2011.06.18 19:00 - Little Focussins

The Guardian for this meeting was Pema Pera. The comments are by Pema Pera.

Pema Pera: hi Eos!
Eos Amaterasu: Hi Pema!
Pema Pera: let's see, it's 11 pm for you, right?
Pema Pera: Saturday evening?
Eos Amaterasu: Yes
Pema Pera: hi Storm!
Pema Pera: 11 am for me
Eos Amaterasu: Hi Storm
Pema Pera: easy to sync!
Pema Pera: and 8 pm for Storm?
Storm Nordwind: Hi both
Eos Amaterasu: yes, all I have to do is stand on my head
Storm Nordwind: Correct
Pema Pera: hehehe
Pema Pera: I got up at 6 am, and forgot so far to eat something
Pema Pera: suddenly noticed some grawling . . . .
Eos Amaterasu: Not Bella
Storm Nordwind looks around for a slice of breakfast something
Pema Pera: :-)
Pema Pera: hahaha
Pema Pera: one of those floating biscuits would be more than enough for a single breakfast, methinks
Storm Nordwind smiles and nods
Storm Nordwind: Of course if you like sardines, Aphrodite has left some in the pool...
Pema Pera: sashimi . . . .
Pema Pera: Hi druth!
druth Vlodovic: hi guys
Storm Nordwind: Hi druth
Eos Amaterasu: Hi druth

I brought up the topic of holding on/back

Pema Pera: This morning (your evening) I've been thinking a bit about holding on and holding back . . .
Pema Pera: it's a good idea to not hold on to the past, on all time scales, from years to seconds
Pema Pera: since that can easily lead to holding back in the present
Pema Pera: and I went over a number of examples that came up spontaneously
Pema Pera: in fact, most anything to do with normal thoughts and concepts . . . . which are always late
Storm Nordwind: And holding on to the future?
Pema Pera: may be similar: projections into the future of wishes based on the past?
Storm Nordwind: Possibly. Hopes, expectations, things unfulfilled in the past maybe
Eos Amaterasu: holding on to the present is also questionable
druth Vlodovic: I'd guess "holding on to" equates with judging and weighing
Pema Pera: yes, another form of holding back
Pema Pera: (to Eos)
Pema Pera: not being open, in that way, yes (to druth)
Pema Pera: so many subtle ways in which I can find myself not being fully open, the more I look carefully . . . .
Eos Amaterasu: we can meet in our mutual losing being able to be fully open
Storm Nordwind: I suspect we make microjudgments in the present when, for example, we drive a car and decide which lane to be in. Not holding on to what we arrive at will remove flixibility in the next moment to microjudge anew - and may cause a collision!
Hokon Cazalet: hiya =)
Eos Amaterasu: Hi Hokon
Pema Pera: hi Hokon!
Storm Nordwind suspects he put an extra "not" in there!
Hokon Cazalet: =)
Aphrodite Macbain: Hi Pema! Hokon, Storm, druth, Eos.
Pema Pera: yes, I was puzzled for a micromoment :-)
Hokon Cazalet: hi aphrodite =)
Aphrodite Macbain: How great to see you all
Pema Pera: hi Aphrodite!
--BELL--
Storm Nordwind: Hi Hokon, Aphrodite
Pema Pera: (we were talking about not holding to -- and now we are no longer holding on to talking, it seems . . . .)
Storm Nordwind: Hello Arch
Pema Pera: hi Arch!
Eos Amaterasu: the interesting thing is "not holding on" doesn't just apply to situations of not doing, but to doing, action, as well
Eos Amaterasu: Hi arch
druth Vlodovic: why be bound by expectations :)
Aphrodite Macbain: I could hear the purr before I saw the Arch
Pema Pera: the archer's purr . . .

And here the title of this session was born:

Eos Amaterasu: normal attention consists of lots of little focussins, in the milliseconds range
Archmage Atlantis: Yes, well, I have another rl cat in my life
Aphrodite Macbain: I would like to learn to let go of feelings
Archmage Atlantis: His name is Chester
Eos Amaterasu: (focussins are perceptual moccasins)
Eos Amaterasu: Hi Chester
Eos Amaterasu: Hi Aph
Aphrodite Macbain: Hiya
druth Vlodovic: suppressing feelings tends to have a pressure cooker effect
Aphrodite Macbain: but just breathing them away? is that possible
Archmage Atlantis: But truely, I came to speak of aramageddon
Storm Nordwind: I suspect suppressing feelings and letting them go are two different things
druth Vlodovic: supprisingly? to an extent
Eos Amaterasu: letting be is letting go of yourself trying to prop up the letting be
Aphrodite Macbain: sort of like doing tonglen for oneself
Pema Pera: nice image!
Eos Amaterasu: yeah, we're the hardest on ourselves
Aphrodite Macbain: propping up the letting be...hmmm
Aphrodite Macbain: creating a safe container
Aphrodite Macbain: perhaps
druth Vlodovic: letting go the things that caused the emotions could be a good start
Pema Pera: or just going into the feelings . . . . without holding back halfway
Pema Pera: and without identifying with them
Aphrodite Macbain: I find the primal scream thing more upsetting than relieving
Pema Pera: that's different
Pema Pera: going into doesn't mean letting it all out :-)
Archmage Atlantis: Yes, that is the actual thing Pema......not holding back
Aphrodite Macbain: yes. I like what you're saying Pema but I'm not sure what that means

Storm came up with a nice metaphor.

Storm Nordwind: The sea will have waves, whatever we do. We can't stop the waves. But we can stop pretending to be the waves and let them pass in time.
Hokon Cazalet: brb checking food in oven
Aphrodite Macbain: nice metaphor- the oven
Pema Pera: how about approaching feelings like a bridge, Aphrodite -- not a place to go live and put up a tent, but a place to connect different parts of your life?
Aphrodite Macbain: Feelings as abridge from one state of being to another?
Pema Pera: or connecting different aspects of ourselves
Aphrodite Macbain: some bridges last longer than others
Pema Pera: when feelings upset us, chances are that we are refusing to see something that we are hiding from ourselves
Eos Amaterasu: play has quality of enjoying feelings, giving them full respect while at the same time highlighting both their communicative and their poofy nature
Aphrodite Macbain: :-) poofy huh?
Eos Amaterasu: as in avatar poofing
--BELL--
druth Vlodovic: "when feelings upset us" upset by the fact of having the feelings?
Pema Pera: hi Eliza!
Eliza Madrigal: Hi Pema, everyone :)
Aphrodite Macbain: Eliza! GTSY
Eos Amaterasu: Hi Eliza
Eliza Madrigal: :))
Storm Nordwind waves
Pema Pera: yes, Druth, different layers of upset, sometimes: getting angry at someone and then getting annoyed at getting angry :-)
Pema Pera: and wanting to get rid of the anger . . . .
Archmage Atlantis: Ok, 2 good coversations
Archmage Atlantis: I chose this one
druth Vlodovic: so we get frustrated lol
Aphrodite Macbain: getting rid of the anger?
Pema Pera: (and perhaps knowing that we're supposed to "let go" and wondering how to do that :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: getting rid of the hurt?
Archmage Atlantis: Anger is motivation
Archmage Atlantis: Living in anger is hurt
Aphrodite Macbain: Yes Pema. Exactly. Our emotions are not run by our thinking brain/
Archmage Atlantis: Being anger is demonic
Pema Pera: but in my experience going into a feeling is the better way to let it go and/or go beyond it
Pema Pera: (but not so easy . . . )

Sharing an opinion is one thing, and realizing (and remembering) that it's not that easy is another :-)

Aphrodite Macbain: Rather than rationalizing it?
Pema Pera: for sure!
Storm Nordwind nods
Aphrodite Macbain: If I can understand why I am hurt or angry, it is easier to get rid of it. Rationalism throws water on flames
Aphrodite Macbain: of anger
Pema Pera pictures a steaming rationalist :-)
druth Vlodovic: sometimes it fans it, but then you get to direct it a little
Archmage Atlantis: Life is difficult.....it is meant to be
Aphrodite Macbain: No, I really feel that understanding thather than emotionally reacting is the best way to diffuse anger or hurt
Archmage Atlantis: My mother was a difficult teacher
Aphrodite Macbain: rather
Pema Pera: oh yes, reacting is the worst!
Archmage Atlantis: She loved me enough to be difficult
Pema Pera: but understanding might be hard if we don't first really go into a feeling and find some calm there
Archmage Atlantis: My father was a protector
Aphrodite Macbain: If it is being caused by something I can't accept, what is my means at getting to that cause except by rational thinking?
Archmage Atlantis: but not from my mother's teaching
Pema Pera: going into the feeling of "I can't accept"
Pema Pera: and rest there
Pema Pera: (easier said than done :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: indeed
Pema Pera: (but worth a try)
Aphrodite Macbain: I cant accept - means there is resistance and therefore tension
Pema Pera: but you can never loose: you can go into the feeling of why you can't go into the feeling of can't accept!
Aphrodite Macbain: accepting might be easier
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Aphrodite Macbain: lots of time on that cushion!
Pema Pera: :-)
Archmage Atlantis: Actually, chairs, not cushions or beds

I felt deeply grateful, to hear Aphrodite speak more about her day.

Aphrodite Macbain: I've been in such a turmoil, It's so good to be sitting with you here
Eliza Madrigal: (((Aph))))
druth Vlodovic: why can't you accept what is happening? are you fearful of consequences, offended at disrespect, afraid for your reputation?
Archmage Atlantis: yes, druth
Aphrodite Macbain: I am just deeply sad, hurt, and feeling a little guilty
Storm Nordwind: All accepting and understanding strategies are hard when you have the overwhelming pain of an operation without an anaesthetic.
Archmage Atlantis: And willing to say that
Aphrodite Macbain: good simile
Pema Pera nods at Storm
druth Vlodovic: guilt is a good place to start, because it ought to be easiest
Aphrodite Macbain: But I feel I have causd another pain. That's hard to deal with
Aphrodite Macbain: I need their forgiveness which I doubt I will get
Archmage Atlantis: My genetic ancestors, now we are more able to trace DNA, do not place me as a white English male.....
Aphrodite Macbain suddenly feels embarased to be at the cente of attention
Archmage Atlantis: Tho I like like that
Storm Nordwind: Forgiveness is for the benefit only of the forgiver. Therefore start perhaps by forgiving yourself.
Aphrodite Macbain: embarassed
Aphrodite Macbain: embarrassed
Eos Amaterasu: np, Aphro, part of the embrace of play as being

From embarrased to embrace . . .

--BELL--
Aphrodite Macbain: yes,
Aphrodite Macbain: ((Eos))
Pema Pera: very nice approach, Storm, feels like the right order
Pema Pera: but often *seems* the hardest
druth Vlodovic: make amends, move on
druth Vlodovic: it's not as callous as it sounds
Aphrodite Macbain: Hard to make amends to someone you may not see again
Eliza Madrigal: appreciative of your openness, Aphrodite
Archmage Atlantis: druth, for which part of what I am should I make amends
Aphrodite Macbain wonders whether we can change the subject.
druth Vlodovic: not everything I do is part of my being
Aphrodite Macbain: how can it be separate druth?
druth Vlodovic: situational
Aphrodite Macbain: (((eliza)))
Archmage Atlantis: we create the situation in which we live
Eliza Madrigal: ty ty ::soaks that up::
Aphrodite Macbain: we do indeed
druth Vlodovic: it's what they tell people in parenting courses "never tell a kid he is bad, tell him he did a bad thing"
Aphrodite Macbain: ssssssmainly unconsciously
druth Vlodovic: the first is identity
druth Vlodovic: the second is what he did
druth Vlodovic: I doubt you are inherently evil
Archmage Atlantis: Aph, too many ssss
Aphrodite Macbain: St Augustine really started something
Pema Pera: :-)
Aphrodite Macbain: hehe. sometimes my snake gets loossssss
druth Vlodovic: we participatye in creating the situation in which we live
druth Vlodovic: it is not all we are
Eos Amaterasu: SSSlytherin
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Aphrodite Macbain: :-)

And from embracing to co-creating . . .

Eos Amaterasu: we all co-create this big soup
Eos Amaterasu: full of our juicy emotions
Archmage Atlantis: Yes, true, Eos
Aphrodite Macbain: I'd like to add some sweet herbs
Eos Amaterasu: please do :-)
Pema Pera is perking up at the thought of sssssoup
Pema Pera: (not having had breakfast yet)
Eliza Madrigal: is ssssleeepppyyyy, brain feels a bit soupy
Aphrodite Macbain looks around for a brown sssssnake
Storm Nordwind: mmmm erwtensoep
Eliza Madrigal: :)
Eos Amaterasu: the noodles are slythering
Pema Pera: not fair!
Eliza Madrigal: 'never tickle sleeping dragons'
Eliza Madrigal: Night :)
Pema Pera: erwtensoup hallicunations
Storm Nordwind: hehe!
Aphrodite Macbain: sslllleeep tight dear Eliza
Archmage Atlantis: omg dragons
Eos Amaterasu: 'night E!
Pema Pera: we may have started a lingering sssss trend . . .
Pema Pera: bye Eliza!
Eliza Madrigal: pleasant day and night dreams to all!! Hugs
Aphrodite Macbain: my snake really gets around. slitherey sot
Archmage Atlantis: I gave away my koi yesterday
Aphrodite Macbain: was he sick?
Archmage Atlantis: The water here is bbad
Aphrodite Macbain: maybe snake juice
Aphrodite Macbain: contaminated it
Archmage Atlantis: nNo...Chester would not come here unless it was important
druth Vlodovic: g2g 'night all
Storm Nordwind waves
Eos Amaterasu: 'night druth
Aphrodite Macbain: Bye
Aphrodite Macbain: Bye! druth. Thanks for being here
Archmage Atlantis: Saw my first white frog in 2 years
Pema Pera: bye Druth!
Eos Amaterasu: I must leave, myself, bye all
Archmage Atlantis: today
Aphrodite Macbain: white frog?
Aphrodite Macbain: Bye
Aphrodite Macbain: Bye! Eos
Pema Pera: bye Eos

Storm echoed Eos, sans "," (^_^)

Storm Nordwind: "I must leave myself" says Eos... ;)
Pema Pera: hahaha
Aphrodite Macbain: who is this brown snake anyway?
Archmage Atlantis: A computer program,. Aph
Aphrodite Macbain: very clever Arch
Pema Pera looking at his watch for erwtensoup time . . . .
Archmage Atlantis: Created by
Aphrodite Macbain: First time I've felt peaceful all day
Archmage Atlantis: those who
Aphrodite Macbain: Thanks everyone
Pema Pera: so glad to hear that, Aphrodite!
Archmage Atlantis: might flee
Pema Pera: and thanks so much for sharing
Pema Pera: be well, everybody!
Storm Nordwind smiles wih Aphrodite
Storm Nordwind: Bye Pema
Aphrodite Macbain: thanks for treading softly
--BELL--
Aphrodite Macbain: Bye
Aphrodite Macbain: Bye! Pema

Off I went, so I will leave the rest of the log uncommented.

Aphrodite Macbain: Hokon are yu still with us?
Storm Nordwind: brown snake says goodbye, but never goes!
Aphrodite Macbain: My cat has now crawled into a paper bag and is rolling around in bed with it
Storm Nordwind: Welcome Mistress of Flowers!
Aphrodite Macbain: Paradise!
Aphrodite Macbain: Hello
Paradise Tennant: hiya storm aphrodite .. hokon . arch :)
Storm Nordwind: Excuse gentlefolk - I have some work to finish :)
Hokon Cazalet: back
Paradise Tennant: smiles nite nite storm sweet dreams
Hokon Cazalet: bye storm =)
Storm Nordwind waves
Aphrodite Macbain: I'll bde you have Storm. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Goodnight sweet eagle
Paradise Tennant: hiya roger :)
Hokon Cazalet: hiya roger
Aphrodite Macbain: hi roger
Aphrodite Macbain: grab a cushion
Archmage Atlantis: Chester and Nimbus need me to negotiate cats in one house... Nmaste
Aphrodite Macbain: omg
Paradise Tennant: smiles at arch ..give cheser a welcome hug for me :) have a good nite ..namaste
Roger Ormenthal: Hi, sorry I'm late, and must actually run in a moment...thanks
Aphrodite Macbain: paradise you are magnificent!
Paradise Tennant: smiles at aph thank you another vita dress ..just like wearing art really :)
Hokon Cazalet: =)
Paradise Tennant: smiles .. we were talking of cats in bags ?
Hokon Cazalet: .
Paradise Tennant: smiles
Hokon Cazalet: =)
Aphrodite Macbain: sorry -on the phone
Hokon Cazalet: thats cool =)
Paradise Tennant: posted this last nite but pema can always cut it out my current fav doggie video
Paradise Tennant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw
Hokon Cazalet: silly =)
Paradise Tennant: smiles I know I can watch it repeatedly .. because I love silly
--BELL--
Hokon Cazalet: Weeee! ^.^
Aphrodite Macbain: my cat Cleo teats bags like it is the first one she has experiences
Paradise Tennant: there is just not enought of it in the world
Aphrodite Macbain: HAhah Hokon
Hokon Cazalet: :Þ
Aphrodite Macbain: Hokon!!
Aphrodite Macbain: so there!
Hokon Cazalet: !
Aphrodite Macbain dies from laughing....
Hokon Cazalet: Yaaaaayyyyyyyy!
Paradise Tennant: smiles
Hokon Cazalet: lol
Paradise Tennant: omingokko
Aphrodite Macbain: That felt good!
Hokon Cazalet: Weeee! ^.^
Paradise Tennant: onigokko
Hokon Cazalet: hehe
Aphrodite Macbain: I think I'm going to bed now bfore I make more of a fool of myself
Hokon Cazalet: Nuuu!
Hokon Cazalet: Nuuu!
Aphrodite Macbain: onigokko
Hokon Cazalet: Weeee! ^.^
Paradise Tennant: smiles at aph :))
Hokon Cazalet: Weeee! ^.^
Aphrodite Macbain grins at Paradise
Aphrodite Macbain chortl;es at Hozon
Aphrodite Macbain: chortles
Aphrodite Macbain: stop
Hokon Cazalet: (whats chortling?)
Hokon Cazalet: lol @ paradise
Paradise Tennant: smiles
Aphrodite Macbain: laughing like a baby
Hokon Cazalet: hehe
Paradise Tennant: giggling
Aphrodite Macbain giggles
Hokon Cazalet giggles back =P
Hokon Cazalet: Weeee! ^.^
Hokon Cazalet: Wewt Wewt! :D
Hokon Cazalet: Wewt Wewt! :D
Aphrodite Macbain: like that
Hokon Cazalet: hehe
Aphrodite Macbain: what a marvellous site you are paradise
Hokon Cazalet: hehe
Hokon Cazalet: thats pretty cool with her dress
Aphrodite Macbain: Bye
Aphrodite Macbain: by Bye! dear ones
Hokon Cazalet: she really is walking art now
Hokon Cazalet: byeeeeeee
Paradise Tennant: stop
Paradise Tennant: bye aph
Hokon Cazalet: lol
Paradise Tennant: smiles
Paradise Tennant: nite nite hokon