions
Eliza Madrigal: time to fetch son from lessons :)
Wol Euler smiles.
Wol Euler: bye eliza, take care
Wol Euler: be kind to youreslf
Eliza Madrigal: inclusive (((self))) hehe
Wol Euler smiles.
Eliza Madrigal: ful circle
Eliza Madrigal waves warmly
Wol Euler: <3
Wol Euler sighs
Wol Euler: I hve to go, I've got to be on site early tomorrow
Wol Euler: goodnight korel, thank you for this session
Korel Laloix: ciao